14 : secrets
They didn't believe me, but they didn't want to pressure me into telling them the truth. They didn't ask again, but I knew they talked about it all the time. There would be moments when I'd walk into a room and both of them would go silent, or begin talking about the most random things.
I was no fool — I knew they were suspicious of me, but they were too afraid to ask the truth. Too afraid of the truth.
Within two more weeks, we were nearing the start of the school year, and my room was finally finished.
When I went in for the first time since Mum and Dad had gotten the furniture inside (using magic), I was so beyond excited.
I'd spent the last couple of nights sleeping in Sirius' bed, just because my back was starting to hurt from the sofa in the attic. We spent a lot of time just laying together, a bit of chatting, and a bit of kissing. But we stayed true to our promise.
My room was fantastic, much better than I had ever imagined it could be. The floor was entirely the nearly black wood, with a grey rug under the bed, which was now a little closer to the closet than before. The bed was magnificent, a queen sized canopy bed with tall, thin black wooden posts, and beams. Hanging from the beams, and tied to the poles to stay open, was three pairs of black curtains. There was another set behind the low headboard that were closed. There wasn't a foot-board, so at the end of the bed was a backless black padded bench with silver legs. The wall behind the bed was painted a dark misty grey, with a large, hand painted branch that came from high on the opposite side of the room, spanning across and ending just before the bed. There were small red flowers on the branches. We had asked Madison, the artist, to purposely make the branch look like veins. The entire scene looked amazing.
Under the branch, was an extremely long dresser, which had a wardrobe of it's own attached on the right side. Biscuit's tank, which had been upgraded again, sat on the lower part of the dresser. Between the bed and the dresser was a nightstand that matched the new desk and dresser. It was a dark grey color, with a glass knob on the small drawer. In the shelf space was a few magazines. My desk was now on the left side of the room, across from the bed. My new desk was a little longer than the old one, with a small shelving unit on one side for my school books. There was a tall mirror that was centered with the desk, attached to the back.
The closet was obviously in the same place, with enough room between the doors and the bed for two people to stand side-by-side, perpendicular to the door. There was a white nightstand beside the bed, next to the closet, that was technically just a small white table frame with a piece of glass on top.
Now, since I had extra room, not needing a separate wardrobe, I had a cute bookcase that was designed to be set in the corner. It was shaped as a triangle, and was just the right size. I could lay standard sized books flat, one on top of another, with spine parallel with either wall, the top and bottom of the books parallel to the other wall. My larger books sat on the bottom shelf of the square black table - which had a padded top - that was parallel to the flat front of the bookcase. On either side of the table, against both walls, was a black leather chair. The chairs were close enough to the table for the table to be used as an ottoman. Across the table from the bookcase was a black bean bag chair. The hat rack with my favorite bathrobes was on the right side of the bathroom door, so it was on my left when I came out.
My bedding was light grey, with a few red flowers with black stems. The pillows that I would sleep with where the same grey, while the decorative pillows were red and black.
There was very little red in the room, so every piece of red was stark against the general grey-ness of the room. I avoided using a lot of white, as I couldn't stand to look at that specific color combination without feeling upset, but I didn't want to do black everything.
Things that weren't easy to replace were definitely black, like the chairs and the floor, but the other things that were black, like the curtains, was just for aesthetic.
I quite literally locked myself in my room, pushing my parents and the boys out of the room, and locking the door. James complained, but relented, and I heard him and Sirius going to their individual rooms.
After saying hello to Biscuit, and placing my wand on the little bit of dresser in front of his cage, I slowly lowered myself into the leather chair against the bathroom wall.
I put my feet on the ottoman-table, leaning back and grabbing the book I had started the day before. I started to read, trying to desperately escape the dull ache in my chest. For a while, it worked. I got lost in the book, forgetting the troubles of my day, of my life.
I forgot I was dying.
For a short time, at least.
In the middle of a chapter, I heard what sounded like an old door being pried open, and I jumped. The sound was coming from inside my closet, and I raised my eyebrows. I quickly placed my bookmark, setting the book down and darting to my dresser. I grabbed my wand, and took up a defensive position.
I felt ridiculous, as the only thing on the other side of the closet was Sirius' closet, and I was certain he'd know if someone was in his closet.
I heard my hangers moving around on the bar, and it dawned on me.
As I walked to the closet, shaking my head, I tossed my wand on the desk. I pulled the closet doors open, and separated the clothes in the middle. I snorted, rolling my eyes, as Sirius emerged, looking sheepish and adorable.
He had just the littlest bit of dust on his face, and in his hair, and he was bent in half.
"Hi," He said, smiling. "I think I found a secret."
"It seems like you did, Mr. Black," I teased. "I didn't know that was there."
"Oh?" He said as he turned and carefully pulled the panel back into place. He straightened to his full height and cocked his head to the side. My hands were above my head, resting on the half open doors. His hands were clasped behind his back. There was less than an inch between Sirius and I, and neither of us were backing down. "What's my prize?"
I could hear my heart thudding in my ears, and I nearly took a step back, but the cockiness that emitted from Sirius made me drop my arms from the doors, taking the tiniest step forward. His arrogance sparked a sense of dominance deep within me, and that was accompanied by a hell of a lot of courage.
There was now next to no space between us.
I smirked up at him as I gently placed my hands on his sides, slowly lifting the sides of his shirt just enough for my hands to go under. The cocky smirk fell off his face, and he drew one side of his bottom lip in between his teeth.
The butterflies that were on fire were a thing of the past. In that moment, there was a stampeding herd of zebras.
Sirius raised an eyebrow, likely surprised at my boldness.
I was surprised too, but, then again, I was dying.
With that thought, I took my left hand off of his side, instead grabbing the back of Sirius' neck. I got on the tips of my toes, gently pulling his head down to me. I stopped just before our lips could meet, and brushed my lips against his as gently as I possibly could. I pulled my face a centimeter further away, my eyes meeting his. Eye contact was held for a long moment.
There was a deep, throaty growl that came from Sirius. I hadn't imagined that that would sound as incredibly hot as it did, but it was music to my ears.
Sirius broke the eye contact by practically shoving me out of the closet, using his body as the force as he wrapped his arms around my back.
My feet moved despite my brain not being able to catch up, and within a second, my back was against one of the bed posts. I didn't slam into the post, as Sirius had grabbed me around the back in time to slow the momentum.
His lips were against mine before I could form a thought.
I let my left hand snake into his hair, my right hand exploring the bare skin I was able to touch. Sirius deepened the kiss by raising his left hand to the right side of my face, wrapping it around the back of my neck, and pulling me closer to him.
Our bodies were flush against one another, and I couldn't believe how perfectly we melded together.
Sirius bit my bottom lip, not enough to bleed, but enough to cause me to whimper, even if that whimper truly was more of a moan.
I took the opportunity, as Sirius was smirking against my lips in triumph, to push him.
As I pushed him away, I also led him to be pushed onto the bed. I knew the back of his legs hit the bed when he fell backwards, catching himself with his elbow to soften the landing. He quickly moved towards the head of the bed, laying practically flat. Sirius was now looking at me with surprise, but tangled in the surprise was a look that resembled hunger.
As I went to climb over him, to lay half on top of him, to continue kissing him, Sirius grabbed the bend of my left knee, pulling it back to the bed. My right knee was on the other side of his hips.
He'd done it on purpose, knowing exactly what he was doing. He smirked, but I narrowed my eyes.
I decided that I wasn't going to let him win, and so I adjusted both of my knees into a position where I was now comfortable straddling Sirius.
His eyes were now darker, and his hands traveled to my waist as I leaned over him. I hovered my face just barely above his, smirking.
I denied him a kiss when he moved for one, and in that moment, the slight back and forth turned into a full battle for dominance. Sirius, being the dominant person he was, immediately wrapped his left arm around my back, using his right to push my left side away while keeping the right side close.
I gasped as my back hit the bed, and Sirius was suddenly on top of me.
I wrapped my right hand around the back of his neck while using the left one to gently grip his jaw. I lifted my head off of the bed, pressing my lips against his softly.
He took this as my submission, and deepened the kiss. He pressed his left hand against my back, and so I arched it. By arching my back, not only was I pressing my body against his, but I gave him a way to make a choice.
He could either remove his hand from under me, or he could slip his hand under my shirt.
He started doing the latter, before he pulled back the smallest bit, whispering a request against my lips.
I nodded breathlessly, and so he slid his hand under my shirt, touching my back. I didn't lay back against the bed, enjoying the way he gently moved his hand against my skin.
The herd of zebra were now accompanied by rhinos and lions.
After a few moments, Sirius slid his hand to my side, slipping half of his hand between our bodies. He forced my back onto the bed by pushing down gently, and so I allowed him to softly drag his hand across my stomach.
He didn't go any higher than my ribs for several moments, but he detached his lips from mine, and slid his hand back to my back.
I was prepared to ask why, when he suddenly lifted my back off the bed as he sat back. He quickly crossed his legs under me, and I was straddling him again, but we were both sitting up.
A fire erupted among the stampeding animals as I wrapped my arms around Sirius' neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist, under my shirt.
Our lips met again, and this time, he was much gentler.
After a few moments, he did deepen the kiss, but he savored it.
When his lips left mine next, I knew what they were going to do.
He kissed my jaw gently, before he started kissing my neck, nibbling in a few spots just as softly as he could. One of the times he nipped just a little harder, I let out the smallest moan, to which he responded with one of his own.
Music.
I was overcome with courage, and so I leaned back from him, just enough to give me space to cross my left arm across my body, and vice versa. I gripped the lifted ends of my shirt in my fingers, pulling the bottom of it up, and off.
I pulled my left arm out first, before letting my shirt fall off of my right arm, landing just on the edge of the bed.
Sirius couldn't help but gape.
I smirked, knowing I had one-upped him.
His eyes traveled from my exposed collar bone, down to a nude bra that was covered in a thin layer of white lace.
He looked back up at my face, meeting my eyes, shock written on his face.
I smiled gently, placing my hands on either side of his face, and gently placing my lips on his. He responded just as gently.
I pulled back, meeting his eyes.
The emotions that I was suddenly overcome with where beyond my own comprehension. I had never felt so crazy about Sirius, other than the moment I saw him in the Astronomy tower on Christmas. Other than that moment, I had never been more convinced of how much I loved him.
At least in that moment, I wasn't overcome with desire too. I kissed him again, barely being able to think. With what brain that I could use, I asked myself whether I should tell him.
Lily was right when she said that I'd fall in love with Sirius before I was ready to, she was right when she said that there was nothing I could do to stop it.
So I let the reigns go, and handed them to Sirius.
I pulled away again, smiling widely as his eyes met mine. I let my hands drop from his face, letting them fall to his waist.
"What?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm in love you."
His face went into a static, unreadable expression. I knew I wasn't stating my feelings to someone who had none for me. I could see the way he looked at me, even before he'd seen me shirtless. We'd been together for nearly a year, and I could see the way he lit up when I laughed. Even if he didn't love me, I knew he cared about me.
He removed one of his hands from my back, and placed it on the side of my face. Sirius gently pulled my face closer to his, and kissed me softly. He barely pulled away, and breathed onto my lips.
"I'm madly in love with you, Jemina."
And with that, he pulled me as close to him as he could, laying my back on the bed. My hands were now under his shirt, as he was kissing me with such passion that I simply could not breathe. After a moment of my hands exploring his skin, Sirius pulled away, straightening up on his knees, and just pulling his shirt off.
I didn't even get a chance to admire him before his lips were on mine again.
At some point, Sirius' lips detached from mine again, and immediately attached to my neck. He slowly made his way down to my collarbone, nipping at the spot between the bone and my neck, earning himself the softest moan. He kissed the space just above my breasts, before gently kissing the exposed soft skin. He nipped the same spot, pressing his tongue against it right after.
My back arched, involuntarily, my hips lifting with it, and I felt Sirius half moan, half growl against my chest. I flattened back out, as he moved his mouth away from my chest.
As he came back up, the hand that wasn't holding him up traveled down to my hip. He kissed me, not pausing before deepening it, and drawing my lip between his teeth. He gripped my hip, his fingers under me, and his thumb pressing into the skin on the side. As he lifted my hips himself, rubbing me against him again, he gently bit down on my lip.
As I softly moaned, the same sound as before came from his lips, and I was driven mad.
His hand was still on my hip, and I could feel him pressing against me.
I smirked to myself before I made the decision to wrap my legs around his waist, causing more friction than moving my hips had.
Sirius growled, deep in his throat, before he pulled his face away from him, making eye contact and narrowing his eyes.
"Are you trying to kill me?" He murmured.
"Maybe," I whispered, breathless. "Or maybe I'm trying to do something else."
Sirius' eyes relaxed and he raised an eyebrow. "Your dad said no hanky panky."
I snorted. "Did you not realize we are both shirtless, and there's a small mark on my boob? That counts as hanky panky. Besides, you act as if I'd tell him. Nobody knows you're in here. James saw you go into your room, and your door hasn't opened. My door is locked. He doesn't know about the panel."
"I don't have a-"
"Not only have I been on Muggle birth control since I started getting sick, but Mum forced me to keep a few in my nightstand."
"Your Mum gave you-?"
"At the start of summer," I snickered. "A small baggie that was made to look like bobby-pins. Anyone but me touches them, and they're still bobby-pins. Mum is great at transfigurations."
"Do you want to?"
"Yes," I murmured as I gently pressed my lips against his. "Do you?"
"Most definitely."
Sirius smirked, and lowered his head back to mine, firmly pressing his lips against mine.