Senior Year
The weekend of the wedding was probably one of the most eventful days of my life.
The ceremony compiling of typical wedding stuff. Amelia and Frank sharing vows, participating in superstitious traditions, and finishing with a kiss.
My mom of course cried, commenting on how lovely their vows were.
Noah and I had received a momentarily break from watching Addie as she participated in the wedding, but soon after we were back on babysitting duty.
The three of us sat at a table during the reception- well four of you count my mother. She often ventured off to talk to the many other guests. I noticed how she continued to dodge the Anderson's.
Noah and I attempted to mask our attraction. Distancing our chairs and trying to avoid eye contact.
A girl our age had come to sit at our table, a friend of Frank's daughter who was invited.
She was kind and very friendly. Chatted politely to Addie and spoke happily about her boyfriend who was unable to attend.
During the midst of the conversation I excused myself to get a refreshment.
Touching Noah's shoulder gently as I went passed him I asked the table, "Does anyone want anything?"
A collective declines were heard and my eyes lowered to Noah's, "Are you sure?"
He smiled warmly, his dimple showing, "I'm good."
Locating the refreshments I detoured passed the alcohol and located the punch in a sparkling glass. Filling my cup with the ladle and eyes watching Noah laughing at Addie.
I smiled, eyes furrowing to the punch as I tried to wipe the lovesick look off my face.
"Thought you would've brought a date," a gruff voice spoke beside me.
I jumped at the figure to my left, dropping the ladle and causing the punch to splash lightly. The man none other than Kurtis Anderson.
I coughed, shaking my head 'no' and trying to focus on red punch. Out of habit my eyes flickered upward and I prayed he didn't catch it- he did.
"Shame. You were hoping to take him," he laughed bitterly- soaking in my pity. "Too bad he's talking to blondie over there... my boy's not a faggot like you." He chuckled again and I found myself clenching my jaw not to retaliate.
I was furious, and in a fit of rage I wanted to tell the man off. I wanted to tell him about my rendezvous with his son last night, but I bit my tongue.
Only trouble would come from the truth. Kurtis wasn't worth Noah's life, Noah's future. I had made a promise to not tell his parents, and I planned to keep it.
When Kurtis left, sparing a glance towards his son did I begin to panic.
I could take his shitty comments any day, but the fear when he looked towards his son worried me. I realized Kurtis was attempting to reassure himself- using comments to degrade me was him reassuring himself of his son.
He answered me, voice breaking towards the end, "How do you be a man?"
Suddenly did my world begin to clear. All of Noah's comments, him pushing me away, his fear last night.
Noah held some sort of internalized homophobia and I needed to take things slow with him. I needed to let him understand that his sexuality wasn't a sin.
I had to show him love, without letting his father know- his father who was on the brink of connecting dots.
***
In late June did I have my first proper date.
It wasn't what I had always dreamed. I wish I could've told my mom. I wish I could've came to the door and properly introduce myself to my date's parents. And I wished I didn't have to drive to the town over just to take my date to the theaters.
I guess in the end it wasn't a very formal date at all.
I had asked Noah one summer night if he would like to go on a date. We were huddled under a blanket in his bed, watching a movie.
Some sort of horror flick that we played because we couldn't decide on a movie.
He was close to my body, but distant enough. His parents were gone for the night, so the space between us was due to Noah's own personal barriers.
Slowly but surely I closed the gap between us throughout the movie. Inching slowly when his focus was captivated by the movie. Until eventually our bodies were pressed.
His eyes flickered to mine nervously when he felt my hand graze over his stomach. I was turned towards him, attempting to cuddle into him under the warmth of the blanket.
He looked at me hesitantly as I gently rested my hand over his abdomen. Letting my head rest near his shoulder on the pillow and look up at him through my dark lashes.
He was tense at first, hands stiff by his side. Noah was overthinking everything since the wedding- constantly on edge due to the fear of his parents.
I decided to have him focus on my words rather than my touch, "What do you want to do tomorrow?"
"I don't know, we could go swimming?"
I scrunched my nose, it may be summer but the water wouldn't be warm yet. It was chilly last week and the summer air would be cooler tomorrow.
"We can do that next week, it'll be warmer all next. I'm tired of you complaining the water is cold," I joke.
"You complain too," his breath fanning my face as he slowly relaxed beside me.
"I won't when football practice starts. I'll definitely be jumping in that pool after every practice."
"I hope you do," he whispers close to my face.
"Noah," I hush into his ear. I'm not sure why we're whispering, nobody else is home and we're both wide awake.
"Yes?" he hums.
My hand moves from his stomach to the side of his face, caressing the side of his face as he leans into my touch. "Would you want to go to the movies with me this weekend?"
His eyes study mine, flickering hesitantly over my face. "As in.. more than friends?" I nod my head, hoping for a yes. "Ethan.."
"It will be a secret. Nobody will know," I quickly add.
I can see him debating behind blue-eyes.
"I've never had a date before," I confess even though he already knows. Besides a few cheesy school dances in middle school, I've only had drunken hookups.
I know Noah has with Savannah, but I wonder how real it was.
He smiles tentatively, blushing under the flicker of blue lights emitting from the television. He's so beautiful.
"Yes," he breaths. "But it has to be private. I can't-"
"I know," I assure.
***
Friday was the day of our arranged date.
At dinner I held his hand under the table. Even though he didn't recognize a single soul in the restaurant he was still to nervous to be affectionate.
I held his hand in secrecy under the dark table- taking all he gave.
During the movie we sat in the corner of the theatre. His eyes were trained forward, watching the movie.
In the dark I could make the outline of his body- the curves of his face.
Only a few people sat in the theater, mindlessly watching the shitty horror flick. I took the opportunity of the almost empty theatre to slip my hand in his.
Tugging his hand over the velvet seat and onto my lap- his eyes still forward but a smile dancing over his lips.
"I hoped you would be scared," I teased.
"Why would I be scared? I'm never," he whispered back, tilting his head towards me when he spoke. "Besides this movie is really crappy."
"Can you pretend," I whispered back and he only laughed.
"Why?"
"So I can do this." I released my hand from his, using my left arm to wrap around his body. Pulling him into me as much as the armrests would allow.
He laughed softly, and then his eyes quickly glanced around the room in fear of attention.
"Nobody knows you here," I assured. He nodded his head, letting out a breath he had been holding.
His cheek rested gently on my shoulder, slowly but surely easing into me. Tension fading as he contently watched the movie. With his curls brushing the underneath of my chin I tried to focus on the large screen. Somehow the blue-eyed boy was more appealing.
Our date wasn't glamorous. It ended with me dropping him off at his house, not able to walk the beautiful boy to the door.
I wanted to be able to kiss his pink lips, but couldn't. I wouldn't dare.
I loved our little date, but it was only half of what I wanted. One day I hoped to be able to hold his hand in public, to kiss him in the open, and to tell the world I loved him.
I savored this memory nonetheless.
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!! I normally don't have a goal for the new year, I just incorporate goals throughout. Maybe this year I'll workout again, ironic that I used to laugh at people who make goals like that. I'm a hypocrite.
What's your New Year Goal?
Another cute scene between the two of them!
Noah's on the fence, but hopefully he'll start to be more confident in his skin. Maybe even take things further with Ethan.. *wink wink*
Teaser: Next chapter will feature the present. Ethan's getting ready for the funeral!
VOTE AND COMMENT! Xx