Most things in life you can prepare for, you can make plans or at least plan out in your head how you think or want certain things in your life to go. When I decided to challenge Annie for her future Luna title I planned out in my head how I would word everything and handle the situation. I also planned in my head for things that I knew may not go the way I wanted them too, like my journey across country trying to find a mate. I mentally planned and prepared myself for a negative outcome, I didn't want to go into it thinking that it was going to go exactly the way I wanted it too and I would fall in love, living happily ever after. And I'm glad I did because it hadn't turned out how I wanted it too, I think that's why I was able to hold my composure when I was questioned by pack members about how the trip had gone. When we were younger Annie was the planner, but now that we are older and I've gone through a lot of Luna lessons, I like to think that I am now an excellent planner and able to prepare myself for certain situations that may come up.That's how I thought, until this past week. No amount of time, planning, preparing or thought could prepare me for this.
It was drizzling a little bit, the weather matching the somber mood that surrounded the small hole in the ground before us. It's been one week since Lily and Eddie had lost their pup, one of the hardest weeks of their lives, and also hard for the rest of us. Lily still has not spoken but thankfully she has been eating, small, small portions but it's something. We've all taken turns spending time with her, whether it's sitting outside, reading to her, cooking for her, anything we can think of to keep her from staring a hole into the wall. Eddie confided in me that she doesn't sleep, and when she does slip into slumber from pure exhaustion she wakes up screaming from nightmares. What those nightmares are we don't know because she won't talk but we can imagine. My mom has suggested Lily see a therapist, a third party individual not from our pack, but Lily has to speak first before going to a therapist would be beneficial.
Uncle Alf had left to visit the Half Moon pack and left Aunt Lou and I in charge of the funeral, Aunt Lou had thought it would be nice for the eulogy to come from me since Lily and I are close. I agreed with her but as I thought over it this week and as I stood here now I still didn't know what I wanted to say, what do you say in a time like this? There were the normal cliques that were said at funerals, 'he had a good life', 'he went too young', 'he will be greatly missed', none of those were good enough for this situation or the little pup that was now in the ground, a pup that should be in his mother's arms and being showered with love. But life wasn't fair, it didn't always work out the way we wanted it too, if we are honest in most cases it doesn't work out the way we want it too more than it actually working out in our favor. As I looked around the tiny grave, I saw it surrounded by people who loved Lily and Eddie, and their pup. They were a group of people that would have banded together in time of need, like right now, it was then that I realized something. No matter how hard it gets or how unfair life gets you still had family and people that supported you, you were never alone or dealing with a problem alone. I looked around at them again and I knew what I wanted to say, I cleared my throat gaining everyone's attention.
"Life sucks." I said letting out a disgusted chuckle. Lily's eyes widened and she looked up at me, it was the first time she had made eye contact with anyone in a week. I returned her gaze and shrugged my shoulders. "It does, life sucks and is completely unfair sometimes. When bad things happen to us we instantly wonder what we could have possibly done wrong for the goddess to make us suffer through something as awful as this. We blame ourselves, like we could have possibly done something different to make the outcome better but the truth is we can't. When things like this happen there is nothing that we can do or could have done to change it." I stopped, collecting my thoughts and holding Lily's gaze. "I thought about standing up here and giving the normal speech that's given at funerals but you deserve better than that because you're family, and family supports you even if it's hard to hear. I'm not going to tell you the generic things that someone is normally told in these times, I'm going to tell you the truth and that is that life is unfair. It's so unfair sometimes that you just feel like giving up, but you can't, your pup wouldn't want that of you. You were an amazing mom to him, he knew how loved he was by the both of you, he knew how much we all loved him. He wouldn't want you to give up on life and let this defeat you, his mom is strong and fierce, one of the fiercest woman I know." I stopped as I swallowed the lump in my throat, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "Mourn, mourn the loss of your son but don't let this defeat you. You are a wonderful woman, mother, mate, and friend; I know I speak for all of us when I say that we are here for you, to listen, to cry, to laugh, to love. You are so loved, he was so loved. I believe that your pup is looking down on us right now, wondering why all these crazy women that spent months talking to him in the womb are crying and it's because we love you and him. So cry, let it all out but know that we are all here with you and beside you to help you in whatever way you need us."
"Thank you." Lily whispered to me with tears in her eyes and a small smile on her face. It was the first words she had spoken in a week and her voice cracked a little.
I just winked at her and gave her my own teary eyed smile. I know some people that heard my speech would think it was heartless and not appropriate for a funeral but they also didn't know Lily like I did. She wouldn't have responded to the flowery messages that are normally given at funerals, she responded to straight to the point and things that are sometimes hard to hear.
Lily stepped forward and dropped the single white rose on the box in the ground, "I love you." She whispered, her tears still running freely down her face. Eddie came up beside her dropping his own rose into the ground, he then wrapped an arm around Lily and pulled her into his side, they both stood there quietly sobbing. The crowd surrounding them slowly started to disperse until it was only us left, their family, we all stood there in silence.
"Thank you for your eulogy Renee, it was beautiful and something I needed to hear." Lily thanked me giving me a small smile.
"Beautiful wasn't really the word I was thinking." I heard Troy murmur to Annie.
"I'm going to take another week to heal and mourn then if it's okay with you Luna I would like to start working, maybe with the children?" Lily looked expectantly at Aunt Lou.
"Of course, I think that sounds like an excellent idea." She agreed softly.
"Thank you all for coming, I knew you would all be here though because we always have each other's backs. I'm sorry I shut all of you out, especially you." Lily leaned in and kissed Eddies cheek. "The truth is I was angry and embarrassed with myself, I felt like it was my fault, but the reality is that it wasn't. There was nothing any of us could do."
"You have nothing to apologize for, all of us understood you needed time." Her mate said kissing her.
"And we understand that you still need time." Scarlet added. "It will take time to heal, but we are all here to help you and stand by you."
I looked over at Annie to see her crying but with a smile on her face, I knew what she was thinking; that if she was ever in this position we would all do the same for her, she wasn't alone in this.
"Let's give the two of them some time alone." Aunt Lou suggested and we all nodded in agreement. We all said our goodbyes then went our separate ways. Troy had a meeting after the funeral at his parents' house so I walked with Annie to her parents' house, we both could use a little best friend time this afternoon.
We stopped in the kitchen and made some sandwiches before taking them up to her childhood room, her parents hadn't touched it since she moved out so it still looked the same. Memories we made in this room flooded me, it seemed like just yesterday we had been kids, carefree and high on life.
"When did we grow up and get old?" I asked.
"I was wondering the same thing." She said laughing. "I remember a time when our biggest worry was whether or not Oma would notice a missing cupcake or two, now look at us. Mates, death, pregnancy.... Who knew being an adult would be so- not fun."
"Eh, I wouldn't say it's all 'not fun'." I said putting air quotes around the last two words. "But we definitely didn't have the heartache we do now."
"I don't know, you were pretty heart broken when you found out that you didn't get to go on your parent's anniversary trip with them. I think you said, 'it's the end of the world Annie." She put the back of her hand to her forehead like she was going to faint.
"They were going to Italy!" I explained loudly. "How is not taking me not the end of the world?" She stared back at me and we both dissolved into giggles.
"I needed that." She wiped tears from her eyes as she continued to laugh.
"Me too." I agreed as I wiped my own tears from my eyes.
"How are you doing with everything? I feel like I've hardly seen you this past week." She asked me.
"I know, I've been so busy with planning the funeral and gathering as much information for your dad as I could before he left. I haven't even had any Luna lessons." I told her.
"I think today counted as a Luna lesson, you handled it beautifully." She smiled. "Although I was very concerned where you were going with your speech when you started it with 'life sucks.'" She dissolved into laughter and I joined in.
"I know, I know. Honestly I wasn't really sure myself where I was going with it, I just knew I needed to speak to Lily how I would normally and not give her some flowery speech that's at normal funerals." I said shrugging.
"Which makes you a great Luna, you read your people and give them what they need, even if it's not what you're expected to do." She reached over and squeezed my leg. "Have you heard from my dad yet? Has he gotten any answers?" Normally I wouldn't be able to devolve any information about the attack but considering Annie was the future Queen of the Atlantic and also was once the future Luna I knew it wouldn't hurt to confide in her.
"Not really, although the attack on the Half Moon Pack was worse than we had originally thought. The Alpha said that the leader of the rouges actually held him captive while the rest of them attacked the pack." I said my eyebrows furrowing.
"Why would they do that? Why not kill the Alpha and take over the pack?" She asked and it was a good question.
"That's what we don't understand." I shook my head in confusion. "It just doesn't make sense, they have the Alpha held captive but don't hurt him. Yet, they went thru almost the whole pack and whoever refused to join them was killed instantly. There were only nineteen survivors out of the whole pack."
"Who made it out alive?"
"The Alpha, Luna, and their two children, the pack doctor, a few warriors, and then the rest were normal pack members. No pattern to it at all." I said shrugging.
"Did the rogue leader say anything to the Alpha while they held him captive? And how did they even capture him?" Another good question.
"From what he told Uncle Alf the rogues snuck into the pack borders without anyone realizing. They kidnapped one of his kids and held them at gunpoint, threatening to kill the child if the Alpha fought them. He didn't even know the damage done to the pack until after the attack was over." I explained.
"I can't imagine the fear and panic everyone must have felt, also explains why I've noticed more border patrols along the territory line." She nodded in understanding. "Still no clue as to why the rogues attacked though?"
"Nope, nothing obvious anyways. It just doesn't make any sense." I sat back against my bed and thought about why the need for the attack, it was more than just growing in numbers but what? I shook my head clearing any thoughts about rogues and attacks from my mind, today had been stressful enough and I didn't want to add to it. But I wanted to ask Annie one question that may end up being a little on the stressful side but it was important.
"So.... have you told Troy yet?" I asked.
"No." She huffed and put her head on her knees. "I just don't know what to say to him or how to say, especially now with what happened with Lily and Eddie, I just don't know how to tell him."
"How about just telling him the truth? He's going to know something is up when you start getting chubby and eating everything in sight." I teased her.
"Never call a pregnant woman chubby." She fake glared at me before relaxing her face back into a worried gaze. "What if he's not happy about it?"
"Not happy? How in the world could he not be happy about this?" I grabbed her chin and turned her face to look at me. "He loves you, with every ounce of his being. You telling him that you two are going to be parents would thrill him to pieces, he's not going to be upset with you!"
She stared back at me for a second before sighing, "You're right."
"I know." I winked at her and released her chin. "Any thoughts on how to tell him about the guppie?"
"I thought about doing something cute and planning it out but I think just sitting down with him alone and telling him would be just as good."
"Oh, what about your spot in the woods by the school?" I suggested. "You two have great memories there." It was where they had both realized they were mates.
"You're right that would be a good idea!" She said her eyes lighting up. "We could go for a walk and-" She stopped mid-sentence as her eyes glazed over, Troy must be mind linking her letting her know he was done with the meeting. She blinked her eyes back to normal and a huge smile broke out on her face as she stood up.
"Come on, we need to go to my house." She said reaching for my hand to pull me into a standing position.
"What, now? Why? Is everything okay?" I asked standing up, she had an excited but nervous look on her face.
"Everything is fine! I, uh, think I should go tell Troy now, you know about the baby!" She said pulling me out the door and down the stairs.
"Where are you two off in such a hurry?" Oma asked coming out of the kitchen.
"My house, important things to do! Tell mom I'll be back with the car later okay? Love you!" Annie went and kissed her Oma on the cheek.
"I just made cupcakes, you sure you want to leave now? They're fresh and warm." Oma wiggled her eyebrows knowing Annie would never pass that up.
"I'll have one when we come back tonight! Don't let David eat them all." She pulled me towards the front door and I looked over my shoulder to share a confused look with Oma, Annie has never passed up one of her Oma's cupcakes, especially fresh ones.
"Okay, what is going on? You never pass those up." I asked as I tried to keep up with her, Annie was normally slow but she was speed walking towards her parent's vehicle.
"Uh, the smell was making me nauseous." She said distracted. "Get in."
I had barely sat down and shut the door before she had put the car in reverse and was backing out of the driveway. "Whoa slow down, what's the rush? And are you sure you really want me there when you tell Troy about being pregnant? I feel like that's a you guys thing, plus he may be upset a little that you told me and not him first, maybe I should just wait till you tell him then show up and act surprised." I started to slow down and drag her back. I hadn't thought about Troy being upset about me knowing before him until now, this was a huge deal and even though she and I were like sisters I didn't want to overstep my place between the two of them.
"You're family and he knows that, trust me he won't be mad. And like you said early, he's going to be thrilled right? He will be too happy about me being pregnant that he won't even care that I told you first." Her eyes never left the road as she slowly sped the car up, speeding towards her house.
"Would you slow down a little bit? You may be in a hurry but we need to arrive there in one piece." I said holding on to the door handle. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and saw that she had a small smile on her face and she wasn't going to slow down, I don't know what had gotten into her but I was happy to see that she was finally going to tell Troy.
We arrived at her house in record time, she slid to a stop behind Troy's truck, a cloud of dust billowing around us from the abrupt stop.
"Well that was- interesting." I said as I unclenched my grip of the door handle. I had never seen Annie drive like that before and I think from now on I will think twice about driving anywhere with her. I opened my door and began to step out when I noticed Annie hadn't moved yet. "Are you coming?"
"Uh, you go ahead. I just want to um- collect myself first." She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt nervously.
"Okay, I can wait with you-"
"No!" She shouted interrupting me, I widened my eyes at her. "I uh- just need a minute alone. Calm my nerves you know? You go on in and I'll be in there in a minute."
"Okay...." I said slowly looking at her confused as I exited the vehicle. She had been so excited to get here, drove like a maniac and now she didn't want to come in. It must be the pregnancy hormones messing with her.
I knocked on the front door before entering, I really didn't need to knock but I did it out of habit because there was no way I wanted to walk in on something that I did not need or want to see. I opened the front door and stepped in, closing the door behind me. I turned towards the front room and immediately stopped, my jaw dropping slightly as I saw what was before me.
"Hello Renee."