11 : stains
I was allowed to go home a few days after I woke up, and as the car pulled into the driveway, I couldn't help but laugh.
The Christmas lights were still up.
Lily loved it. She absolutely, completely loved it. She loved our home, finding it extremely beautiful, but her favorite part was the lights. I could see how amazed Remus was, so I asked him to help me into the house. To give him a quick glimpse without the prying eyes of everyone else - even though none of them would judge him.
They all walked closely behind us just in case I fell.
As soon as I was sat on the couch in the living room, I turned to the other three to see how they were reacting to the inside. Lily was fascinated by the marbling around the fireplace, and Remus was admiring Dad and I's floor to ceiling bookcases on either side of the fireplace.
I was surprised to see that Sirius wasn't even looking around the living room, or at the large Muggle portrait Mum and Dad had of James and I when we came home from our fourth year hanging above the fireplace.
I honestly hated that portrait. It just seemed so rich-family-cliché.
As Sirius simply watched me, James noticed my confusion, and elbowed Dad before doing the same to Sirius.
"So who's telling her?"
"You're her twin brother," Dad said, shrugging and trying to get away. James grabbed his sleeve with bewildered eyes.
"You're her dad."
"He's her boyfriend!" Dad protested. James rolled his eyes, and Mum snorted. Sirius held his hands up in defense. The confusion vibrating through me was intense — tell me what?
"Not my house."
"I'll tell her, gosh."
"Tell me what?!"
Mum sat next to me, grabbing her throw blanket and covering her legs and my own. Sirius sat down on the opposite side of me, and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I was momentarily surprised that my father wasn't glaring at Sirius, but then again he had never left my side (except against his will) for the last two weeks. Lily sat on the ottoman after ensuring it was okay, while Remus just continued admiring the books. Dad went over to him and they started a conversation about old books, one that I desperately wanted to go and join, instead of being stared at by my brother, boyfriend, Mum and best friend.
I found myself leaning against Sirius as Mum tried to think of a way to tell me whatever it was that she needed to tell me.
"Sirius moved in," Lily blurted, shrugging when James tapped the side of her knee. "Mama Potter wasn't gonna say it."
"Mama Potter?" I said, raising an eyebrow. I turned to 'Mama Potter'.
"Sirius started calling me that a few days ago," She said, smiling sheepishly. "Lily and Remus picked up on it too."
"And what the do you mean, Sirius moved in?" I questioned, surprise rippling through me as I realized what Lily said. I sat up and turned to Sirius who refused to look at me. Similar to the way a puppy who knew he did something bad avoided eye contact with his owner. He didn't do anything wrong, so I didn't understand why he seemed so shy.
"James sent us all letters when you were taken the hospital," Lily said. "My parents were going to be nearby anyway, so they dropped me off at St. Mungo's, where James led me inside and to you. Remus' parents couldn't afford it, but he said he wanted to come, so Papa Potter went to pick him up - "
"Papa Potter?"
"Anyway, he went and got Remus, and they talked all about his furry problem on the way to the hospital. They came up with an arrangement for if he had to turn while here, and then James sent another letter to Sirius, who hadn't even responded to his first one," Lily said, looking at James. "You know this part better."
"Sirius showed up at St. Mungo's with a suitcase, defiantly stated to me, Mum and Dad, that he had ran away."
"You ran away!?" I shrieked, fully turning to Sirius who sheepishly nodded, turning to me.
"I told my mum that you were sick, that they didn't think you would make it, and I begged her to take me to St. Mungo's. She asked who you were, and when I told her you were a Potter, she said she would. When Father came home, she told him that she was taking me to St. Mungo's to see you, telling him who you were. He freaked out, and started telling me that I was not allowed to date you, since your parents had no public opinion about blood status - "
"That's because the whole thing is stupid," Dad said, pausing his conversation with Remus to state. Sirius nodded his head in Dad's direction.
"Because of that, my father regarded your entire bloodline as worse than 'blood-traitors', saying that he would disown me if I continued to date you, just as he had disowned my cousin Andromeda for wanting to marry a Muggle-born. So he forbade me from leaving to come see you."
"So you ran away? Because of me?"
"Not just because of you, Jemina," Mum interjected. "Have you heard of the new, rising, 'Dark Lord' ?"
"Sounds vaguely familiar," I said, furrowing my eyebrows. "Is he the one who calls himself 'Lord Voldemort'? The guy who is openly starting a crusade against Muggles, and Muggleborns? The one murdering entire families left and right?"
I saw Lily look down, and apologized to her.
"Yeah, that guy," Dad grumbled before returning to talking about the greatest Shakespearean works.
"Walburga and Orion are, very openly and strongly, supporting him," Mum said, placing a hand on Sirius' hand. "You, better than anyone, know Sirius' beliefs. His parents wanted him to join Voldemort, and were pressuring him intensely."
"They wanted me to do this stupid ceremony, where I'd pledge fealty to Voldemort, promising to join his Death Eaters the day after I graduated from Hogwarts. They've already forced Regulus to do it, even though he just turned 15. Mother told me to leave, that she wouldn't torture me into doing it, but that Father would. She told me that if I didn't leave, she'd simply make sure she wasn't in the room, so I packed a suitcase that she gave me, and left while she and Father were doing the ceremony with Regulus," Sirius hesitates, frowning intensely as he looked away from me. He looked... ashamed, "I tried to talk him into leaving with me, but he was too afraid."
I felt my heart breaking with each word that Sirius said.
The fact that his parents were forcing his 15 year old brother into the servitude of such a vile human being... It was awful, and I leaned against Sirius.
"So he moved in? With us?" Mum nodded. "You know we're dating, right?"
"I do, as does your dad and brother. We all know," I could feel the 'but' coming. "But, I trust you."
I wasn't expecting that.
I was expecting her, or Dad, saying that they'd be putting a lock on my door from the outside, or putting a ridiculous charm on that part of the house, where only James could enter either of our rooms. I was expecting them to say that Sirius would be sleeping in James' room, with several alarm spells on my door, so if he came anywhere near it, James would be woken up.
I expected them to say that they were going to lock Sirius in the attic at night.
But I didn't expect them to say that they trusted me.
I guess the surprise was evident on my face, as when Dad turned around, he laughed.
"Did you expect us to say we were going to put you in a chastity belt?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed, earning laughs from everyone except Sirius. He held back a laugh as best as he could, before he snorted.
"No," Mum smiled. "We do trust you, and James says he trusts Sirius, so we're willing to trust him."
"However, absolutely no hanky-panky," Dad said, wagging a finger at Sirius. I looked at James, who started howling with laughter.
"That's exactly what James said," I furrowed my eyebrows.
"I didn't tell him!" James howled. "I told them we moved you into our dorm, but I never ever said those words."
"Wonderful," I said, shaking my head. "Now I know who James gets his craziness from."
"Hey!" Dad and James chorused.
I smiled, winking at James.
When Mum went to help Flora with the laundry, and Dad went to start dinner, Lily and Remus explained that while they had been to the house before, it was always at night, and the lights were off in the main rooms, as they only came a handful of times, always to sleep. They'd then wake up before the sun rose, and drive to St. Mungo's.
Sirius had gotten a full tour when Dad and him had Floo-ed to the house to drop off his bags.
So, James and I offered Remus and Lily an exclusive tour, one that neither of our parents could give since they had spent an entire childhood scouring the house for secrets. Sirius asked if he was allowed to come, but I said no.
"Why not?" James had asked.
"He got the tour from Dad, who only really knows about the kitchen. He gets to try to find some of the secrets on his own."
"And if I find them all?" Sirius asked, smirking.
I winked, and James gagged.
"Papa Potter said no hanky-panky," Lily snickered.
"Do you want the exclusive tour, or not?" I teased.
So we gave them the tour while Sirius finally got to unpacking his stuff.
We first took them through the living room, which they'd already seen, and then into the dining room, which had a small circle table over Christmas break. James explained that since Lily and Remus had gotten permission to stay for a little while longer, and since Sirius was now living here, we needed a bigger table.
Now, there was a long dark oak table, with wooden chairs that matched, and had grey cushions.
We moved on to the kitchen, where Dad told us he was making a lasagna.
When we moved to the back porch, Remus asked why he cooked himself.
"Dad loves cooking, probably as much as he loves James and I. Maybe more than he loves James," I teased. "We have a house elf, her name is Flora, but she really only helps Mum with household chores. That's her house, and her garden."
I pointed towards a small barely visible lavender colored cottage towards the back left corner of the backyard. Flora's garden was much more visible than her house, spanning twice the space.
"She adores Minnow, but isn't very fond of me," James said, as he ushered Lily and Remus back into the dining room. "I was a messy child."
"Messy?" I heard Flora's delicate voice laugh from the laundry room, I heard Mum giggling along with her.
Lily and Remus popped their heads in the room, waving at Flora and Mum. Flora came out of the laundry room to greet me, saying that she was so glad that I was home.
"Technically, Flora has been a free elf for a few years now, since James and I turned 11, but she asked if she could stay. Mum and Dad agreed, but only if she accepted payment."
"That's really sweet," Lily said, smiling widely. "Very few wizard families treat their house elves as well as you do."
We continued the tour, getting to the bottom floor rooms, which included Mum and Dad's room, as well as two spare bedrooms. James informed me that Lily's was the one with the pink ribbon on the door knob, and Remus' was the one with the fuzzy door knob.
James claimed it was Dad's way of making sure they could get to the right room, without needing light, but I thought it was hilarious.
We went up to the second floor, to where there were four rooms.
The second room on the left was my room, the room with the larger closet, and James' room was the second room on the right side. At the end of the hallway was a bathroom that our bedrooms connected to.
The two first rooms were empty.
Well, were.
"Sirius is in this room," James said, pointing to the first room on the left. "He doesn't know its right next to your room."
I laughed, rolling my eyes and walking towards the end of the hall. James opened his bedroom to show Remus and Lily.
His walls were painted a very mediocre beige, with a red accent wall. He had several Quidditch posters, as well as a massive Gryffindor banner. He, like me, had a queen sized bed, but his was pushed in the corner. Beside his bed was a nightstand, and then a desk that was covered in papers and books. James tried to shut the door before either of the two asked about the books.
"What books are you reading?"
"I'm not really reading them. I've kind of finished two of them, and haven't started the other."
James rubbed the back of his neck before he lifted a Muggle medical textbook. I moved forward, raising an eyebrow. The second and third books were two different magic medical books, and the forth was an extremely old copy of a History of Medicine book.
I could almost hear James' heartbeat.
I took the Muggle medical book from James, setting it back on his desk before moving out of his room. I tried not to cry, knowing that he was trying to find something to help me. I walked across the hall and opened my door.
"Jemina, no!"
I gasped and nearly fell to the floor. I heard Lily squeak.
"What-?"
"Sirius, I wouldn't if I wer-"
Sirius shoved passed Remus, who exhaled heavily.
I felt Sirius gently grab my arm, and my hand flew to my face.
I took two steps into my room, and felt like I was going to vomit. I turned around, shoving my face into Sirius' chest, trying not to cry.
My room was a horror show.
Normally, my room was the cleanest in the house. When I was a child, I was diagnosed with a mild case of OCD, which manifested into a desperate need to keep things the way I wanted them to be. When I was five, I had a full blown tantrum because Mum wouldn't let me organize my dolls.
After that, she helped with whatever she could, but she made sure that she followed my organization. All my dolls were arranged by their eye color and hair color, my stuffed animals arranged by size, my books arranged by colors, then author name, my bed made with exactly 3 inches of the top comforter folded over, and the ends of the flat sheet and thin blanket being tucked under the mattress, the toe of them on top of the sides. The comforter was left untucked. There were 4 pillows, two that I slept with, and two that I moved on and off the bed when I woke up, and went to sleep.
The walls were stark white, with barely visible silver swirls across them, with the wall my bed was against being a very pale metallic blue. My sheets were white, the comforter white with pale blue borders, as well as a blue stripe down the middle that had silver paisleys. The two pillows that I slept with where white, with the same blue borders as the comforter. The decorative pillows were a small silver square, and a large pale blue circle, they sat leaned against the other two pillows, the square in front of the circle.
Against the wall to the left were the doors to my closet, where my clothes were organized by type, then color. On the shelf above them was my stuffed animals, all of them, organized by size from left to right. There was a shelf on the right side that held my shoes, organized by type.
There was a long pale blue dresser on the same wall as the door, to the left, and on the right side was a white desk with a mirror on the back.
Against the right wall was my door to the bathroom, with an old silver hat rack that I kept my favorite bathrobes on to the right. On either side of my bed, which was against the blue wall, centered with the door, was two white nightstands, with a single silver drawer. Next to the nightstand on the left was a large wardrobe, which held all of my jackets and coats. On the other side was a small bookshelf that was raised off the floor, that held all of my personal books, ones that were given to me, or that I considered special. To the left of the bathroom door, was a white leather chair, and a matching ottoman. I sat in it to read, and set the decorative pillows there when I went to sleep.
The floor was very pale grey wood, with a white rug that sat under my bed. There were two plastic tubs under the bed that held my toys from when I was young. Mum let me keep them to give to my future daughters...
There was this small blanket that I had been given as a child, it was baby pink with white bears that had blue ties, that I slept with every night. I even brought it with me to Hogwarts.
Mum and Dad said they couldn't bring it to the hospital and I had wondered why.
Now I knew.
My room was covered in blood. In my blood.
The white pillow on the right side of my bed was now mostly a dark red color, the half facing the bathroom door was still white. My comforter, which was pushed towards the middle from both sides was splattered with large dark red blotches. My white leather chair, and the decorative pillows, were also blotched. The wall above the chair was similarly covered in spots.
There was a trail of dried blood drops leading from the right side of the bed to the dresser, where there was a pair of white silk shorts that were covered in blood, and then leading to the door, disappearing in the hall.
It wasn't until I turned back around that I saw the nightstand.
On this nightstand was the picture of Sirius and I, a massive splotch of blood covering my face, and my bear blanket, soaked in blood that had dried.
"Mum and Dad didn't have time to clean it," James said quietly as I took a few slow steps into my room. "I've been in here twice, to feed Biscuit, but I can't use magic. I cleaned the blood off the front of his tank."
Biscuit's tank was on top of my dresser, spanning the entire dresser and extending to a bit above my head. Once a week, I'd have to drag the stepping stool from the bathroom into my room to feed him.
"Jem-" Sirius tried to say, but my heart started racing as I finally let myself take in the disaster show. I turned towards the four of them, furrowing my brows before I slammed the door, locking it before anyone could say a thing.
I leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down to the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and leaned my head against the wall, covering my face with my hands and let out a frustrated yell.
"Jemina?" I heard Sirius through the door.
I heard James telling him to back off, that I needed time.
I needed a lot of time, alone in my room.
As I stood back up, I clenched my eyes tightly. I moved over to the bathroom, on pure muscle memory, to avoid seeing the room. I opened the door, quickly locking James' side and the hallway door, and opening the closet in the bathroom. I grabbed the mop bucket, sticking it in the bathtub and turning the faucet on. I opened the doors to under the sink, grabbing one of the bottles of floor cleaner that I liked. My side of the space under the sink was organized by use, and then how big the bottle was, while James' side was all just shoved in.
I put some of the cleaner into the bucket, tightening the lid and putting the bottle back with the label facing me.
I grabbed the mop, took a deep breath, and took the mop and bucket back to my room.
When the soaked mop hit the floor, I flinched. The water splattered over the blood spots. Some of the spots started to dye the water pink, so I began moving the mop around.
After moping the floor, I moved on to wiping off the chair, and the nightstand, taking all of the bedding off my bed, as well as the bloody shorts, and throwing them in a pile. I left my picture sitting on the nightstand with the single blood drop, and continued to clean my room.
When I was done doing what I could, I grabbed the pile of clothes and bedding, left the room, leaving the door open behind me.
I walked down the stairs, ignoring my friends as I went through the living room and to the laundry room.
"You could've at least warned me about my room," I grumbled when I dropped the pile on the floor in the corner. "Don't bother washing any of it, it's garbage."
My Mum tried to call after me, but Flora stopped her. I quickly went back to my room, ignoring the thudding in my chest and the sweat rolling down my back.
I cleaned the mop the best I could, before I changed the water and grabbed a sponge.
Four hours. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the stains in the floor for over four hours.
I hadn't locked my door, so after four hours of scrubbing, crying, and yelling in frustration, Mum slowly opened cracked the door open, rushing to my side when she saw I was laying on the floor, curled into a half fetal position. I was staring at the book under my chair, one I had lost nearly a year ago. Edgar Allan Poe; the Tell-Tale Heart.
My heart thudded in my ears, and my body was exhausted.
I barely heard Mum yell for Dad, and him rushing in with James behind him. I barely heard Mum tell Dad that I must've been at it for hours, and James pointing out that I was laying in a pool of bloody soap water.
I heard Dad telling the other three to go back downstairs, gently insisting that Sirius didn't need to see me like this. I heard Mum tell James that I must've given up and curled up when I knocked the bucket over. I heard Dad asking if this was because of everything going on.
"The stains," I whispered. "It's the stains."