Author's Note: Cernunnos has a plan--he always has a plan, but this particular plan may not be one his followers like very much...
Song for the Chapter: I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
Dru's POV
Sean and I stand in the clearing the gods had made for the Beltane Rites. Earlier, as we entered with Cerridwen's body, Sucellus summoned an altar and lined the circle with torches. When Cernunnos laid her body upon the altar, he had a bit of break down. He started wretching and he couldn't stop. It's her blood. The smell of it going cold is nauseating him. He would let no one attend him. He went down to the lake to wash alone, while we remove the blood from Cerridwen's body and bind her horrific wound and dress her.
For that, Cerridwen needs her Priestess. Sean and I are keeping vigil until Lana has a little time to rest from her ordeal, and for Finn to heal her.
Sean is nowhere nearly as bad off as Cernunnos, but grief is wearing on him as well. He kneels beside the altar, and he's praying. To Cerridwen. She's no longer his goddess, but I guess it comforts him. I have no feeling of jealousy; I understand his feelings for her perfectly, because my own heart is breaking for Cernunnos.
Maeve and the Coven and half the Huntsmen were left to guard Apollo and Diana. Finn will negotiate their release, once the Cernunnos business with Mercury is done, but if Jupiter refuses peace because of what Cernunnos intends to do, then we will simply close the bubble and leave all Roman concerns outside the ward. Which means all of us will be living inside the wards indefinitely, or until Roman-Celt relations ease. Which could be a mortal lifetime, or more, I suppose. But I really can't think about that, right now.
There is too much pain. I move slowly to Sean and kneel beside him. I say a silent prayer. He reaches for my hand. We spend some time like this. Finally, he rises, turning from the altar and pulling me with him. Some feet away from Cerridwen, he searches my face. There is confusion in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he says hoarsely. "I know its not right...to make you watch how I feel right now...I--" he breaks off, shaking his head. "I don't want you to think I don't know what it real, Dru. You and I are real. I meant what I said to you." I embrace him, and he sinks his head to my shoulder.
I soothe his long messy hair, and I tell him. "We will be now. It's okay. You have to grieve her. And in case you are wondering, I love you, too," I tell him. "I really do. I love you." I say it over and over until he believes me.
Finn and Lana arrive. Finn is carrying a large basket of linens and herbs in one hand and bucket of water in the other. Lana is wearing her Priestess robes and she looks surprisingly well, considering. Her aura is glowing with the remnants of Greenspark. I guess she and Finn took comfort in one another, which explains her dramatic restoration. His divinity is already flowing to her in each act of tenderness.
Lana moves to Cerridwen and Sean joins her. They pray together.
Finn sets down his burdens and embraces me silently. His new presence is...strangely comforting, and when he pulls back, he touches my ear. "Hurt?" he asks. In fact, my burst eardrums do hurt, but I had forgotten the dull ache of my ears in the bigger heart ache of the moment. I nod.
"May I?" he asks, and I nod again. A light touch to both ears and he has healed them both.
"I don't know why mine burst when Cernunnos roared, and no one else's" I murmur.
"You were his lover," he whispers. "You're more attuned to his divine energy." Oh. Makes sense, I guess. Apparently Lord Finn has a broader understanding of things than yesterday. "Hey," he says. "Sorry about that Schiz-Witch stuff. Really. You're a good person, Dru." He gestures to my aura. "I can see that now."
"By-gones," I say and he smiles benevolently, in that new princely way of his. It's not at all obnoxious, like the old Finn's smile.
He stands behind Sean, a hand on his shoulder. After a while Sean's whispered prayers cease, he gives Finn a nod.
"Thanks, brother."
"Come on, man. Let's take a walk," Finn says, and leads Sean away. Which leaves Lana and I to make preparations for Cerridwen.
In my old life, I had lesser priests for these kinds of rites, but I am honored to prepare Cerridwen. I just don't know what we are preparing her for. I can't accept that she's truly gone. I am wracking my witch brain for some magic that might work, but it is beyond me to resurrect a god. Lana and I do all that we can for her, short of restoring her life. We raise energy and repair flesh. Her wounds are gone; her body perfect, except for the lack of life within it. It's all that we can do. It's for Cernunnos, as much as for her memory. Seeing the marks of violence upon her is too much for him. When he returns for the final rites, I hope it will be easier for him to bear.
We don't know what to do with her cloak of immortality. When she died, all the shimmer and light went out of it. Now, its a flimsy thing that seems more like a giant silky spiderweb than anything else. Both Lana and I agree it's the most fitting shroud, but we are loathe to cover her in it until Cernunnos comes. He will want to see her face. She is so serene and beautiful. Even I am moved to tears by the sight of her lifeless, perfect form. She looks so young and fragile. Unbelievable that this girl is twelve thousand years old.
Finally Cernunnos and Sucellus come. Cernunnos is calm, in clean jeans and boots. Stripped to the waist. No godly glow through his scars or his eyes, but the torchlight reflects on his ebony horns.
He stands for a long time, a hand hovering near her cheek. I know him, and I understand that he's warring with himself. He wants to touch her, but he doesn't think he can bear the coolness of her skin. Finally, he squeezes his fist closed and kneels in the exact spot Sean had prayed to her. His horns angle over Cerridwen's small, still frame as he bows his head on his hands and closes his eyes.
"Leave us," he commands. Sucellus and Lana and I fade into the forest.
We wait. Hours pass. Twilight falls. Cernunnos does not move. Not once. His promise to hunt Mercury at nightfall is apparently forgotten. Sean and Finn return. We wait again, in silence. This is not a wake, nor a ritual, not yet. This is a refusal on Cernunnos part to leave her body.
I rise. "The longer this goes on, the more he will despair. He must act. If he won't do it on his own, we must make him."
Sean grabs my hand, his eyes filled concern for me. "He's not himself, Dru. Don't anger him."
"I'll be fine."
I move slowly into the ritual space and stand well back. Cernunnos scents me. His shoulders tense. He says nothing.
I wait for his shoulders to ease. "What will you have us do, my Lord?"
"Leave me be."
"Until dawn then?"
"Until I say so."
I do not move.
"Leave me be," he says again.
"What will you do, my Lord?" I ask.
"I will hunt Mercury. And then I will hunt Cerridwen."
"Hunt her?" I ask carefully.
"She is...somewhere. People come back. You came back. I came back. There is somewhere to come back from. I think I wasn't ever aware there when I died, because only half of my soul was there. Which means, she is in limbo now, too. But if we are both ...there...our soul may become aware of one another. If there is a somewhere, then I can hunt her there."
"How can you be sure, my Lord?" I don't say the obvious. There is nothing to hunt. Her body is here.
"The soul has a scent. It must, for there is something...missing now. I am searching my scent memories of her, and sorting the scent of her soul from what is left now. So I ask you again, Dru, leave me be. You are disturbing the air, and I don't have much time. She will...she will..."
He can't say the words. She will soon start to smell differently. I quickly seek another question to distract his mind.
"Cernunnos, how will you get...there?"
His bowed head never moves. "The same way I got there ten thousand times before."
"Cernunnos, no. We love you. We need you. There is no one here who will end your life for you to put you there—"
"I will," a voice says. Sucellus has joined us. "If it's what you must do, Nuno. Of course, I will."
Cernunnos doesn't even look up. "Thank you, old friend. Leave me, now."
Sucellus drags me firmly away to rejoin the others.
A/N: Ahhh, what do you think of Cernunnos' plan? Will he have to die to find Cerridwen? Is there any other way? Do you think his loyal followers are going to accept his decision or fight him?
Please consider voting, sharing, commenting. I'd really love to hear from you! Thanks!