22
Adira
Here I am sitting outside of this man's house, reflecting on how I just threw away a perfectly good thing because of August. August, it has always been August. The reason I'm in any of this it all leads back to August.
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could I be so fucking stupid!' My head banged gently against the steering wheel as I ridicule myself for all the bad decisions I've made. "I have to go back, I have to get Trey back. I can't raise this baby alone I-" as I went to put the keys in the ignition so I could return home and beg for Trey to take me back my monologue was cut short by a slight tap at the window. There he stood with a stupid smirk on his face like he didn't just ruin my entire life with his phone call. I rolled the window down a little, just enough to have the sound properly flow through. I had thought about this moment for some time. What it'd be like when we saw each other again. How much time would pass before we met again. How he'd react to my new figure, my pregnant belly, or the fact that I had a baby in my arms. The meeting came a lot sooner than expected. Honestly I thought it'd be at least another few months before me and August had to see one another. I had planned on letting him see the baby at least once, I had it all planned out in my head. I'd let him come visit the last day in the hospital, let him get to see the child he helped make before relinquishing his rights forever. Then Trey would sign the birth certificate and we'd live happily ever after.
Now that's all over because Trey's gone. Forever.
"Can we talk, inside?" August asked, snapping me from my thoughts as he motioned towards the house. He looked scared, as if he were afraid someone was watching him, he kept looking back and forth not even acknowledging me when he spoke. Figuring it was just the side effects of his "promotion" I ignored his paranoia and followed him into his house. I knew that he had moved, because of the new address he had given me for "just in case" a couple weeks ago, but I guess I never paid too much attention to it because I did not expect to see this. The place was the same exact house that we had looked at just before everything went downhill. The same marble countertops, same hardwood floors, even the furniture set that I had picked out. He must have noticed how in awe I was because he interrupted my thoughts with "The deal was just too good to pass up, plus I thought you were gonna come back and would like to see ya know" as he pointed to the furniture that I had previously picked out.
"Why am I here August?" I asked, knowing that a trip down memory lane would just lead to something that I did not need nor want.
"You can sit down Adira." He motioned towards the couch, but I had no intention of sitting on the damn furniture that I picked, in the house that I fell in love with, that now belongs to the man that broke my heart.
"Why am I here August." I maintained my stance, shifting slightly, this slight shift must've revealed how big I had gotten because his eyes instantly lit up at the sight.
"You look good. Do you know what your having yet?"
"August I don't have time for small talk-" I shook my head but I knew that he wasn't going to tell me why he dragged me here so late at night until I gave into his wishes of a slight conversation. "They can't tell yet, the baby's being difficult, but I think she's a girl, I can feel it." My hands roamed over my belly as I grinned at the idea of having a little mini me, a best friend for life. "She's difficult just like her daddy." I glanced up at him. Leave It to August to create a child so stubborn that they refuse to reveal their gender until their grand entrance.
"Mhmm youre probably right, we do have a lot of girls in the family." He smiled, probably thinking about his nieces. I too smiled at the thought of them,I missed them, and his mom, and him. " Can I?" He had his hand out motioning towards my stomach. I nodded my head in agreement. Obviously the plan that I had mapped out was over now so why not let him feel the baby kick. "Yeah, she's kicking right now, I think she can tell her dad's around." I took his hand and guided it to the place where the baby's kicks could be felt. It was like she was in a frenzy trying to her dad 's attention. "Oh yeah you got a kickboxer in there." He joked. " Hey little baby, it's your daddy. I know I haven't been around but I promise that I love you, and I'll always be here for you, and your mommy, because you two are the loves of my life." For a slight second I wanted to fall back into the trap, wanted it take him back, be a real family, have my home and my man and my child. But that moment came and went fast, because while all those things sounded so nice, the damage was already done. I moved back, just slightly out of his grasp, there was no way I was falling for his bullshit again. "August, really why am I here." With those five words his whole demeanor changed, he went back to the frantic looking man that I was greeted with upon arriving, something was clearly wrong.
"Adira can you just sit-" He motioned towards the couch once again, at this point the suspense was getting to me and making me anxious so this time I just obliged to his request. He took a seat directly across from me. "Adira I'm sorry for everything, every lie, every late night, Lalia, everything. And I know you may never forgive me but-"
"August did you really drag me all the way out here, at 11 o clock at night, to tell me your fucking sorry? Are you kidding me," I paused as I got up ready to bolt to the door,"you got some damn nerve you know that August, I just threw away everything for your ass so you can give me some half ass apology? Fuck you August, I hope you know that you will never see my child!" My emotions were all over the place, half of me wanted to cry while the other half wanted to kill him, all I know is that it's time to get out of this damn house. Seconds before I was at the door he stopped me when he said,
"Adira your in danger."
I immediately turned around, knowing that he wouldn't play around with something like that, especially with the position that he's in now.
"I'm in what?"
"You're in danger."
"How-what-what do you mean I'm in danger."
"Chrissy, some girl that I used to mess with. She's mad at me and she wants money-"
"So give her the money August, I'm sure that she won't be the first girl who's abortion you paid for, and I know you got it-"
"She wants 200,000 dollars."
"200 what? What the hell could she possibly need with 200,000 dollars Auust?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
"SO where do I fit into this equation. What do I have to do with you pissin off one of your little fuck buddies?"
"Chrissy, she's Kane's little sister." That's when I knew that this was way more than just some petty beef. Do't get me wrong, August has power in the streets, he's feared, respected, people know not to fuck with him. Now Kane, Kane is a completely different story. People don't fear Kane, they're terrified of him. You even look at Kane the wrong way and it's a death wish, and to fuck with his family, his little sister? Oh you might as well start picking out your casket. His whole family had been known to off any and everybody who they even thought did anything remotely disrespectful, and they wouldn't just go for you. Oh no when you made Kane mad your whole circle was in trouble. Women, kids, the rules of the streets meant nothing to Kane, if August pissed Kane of it was only a matter of time before he came for those closest to him, meaning me.
"Kane? Like Kane, Kane?" I asked, praying that I had somehow heard him wrong.
"Yeah, that Kane."
"Oh August, why the hell would you even get yourself involved with Kane's little sister? How dumb can you be?"
"Adira I know, I fucked up. I fucked up big time okay and I'm sorry. Chrissy came by the studio today, and she said that if she doesn't get her money she's going to come for you. Which means he's gonna come for you."
"You need to pay her off, give her the money, I have a couple dollars laying around maybe you can get her to go lower I don't know but you can't have Kane of all people on your bad side. How could you be so dumb! I'm fucking pregnant August. I am pregnant, and I just started my dream job, and I was going to get married and you ruined everything."
"Married?"
"Yes! Married! Trey proposed to me tonight, we were going to be a big happy family and you just ruined it all." At this point I was pacing back and forth, on the verge of a panic attack.
"Look A I'm sorry I know I fucked up but I promise I won't let anything happen to yall okay? Now I already got everything situated, while I deal with this Chrissy shit you can stay here, I already got a room set up for-"
"Stay here? Stay here? Have you lost your damn mind. You think I'm going to stay here with you when your damn life is on the line, when my life is on the line! August I hate you!"
"Look Adira, you can hate me all you want but me and you both know that this is the safest place for you right now. The room is already set up, you can go get some stuff from your house but until I figure something out you will be staying here where I know you're safe. I'll have one of the guys watching over you at all times-"
"August no-"
"Adira it's not up for discussion. I refuse to let anything happen to you. I spend most of my time at the studio anyways so we won't be seeing much of each other. I got the best security system, this is a gated community, security guards and police everywhere, and I'll have one of my guys outside at all times. This is the safest place for you Adira. You can hate me all you want but you're staying here and that's the end of the discussion." While I hated the thought of spending another second with the man who had just put a target on my head, I know that I'm safest with August.
"I need to get some things from the house. Some clothes, clear up some things, explain to my boyfriend that I'm moving out to live with my ex boyfriend, he'll love that." I chuckled at the thought before realizing that that same boyfriend had just became my ex boyfriend too. "Can I go by myself or do I need a police escort?" While I was joking about the situation I know that it's no laughing matter. I had just lost my man, forced to leave my home, and now my life is literally on the line all because of August.
I wasn't even fully able to process what had just happened by the time I made it home.
As I pulled up I expected Trey to be gone, secretly hoping that he was gone, because I know that trying to explain to him all the fucked up shit that is happening would be impossible. My hopes were crushed as soon as I saw his 2018 all black Lincoln parked outside our building.
"Shit. Shit.Shit."
There's no way I can explain to him any of this. No way to justify walking out on him in the middle of a freaking marriage proposal, and definitely no way I could possibly even attempt to explain that not only had I left in the middle of his proposal, but I was also going to move in with my ex. As I walked into the house, hoping to just get the whole thing over with, a frantically packing Trey greeted me.
"I thought you'd be gone." I said, redirecting his attention from his luggage to me as I stood in the opening of the bedroom door.
"I was hoping that you would change your mind but," he paused as he shoved another one of his shirts into his bag, "here we are."
"Trey I-"
"What Adira? What could you possibly say to explain that you up in left in the middle of a damn proposal to go see your ex? How the hell can you possible explain that shit Adira! I have been nothing, nothing but good to you since the day I met you. Gave you everything you ever wanted, wanted to marry you and you do this shit to me."
"Trey I love you-" The only words I was able to muster up.
"You love me? Adira people don't do the shit you just did to the people they love."
"Trey look. I can't make up for what I did, and I know you may never forgive me. But I need you to know that I had a good reason for walking out of that door, and I want you to know that I do love you, a lot Trey-"
"Well then marry me Adira. If you love me you'll marry me Adira. I'll forgive everything you did and we'll act like it never happened, just marry me Adira."
"I'm moving in with August." The words just flew out of my mouth in one breath. His eyes instantly filled with hatred and sorrow the second he heard them. I wish that I could take the words back, that I could rewind time to earlier today and just accept the proposal, ignore August's calls. Or even rewind time back to before I let him back into my life, because right now, in this very moment, I was feeling one of the worst pains I had ever felt.
"You're what?"
"I know it sounds crazy but-"
"You're moving in with the guy who cheated on you multiple times, who lied to you , you, you're moving in with a fucking drug dealer, while you're pregnant? You're leaving me for-"
"Trey you have to understand it's not like that-"
"How is it not like that Adira? Everything was going so well and out of nowhere you get a fucking phone call from a nigga you haven't spoken to in months and now all of a sudden you're leaving me to go live with that nigga. Have you been fucking him this whole time? Have you been with him this whole time Adira?!"
" No Trey I would never do that-"
"You would never do that? I also thought you'd never up and leave but you see where we are right now."
"Trey I'm not up and leaving you."
"Then what is it Adira, what is it? Because everything was fine and now you're just ready to drop everything like it's nothing, so please explain to me what the hell is happening Adira, because whatever it is we could get through it together." His eyes plead for me to not leave and I didn't want to, I just wanted to say I'm sorry and to take him in my arms, love him, live together happily, the three of us. But it was too late for that, and I know that any time I spend near Trey is just putting him in danger, and I love him too much to see anything happen to him.
"Trey. I'm still in love with August. And I'm sorry but I have to go." Those were the last words I spoke to Trey. Immediately after I grabbed my bags and left, trying my hardest to fight back the tears that were beginning to form until I was in the comfort of my own car, hidden from the world. As soon as I locked the door I let it all out. Everything. The years of anguish that August had caused me all came flowing out in the form of warms tears. The cheating, the lies, the babies, but this was the worst of them all. I had just thrown away my only hope of a normal life, had lied to Trey, broke his heart, and had to move in with the man who caused it all within the span of just a few hours.
I hate August. I hate him so much. Since I was fifteen all he has done is ruined my life time and time again, he won't stop until one of us dies.
5 WEEKS LATER
It's been a few weeks since I moved in with August. He's never here and honestly we probably haven't spoken more than two words to each other since I moved in. The more time that passes the more I start to believe that this whole Chrissy nonsense was just a way for him to be able to keep a closer eye on me. I can't even leave the house without him knowing because one of his workers follows me everywhere I go. The worst part of the whole ordeal is the fact that he keeps bringing in more and more baby supplies, like this is some permanent living arrangement. My daily routine had become so repetitive that it was beginning to feel like an endless cycle. Days bleed into weeks and before I knew it, I had been there for nearly two months since I became a prisoner. Each day I'd wake up and he'd already be gone. I'd eat, have one of August's goons escort me to work, have them stay outside the whole time I was at work, and then I go back "home", eat, sleep, and repeat. At this point between the hormones, the heartbreak, and the fact that this whole situation stemmed from him not being able to keep his dick in his pants, I was tired. So today was the day that I planned on telling him that I was done. I was no longer going to live in fear because of the idiotic decisions that he made.
So I packed my bags and sat in the living room patiently awaiting his arrival. "August, when am I going to be able to go back home?" The question startled him, as he tried to sneak into the house unexpected, clearly not expecting me to be waiting for him.
"Huh?" he replied, as if I had not clearly spoken the words the first time around.
"When am I going home August?"
"What you don't like it here?" He chuckled, stopped abruptly when he noticed the stale look on my face.
" Do I look like I'm playing August, I miss my bed-"
"We can bring your bed here." He said, cutting me off. Adding to the long list of things that he said could "just be brought here" whenever I mentioned anything of my past life.
"It's not just that. I miss my bed, my apartment, my life. I miss being able to come and go as I please without someone following me everywhere I go. I can't keep going in fear each day it's no way to live."
"Look Adira, I know that you don't want to be here, and I'm sorry, but I can't risk having you be unprotected just because you hate me. Okay. I know I fucked up but it just is what it is man." With that he tried to walk off, tried to dismiss my concerns, but as he tried to walk pass all of the luggage that was previously hidden from his view become visible, stopping him in his tracks.
"August I'm leaving. I can't live like this."
"Adira you're overreacting-"
"Overreacting? August I am a freaking prisoner in this house. I can't even wipe my own ass without someone looking over my shoulder! I can't live like this anymore. I'd rather be dead then live like this August! Every day I live in fear, live in the same house as the same person who destroyed my life! Every damn day! For what? Because you fucked up? Because YOU don't know how to keep YOUR dick to yourself? So now me and MY not our MY child have to suffer. I can't do it anymore August I can't.
August POV
*5 Hours Prior*
Since A's moved in I can tell she's miserable. She barely eats, doesn't go anywhere, just sits around sleeping and eating the majority of the time. I try to stay away from her as much as I can, give her her space, even bought some baby stuff to make her feel more at home. Yet nothing seems to work,nothing I do can get her to forgive me for all the shit i've put her through over the years.
Honestly, I didn't blame her.
"Do you really think that's a good idea bro. I mean with all the shit that's been going on. I don't think that's gonna get ya girl back." Tone, one of my closest friends, one of the few people I trusted in this world, sat across from me in my office, eyeing the ring I had in between my fingers. "Look bro, you know I love you like my own blood. That being said, ain't no ring big enough to make up for the shit you done." I tell Tone everything, so he knew about our problems from years ago all the way up to this recent Chrissy fiasco. While I knew that what he was saying was right, I wasn't ready to give up yet. I had stopped by an engagement ring shop and picked out the biggest ring money could buy, anything to show Adira that I loved her, that I was ready to be the man she deserves. Too bad Tone was right, unless the ring came with a time machine, it was pointless.
"I gotta do something man, she hates me right now."
"I doubt she hate you bro-"
"Man she hates me, you don't know what it's like man. When I go home, she won't even talk to me, won't look at me, nothing. I done tried to make her feel at home with baby stuff and she doesn't even care."
"Man what do you expect? I mean you had two illegitimate babies on her, broke up her relationship, and forced her to move in with you all within what, 2 years? Shit my ass would be mad too. You need to be worried about dealing with this Chrissy shit before you even think about repairing that relationship."
"Can I tell you a secret man."
"Man you better not be bout to tell me what I think you are," The look I gave him confirmed exactly what he was thinking." Man what the hell did you do."
Adira had been moved in for a little over two weeks and I could tell that her new living situation was not something she was too fond of. As much as I wanted everything to go back to normal, to just return to the good old times, I know that forcing her to move in with me wasn't going to just fix everything. I just thought that it'd at least ease her into the idea, boy was I wrong.
"So you got my money or what?"
"Look Chrissy you know I don't have that type of money just sitting around."
"Well you should've thought about that before you tried to cross me-"
"Cross you?"
"You heard what I said."
"Man Chrissy how the hell did I cross you?"
"You told me that we would be together August, you told me it would be me ad you yet here we are. Last time I checked I still don't have a ring and you still hoarding that bitch of yours away up in your place playing a game of house.-
"Oh you thought I didn't know you had here up living with you? I been trying to tell you baby I'm not to be fucked with."
"Chrissy I swear to God if you even think-"
"Don't waste your breath baby. As long as I get my money we're all good here. I have no reason to touch your little whore."
"I have 50k for you today, nothing more nothing less, but you have to promise to never come back around and never even think about her again."
"50k is a far way from 200 August."
"And I'll put you down as a producer on all of my music,you'll collect royalties for the rest of your life. It'll be worth way more than 200k. The choice is yours, all you gotta do is sign these papers and take this bag."
"And she took it?" Tone asked in amazement, as if he had just heard the craziest story of his life.
"Hell yeah she took it."
"And you believed her?" He raised his eyebrow at the thought of me giving her that amount of money and just expecting everything to be done with, like it was all that simple.
"The bitch wasn't out for anything but money. Chrissy is a lot of things, but a liar, she never was a liar."
"So when did you plan on telling ol girl. What you thought you'd come home with a ring one day and tell her, hey I know I broke up your engagement and forced you to move in with me but I handled that situation weeks ago so will you marry me?"
"Look man it might sound crazy-"
"Naw it don't sound crazy nigga it is!"
"But I gotta do something man. I mean I have to." Before Tone could even respond we were interrupted when the rookie, TJ came barging in. I don't know what it is about TJ but nothing about him seems right. I try to chop it up to him just being a little young but honestly, I think the guy just has more than a few screws loose.
"Hey boss just needed to know if you where you wanted me tonight?"
"The same place you been for the past week." I responded, referring to his post as security for Adira. Every since he's been around I've been treating him as nothing more than a personal assistant with an expansive bankroll, so having him move up to security guard seemed like some type of stepping stone as far as he was concerned. In reality he was more like a PI, without the investigating. Only sent to watch Adira so she didn't find out that I had already resolved the whole situation.
"Ok no problem boss!" He spoke as he walked out. The second he was out of ear range me and Tone shared a look, no words needed to be shared but we both were thinking the same thing.
Something is seriously wrong with that boy.
"You think you should be having that young bull watch ya lady?" Tone finally asked.
"Now that the Chrissy shit is situated it's not a high priority, he really only there so she doesn't catch on, you know that I wouldn't give no new guy an assignment like that. Now back to this Adira situation. What am I supposed to do about this." I held up the 24k ring up so that he could get a better view. Man was that thing beautiful. Damn there as beautiful as Adira. As kids we would always joke about getting married if the two of us were both single by a certain age, you know common romantic movie shit. When we'd talk about it she'd show me pictures of all this extravagant rings and I promised her that one day I'd get her one. I kept my word.
"Man you want the truth?"
"Not really" I responded, knowing that whatever Tone was going to say wouldn't be the answer I wanted.
" The truth is that if you plan on giving that girl that ring, you better mean that shit. You better show her some real change and never ever even think about fucking up again, because any one who can forgive you for the shit you did, will leave the second you fuck up."
***
"August when am I going home?" The words I heard the second I got into the house. I knew it was coming, I knew that eventually she would get tired of being a prisoner and would want to return to old life. That's why I got the ring, I knew that this day was coming but I thought that maybe just maybe I could change her mind, that a ring could fix everything, but as soon as I heard her say "I'd rather die than live like this" I knew it was too late.
"I handled the shit with Chrissy." The words just flew out, I had been hiding the secret for so long thinking that someone I'd get her to turn around but there's no longer a point of holding onto it, I officially lot her. Here eyes lit up the moment the words left my mouth. As if it was Christmas and she had just came downstairs to everything on her wish list. "I paid her off, she's gone." Tears of joy left her eyes as ones of sorrow filled mine. The weight on her shoulder was finally gone, the weight that could have been gone weeks ago had I not been so selfless. Before I knew it, she was in my arms, embracing me, thanking me over and over for bringing back her peace of mind. The first time in months that I had been able to feel her skin against mine, see her smile, see her truly happy. The moment made me realize just how much I missed her, and solidified that I'd do anything to get her back.
That was 3 days ago.
In just three days she was gone. Nearly every trace of her ever stepping foot in the house had vanished. Had it not been for the faint smell of her perfume that still lingered you wouldn't even know she had ever been there. I sat in the living room, reliving the moment over and over again. The hug, her tears that soaked my clothing, her smile. Every second of it replayed in my head like a movie, a movie that wasn't over. A movie missing the best part.
A ring.
Only 3 chapters left guys! And the final chapter has been ready for months lol. m