Finnick is pushing on his chest, but it's not working. "Come on, Peeta."
"Wake up." I whisper into his ear, sobbing next to his face "don't leave me."
Minutes drag by but it's useless. Mags puts a hand on Finnick's shoulder and nods. Finnick blinks back tears of anguish and looks at me hopelessly. "He's gone, Katniss."
I shake my head. It's not real. I gently caress Peeta's face and tap it gently. "Come on, wake up. We have to move."
There's no response. Just the booming of the cannon.
I lose control. I turn into an animal. A mutt. Kicking and screaming, I launch myself at Finnick. But before I reach, everything stops, and I'm stuck in a limbo; the same moment over and over.
I wake up with a start and sit bolt upright, traumatised by my latest horror. Screaming and crying, I kick the covers off my body.
I feel a pair of strong arms come around my shoulders and I start to shake violently. My first instinct tells me I'm being strangled.
"I'm here, you're okay." A voice whispers in my ear and I forget to breathe. I whip around to see Peeta with a sincere but confused look on his face.
"Peeta!" I sob, just looking at him.
"You okay?" He asks.
"You were dead, you left me." I cry. I hope he remembers and knows what I'm talking about.
"Deja vu?" He jokes, making me smile. But I welcome his comforting arms and he rubs circles on my back.
"You're not actually dead. Real or not real?" I ask. distracting myself with this age-old game.
"Real, I'm not going anywhere. You don't want to kill me, real or not real?" He replies, tentatively.
"Real. Did you have a nightmare?" I ask concerning, he never tells me.
"When do I not? But you're here, so I'm okay." He smiles.
His arms are my safe place. I never realised how much I yearned for them until they were taken away from me. When Peeta was in the Capitol, it was all I wanted. I dreamed about being in the warmth of them. No one has ever made me feel this safe.
"Marriage." Peeta whispers, I can't tell if it's to himself or to me. I reply anyway.
"I don't want anything to change. We could get married now and it could change everything." I reply.
"Some things will change for the better. You'll be called 'Katniss Mellark'. And who knows what else could happen in between?" Peeta winks, his ego inflating.
This causes my face to flush red. I've realised that it happens every time Peeta makes some kind of comment like that. He's never had that effect on me before, so what's changed?
"Stop it." I snap, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't resist me." Peeta says jokingly.
"Maybe I can't." I whisper lowly in his ear. I decide to play along, turning my body to stroke his face gently. I turn innocently back around and pretend it never happened. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him blushing.
The rest of the night is spent talking until I finally give in and go to sleep mid sentence. My hair is just now long enough to braid, so when I wake up, there are two braids instead of one. A common occurrence.
Peeta and I are more attached than usual today. I'm even wearing one of his shirts. Maybe it was the conversation last night, or the pre-wedding grace period. It's been nice to spend some time together, Effie has been off our backs for a few days, presumably having a breakdown over Haymitch's wallpaper.
I've decided that my last name changing is a fresh start. I can be a better person, the kind of person that Prim would be proud of.
I'm doing this wedding for two reasons: Peeta and Prim. She would be the leader, organising everything to how I like it and opposing anyone who doesn't. I know she will be there, sat right at the front, beaming at me. She would wear a beautiful yellow dress, with pink primroses woven into her long blonde hair, and she would make sure I was happy before anyone else. Her selflessness is something she inherited from no one.
Peeta, he's always dreamed of a big wedding and having a family. I can't give him a family, but I can sacrifice my own preference to make him happy. There are some things I won't do, like let Effie dictate the guest list, but I'm content with letting Peeta control what happens.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" Peeta asks, scaring me half to death.
"About how we need to save spare chairs at the front row of the wedding." I say.
"Why's that?" He replies fondly.
"For Prim, Finnick, your family. They all deserve to be there."
He just stares at me tenderly. There's a long is pause.
"I'm so in love with you. I hope you know that. I still wonder why you chose me." He whispers, nuzzling his face into my ear and letting his breath linger on my neck. I take his hands, guiding him to wrap them around my shoulders. It tickles, but it feels impossibly good.
I don't object to a sappy comment.
For the first time, 'I love you' isn't awkward for me to say. "It wasn't a choice. Even if you hated me and I was with Gale, it wouldn't feel the same as this. I would've never have been able to let you go."
We don't move. There isn't any reason to. I let the loving sensation spreads through my neck all the way to through my body; warm and exhilarating.
That's until there's a knock on the door. There are always interruptions.
Peeta goes to get up but I gently push him back down.
"Stay. I'll go." I whisper hesitantly
He looks at me as if pleading for me not to leave. "There's never a moment to ourselves."
"If it's who I think it is, I'll be annoyed."
As if I'll never see him again, he lightly kisses me goodbye.
I reluctantly drag myself away from Peeta's body, and go to the door. I know exactly who it is, and they weren't supposed to come until tomorrow.
"We planned for tomorrow." I groan. "We were kind of in the middle of something."
Haymitch just rolls his eyes, but Effie takes my hands. "I just couldn't wait one second longer. It's so exciting. But what on Earth are you wearing?"
"This is Peeta's shirt and my old training leggings. Remember, I wasn't really expecting anyone." I sigh. "Is it an emergency?"
"A fashion emergency! Why are you wearing his shirt?" Effie squeals and goes to come in. Moment ruined.
"Because he's my fiancé and I'm allowed to wear whatever I want." I say. "Plus, it's my favourite and I'm not trying to impress anyone." I add sheepishly.
"Too sweet," Effie exclaims, with no sarcasm. "I just can't bear it."
"I didn't want this." Haymitch moans, following her in and making faces, "You could go back to your funny business if it was up to me. But Effie is boss."
He's not wrong.
I lead the way to the living room and a very fed up Peeta. He looks at me as if to say "get them out."
I wish I could.
I hop back into Peeta's lap and Effie and Haymitch sit down awkwardly.
Peeta clearly isn't up for conversation because he hides in my hair, nuzzling back into my neck and enclosing me in his arms. He's not letting me leave this time. He's definitely not going to talk either.
"Can't you do that later?" Haymitch complains. "I don't really feel like vomiting from the PDA."
Effie hits his hand gingerly.
I give him a hard glare which translates to no. "I told you we were in the middle of something. I really couldn't care less if you see or not. Blame yourselves."
"Young love." Effie cooes. "We arranged for us to pick dresses for tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?"
I look at Effie as sweetly as I can muster. "You could've told us that tomorrow, instead of busting in here now."
"Style knows no bounds." Effie declares. "Meet me tomorrow outside of the cave, 11 sharp. Peeta?"
He's obviously not listening. He's too busy hiding in my hair. But Effie rambles anyway.
"Haymitch was willing to stay with you until we're done. Maybe to go and get outfits." Effie squeals. She's more excited than both Peeta and I combined.
"Is that all?" I say, my patience thinning.
"I'd love to stay and—"
Haymitch reads the room and takes one for the team. "Effie, how about we go to look at different... flower arrangements. You've never talked about it." At this moment, I'm more grateful for Haymitch than I've ever been before. I mouth "thank you" in silence.
"Oh my goodness, you're right! The colour scheme needs to be perfect. Sorry Katniss, duty calls." She cries.
"It's more than okay. You're the star planner after all." I grin.
"Well, goodbye my bride and groom." Effie says (Peeta pulls me closer as Effie walks over to mother us). "The flowers call my name."
Haymitch follows her, winks, and mouths "you owe me".
"I'll see you out." I say. When I go to get up, Peeta embraces me even tighter, brushes his lips against my ear and whispers:
"Don't. Stay with me."
"Always." I murmur. I can't refuse.
My body is frozen. I couldn't get up even if I wanted to. "Bye." I stammer, I can barely speak.
Haymitch gives me an 'I see where this is going" look and he directs Effie not to look our way. It amazes me how unsuspecting she can be.
"That felt like years." Peeta sighs, "I love Effie, but she's very invasive."
"That's a nice way of putting it." I mutter. "One of us could have been naked or something."
"Effie wouldn't care." He chuckles, "If she wants something, she get's it."
"I just wish it wasn't today. Way to kill the mood." I fuss. "We should've expected something. We can't do anything privately, there's either photographers lurking around or someone we know."
"I know, but I try to look past it. The press do annoy me though, ever since Effie announced that we were engaged they've been everywhere." Peeta agrees. "I saw a picture of us smiling at each other on the news the other day. Most couples do that."
I sigh and give him a smile. "That's what comes with being the star-crossed lovers and the only Victors who are under 21. They'll never change."
"Wise words, Mockingjay." Peeta teases. "Very influential."
"Shut up." I reply, getting up to leave.
"Not so fast." He calls, getting up to take my hand.
I turn around just stare at him. Not really sure what else to do. I don't think he knows either.
Somehow his lips intensely find mine in the midst of the compassion in his eyes. I find myself feverishly kissing Peeta in the middle of the living room. How romantic. If I don't pull away, I'll lose myself. But it's a bit late for that. It feels strange; long awaited. It's feels urgent. I can't seem to pull away; nor do I really want to. Maybe it's the thrill of what it could lead to.