RED HAZE
Astrid didn't speak much to Cassie when she entered the Pit. She tossed Cassie the roll of wrapping, wordlessly telling her that she needed to bind her hands up. Cassie obliged, the only sound filling the room being the unwinding of the padding. She felt her mouth move silently, words begging to fill the empty space.
She never spoke.
After she had left the training session early the other day, nothing else had been said about it. Cassie had sometimes seen Astrid in the hallways, sending her a small smile, getting nothing in return. She wanted to be okay with that - she was the one who was telling herself that she needed to distance herself from Astrid and Aidan. That she didn't fit in. At the same time, she felt her heart sink. She hadn't even given the pair the benefit of the doubt. They'd been friendly enough with her, it was unrealistic to expect them to tell her everything about their lives when they knew next to nothing about her.
Cassie had never been that great at making friends.
Tying her wrapping up, she lifted her eyes from the floor. They instantly found Astrid's figure, her back to Cassie as she set up a dummy in the middle of the room. From the distance she was at, she could see the muscles straining under her shirt.
Clearing her throat, Cassie mustered her courage. "I'm sorry."
Astrid didn't respond. She merely straightened the dummy, nodded to herself, and turned around to face Cassie. She had to hold back a whimper - she looked furious. Her face was contorted with an inhumane fury. It was just like the one that she had when she was beating Fabian to the ground. Cassie realised that maybe she hadn't been checking the dummy, but maybe had been hiding.
From her.
"Sorry?" Astrid scoffed. "We're putting our necks on the line for you. You nearly exposed our entire operation and instead of grovelling you're making demands with us? That's not going to be how this works. You will do what we say, when we say, how we say. Got it?"
Anger rolled off of her in waves. Cassie could feel herself drowning under the sheer force of it. She struggled for air, battling at it, to no avail.
She drank the anger in.
"You don't even care about anything. All you want is my half of the winnings so you live your life in ignorance to what is really happening in the Ark. People are suffering! Each day people go without food, without medicine, and you just live your best life! Well guess what, you look down at the privileged when in reality you are one." By the end of her little speech, her voice was bouncing back at her. She sounded infuriated, rippling with the very thing she resented.
Astrid froze at the words. Cassie didn't let fear grip her heart, forcing her back to keep straight. She stared directly into Astrid's eyes as she turned her icy focus on Cassie. "The fuck did you just say?"
"Do you want me to repeat it for you?" Cassie spat back with an equal amount of coolness. "You're a spoilt brat, just like them."
"And what are you going to do about it?"
Those words flipped a switch within her. She no longer saw Astrid in front of her, the one who was risking everything she had to train her. She didn't see the blue eyes or half shaved hair, or the perfectly sculpted muscles. No, Cassie saw the eyes of her oppressors. She saw the guards towering over her, hurling threats at her back when she had accidentally bumped into them. She was only eight years old. She saw the constant rejection spread over Ryan's face as he tried to convince the council, or anyone who would listen, that Callum deserved the medication he needed to survive. That he deserved to be alive and experience the love those wanted to express to him.
She saw herself.
Weak.
Cowardly.
Bending to the will of those above her.
She saw how she easily accepted their iron fist rule, how she only complained about it in the darkest hours of the night in hushed whispers, and even then her palms dampened. She saw how she was willing to succumb to their laws.
Cassie saw someone who was too scared to fight back.
Letting out a cry, she thrust a fist at Astrid's face. Bones shuddered under the impact. Her fist became a beacon of flames, pain igniting every nerve. Cassie couldn't help it - she screeched at the top of her lungs. She shook out her fist frantically, glaring at Astrid. She remained in place, blood dripping slowly from her nose.
Even with blood smearing her upper lip, Astrid smirked. "Is that seriously everything you have? That's pathetic."
The switch went off again. Images flashed before her eyes, all of the memories, the repression, the fear squeezing at her gut everyday. Nothing could hold her back as she sprinted towards Astrid. Cassie didn't even notice Astrid's wide eyes as her body collided into hers, barrelling the pair to the ground. Cassie straddled Astrid's waist easily, her fists hitting Astrid's face in a rhythm she couldn't comprehend. All she knew was that she was beating her and creating an inferno of agony.
But it was nothing compared to the anger surging within her.
Astrid didn't even squirm beneath her. Her face was swelling quickly under Cassie's brutal assault. It was becoming difficult to make out Astrid's features. Yet she still kept going, her fists flying in every direction.
She was so consumed by her rage that she didn't hear the door swing open behind her.
"Holy shit!" Aidan cursed, running forwards. He slid over the tables, jumping into the middle of the ring. He harshly snatched at Cassie's armpits, pulling her off of Astrid's body. Cassie stumbled. "I leave you two alone for ten minutes and you nearly kill each other?"
Cassie's gaze darted to the figure on the floor. Now that she wasn't sat over her, a red haze clouding her vision, she could see Astrid clearly. Her face was severely mangled, blood speckling across her face. Bruises had already begun to form in the shape of Cassie's fists. Cassie frantically looked down at her own hands - blood.
She stumbled out of Aidan's grip, nearly tripping over her feet. She tried to form words, but her brain and mouth wouldn't cooperate. Aidan had clearly assessed Cassie as no longer being a threat, rushing to Astrid's side and helping her sit up. They were having another one of their hushed conversations, the ones that had started this in the first place.
She didn't even have the energy to be hurt by it. It wasn't that she didn't have that type of relationship with them; she understood they were strangers and that wouldn't happen. But it was the fact that she didn't have that kind of relationship with anyone. Besides her family, she was alone.
"Astrid." Cassie stuttered, having to try several times to start a sentence. "I - I didn't mean to do that. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so sorry."
Cassie waited for the screaming. For them to kick her out, to tell her to leave the Pit and never come back. To tell her to abandon her fantasy of fighting and being the reigning champion, taking home the prize and making her dad smile again.
Astrid smiled.
Cassie cringed at the sight. Crimson stained her teeth, and the act itself looked like it caused Astrid great agony. Still, she carried on the action, a short laugh choking out of her mouth. "Don't apologise."
Aidan gaped at Astrid. He opened his mouth to interject when Astrid continued. "Congrats, you finally mastered something."
"What?"
Astrid scrambled to get to her feet, brushing off Aidan's offer for help. She reached towards Cassie, ignoring the flinch that flashed over her face, placing a firm hand on Cassie's shoulder. "You can fight with selfless intentions, but you can't win. What you need to do is fight not only for other people, but for yourself too. I saw the way you reacted when I called you pathetic. I wanted you to react like that."
Astrid let go of Cassie's shoulder, slumping on one of the tables. Cassie remained speechless, staring at Astrid with a slack jaw. Aidan was the one to fill the silence. "Uh, your teaching methods are sure something."
"Enlighten us Aidan - why did you start fighting?"
Aidan sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. He paused. It was almost as if he was delaying the truth. "I wanted to fuck the guards over."
"See - anger. Everyone who fits in the Pit and wins embrace their monsters and let them take control. We just need to work on your technique - a lot, by the way - and you can get in the ring."
"Hey," Cassie protested, a small tilt of her lips growing on her face. "I'm not that bad."
"Trust me, you won't ever get the drop on me again. Especially now, newbie." Astrid gave Cassie another gentle smile. It was a shock to see. The woman was all sharp edges and cool glares, it seemed almost impossible that she could be gentle. Cassie slapped herself internally. She was the person who should know the most about judging people prematurely.
Aidan pointed at Astrid, almost mockingly. "Seems like she got the drop on you pretty good. I'll go grab the med kit."
On that note, Aidan left the room. Cassie waited a few beats. As much as she knew Astrid wouldn't want her to say it, she couldn't stop herself. "Again, I am really sorry."
"Don't sweat it." Astrid paused, a playful smirk dancing it's way on her lips. "Besides, I think I can get my revenge the next training session. Agreed?"
Cassie wasn't sure what surprised her more - the ease that Astrid accepted to have been beaten, or the fact that she was still willing to continue training with Cassie. Secretly, she was glad. As much as she had tried to distance herself, she didn't want.
And maybe she won't be so alone.
Cassie nodded.
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hi.... i know it's been a long time (i updated in june, yikes) but i'm trying to get back into this. please bear with me whilst i try to get into the rhythm of things, it may take a while but i want to get there. thank you for being so patient and sticking by me and cassie, we both appreciate it so much. i hope i can finish the drafts i need soon for this, and then i can bombard you all with the updates you deserve. i'm really sorry it's been so long and i promise i'll make the wait worth it.
lots of love,
thirdwheelchurchill