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Listen to the song: I’m A Mess by Ed Sheeran :) Facebook page: Facebook.com/ilurvbooks
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*****
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is Nate.
I snap away from my thoughts and shake my head to put some sense into my mind.
I step away from Nate.
“What?” he asks, his brows furrowed.
“This is wrong,” I whisper. “I’m your band manager. I can’t— I mean, this is—“
He puts his forefinger on my lips. “Don’t tell me what’s right or wrong.”
“Nate,” I say, putting my hands on his chest to push him away, but he just holds my hand there.
I am so confused; I don’t know what’s happening anymore.
“Nate,” I say slowly, “Please don’t do this.” My heart feels constricting.
Nate squeezes my hands but doesn’t let go. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care about the rules? Don’t remind me about being the pretend band manager. It doesn’t matter!”
I’m surprised with the intensity of his voice, it makes my knees wobble.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, a deep frown showing on his face.
“I wanted to tell you, believe me.”
“But?” he prompts.
“I didn’t want you to be angry.”
“I’m not angry,” he says, sighing. “I’m just disappointed.”
I look down, and find the ground really interesting. This place smells detergent; it makes my nose itchy, and my eyes blurry. No, it’s not because of the tears pooling in them.
“You turned me down, but you went with him,” he says. To my surprise, he tilts my chin up so I end up staring at his green eyes. “Do you like him?”
I bite my lip.
Nate closes his eyes and then lets me go.
Seeing him like this makes not everything worth it.
“Nathaniel. . .”
“That’s the first time you called me by my first name,” he says, his mouth tugging at the corners.
“No, I don’t like him,” I say with much certainty as I can muster. “I mean, I’m trying not to.”
He opens his eyes, but he doesn’t meet my eyes. “You applied to be the band manager because of him?”
I nod. I don’t want to lie anymore. I’ll bare everything just to get his full trust.
“You must really like him for risking your life like this.”
“I know,” I mutter, ashamed.
I’m such a fool to let my heart run wild. Now I’m going to take control.
“Nate,” I start hesitantly, “Please don’t say anything to him.”
“Do you think I’ll tell him?” he asks incredulously. “After everything we’ve been through, I will keep your secret.”
“Thank you,” I say gratefully.
“Be careful,” he warns. “As soon as Kyle finds out, I might not be able to do anything.”
I’m not sure if he means me, being the pretend band manager, or me, liking KY. I still say, “Okay.”
He’s about to take a step towards me but seems to think better of it. “I’ll just. . .” he trails off, pointing to the door.
I nod numbly.
God, I ruined it, didn’t I? I’m so stupid. What will happen to Nate and me now that—
Just say yes, I will keep on fighting. Just say yes, I will never leave you alone.
That’s my ringing tone. I fish it out of my pocket and am about to throw it away when I see the caller ID.
It’s Stella again.
This witch, what does she want now? Doesn’t she have a life? Why does she keep on calling me?
I’m so angry; I might say things I will regret later so I just turn off my phone.
Who cares if she throws a tantrum?
“Who was that?”
I’m surprised; I thought Nate already left the room.
I’m about to create a new name when I remember that we made a pact not to lie to each other. And I don’t want to ever lie to him again. It’s Nate. I feel like he’s moving farther away from me.
“Stella,” I answer.
“Why is she calling you?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “And why didn’t you answer her?”
I’m a girl; it’s hard to bottle up the emotions inside me. I need to let them out. And Nate is the only person available that might not understand, but he will keep it a secret. Besides, he’s the sole reason of my deal with Stella. He deserves to know, so I tell him everything.
It’s embarrassing, but I also mention that Stella is obsessing on him. When I finished, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
This feels good. Like a heavy yoke has been lifted off my shoulders.
Meanwhile, Nate has a funny expression on his face. He’s so different from the guy I just had a serious conversation with a while ago.
Before I know it, he’s laughing. He’s even clutching his stomach. “You let. . . haha. . a teenager. . . haha. . . bully you?”
I purse my lips. This is not the reaction I expected of him. I thought he’ll be mad or something. I didn’t know he’ll find it hysterical.
“Why are you afraid of her?” he asks amusedly. “You should have just told her parents.” And then he pauses and thinks for a moment. “Well, that’s not a good idea. Why did you give in the first place?”
“She blackmailed me.”
“Blackmail?” he asks, cocking his head to the side, and wiping the tears from his eyes.
“She knows the rules. She said she’ll tell you guys I broke one.” What’s there to hide to Nate? He already knows everything, might as well say this. “That I like KY.”
“Ah.” And then, “Do you like him?”
What does he mean? I already told him—
I blink.
Do.
Now, I get it.
I don’t like KY anymore. I mean, I’m trying not to. So her blackmail doesn’t count anymore, right? Even if she tells them my secret, she doesn’t have a proof. It’s her words against mine.
Why did I have to be so dumb back then?
I grin at Nate, and he mirrors it with his own infamous smile.
“You’re right,” I say.
“Always am.”
He’s being the Nate I know, and I am grateful. He knows what I need; without complications and whatnot. I prefer this. My life is too messed up; I need to resolve my issues before starting another one.
“Why aren’t you bothered?” I ask him after a while.
“It’s Stella,” he says, as if it answers everything. “She’s harmless.”
“What am I going to do now?” I ask.
“You can tell her what she wants to know.”
“But—“
“That’s the easy way out,” he interrupts. “Or you can tell her to quit it. Say you’re not afraid of her.” His mouth twitches upward. He still finds it amusing.
“Okay, fine,” I relent.
I won’t let her control me. She’s just a teenager. I can’t give her the upper hand. She already thinks I’m easy as it is. I’ll just let her do whatever she wants. Nate is with me. KY will just brush her off if ever she tells him. I can easily deny it.
I so want to see her expression when that day comes.
Nate is still smiling. I hope he’ll not think too much on what I said about KY. I don’t want to lose him. I’ll be crippled.
“Nate,” I say.
“Yo?”
“Are we okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Friends?”
“Friends,” he says. “Everything starts with friendship.”
“Thank you,” I say gratefully.
He reaches out and ruffles my hair. “Gotta go. We still need to practice for the tour.”
“I’ll see you later.”
He waves at me as he exits the room.
I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m glad I can count on Nate. I hope he won’t think that I’m taking him for granted. I want him to know that I appreciate every little thing he does for me.
Should I give him a gift? What about a surprise for his birthday next month?
Before I plan anything, I need to clean this fast. The laundry room is messy, and all the clothes are soaking. I still have to prepare the guys’ things for their next tour. They will also record a single next week from their new album that will be released next year.
I haven’t heard it yet; they prohibit me to enter their secret haven when they practice.
That night, after talking to Naomi on the phone, I lie on the bed and process all the thoughts in my head.
I was too focused on KY before; I didn’t notice that Nate is just as handsome as he is.
Okay, they’re opposite.
KY is all hard and cold, someone you can’t have a casual conversation with.
Meanwhile, Nate is funny and warm. Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend again? I’m pretty sure girls are throwing theirselves at him. He receives too many letters from his fans.
But apparently, their fans like KY more. Is it because he’s the vocalist? Someone they see as the leader of the band?
I turn to my side and see a poster of Infinite Chase on the wall. My eyes automatically spot KY first.
Why do girls fall in love with jerks when there are nice guys everywhere?
Sure, they have the looks, but their attitude? No, thanks.
The realization of the answer to my question slaps me in the face.
It’s because the girls want to tame the guys. They think that for them, they will change. And that’s when I finally figured out why I liked KY too much.
It’s because he’s someone that can’t love me. Because like almost everyone, you want something you can’t have.
I fell in love with my idea of him. I fed my mind with precious things about him.
Don’t be pathetic. Move on already.
How can I do that when I see him every day? It’s not as if I can quit my work. I’ve been through a lot just to stay here. Even though KY was the sole reason why I did it, now it’s not anymore. I became friends with the guys. Everything doesn’t revolve around him.
Sometimes we are too focused on getting what we want that we neglect what’s already in front of us.
Maybe this is my Eureka Moment, when I finally realized what I should have, years ago.