Song For Chapter: Thinking Bout You by Ariana Grande
(Nina's Pov)
Absolutely breathless, I blinked repeatedly as I rested my back against the front door, in shock and disbelief at what had just happened. It was so abrupt, so sudden, that I was entirely taken aback and more than just slightly shocked.
I was fucking stunned.
I hadn't seen it coming.
But then I had seen it coming. From the way his head slowly leaned down closer towards my height, his face in level with my own, and then when his hand grasped the back of my neck gently, pulling me forwards and towards him. To his warm, soft lips.
I felt my body shiver in delight and yearning at the strong memory of the moment that only occurred a few minutes ago. His lips left me dazed, his touch had left me wanting more than I could possibly ever have.
Pulling myself up from where I rested against my front door, I exhaled deeply as I slowly walked towards my couch, collapsing on it instantly. My heart was still beating an incredibly fast pace, making me feel as if I had ran a thousand miles without a single break. My skin was on fire, my panties drenched with what his touch was capable of doing to me.
The feel of his soft, familiar lips gliding against my own was the only thing playing on my mind. It was taunting me, haunting me of memories from the past. The countless of days we'd spent in our secret spot, lips locked, lightly touching one another.
But kissing grown, matured Lucas as a man was a whole different story. Teenage Lucas' kisses had always left me curious for more, but grown Lucas made the need to experience all sorts of things with him grow.
A gentle sigh left my lips and the feeling in my core intensified as I thought more about our kiss, about him. His strong hard jaw, his hazel eyes that looked at me with such intensity and his lips that made me wish I could have them everywhere across my body.
Swallowing, I hesitantly let my finger slip inside of my red panties, a spark of relief and pleasure bursting inside of my stomach the very second I touched my aching core. My eyes shut instantly, and a hungry moan fell freely from my lips.
I collapsed completely on my couch, my finger still inside my panties, rubbing against my pulsing clit. My free hand unbuttoned the top buttons of my blouse that I had worn to work, my back arching as I inserted a finger inside of me.
It had been so long since I had last reached an orgasm. So long since I had felt the familiarity of reaching my climax and being filled with a thrilling high. Of course I was the only provider to all of my past orgasms. I had sadly, in my twenty-four years of living, never been with a single man in an intimate way. I had only kissed three men in my life. A random stranger when I was drunk, Thomas once out of anger and Lucas.
I lacked in sexual experience, and truthfully, I longed to have someone touch me in a way that would make my stomach jump and heart roar. I wanted to be touched with tentativeness, to have someone worship my body. But sometimes I also wanted someone to bite my skin, to roughly skim their hands across my body and make me scream their name.
I whimpered as I added another finger, my thumb rubbing itself against my throbbing clit. I bit down on my bottom lip, throwing my head back as I found images of Lucas flashing into my mind. All the times he had accidentally (or not so accidentally) touched me. Anytime his hand would land on the low of my back, his knee brushing against mine - any kind of contact.
My movements grew faster and I used my freehand to message my sensitive nipple, that was poking its way through my shirt. The image of his face played in my mind as I hesitantly closed my eyes and envisioned his thick, manly finger being inside of me rather than my own. And in just a matter of minutes, I felt myself cum, my body quivering from the intense, satisfying feeling.
I lay still, panting as I tried to catch my breath. I slowly slipped my hand out from my panties and let it limply rest against the low of my stomach. As I stared up at the pale white ceiling, I could feel a wave of emotions swimming around inside of me.
Hunger. Desire. Lust. Need. Disgust. Guilt.
The emotions ate away inside of me, making me grind my teeth together in frustration and irritation. It was wrong - so fucking wrong, that although I was practically thirsting for more of Lucas, I wasn't completely blinded by how immoral the situation was.
Lucas was a fucking engaged man. He was spoken for. He had a gorgeous fiancé, and although he didn't look all too smitten by her, it didn't shake the fact he was with her. Period. And regardless of Lucas and I's romantic past shared together, it didn't justify why I was reacting so strongly to him. It wasn't morally right at the end of the day.
I blew out a deep breath, slowly managing to stand up, both tired from all the emotions rushing around inside of me without a single sense of control, as well as due to attending work, an entire eight hour shift, with only a thirty minute break for lunch, all of it spent on my feet.
I dragged my feet over towards my bedroom and was more than tempted to fall face-flat into my bed the second I laid my eyes on it - but I needed to shower first and change. Oh and freaking eat something.
Sighing to myself, I stripped free from my clothing and started up a warm shower. Inside I was trying to battle these roaring emotions whilst on the outside I tried staying physically awake. The warm water rained down upon me and I savoured it, knowing it wouldn't last too soon. I could barely afford the water meter this month, I guess I had been lacking in tips, all of my attention focused on Lucas rather than my costumers when he came to visit. Especially on the busy nights.
God, how obsessed I was beginning to be with him was scary.
Turning off the water, I stepped outside and hurriedly wrapped a towel around me. I tried not to let my thoughts taunt my mind as I dried myself and dressed into my pyjama shorts along with a loose tank top. As I brushed my teeth and stared at my reflection in the mirror, I could easily read the difference in my face. In my eyes.
They were tired, yes, but full of longing that I would never quite satisfy. It was a shame, I thought as I spat out a large ball of spit and rinsed my mouth. Lusting after a man I could never have was truly the most saddest thing I had probably done.
Soon enough I entered my bedroom and finally got to fall into my bed, sighing the second I noticed Coca was sitting perched on the edge of it, a meow leaving her when my eyes met her large green ones.
I was so tired mentally and physically, I didn't bother kicking her off like I usually would and instead slipped under my covers, being careful not to kick her after hearing her angrily meow when my foot brushed against her warm body. I rolled my eyes as I tucked my hand under my pillow, boosting it up, my body facing the left side of the room, allowing me the access to mindlessly stare outside the closed window.
A soft sigh escaped my lips as I watched as cars drove by. Being on the second ground of the apartment building had its perks, like the decent view of racing cars through busy streets at night, the drivers behind those cars all driving on the same path but all headed to different places.
A sad smile curled onto my lips.
I never did learn how to drive a car. I couldn't really blame anyone other than myself, honestly. I had a few opportunities years ago, but I never took them up, mostly because getting a licence wasn't my first priority. But now as I thought about how easy and smooth my life would be if I were able to drive, I couldn't help but wish I could drive.
Maybe things would be different for me then.
Maybe I could go somewhere else, somewhere far from here.
Maybe I could drive someplace else and start off fresh.
If only if I could drive.
I snorted to myself, pulling myself out of this pool of miserable thoughts. I was truly pathetic sometimes. As if there weren't a thing such as trains and buses, heck, even taxis and cabs. I turned on my side, now facing the opposite side of the room.
Biting my lip, I tried closing my eyes and this time, really wanted to fall asleep. But my simply wouldn't let me. Instead, it started thinking of things. Inevitable thoughts floated through my mind, keeping me up, even though I was more than both physically and mentally drained.
Laughing I ran away from Lucas , trying to ignore the chills my body received from hearing his much deeper, masculine voice. I couldn't help but notice the fact that Lucas had gone through puberty quite early for his age, although it was a gradual change over time.
Now he was a seventeen year old boy (or man I should say) taller than he ever was before, a deeper, soothing voice that no longer randomly cracked and a body that I would only think male models had.
Just like the one in the older girls, at the group homes, magazines.
"You can run, but you can't hide from me, laces." He chuckled as he approached me, managing to corner me up against the small wooden gate that separated our secret spot and the rest of the group home's large, spacious garden.
"Stop! Don't you dare get any closer to me!" I tried to sound serious, but giggles exploded from me, making him grin knowingly down at me.
"Why, sweet tooth? Is this sour sugar scaring you?" He inched his face closer towards mine, his pink lips covered with sprinkles of white sugar that he had purposefully left there, so close to my own.
It was normal spring afternoon, well not for Lucas. Because he had the great fortune to find out his best friend, who was a sugar freak, was repulsed by sour sweets - specifically those that go by the name - sour jems.
"Lucas , come on." I half-frowned, half-smiled at his sugary lips that he was taunting me with.
It was supposed to be a fun, normal afternoon for us. We were on spring break and seeing as how we practically had the house to ourselves with everyone out with either their friends or on school trips, we decided on taking the silence around here for our own advantage. The weather was slowly but surely getting warmer, so when Justin suggested we go off to our spot and bask in the warm weather and just hang, I was more than happy with the idea.
However, when we settled down in our usual seats, and began conversing about nothing in general, Lucas pulled out a packet of sweets he had forgotten about until I mentioned how hungry I was. Seeing candy, of course that delighted me, so I didn't hesitate to dig right into the packet of sweets.
But these sweets were different. They weren't just your usual sour, it was a much more bitter sour that made my eyes close, face scrunch up and lips quiver in disgust. Lucas had found my reaction so funny and after I had declared that I was no longer a fan of any sour candy he had taken much amusement to my words.
"I never thought I'd hear you say, the word hate and candy in the same sentence." He had laughed, well aware of my somewhat concerning addiction to sweets. I had rolled my eyes at him, taking the moment of his distraction to spit out the sour sweet and throw it somewhere far behind my shoulder. Of course with his watchful eyes, he had witnessed the action and decided to taunt me with bringing them closer towards me.
But then I decided to get up and run away from him. Lucas smartly, thought of another way to annoy his best friend. He decided to eat a handful, not bothering to wipe the sugar off his lips before running right after me. Hence our current situation. He had me cornered against the wall, his lips just inches away from mine as his breath smelt strongly of sugary lemon and lime.
"I sometimes forget you turned seventeen a month ago with the way you act." I joked, trying to maintain a serious tone, but failed horribly when I let a smile slip onto my lips.
"Oh, is that right?" His eyes lit up with mischief. "Need reminding that I'm a surely, without a doubt, seventeen years old?"
"How?" I furrowed my brows and before I could register, his lips attacked mine. I closed my eyes, ignoring the little sting that the sprinkles of the sour sugar done to my lips. Instead I let my arms curl around the back of his neck, whilst his own grasped my waist and pulled me in closer towards him. I tried not to smile, but when I felt him smile himself, it was hard no to.
"How's that for a seventeen year old man?" He pulled back, the both of us breathless.
"Boy," I corrected with a grin, biting down on my bottom lip. "Seventeen year old boy."
But the statement was debatable. If I didn't know anything about Lucas and randomly saw him one day walking on the street, I'd very much think he was a man. Because basically everything about him bored masculinity.
Rolling his eyes, Lucas pulled my chin up and let our lips meet again. This time the little traces of sour sugar didn't bother me and neither did the lingering flavours that danced on his tongue as he let it entwine with mine.
"Still hate sour jems?" He questioned at night on the same day, when we were spooning in his bed.
"They're my favorite candy, didn't you know?" Was my response and I didn't need to look back to know for a fact he was smiling to himself.
A sad smile was playing on my lips as I spaced out from my memory, fading back into reality with a hurting heart.
Lucas and I were very much at the phase in our friendship of not understanding what we exactly were. Our first kiss that we shared was a whole summer ago, and ever since then, we had slowly started to cross lines that friends never did.
I still remember the bewilderment we'd always face along with the heavy annoyance and frustration at not confirming whatever we were. I wasn't always entirely sure why we didn't just slap a label on it, but I guess there just too many things things that made us think twice before doing so.
Like the foster home for instance. There was a no dating policy within the home. Lucas and I both knew at the time that if we were to come right out and say we were together, they'd have their eyes on us much more closely. And we didn't need nor want that.
I sighed to myself, wondering if maybe we'd just decided to call ourselves a couple rather than sticking with the idea of best friends, things could have been different.
Maybe then Lucas might have come back for me...
God, I was so damn pathetic.
Closing my eyes, I rolled onto my back flatly and stared up at the ceiling. I could still feel the hard to miss tingles Lucas' lips had left behind on mine and I just knew that it would be terribly difficult to forget the kiss we had shared.
In-fact, I was beginning to dread the next time I would have to see him.
I wasn't sure how I would be able to look at him without wondering what on earth had happened between us.
What on earth we had let happen.
•••••
(AN) Hey guys! Early update because I was late with the last update! I hope you're all having a wonderful day! That concludes chapter seventeen, which I hoped you all enjoyed! What are your thoughts? It was mainly a filler chapter really, so you didn't see much of Lucas... Any ideas on the next chapter?
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