Camila’s POV
Lauren had agreed to go to the diner like I had suggested before. Maybe it wasn’t her first choice for a Valentine’s dinner but I thought it was fitting. Who needed a fancy dinner after the gift she had made me? The memory of me unpacking the embroidered soccer boots gave me goose bumps all over.
I looked over to Lauren who was driving while I was quietly listening to the music in the car. The piercing green eyes were focused on the streets and I sighed unknowingly, admiring her impeccable profile. When I had met her again in the city, I hadn’t expected her to be this…sweet. Of course, I had known her from the U 17 but she had changed so much that I had had no real expectation after our first turbulent few months in Boston together. Who would have known that the seductress would be such a thoughtful and heartfelt girlfriend?
“What are you looking at?” Lauren turned her head to the side and smiled gently, apparently noticing my blatant staring.
“Admiring the view”, I smirked and saw her eyebrow kinking in that signature way.
“Sounds like something I would say”, she answered but looked ahead again to pay attention to the traffic.
“Well, I’m picking up a few things”, I couldn’t help myself but bite my lower lip when I watched her doing the simplest tasks, like driving a car. She was just so…hot!
“Maybe I should teach a class on seducing girls”, the older one teased and brushed some hair strands on the other side.
“Sorry, never going to happen”, I instantly replied and shook my head. “You are only allowed to give me private lessons.”
“I should have known you’d be the jealous type”, Lauren chuckled mischievously.
“What makes you say that?” I frowned in curiosity.
“Because you are so bossy”, she said with no hesitation and I almost gasped.
“I’m not bossy!” I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised to hear that but it was unexpected.
“Yes, you are!” the other brunette laughed mildly and looked over again. “It’s not a bad thing. I like that you are so driven and know what you want.”
“Are you saying that I’m wearing the pants in this?” I laughed now as well.
“I have this theory”, she started and straightened her posture.
“Now I’m intrigued”, I watched her smiling widely.
“You know how they say that there are all these types of lesbians: butch, fem, lipstick blab bla”, I nodded as she began and was wondering where this was going. “In my experience-“
“And God knows you have a lot of that”, I had to cut in and saw her eyes widening playfully before she took my hand and placed a small kiss on the back of it.
“What I meant to say was, that the quiet ones are always the bossiest”, the central-midfielder continued. “Like, there was this one lesbian couple in college who were extremely cliché from the outside. One was rather masculine and ‘butchy’ if you will. And her girlfriend was extremely feminine and quiet. Everyone thought the roles were so obvious but I hung out with them a lot and the lipstick one was wearing the pants for sure! She was calling all the shots.”
“Wait”, I furrowed my eyebrows and tried containing my laughter because of what I was about to say. “Are you calling yourself the butchy one?” I failed in my attempt and laughed out loud. That was ridiculous because she more made up than I was most of the time.
“No”, Lauren joined in my laughter and threw her head back a little. “Not every relationship is so stereotypical and I don’t like those categories anyway. That was just an example on how the seemingly dominant one isn’t the one wearing the pants necessarily. It’s all about balance really. We’re both pretty feminine, I think. Although you could be lipstick”, the smirk on her face was returning.
“Please”, I scoffed. “I saw you at Kristie’s birthday. You were the one wearing that dress, heels and red lipstick. And I…well, let’s say I had a hard time focusing on anything else really”, I admitted meekly.
“Oh yeah?” Lauren grinned and stopped at a red light, facing me again. “You liked that?”
“I did”, I bit my lower lip and the images of that night infiltrated my brain, causing my cheeks to flush subtly. “Maybe…you should do that more often.”
“Maybe I should”, she agreed and I swallowed lightly at the sight of the emerald orbs piercing through my darker ones. “Possibly for our private teaching lesson.”
“Sounds good”, I tried not to blush any more and grabbed the collar of her leather jacket to pull her close to me.
“See? Bossy”, she mumbled but I didn’t want to argue this time and simply crashed my lips into hers. Unfortunately it lasted only a second because the car behind us was honking since the lights had turned green again.
“Ugh”, Lauren groaned but pulled away to avoid blocking the other cars. I returned to listening to her music and was surprised to find so many hip hop songs playing on her iPod. Her taste was very eclectic, as was mine and I nodded my head when Drake’s ‘Connect’ started.
“I love that song”, I mumbled and looked out the window.
“Are you going all ‘thug’ on me now?” Lauren teased me once more whereas I felt playful and went with it.
“You have no idea how shady that first neighborhood in Boston I lived in was”, I responded which wasn’t untrue.
“Did you get some street cred there?” my teammate continued in a joking manner.
“I had to off a few people”, I was mostly trying to make her laugh. “But then I had some respect amongst the crew.”
“You are such an idiot sometimes”, my girlfriend’s exterior cracked as she laughed louder than before. My heart leaped in my chest at the sound.
“Watch what you say, girl. Or you will be next on this chola’s hit list”, I succeeded in doing a Latina accent which had Lauren almost dying of laughter now.
“I had no idea you were this endearing…or dumb”, the green-eyed said breathlessly.
“Bruh, that’s enough”, I was having fun with it and took the Boston Breakers snapback on her dashboard to put it on.
To ‘prove’ myself, I started the song all over and turned up the volume. Bobbing my head and doing all sorts of ridiculous movements that I had seen rappers do, I began rapping along to the male voice blasting through the speakers. I liked singing and those who had heard my voice always liked it but rapping was a little different. Still, I thought I was okay and it was just to make Lauren laugh anyway.
“Isn't it amazing how you talk all this shit and we still lack communication
How beautiful our kids will be, girl, I don't need convincing
How every conversation starts with this time will be different
Oh the idea is fun, oh the idea is fun
Oh the idea is so fun every time
At least we try for homerun every time
[Hook:]
Swanging, eyes closed just swanging
Same city, same friends if you're looking for me
Same city, same friends if you're looking
I'll be here just swanging
Don't talk to me like I'm famous
And don't assume cause I don't respect assumptions babe
I'm just tryna connect with somethin' babe
Swangin'”
I cracked up after that though and couldn’t keep a straight face any longer. The fact that we were having so much fun was all I cared about. Lauren said her cheeks were hurting from smiling so much and that made all the ridiculousness worth it.
We arrived at the diner shortly after and took a seat. It wasn’t very crowded but there was one familiar face: our waitress was the same one from the first time I had been here with Lauren. Her name was Ally and she approached us with the biggest frown. The girl with the notepad eyed Lauren intently.
“Aren’t you some type of pro athlete?” the light-haired one asked Lauren and I watched silently.
“Uhm yeah”, the girl sitting opposite of me replied hesitantly.
“And this where you take your date on Valentine’s Day?” Ally said and Lauren’s face fell instantly as she looked at me.
“See! I told you we should have gone somewhere else”, the green-eyed pouted and sighed deeply.
“No, this is great”, I appeased and looked at our waitress. “It was actually my idea to come here.”
“No offense but you should be a little more high-maintenance when dating a pro athlete”, the server met my gaze.
“I’m afraid that’s not me”, I responded politely and smiled without revealing that I was one myself.
“Alright, fair enough”, Ally shrugged. “Wait…you have been here before, right?”
“Yes but it was a while ago. With Lauren and my little daughter if that helps. And I spilled coffee of course”, I added but other brown-eyed looked at Lauren in surprise.
“You never bring a girl twice”, she blurted out and Lauren’s eyes widened.
“Jeez, way to ruin my game”, the brunette returned. “It’s a good thing then that she is not just another girl but my girlfriend”, a genuine smile appeared on her lips.
“Look who finally got wifed up”, Ally teased and I knew this banter was accustomed between these two as Lauren had told me about it. “You could have done something better than this, though. Come on.”
“You’re working on Valentine’s Day, so you shouldn’t judge”, Lauren shot back still bantering.
“I am off in a few minutes and my date will take me to an actual restaurant, with actual food and some champagne at the end”, the waitress revealed much to Lauren’s misery.
“I feel so bad right now”, my teammate mumbled in another sigh.
“Let’s get your order since I am off soon.”
“I think we should share Pancakes”, I blurted out and Lauren almost laughed again.
“Seriously Camila?” she was at least smiling again.
“It’s cute”, I protested at her question.
“If you say so, bossy-pants”, she gave me another nickname and I rolled my eyes playfully. “Then we’ll have Pancakes with extra syrup and two cokes.”
Ally left our table and I reached for Lauren’s hand on the table, interlacing our fingers.
“Don’t you dare beat yourself up about coming here again”, I didn’t want her to feel bad after Ally’s teasing.
“I know I shouldn’t but I still wished I could have done more.”
“I am not even going to acknowledge it anymore because everything is perfect to me”, I squeezed her hand and felt her doing the same. “Thank you for the gift again. I was a little choked up before.”
“That’s okay. Now we all have the same shoes and are a triple threat”, Lauren stroked the back of my hand with her thumb. “How is Lara?”
“She’s doing great. But she was a little sad when I told her I would go and see you”, I confessed and took a deep breath. “But I’ll bring her for the next qualifier game so you two can see each other again.”
“That’s good to hear. I miss that little nugget”, the central-midfielder voiced full of endearment. “How was the rest of her birthday? Did Austin give you a hard time?”
“No, it was fine. He was actually on his best behavior afterwards. It was important for Lara and I think he understands that by now”, I explained calmly. “He wasn’t very involved when I had moved out to Boston and that was tough on her. I think he’s trying to make up for it now.”
“I’m happy for her then”, the older one said.
“You know there is nothing more to it, right?” I was slightly alarmed because Lauren looked…sad.
“Of course”, she replied immediately and forced a small smile.
“He was only there because of her and it had nothing to do with me-“
“Babe”, she interrupted and gave my hand another squeeze. “It’s alright, promise. I get it and you don’t have to worry.”
Even though she sounded sincere, that hint of sadness in her eyes when I had mentioned Austin and Lara bothered me. I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression but she said it was okay and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.
Ally came over with our order and suddenly placed a bottle of champagne on the table. Lauren and I looked up in surprise.
“This way you can have a glass later and have at least something fancy”, the waitress explained.
“So you can be sweet after all”, Lauren chuckled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about since I’m always adorable”, she shot back.
“I’m not going to disagree because I want to keep the champagne”, my girlfriend replied nonchalantly.
“Smart”, Ally acknowledged with a smile now. “A customer gave it to me but I thought you could use it more than I do.”
Both of us thanked Ally after that and wished her a good night since she was off to her date. Lauren wanted to sit closer and pulled her chair to my side so were next to each other. Maybe I was the bossy one and she was the docile one after all. No matter what the roles were, I enjoyed it tremendously. We shared the pancakes and talked about everything and nothing. I told her about Dinah and how she had sprained her ankle at our last practice. She was a little down ever since but being around family and friends lifted her spirits a lot.
We finished our plate and I was sipping the last bit of my coke when I felt something sticky on my ear. My eyes widened and I nearly choked on my drink when I realized Lauren had dipped her finger in the syrup, and smeared a small portion of it on my earlobe. Knowing what she was going to do, I felt her tongue scooping up the sweet substance skillfully. I gulped heavily when her lips enclosed my earlobe and sucked on it lightly. Her hand was running up my thigh and I closed my eyes inadvertently.
As soon as her hand reached the inner part of my upper thigh, I remembered our moment back in New York before we had slept together for the first time. It was needless to say that I was burning up at the memory. Her teeth scraped the sensitive area and I grabbed her hand before she would reach dangerous territory. Holding her wrist in a shaky grasp, I gathered my thoughts for a moment and took a deep breath.
“You’re naughty”, I giggled but gasped since she sucked on my earlobe once more.
“Can you blame me for being excited?” she husked and I shivered at her raspy voice. No, I couldn’t blame her at all since she was probably experiencing worse withdrawals than I was…if that was possible.
“You were the one who wasn’t in the mood last weekend”, I argued with a smirk.
“Oh but I’m in the mood tonight”, her response in another lascivious husk was enough for me.
“Then let’s go”, I whispered and felt her lips forming a smile against my ear.
“Your wish is my command, bossy”, Lauren said while pulling away and I was not in the right mindset to protest this time around.
She paid with a generous tip and we made our way back to her place. My heart was beating out of control in anticipation of what was to come. Reaching the stylish apartment, we kicked off our shoes and got rid of our jackets before I didn’t want to hesitate and went straight to her bedroom. I knew she would follow and I took a look in the big mirror in her room to freshen up a bit.
Lauren was walking over to a different side of the room. I heard music filling the room shortly after and grinned from ear to ear to hear another Drake song playing. Was this her sex-playlist, I wondered internally but had no time to follow up on that thought. I felt a pair of familiar arms hugging me from behind and sending the good type of chills through my body. Feeling her so close, my heart skipped beat when her lips found my ear again.
“It's not me and you
It's not me. It's you
You're reckless and you know it
They don't love you like I do
Say you're moving on, well, I guess that's just the motion”
“I listened to that song all the time when we were at U 17 and all that chaos started”, Lauren confessed and I looked at her in the mirror, kissing my ear.
“Maybe you’re more ‘thugh’ than me after all”, I chuckled and saw her smiling. She was swaying lightly to the beat and I adapted to the rhythm with her hips gently grinding against mine. Her arms were holding on very tightly and I traced her upper arms with my fingers. Her movements were becoming stronger so she was rocking me in her arms to the music. God, how was she so affectionate but sexy at the same time?
My breath hitched in the back of my throat when I heard the raspy voice suddenly singing, or rapping along with her lips still close to my ear but just above a whisper.
“Looking back on it at least my pride is intact
'Cause we said no strings attached
And I still got tied up in that
Every thing that I write is either for her or about her
So I'm with her even when I'm here without her
And she know it
The girl that I want to save is like a danger to my health
Try being with somebody that want to be somebody else
I always thought she was perfect when she was being herself
Don't even know how to help”
With the last syllable the older one placed a passionate kiss on my neck and I couldn’t suppress the moan escaping my lips. I instantly turned around and folded my arms around her neck. Our lips met finally in a slow but sensual kiss. Her hands moved up and down my sides while I was clinging to her desperately. Parting my lips, I tried to explore the inside of her mouth, but she was being the worst tease by not letting me do it. Continuously brushing my tongue against her lower lip and begging for permission, she was not giving in.
Instead, she pulled away and grabbed both of my hands. She led us to her bed and this was the first time I was actually in there. Settling on the big mattress, I felt my head hitting the soft pillows until Lauren joined me and I sat up to connect our lips once more. She pushed me back down with her on top of me. I sighed in pleasure as her body settled on mine. Opening my eyes for a moment, I brushed the dark looks out of her face and admired every feature. The green orbs staring right into my eyes were giving me heart palpitations.
“You’re so beautiful”, it slipped out but I wasn’t ashamed since she complimented me all the time. Her flustered smile was only amplifying the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
“You’re way prettier”, she replied and the worst thing was that she actually believed it when she was so drop-dead gorgeous herself. I placed my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her down to me. Our mouths connected in another passionate kiss, I let my hand wander in between our bodies and tried opening the button of her jeans. The older one on top broke our kiss suddenly.
“Let’s take our time, babe”, she whispered tenderly and I withdrew my hand slowly. “No need to rush. I want this to be special”, she continued making my heart skip beats all over the place so I was afraid of getting some cardiac problem in the future. Her hand stroked my cheek softly as she spoke. “This is the first time we’re doing this where we are officially together. Is it okay if we just enjoy it?” she asked slightly insecure, apparently afraid of having hurt my feelings.
“No, it’s perfect. It…took us long enough after all”, I answered with a gentle smile that she reciprocated.
“The important thing is that we are here now”, Lauren breathed. “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe”, her smile widened.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, mi amor”, I bit my lip and saw her eyebrow kinking.
“Mi amor? Is that your nickname for me?” she asked and her cheeks blushed a little.
“Do you like it?” I was flustered myself for revealing it.
“I love it”, she nodded subtly. “Sometimes I forget how sexy Spanish sounds; especially coming from you.”
“Pues, cállate y bésame finalmente”, I ordered her to shut up and kiss me finally.
“Mandona”, she used the Spanish version of bossy before following my order. I couldn’t believe how incredibly gentle she was once more. Here I was; ready to rip her clothes off and she wanted to take things slow so we would remember it as something special. I truly wondered why I deserved to be with her. Maybe I didn’t but I wasn’t going to let her go again, that was for sure.
This time Lauren was deepening our kiss. Her tongue brushed up against mine swiftly before our lips followed up with her sucking on my bottom lip. I had no sense of time in that moment. It could have been minutes or hours in my head, as we exchanged kiss after kiss until neither of us had any air left to breathe. My hands were roaming beneath her shirt and taking in every little detail of her immaculate skin. The ivory surface felt so warm and smooth, yet I felt the subtly toned muscles underneath the soft skin.
Taking a quick breather, she sat up for a moment and took off her shirt, revealing a black bra. She took my top off next and I wasn’t wearing a bra which caused the older one to smirk for a moment. Getting back down, we picked up where we left off in being thorough and tender with one another. I felt a hand then circling my breast, barely letting the fingertips touch my skin to create more anticipation. Her eyes watched as she cupped the breast softly. I felt self-conscious that she was better “equipped” in the chest area.
“They’re small, I know”, I tried to smile but ended up chewing my lower lip because she was eyeing the small rounding so closely. The green orbs shot up instantly to meet my gaze.
“Stop that. They’re perfect”, she pressed full of conviction yet affectionately. “I love them just like I love everything else about you”, her hand kept massaging me softly before her index finger pointed to a spot on the side of my breast. “I love that tiny mole right there for example too”, the older one continued and I couldn’t help but smile. “You want to know what I love most though.”
“Don’t ruin the romance by saying my butt now?” I joked to cover up how jittery I was whenever she would say or do these things.
“Your smile”, she said not acknowledging my attempt to distract her. “I read this quote on the internet where it said that the saddest people smile the brightest. It always reminded me of you.”
My heart felt like it was genuinely going to explode. She had always seen something underneath the cold and arrogant exterior when we had been younger. I didn’t understand it back then why she would even like me. The fact that she knew I had been sad not just angry reinforced that she knew me better than I thought. I was choked up but tried to say the only thing I kept repeating in my head.
“I love you”, I whispered full of sincerity.
“I love you too”, Lauren replied without any hesitation and bent down to kiss me. Her lips were a little more urgent than before. She tilted her head and by parting our lips simultaneously, our tongues gently touched in a slow but sensual rhythm. I found the clasp of her bra and managed to open it rather swiftly, taking the black fabric in no rush. It landed on the pile of our shirts somewhere on the floor.
Lauren pressed her naked upper body against mine and I gasped into the kiss. It wasn’t on purpose but I scratched her back roughly, leaving a few scratches behind. Her lips wandered to my neck and I threw my head back because she knew every spot that drove me insane. She used that knowledge mercilessly and applied suction on the sensitive areas just beneath my ear and my pulse point. Although she hadn’t gone near it yet, I felt a throbbing between my legs.
I took a deep breath because the older one scooted further down and I knew what was next. Even though I felt so self-conscious about them, Lauren seemed to have a soft-spot for my breasts and always ended up caressing, massaging and kissing them extensively. It felt heavenly to forget about my insecurities and simply enjoy the skilled girl giving me so much pleasure. Her tongue circled the erect nipple relentlessly before she gave in and licked the hardened bud.
“God”, I mumbled because I was so on edge already. Threading her thick hair in my hands, I looked down and saw her swollen lips sucking on the very sensitive area. I clenched my fist in her hair as she flickered her tongue against the nipple in the inside of her mouth. My own mouth went dry because she wandered to the other side to do the same and all I could do was watch. I wouldn’t last a minute by the time she would actually reach the throbbing part of my body.
Again, it was hard to tell how much time passed until my teammate graciously stopped in making me absolutely crazy. She opened my jeans and effortlessly slid them off my legs, my panties right along with them. Almost getting back down, I sat up before she could and unbuttoned her jeans next. She smiled a little and I leaned in to kiss her collarbone while pulling down the zipper. Instead of taking of her pants off, I got distracted with exploring her chest only using my mouth. My hands stroked her sides while hers were running up and down my spine.
I was happy to reciprocate and tried to emulate what she had done a few moments ago. And apparently I wasn’t too bad at it since Lauren breathed heavily. She kissed my temple but moaned surprised when I very gently bit down on her nipple. Not too hard because I didn’t want to hurt her obviously but her reaction motivated me to keep going. Her breath hitched several times as I took care of her supple breasts. They were definitely bigger than mine but so perfectly sized and shaped.
I was in the middle of sucking on the fazed skin when she pulled me off and crashed her lips into mine. Reciprocating the kiss, I took off her pants and underwear as well before she pushed me back down. But I felt empowered and rolled her on her back so I was on top. The broad smile on her face made my heart flutter uncontrollably and I settled on her body with no space in between.
We kept kissing and stroking each other. At first, I wasn’t really aware that I was straddling her leg but I had subconsciously started moving up and down on it. The sensation of her silky skin rubbing against my most intimate body part was above and beyond. I must have hit a really good spot because I squirmed suddenly. It also made me realize what I was doing and disconnect our constant kissing. I was slightly embarrassed that I had gotten so carried away, never have done it before.
“It’s okay”, Lauren whispered and instantly understood what was going on. She placed her hand on my lower back and the other one on my thigh, encouraging me keep going. I felt her bending my knee a little, so my thigh was also pressing against her core. For a second, I hesitated but meeting the green eyes filled with nothing but love and affection, I wanted to share every kind of intimacy with her.
Shifting a little, the more experienced one also propped up her leg very subtly but I felt the instant change when I moved. Slowly riding up and down her toned thigh, I saw her enjoying it a lot now as well. Every time I pressed up against her, there was a reaction on her end. I felt myself burning up and took my time, establishing a slow rhythm to get used to it but also avoid coming undone in just seconds.
Burying my face in the crook of her neck, I couldn’t focus on kissing her anymore because all my senses were already on overload. I moaned quietly against her neck. One of her hands was continuously stroking my back while the other was now placed on my behind. She squeezed the flesh roughly and I groaned louder than before. Her liking for my butt was no secret but this was another way of proving it.
In doing so, she sped up the pace and I sensed she was just as close as I was. That was surprising but so relieving at the same time. My hips started moving more frantically and the other brunette cursed as I was grinding on her thigh without any restraint anymore. The friction of our sweaty bodies was adding to my lust but the most prominent feeling was the tension in my muscles. I felt quite the dampness on Lauren’s leg as I kept rubbing the strained bundle of nerves on it. If I hadn’t been so aroused, I would have been ashamed but I couldn’t stop now. A few more seconds and my body convulsed in complete ecstasy.
“Holy shit, Camila”, Lauren’s voice was breathless but I felt her holding me close and reaching her climax with me. Both of us were shaking uncontrollably and I had never experienced the amount of intimacy that I shared with her. It was impossible to describe how fulfilling it was to have the person you love be such an equal in every sense. The fact that I was able to let myself be uninhibited and try new things, meant a lot. And it paid off obviously.
Our trembling bodies barely coming down from our high was proof of that. I was puffing laboriously into the crook of her neck still as we tried to calm down. Her fingertips were moving gently on my back as I had collapsed fully on top of her. She didn’t seem to mind though and I finally gathered up some strength to lift my head and meet her gaze. The exertion of my body was one thing, but the emotions I felt when I locked eyes with her again, were indescribable.
The tenderness in the emerald orbs created a lump in my throat and her free hand brushed the hair out of my sweaty forehead. She looked so content and I knew I felt the same way. There were no words needed and I simply leaned in to kiss her lips softly. She put both arms around me now and embraced me tightly to create even more closeness; making it more intimate if that was possible. I savored every second of it and almost felt like crying because I was so happy.
“I love you”, she whispered against my lips and I wanted to say the same but her mouth was pressed up against mine again.
“I…love…you too”, I managed to mumble and made both of us giggle. She loosened her grip and let me settle beside her. I was still cuddled up to her though and didn’t want to give up on the warmth that radiated off of her. She sat up for a moment and pulled the covers of us before retaking our position. With one arm around me, both of our heads were resting comfortably. Hers on the pillow, mine on her shoulder.
It was clear we were both exhausted and possibly emotionally overwhelmed. We would need a few moments to let it all sink in and neither seemed in a rush to either fall asleep or strike up a conversation. Simply reveling in the aftermath of our love play was satisfaction in itself.
Not to mention that I didn’t want to fall asleep because it would be over then. I would leave tomorrow morning and we wouldn’t see each other for a few weeks. That thought alone was crushing my heart and I drew small patterns on her other shoulder that I wasn’t resting on. I noticed Lauren’s breathing becoming steadier. And it wasn’t long before her chest beneath me was rising and falling in a slow pace.
Knowing she had fallen asleep, I lifted my head carefully and watched the peaceful expression on her face. God, she was still so unbelievably gorgeous with her messy hair and partly smeared eye makeup. I took comfort in that I was sharing her bed for the first time where she usually slept alone. My index finger barely touched her but traced her facial features. The mesmerizing green eyes were not visible but I remembered how happy they had looked all day.
Sometimes I truly wondered if Lauren was lonely. I knew she was a social butterfly at school and everyone on the team loved her. But she lived in this huge apartment and I only ever heard about Kristie or Luis visiting her. Perhaps it was her sacred space and I understood it. Still, I couldn’t imagine living without Lara anymore and being by myself. Surely I was the bigger exception because most people my age like Lauren, lived by themselves and figured out what they wanted.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that the older one was still masking her own feelings at times. Even though she was very open about her feelings for me, she didn’t talk much about anything else other than school. Perhaps it was the biggest part of her life alongside soccer but it was the breakdown about her mom that had sparked these thoughts in the first place. Sighing deeply, I didn’t want to worry but I wished I could help her the way she helped me. I couldn’t force her to tell me everything that was going in that pretty head of hers though.
So I decided to let it be and cuddled up to her side again, falling asleep a few minutes after.
-
I blinked rapidly when I heard an annoying sound waking me from my sleep. At first, I assumed it was an alarm clock but then I realized it was a buzzing phone on the nightstand. It took me a second to understand what was going on. Then, I felt something moving and came back to reality because Lauren was shifting beneath me. She groaned loudly but leaned over to grab her phone.
“Fuck”, she mumbled in a very raspy voice and I wiped my eyes sleepily.
I wasn’t sure what was going on but Lauren got out of bed and picked up the call.
“Hey Taylor, what’s going on?” was all I heard as the older one disappeared in the bathroom. She was probably trying to be considerate by not wanting to wake me up but I was more than awake now. I was hoping the two sisters would just catch up but something in my gut told me this wasn’t why the younger sibling had called. Lauren came out of the bathroom wearing a baggy shirt a few minutes later.
“Sorry, I tried not to wake you”, the other brunette explained but I instantly noticed that her demeanor had changed.
“No, it’s okay. I have to get ready anyway. Is everything alright?”
“I have to go Miami next week to take care of a few things”, Lauren’s voice was evasive and I sat up to watch her more intently.
“Is it about your mom?” I asked cautiously.
“Yeah”, the central-midfielder sighed and rubbed her temples. “Apparently she’s refusing her meds again and the only person she wants to talk to is me.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way but you can’t put your life on hold every time she needs you”, I said as gently as possible but still saw the older one’s face hardening.
“It won’t be a big deal. We have a few days off next week from the Breakers so I’ll go then”, the green-eyed explained.
“Okay, just…I want you to know that I’m here to help”, I replied softly.
“I know”, my teammate responded with a small smile but she was somewhere else in her mind and I knew it.
Lauren then revealed she had early classes and needed to go soon. It wasn’t a problem because I had to get ready for my flight as well. We took turns showering and I did the very best not to be too pressing. Lauren was off. Completely off and I wanted to be understanding. Until she was ready to fully open up to me, I was going to be patient.
She drove me to the airport and I while saying our goodbyes, I saw the older one tearing up but fighting it strongly. It broke my heart in a million pieces because it reinforced my fear of being lonely – or at least alone with her problems. Maybe she wanted to share that part of her life but wasn’t ready yet. The only thing I could do was kiss and hug her as much as I could while repeating how much I loved her. She did the same and we promised to pop the champagne battle next Valentine’s Day.
-
A week had passed since Valentine’s Day. Lauren and I were back to texting every day and calling each other whenever we could. Things were still going well, although her trip to Miami had me worried. She had gone yesterday and I hadn’t heard from her since. I was giving her space to deal with her family issues but was relieved to have a video chat with her today.
I was excited and slightly nervous when the screen of my laptop showed some movement. My heart sank when I saw Lauren, though. She looked like a mess; like a hot mess after a long night of partying to be more specific.
Camila: Oh my God. What happened?
Lauren: It was an interesting night, let’s put it like that.
C: I’m assuming your meeting with your mom didn’t go well.
L: It was wonderful. We screamed at each other and I basically told her to fuck off at the end.
C: Lauren, I’m sorry.
L: I feel like the biggest piece of shit.
C: You tried to help her, I’m sure. But you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.
L: Yeah well…I don’t really have a choice.
C: Yes, you do. You can accept that your mom is an adult who needs to deal with her issues herself.
L: Sounds nice in theory but I can’t do that. I have to fix this.
C: What happened after your meeting with her?
L: I ran into my old friend Natalia. They were all going out and I spontaneously decided to join them to let off some steam, I guess. I always forget how hard they party in Miami, though.
C: What do you mean?
L: Don’t freak out but I woke up this morning and…I found something.
C: Okaaaaay.
I watched as Lauren got up from her seat and suddenly pulled up her shirt. What the hell was she doing? Was she trying to get sexy on cam? But then I saw it: a tattoo on her hipbone. My jaw dropped when I read the small font.
C: Pancakes?!
I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry when Lauren sat back down.
L: I have no idea how I got it.
C: This is a joke, right? You’re pranking me.
L: No, I swear to God it’s real.
C: And you have no recollection of getting it?
L: The last thing I remember is being at a nightclub but everything after is totally gone.
C: Have you ever blacked out like that before?
L: A few times but I’ve never woken up with a fucking tattoo.
I was at a loss for words. Although I knew Lauren partied, this was the first time I was genuinely concerned about her excessive drinking when she went out. It would be a different story if it was just me but I always considered Lara. She came first, no matter what. And I wasn’t sure if I wanted that kind of behavior around my daughter.
L: You look upset.
C: I’m just in shock.
L: It’s not that bad. I always wanted to get one and this wasn’t planned but it’s really small and hidden.
C: Did you get it because you thought Lara would like it?
L: I wasn’t thinking at all probably.
C: Then maybe you should consider not drinking that much.
I didn’t mean to be harsh because she was going through a lot but it came out rather frustrated.
L: Babe, it’s not a big deal.
C: You should probably get some rest.
L: I’m fine.
C: You’re still drunk and should really sleep it off. We’ll talk later when you’re sober.
L: I still have a feeling you’re mad at me.
C: No, but I am worried about you and I think it’s best if you get some sleep.
L: I honestly didn’t mean to upset you.
C: I know and I understand there’s a lot going on with you right now. Please, just…call me later, okay?
L: I will. I love you.
C: I love you too.
I shut off the camera and buried my face in my hands. Shaking my head slightly, I couldn’t believe how reckless the older one was sometimes. How could she be so thoughtful and dedicated, but so incredibly thoughtless at the same time? Looking at my watch, I had another video chat coming up. Or Lara did. Austin was going to talk to her in an hour and I needed that time to recuperate.
-
Austin: Okay, pretty girl. I’ll talk to you soon.
Lara: I love you, daddy.
A: I love you too. Can you tell your mommy that I want to talk to her alone for a moment?
I was sitting a few steps away but heard the male voice asking for me. Lara nodded and got off her seat, telling me to talk to him. She left the room and I wondered what he wanted to discuss. I sat down in front of the screen and looked at him expectantly.
A: Hey, how are you?
C: Good. How are you?
A: Perfect. I uhm…I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
C: For what?
A: For how I acted last week….concerning Lauren.
C: This is a first.
A: I’m trying here, Mila.
C: Okay, sorry go ahead.
A: I was surprised because you didn’t tell me and I felt a little jealous. But I know that wasn’t okay – especially in front of Lara. So, I’m sorry.
C: I am honestly shocked to hear that but thank you. Apology accepted.
A: As weird as it may be, I want us to be friends. Not just because of Lara, although that would be really good if we got along better, but also because I still care about you. After all, we dated for such a long time and you were a huge part of my life. I screwed up a lot but I’m trying to be a better dad and I’d love for us to at least stay friends.
Skeptically eyeing the young man on the screen, I was genuinely surprised at his words. He wasn’t usually this soft-spoken but I had to admit that he was being a great father lately. The least I could do was accept his peace offer.
C: I don’t know what you want, Austin. I’ve always been civil but I’m not sure how we can be friends after everything that happened?
A: Why don’t you tell me why you have your ‘worried-face’ on?
C: My what?
A: Your ‘worried-face’. You think I can’t read you after all this time? Come on. Give me a little more credit.
C: You wouldn’t want to know about it, trust me.
A: Try me.
C: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
A: Is it about Lauren?
C: Then you don’t want to hear about it.
A: Maybe it’s not my favorite subject but I will try if it means proving that I’m serious about this.
I sighed quietly and chewed on my lower lip. He was probably the least person I should talk to about this but I felt a sense of familiarity when he was being like this. It reminded me of why I used to like him after all. We did share a past and he wasn’t in the position to judge after everything he had put me through.
C: She’s dealing with some family problems but won’t open up to me.
A: Sounds familiar.
C: What do you mean?
A: You think I wasn’t frustrated with you back when we were dating? The reason we broke up all the time was because you kept shutting me out. I never got through to you.
C: Maybe. But I wasn’t acting out like her.
A: Acting out in what way?
C: She just tends to go out and drink when things get hard.
A: Ironic since you broke up with me for partying too much in college.
C: I broke up with you because you cheated on me, Austin.
A: Alright, fair enough. But how do you know she’s not doing the same?
C: I know she’s not. It’s not the type of person she is.
A: Even when she is drunk out her mind?
C: She wouldn’t do that. That’s not what I’m worried about.
A: What is it then?
C: I understand that she is a college student and has the freedom to do whatever she wants. But I’m not. I like staying at home and watching cartoons with Lara at night instead of partying. I’m just wondering if…we actually lived in the same city, if Lauren would want to live that life. She doesn’t have to but I wouldn’t want that behavior around Lara. Maybe the distance is doing us a favor, actually. Does that make sense?
A: Totally.
C: Then why do I feel so shitty saying it?
A: Because you care about her.
C: I love her.
A: And I believe you; which is why you should probably talk to her about it. Or have you already?
C: No, this is kind of recent. We just got together and I don’t want to risk getting in a huge fight.
A: I hate to break it to you but if you don’t address it, it will be a much bigger issue later on.
C: When did you become so wise?
A: Trust me, this is hard. I’d rather be talking about something else but I also understand Lauren’s side of it, I guess. Sometimes you just act out because you don’t know how else to deal with things. You should give her the chance to at least know what you’re thinking so she can make a change…or not.
His words definitely resonated with me. It wasn’t fair that I was having all these doubts and wasn’t voicing them. She deserved to know even though I didn’t want to burden her any more. I’d take some time to figure out how I would handle the situation but I admittedly felt better after talking to Austin.
A: So, how did I do?
C: Pretty good, actually. I might consider taking the friendship offer.
A: Okay, then my job is done…unless you want to talk some more.
C: No, I have to do some thinking. But thank you.
A: No problem. We’ll talk soon.
C: Alright. Bye.
A: Bye.
Shutting off the camera for the second time today, I still felt a bunch of mixed emotions. But I didn’t feel as bad anymore. I never would have expected words of wisdom from my ex-husband but I wanted to make an effort to be more vocal about my feelings. As hard as that was, it was worth it to mend the first little crack in my relationship with Lauren.
-----
A/N: This is a little surprise (or a rather big one because the chapter is seriously long) but I managed to write this over the weekend. It will very likely be the last update before my vacation though. This time for real. Still, I hope you enjoy it even with the little drama and I will continue in a few weeks when I’m done with working nonstop and come back from my vacation.