"I have to go Jared," I said, pushing myself up from the sofa and away from his naked body and questioning eyes.
I could just make out my clothes in a messy pile on the floor. I moved quickly, my thoughts muddled, and sight blurred by a haze of tears. I needed a shower, I needed to clean myself, scrub myself clean, scrub away these feelings that would haunt me for too long.
"Lexy, stop." His voice broke through my thoughts and I looked up as he launched himself from the sofa, grabbing hold of me by the waist and pulling me into his arms.
"What the fuck's up Lexy. What have I done wrong?"
"Nothing," I snapped. "Nothing. I need to go home and get some sleep. You know I've got a mountain of work to get through with this party." I unwrapped his arms gently and moved away, gathering my clothes. "Where's the bathroom so I can dress and sort myself out?"
"You don't have to leave Lexy."
I looked into his eyes. They were focused, questioning. Was that confusion I could see written into a normally confident gaze.
"I do have to leave Jared. This ....," I gestured with my hands, " ...this shouldn't have happened tonight. I need space to clear my head. I'm sorry .... "
"The bathroom's down the hall, third door on the left," he motioned with his hand. "I'll get Emma to take you home."
"No, just call for a cab," I said, leaving him in darkness as I made my way down the cool, tiled hallway.
I closed the bathroom door behind me and pulled the lock. I sank to my knees, my legs giving away to the emotions of the night. I shivered as the cool tiles suddenly became cold to my skin, goosebumps covering my aching limbs.
I took my phone from my bag and texted.
Lexy: Jess, are you awake?
The reply came back in seconds.
Jess: Yes! Where on earth are you?
Lexy: I'm fine. I'm on my way home. Put the coffee on ☕☕
I dressed, fixed my hair in the mirror and promised myself a shower back home.
When I walked back into the den, Jared was nowhere to be seen. A sense of unease and dread filled me, remembering the confused look on his face when I left him.
"Lexy!" I spun around at the sound of a female voice. Emma was standing in the doorway, looking slightly worried. "Are you two OK? I just saw Jared walking off to the Lab. He told me to call a cab. You sure everything's OK?"
I took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, everything's OK. I just need to get home and start working on this party. Jared will be fine. Just tell him I'll call in a few days to check on some of the finer details."
Emma's phone vibrated. "The cab's outside. Take my number and call if there's anything you need. Sometimes Jared can get lost in work and won't answer his phone. At least you'll know I'm here if you need help. By the way," she said, pointing to my car, "I'll get someone to drive that back home for you."
"Thanks Emma." I turned around and hugged her, hoping she couldn't smell Jared's odour which seemed to cling to my skin.
I jumped into the cab and waved goodbye. Jared was nowhere to be seen.
************************
"Jess! I'm home. Where's the coffee?" I could smell a fine brew wafting towards me from the kitchen. I walked in to see Jess in her pyjamas, hands curled around her favourite mug.
"Spill the beans Lex! Where've you been until this time?" She looked at the clock on the wall; it was 2.30am. She poured me a press coffee and dragged two chairs around the table. This meant business. "Carrie said you'd gone to see Jared Leto about a house party. Please don't say you've been there all this time," she said, looking for an answer in my tired eyes.
I looked away and an audible sigh escaped my lips. "Hell Jess! What have I done?" I whispered putting my coffee mug on the table and burying my head in my hands. I heard the scrape of her chair across the floor and felt her arms cradle me.
"What was so bad about tonight's meeting then?" she asked. "Have you fucked up the job; is Carrie going to bust your ass; .... or is there something else you want to tell me...." Her voice trailed off as she pulled me into a tight hug. We hadn't known each other that long but she's become a true friend in a very short time. Dan back home in Louisiana was my text buddy ... Jess was in the here and now, able to guess my every mood. And she could tell I was holding back.
"So, it's 2.30am ... your meeting with Jared was at 5pm yesterday ... so fill me in on the bit in the middle. C'mon Lex, it can't have been that bad, surely?" It was the questioning at the end that tipped me over the edge into floods of tears.
I must have sobbed for a good 10 minutes, telling her everything that happened with Jared, and how we parted, him disappearing into the house and not saying goodbye ... or anything.
"What if he doesn't want us to organise the party," I said, between crying and sipping the hot coffee that Jess was now forcing me to drink.
"Lex, I'm sure it'll be fine. You're reading too much into the situation. We'll manage this between ourselves. Don't mention any of this to Carrie whatever you do.
"Now, go and have a shower," she said laughing, this time parting me from my coffee. "You smell of sex, and there's a shit load of work to get through tomorrow. Go clean yourself and get some sleep while there's still some hours left."
I turned and hugged her. I caught sight of my mascara smudged eyes in the mirror over the table and winced. "Do I really look this shit?"
"Yes Lex. Yes, yes, yes, so get the hell into the shower."
*****************************
The next day, I hid behind a mountain of paperwork, costing up catering, valet services, bar staff and everything else Jared had requested. I glanced at my phone as it vibrated on top of a pile of papers.
Emma: Any communication with Jared this morning?
Lexy: No. Nothing. I'm just getting my head around everything on the list he gave me.
Emma: He was still locked in the Lab this morning. I think he was up all night working. Drop him a text and see if he responds xx
Lexy: Not sure if that's such a good idea. I'll leave it until later and then try!
I put my phone on silent and tried to focus on the work at hand. Carrie had yet to come in, so I'd made the most of my time alone, fearing I'd have to provide her with the ins and outs of my meeting. That, I could do without this morning. I peered out of the window. Yesterday's unseasonable warmth had given way to grey skies and a cool breeze.
"Jess," I called, pushing paperwork and my laptop into my bag. "I'm off out to work. I need some space after last night." She looked over her screen, long enough to check I was OK and not about to have a major breakdown.
"What shall I tell Carrie if she asks?" Jess stood up and walked over, wrapping her arms around me tight.
"What's that for," I giggled.
"That's what friends are for Lex! A hug when you're least expecting it. Now go and find a coffee and settle your mind into work. We'll have our asses kicked if this party doesn't start taking shape."
I gave her a playful punch and ran out of the office. Once outside, I checked the time: 10.15am. I'd had less than six hours sleep. Yesterday's sunshine had given way to grey skies and temperatures more in keeping with the end of February.
I had less than two weeks to organise this party. I'd better get used to sleep deprivation. I decided to walk over to a cafe I'd seen a few weeks ago. We'd driven past it a few times and I'd been promising myself a coffee there.
LA Metro was quiet as I pushed open the door, managing not to catch my bag as it swung closed behind me. It was warm and the smell of coffee was comforting, knowing the work that lay ahead. I found a table that was big enough to take my laptop and spread out my papers and then ordered an Americano.
"What's your name and we'll call when it's ready?" The young boy behind the bar smiled as I jumped at the sound of his voice. "Lexy. Thanks. I'll be here for a while if that's OK. I'll be needing plenty more coffee to power me through." I laughed when he asked what was I was doing. "Planning a party," I said. "I organise events and this is taking up all my time. So, if you provide the caffeine, I promise to get this work sorted and clear my mess as soon as possible."
He was sweet. "Hey no worries. Stay as long as your work takes," he said, pointing to my table. "Sit down and I'll bring your coffee over for you."
I thanked him and made my way back to the table. I powered up my laptop, calling up my emails to check if any of the suppliers had got back to me. I was lost in work, the cafe getting busier as lunchtime approached. The smells and sounds were just background noise as I tapped away on my keyboard while taking calls. I hung up after 15 minutes of haggling over the price of bloody fairylights. Jared had better appreciate how much work this was taking. My phone buzzed, rattling against my coffee cup. A text flashed up on the screen.
Jared: Let me know progress on party. Need to update guest list. Make sure catering has vegan option.
Lexy: I'm on it. I'll update you with more info later.
I put my phone down, noticing my hands were shaking. My stomach was knotted, as I recalled the madness of last night compared with Jared's cold, business-like message. The phone buzzed again.
Jared: If you want, we can forget about last night x
The bustle and noise of the cafe faded away, my eyes focused on the message. So Jared forces the decision on me. I switched the phone off, deciding the reply could wait.
I ordered another coffee to steady myself and again buried myself in paperwork for another hour. My mind wandered from time to time, worrying about Jared waiting for my reply and wondering if I should message Emma.
Behind me I could hear the scrape of a chair, and the chink of a coffee mug hitting the table. I breathed in a mix of expensive cologne and cigarette smoke. I saw the young barista approach with my coffee. "Here you go Lexy. Sure I can't get you some food?"
"I'm fine," I said, "but thanks for looking after me. The coffee's great by the way." I smiled as he walked back to the bar. Behind me, I heard once more the scrape of the chair leg on the tiled floor. Then silence. I stared at my laptop, a strange feeling washing over me.
"Lexy?" The voice came from behind, at once familiar, but awakening memories that I had buried like long lost treasure. I could feel myself shaking as I turned to face the voice.
The silence between us must have lasted for just seconds but seemed to stretch into the never ever.
I remembered his touch, his warmth, his kindness, his embrace and our parting at LAX.
"Shannon ....