I didn't want to speak to him, but I knew that I would and it wouldn't just be a light greeting in passing either.
He had changed since we were teens. He hadn't gained any more height that me, but he was somehow broader, more mature of face and his pale eyes were less cold. And there was a weariness in them. My first assumption was that his beta training was taxing him. I was wrong.
The wolves decided to go for a run not long after the last of the food was consumed and naturally that meant getting naked. This was both awkward and wonderful for me, wonderful as I got to enjoy the sculptured bodies of my husbands as they stripped before me, awkward because so did everyone else. I was really unhappy that several unmated females as well as one or two men practically drooled all over them. Michael's silver wolf stood out in amidst the grey and black wolves frolicking around; he came over to me with his pink tongue hanging from the side of his muzzle, coating me in his scent as he firmly brushed himself over me. He then proceeded to do the same to Eric, who lazily padded over, his large orange body unmissable in the crowd. I spread my fingers over their coats as we shared a moment, two beasts and their human mate.
Jenny, who was with me in her human form due to her pregnancy, did the same with her large, black wolf. I only knew that the colour of Marcus' wolf was this and not dark brown as I had seen him before my vision altered. Then as one, the wolves all turned like a tide and bolted to the woods, our large mates at their flanks and catching up fast. Eric did not run, he just flicked his tail and headed for the trees, likely to sink his claws into a few before taking a nap in the branches of a strong one. Jenny and the few volunteers had stayed behind to look after the smallest wolves, excused themselves and headed into the packhouse. I stayed outside, enjoying the sun that was now alone in the sky.
I spied him hovering in the tree line not too long after, clearly hesitant to speak with me and I knew that it would be down to me to make the first move. I couldn't quite understand his expression at first, but then it came to me as I stood before him. It was shame.
"Hey," I said, uncertain how to feel at this moment, confronting the man who hurt me so badly.
"Hey," he responded, barely meeting my eyes.
We stood, leaning against the thick trunks of two trees for a while in silence.
"I didn't mean to leave you there," he blurted suddenly. "I didn't know you had collapsed and fell into a coma."
"Okay," I replied, not really having more to say on that subject.
"Fuck," he cursed, though I think this was directed more to himself. "I really wasn't expecting it to be you. I was so angry and like an idiot took it out on you, so for that I apologise."
I glanced up at the sun, peeking through the black of the leaves as the silence began to stretch once more.
"Tamara, the girl I liked..." he began and I turned my head to face him, noticing that he was kicking at the loose dirt beneath his shoe.
"The one who Marcus kept teasing you about," I recalled aloud. "The one who found her mate the summer before..."
"Yeah, her," he agreed, but there was a clear tone of bitterness when he spoke of her. "She was more than just my crush." He clasped his hands together as if in prayer and pressed them to his face. "I know we shifters usually don't bother, because it nearly always ends up in tears, but we were secretly dating. I turned her down, at first, I was like the other guys, planning on holding out for my mate, but she was persistent, convinced me that she believed that I was the one for her, the one she would become mated to once I turned eighteen." His voice was bitter, slightly angry, but mostly resigned.
"But she found her mate elsewhere," I supplied on his behalf.
"That she did," he replied, his face twisting in remembrance. "The bitch didn't even have the face to come and tell me in person, to apologise to me. I got a text. I felt so fucking dirty and used."
"So what did that have to do with me?" I found myself asking. His face instantly turned regretful.
"I knew you were in love with Marcus," he told me, startling me. "I thought you were pitiful, I thought we both were. But I was jealous of you, because I figured that at least you had a choice. If Tamara and I were human, then maybe she wouldn't have left me. And then came my birthday and the realisation that my mate was desperately wanting someone else and I got pissed." He finally turned to look me in the eye, but I couldn't see the colour of them anymore, even though I could vaguely recall that they were a light shade of blue.
"My wolf isn't like others," he stated. "He's always been a little wilder and more instinctual, quicker to anger, holds grudges and because we are so close, I'm pretty much a reflection of him and vice versa. So we instantly agreed to reject you, without thought to the consequences, but boy did we suffer that night. I can't even imagine how you must have felt! But after we found out you were comatose, we felt that we deserved the pain and more. I came to the hospital, but I didn't go into your room. I came so close to confessing to Marcus what I had done as the guilt was weighing me down, but like a coward I fled."
"To look for your mate," I said, heavy with the irony.
He looked sheepish, scratching at the back of his neck. "Yeah, I may have claimed some shit like that," he admitted. "But you know how clingy Marcus can get, I needed some excuse." I laughed freely at this comment and he looked at me surprised, but I noticed his shoulders begin to relax.
"So when did you return to the pack?" I asked him, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of my own shoulders. I wasn't exactly ready to forgive him, but at the same time, I couldn't hate him. Even if the moon goddess had thought it was a great idea, I couldn't see myself with him as a partner, had he not rejected me. This path I was on felt right.
"Well, I haven't exactly," he replied. He crossed his arms and relaxed against the tree. "After I wandered about a bit and got into some trouble due to my temper, I was taken in by this arsehole of a lone wolf. He's a complete bastard, but he recognised the problem with me and my wolf. He convinced me that there was no point thinking that I could go back to the pack and be happy, my wolf would never be content. Sure, I could easily become a beta, but my wolf would look higher, he believed, my wolf would challenge Marcus or any other Alpha for the sake of it, not because I wanted the responsibility. He said my mate would help balance me, but then was pretty pissed to find out that I had caused that ship to sail. Regardless, he began training me, helped me and my wolf to gain some patience and ability to hold my temper. And then he convinced me to join his team."
"Team?" I asked.
"Yeah, we're part of the police force, but focus on dealing with supernaturals," his chest filled with pride and a whisper of a smile appeared upon his face. He looked content. "Some jokingly nicknamed us Packlaw, but we deal with packs, prides, covens, the whole shebang. Although our boss is... well she is something else." His description of her was not awe or ridicule, perhaps resignation. I shrugged inwardly thinking that that had nothing to do with me.
"You sound happy," I said, my mind switching to consider that it was funny how things worked out. The rejection had cost us both, had cost the pack, but it seemed that things had worked out for the better in the long run.
"Yeah," he agreed. "And I'm glad you are too. Those second chance mates of yours worship the bloody ground you walk on." His terminology set me off laughing again.
"I hope you find a second chance mate," I said to him, honestly, feeling ready to let the past completely go.
"You know it doesn't work that way," he whispered, softly, clearly still feeling some sort of regret and perhaps feeling still that he didn't deserve that blessing.
"Well, a tiger and a wolf were apparently impossible," I mused, "add in a third mate, a human into the mix and you have to question what actually defines impossible. So maybe it seems impossible now, but that doesn't mean it will always be."
"I won't get my hopes up," he drawled, though I could see a faint twinkle in his eye. I hoped I just hadn't placed a false hope in his heart. I truly did want him to be as happy as I was. "I assume seeing as I'm not beaten half to death that you didn't tell anyone that it was me."
"Nope, well, just be careful around my mates in case they figure it out," I chuckled, thinking that I have actually said his name in passing.
"I think Charles may have guessed," he said. "He always was too sharp for his own good. It was he that text me and told me to come visit today or I'd regret it. He was right."
We stood in the shade of the tree for sometime after that, until in the distance I caught sight of my large orange tiger and I took a step forward away from my past and towards my future.
Author's note; the Packlaw term isn't mine, I read it in a couple of very awesome wolf books on Wattpad (One omega and One Pup). But it is so snappy that I couldn't think of something better. I don't know if that author created the term either, but I don't want to take credit where credit is not due x. If someone does have a good suggestion, feel free to share !