I stroke Lily's hair as she sleeps with her head in my lap, Lorenzo asleep on Esme on the other couch. Lily has tears still on her cheeks and I gently kiss them away. "I hate that I upset her." I whisper, more so thinking out loud.
Esme frowns. "She wanted to know the truth... We're all shocked you never told us about the baby." She looks down at Lorenzo. "I can't help but think of how different things could have been."
"Me too." I whisper and smile small. "But I also can't help but think that maybe I wouldn't have these two and that maybe Aro would have killed me and that child. It wouldn't have worked out after Jane found me, so in a way it was never meant to be."
"Still, losing a child is a pain no women should face."
I look over at her, remember how Alice told me she lost a child. "My loss was nowhere near as painful as yours... I can't imagine losing a child after all that time of carrying them and birthing them just for it to die."
"Sadly that was the time I was born in - women and children died frequently in birth or after, due to infections or disease. My baby sadly caught it and died." She sighs and then smiles at me. "Then I got my Edward. And then Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. And then you, Bella and Ness. And now these to angels. My life is more full than its ever been and I've never been happier."
I smile and look at my babies. "You know what? Me neither. Being a mother is something I never wanted but always needed. A purpose, someone to love and cherish. Even if they decide they don't want this life, I get to spend their life with them through every step."
"And that's all they'll ever need. Your love and support. That's your main job." Esme smiles.
I smile and carefully get up with Lily. "I'll be back for Lenzo in a minute." I whisper as I cradle her to me.
Esme nods. "Take your time... Call Alice." She suggests.
I scowl as I turn away and take Lily to bed, tucking her up as I kiss her head. I leave the room and stop in the hallway for a moment; Edward and Carlisle are discussing ways to deter or avoid the volturi while Emmett and Jasper discuss combat tactics - they're hoping for a battle. The battle they never got when they faced them over Ness.
I take my phone out of my pocket and scroll to Alice's number, walking out onto the balcony. I know I'm in a house full of vampires and there's no chance of privacy, but it's the principle. They know it's serious and not to eaves drop if I step out of the house to make this call.
I take a deep breath and bring the phone to my ear, unable to suppress the pain as it goes to voicemail even though I knew it would. "Alice... Please come home. I'm so sorry I put us all in danger but it was time. Things happen for a reason, remember? Everything in our life has happened for a reason and this is one of those things. I love you so damn much and it hurts being away from you... Can you please just call? Lils thinks you've left the kids but really you left me... Don't leave them too. Please. I love you." I whisper before I hang up and hang my head. Venom burns in my eyes and I wipe it away, composing myself before I head back inside.
Esme pretends she didn't hear, looking at the fire as I come in. "No answer." I say softly. I gently take Lenzo and hug his warm body to me. "Goodnight." I force a smile and turn away.
"Bails?" Esme calls softly. I look over my shoulder just before I reach the stairs. "Give it time. You know how Alice is with human emotions and how she is when it comes to you... Just let her get it out of her system. She loves you too."
❆
"Lenzy, you can't hide forever." I sing as I slowly walk along the tree line.
He giggles and Emmett shushes him. "She'll hear you." He whispers. Obviously I do anyway but Lenzy loves hide and seek. Especially with Emmett.
I creep over and peak around the tree. "Gotcha!" I tickle him.
"Ah the monster!" Emmett yells and grabs Lenzy who giggles hard, clinging to Emmett as he runs off.
I laugh and smile, leaning on the tree as I watch them go to Rose who takes him. I watch as they play in the snow, Rosalie alight with joy; I think that Alice and I have given them some hope that maybe they could do this, foster or adopt. I think the one thing holding Rose back would be the uncertainty of them not wanting this life, and the chance they will.
I look up at Lily's bedroom window, watching as she sings softly to herself and writes in her diary. It's been 2 weeks without Alice and its days away from Christmas and we've heard nothing. I'm getting close to my limit, I haven't hunted in about a month, but I can keep going. I don't want to leave my babies.
"They're settled. Why don't we go hunting, not too far?" Bella comes out of the house and over to me in seconds. We're both dressed in long sleeved tshirts and jeans, no coat or jacket on.
"No thank you."
"You need to hunt. Edward says you've put it off and put it off but there's only so far you can go, even with the control you have."
"Listen here Bella, we aren't friends. You may have helped me out but I've helped you out in the past too so we're pretty even-"
"I get that fine. But we can at least be mutual. We can get along for our family, coz it's not fair on them. We don't have to like each other but we should agree to get along."
I glare at her a little. "Don't treat me like I'm less than you. We're the same now Bella. As much we both hate to admit, we're alike and we are connected. Mutual grounds, that is all. And I'll hunt alone thanks. Tell Emmett to keep Lenzy entertained." I snap and run, heading to the mountains. I don't realise how hungry I am until I devour a few elk and a lion, throwing the lion carcus down as I lick my lips. I begin to walk back to the house at a human speed - I'll speed up closer to it but it's nice to be alone. Have some thought time.
I smile as a few snow flakes fall through the trees and into my awaiting palm; my skin is cold enough that it doesn't melt. Snow here is so different to in England - that stuff is basically sludge most of the time. I stare at the tiny details of the single flake and sigh, thinking of Alice and her wedding ring and ugh. I know, I sound weird, but she reminds me of a snowflake - always has - because she's so floaty and small and one of a kind. She's my snowflake. Well, she was my snowflake.
I sigh deeply and blow it gently away, watching it swirl in the air for a moment before it floats to the ground and melts. My phone buzzes and I smile when I check and see a photo from Rose; my angels making snow angels. You know what? I won't let Alice ruin this Christmas for them. Our first Christmas with Lorenzo as our legal son and our first Christmas in over a decade with our family. I'm gonna make it special.
❆
I lay with Lily and Lenzy as they sleep, the snow falling delicately outside. I resist the urge to wake them up and yell 'It's Christmas!' in their faces like Alice and I used to because they need the sleep. We stayed up late looking at the stars - Lorenzo is obsessed with them. Esme and Carlisle have bought him a little telescope and I can't wait for him to have a look tonight.
Lily finally stirs and rubs her eyes; she rolls over to face me and smiles. "Merry Christmas mum." She whisper, cuddling Lenzo.
I kiss her head. "Merry Christmas baby. You have about 5 seconds before your uncle Em bursts in and yells-"
"IT'S CHRISTMAS GET UP YOU FILTHY ANIMALS." Emmett yells. Poor Lenzo jumps and scrambles into my arms as Lily and I laugh at him stood in a horrendous Christmas jumper and some reindeer ears.
"Oh Em, Rose let you wear that?" I laugh as I rub Lorenzo on the back to soothe him.
"Sure did. We're all wearing ugly sweaters today so get up and come down. We got a surprise." He grins and runs off.
I smile as Lily looks at me with fake horror. "You put up with that?"
"Oh yes."
She laughs and we both get dressed into the sweaters awaiting us by the door. I help Lorenzo into his; it jingles - who put the toddler with more energy than Emmett in to a jumper that makes noise every move he makes? I carry him downstairs and hold Lily's hand, looking around the corner into the living room.
"A Fort! We used to make these every year." Lily smiles wide and runs over to the huge blanket Fort filling the living room, fairy lights strung between the layers.
I smile wide. "You guys... Thank you." I say softly; I didn't want to do all this alone this year and I don't have to. I have my family back.
"You're welcome honey." Carlisle kisses my head. "We got tonnes of movies, Esme and Rose is making the kids, Ness and Jacob a dinner and Jasper volunteered to watch Lorenzo when he gets a sugar rush-"
"Woah Woah Woah-"
"Awh Jazz, you little angel." I tease, pinching his cheeks. I set Lorenzo down and crawl into the Fort. Jasper and Edward join, the others a little later, and we spend the first half of the day watching movies. It makes me feel full to see them all laughing and joking and being happy.
"Okay, it's officially the afternoon. We can do presents now." Emmett grins and rubs his hands together.
I smile and sit Lenzo in between my legs. He points to the box Esme holds. "Mine?"
She laughs and kisses his head as she sets it in his lap. "Yes my love, from me and papa."
"Oo Lenz, I wonder what it is." I say softly as I help him tear the paper off.
He sees the stars on the box and gasps. "Sta!"
"You get to look at all the stars with this baby. Can you say thank you?" I smile.
He scrambles up and runs into Esme, hugging her tight. "Ta mawmaw." He smiles and runs out of the Fort to find Carlisle.
I smile and watch Lily as she opens the small present from Edward. "What is it?" She asks in a small voice, looking over at him.
"Open it and see." He smiles, leaning on Bella. I watch curiously as she opens the box slowly. Venom burns in my eyes at the ring inside.
"It-It's like mum and mamas." She whispers as she looks at the small heart diamond ring.
Esme, Rose, Bella, Ness and I all put our hands in the middle. On the right middle finger sits our rings. "It is a sign of being a Cullen woman." Edward says softly. "Which you are."
Lily tears and covers her mouth; I rub her back gently and smile thankfully at Edward - more than anything Lily has wanted a big family who sticks and its been hard always having other children around. Now we have that.
"I'm a Cullen...?" She whispers as she looks at him with twinkling eyes.
He nods. "Born and raised."
She throws herself at him and he hugs her back in surprise. "Thank you..." she whispers.
He squeezes her gently. "You're welcome honey."
The day passes in a blur and soon were sat outside by the fire. Carlisle sits with Lorenzo showing him where to point the telescope and which stars are better to look at while Rose, Esme and Lily talk about the family. I smile to myself and walk away quietly, walking towards the river to have a moment to breathe. I'm a vampire, I don't have to breathe, but sometimes you still need a moment to take a deep breath and calm. I keep my hands in my pockets and walk along the edge of the stream, going into my own little world.
"Merry Christmas my love. I love you too."
I spin around and see Alice stood in the other side of the river, a small smile on her face. Oh you little fucker.