So sorry for the wait, guys. I went to Summer camp for three days, and I've re-written this chapter maybe two or three times. Still not overly satisfied with it.
~
I remember when I first met Tom. I remember it quite well actually. I have to say, we hit it off far better than I usually do with strangers. It usually takes me a very long time to open up to people. But I suppose he's different. He acts as though he truly understands you, and wants to hear your problems. But I'll never know if he truly does want to, or if he's just doing it to be kind.
Things seemed simple back then, even though they actually weren't. But compared to now, things were simple. I usually don't like looking back at the past. I dislike to think about the stupid things I did and said, which I thought were brilliant at the time.
I can't seem to sleep. I toss and turn on the mattress. What was once so comfortable and soft now felt too soft. Like I was just going to sink to the floor.
Unable to take it any longer, I pull the duvet and some pillows off of the bed and arrange myself on the floor, just next to the bed. I can't possibly sleep on such a squishy mattress at a time like this. Not when I'm impatiently waiting for Tom to get back.
I just... I don't understand him, really. It's as if he thinks I won't get jealous. But then again, I shouldn't get jealous. It's not like Tom is all mine. I have to share him with his friends and family.
But his ex? Maybe I don't have to share him with her.
She'd be with us again tomorrow while visiting the Edgar Allen Poe Museum. But if she gets on my nerves during this like she did at the opera, I swear I will not hesitate to give her an unkind lecture.
I stare up at the ceiling for a good amount of time, the plain, white color somehow intriguing me. I suppose it was just helping me with letting my thoughts swarm in my mind, but stay in my mind. The last thing I want to do is burden Tom with my thoughts and emotions. I do it too often already.
Eventually, though, Tom does return, and he's got a brown paper bag in his hand. I can only imagine what his expression is when he sees me on the floor, staring up at the ceiling blankly. I wouldn't know exactly, though, since I'm not looking at him.
"Fuck, Cass, what are you doing on the floor?" His voice sounds overly worried. I hear him set the bag on the ground, and hurriedly kneel next to me.
"I'm just thinking," I answer.
He lets out a breath, taking my hand in his. "You worried me, love. Come on, lets rest on the bed. You're going to ruin your back."
But instead of moving to the bed, I just sit up in the pile of duvet on the floor, tightly gripping his hand so he has to stay.
"I like the floor," I say, finally meeting his blue eyes. He thinks I'm going mad, no doubt.
Tom puts his large hand to my forehead gently, then to each of my cheeks. Then he gives me a small smile. "Well, you're not sick. Just bonkers."
I laugh lightly, and Tom grins, his blue eyes lighting up and being framed by those wonderful crinkles. He leans closer to me, and I'm almost certain we're going to kiss. But we don't.
"I have a surprise for you."
"Oh?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow. "Are you trying to make up for going out to town without me?"
"Sort of."
"Why so many surprises?"
"Because I love surprising you," he says with a smile. Then he stands and retrieves the brown bag before returning to me. The bag is put on my lap. So I reach in, and my hand comes in contact with something I automatically recognize.
A smile spreads across my face as I pull out a fully bloomed red rose. I'm still not good at thanking him for things. And I'm still not used to the idea of getting flowers so often.
"Thank you... Really. It's gorgeous."
"Darling, that's not even all. Look further into the bag."
I pull away, slightly confused, and grab the bag again. Tom just has a goofy grin on his face, but it almost makes him more handsome.
"Do it for me," I say softly, handing him the bag.
"What? Cass, come on. Just open it." He's still smiling at me and my childish behavior.
And so I open it. Slowly and carefully. And, according to Tom, painfully.
"You're going painfully slow, darling," he sighs.
"Alright, alright!" I take the item out of the bag, unwrapping the white paper around it. A velvety blue box.
Okay, now I'm concerned.
I flip open the box, and I feel as though I'll pass out. I clasp a hand over my mouth, silencing my gasp.
And meanwhile, Tom is just looking at me expectantly. But I don't know how he expects me to react to this.
"Do you like it?"
"I... I don't understand." I stare at the necklace in front of me. How much did this cost him?
"You said you didn't have many, so I thought it'd be nice to get you one. Here, let me help you."
Within a second, Tom is fixing the clasp at my neck, and my hand automatically touches the pendent hanging from the chain. A red rose. It's the symbol of our entire relationship.
"I'm speechless, to be honest," I say, my voice soft. "You really didn't have to do this."
"But I wanted to."
And now I just feel extremely guilty. Here I was, sitting alone in this room thinking something was going on between the two of them, when he returns with gifts for me. Why aren't I that good to him?
I launch forward, hugging him tightly around his shoulders. "Thank you... Thank you so very much."
He grins, seeming relieved that I do indeed like the necklace.
I unclasp it, though, taking it off for now. There's no way I was going to wear this to bed.
Dragging all of the pillows down on the floor, too, I collapse on the soft surface.
"So I take it we're sleeping down here tonight?" Tom asks, smiling lightly as he looks down at me.
I grin. "Yes."
He lies next to me, slipping off his shoes and belt. "So," he breaths. "Sophie."
"What about her?"
"What do you think Randy has done to her?" He asks.
"I don't know... Abuse, maybe. Physical or verbal," I guess.
"Possibly." He shakes his head lightly. "She always gets involved in the wrong guys."
"Except for you," I point out. "You're the best she's ever gotten, I bet."
"Possibly," he says once again. Then he smiles lightly, realizing his repeated word. "But tomorrow will be better, I promise you."
"Why, does she have an interest in dark literary poets?" I ask.
"Well, no." He smiles. "She'll just behave herself."
I purse my lips lightly, wrapping myself in the blanket. "Why did she go with you, Tom? Was it that hard to drive to town and get a rose by yourself?"
"She helped me pick out the necklace, Cass," he murmurs, his hand cupping my cheek. I press my hand against his.
"I see. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," he insists. "I really don't know what to do when it comes to jewelry."
I smile, then close my eyes, letting out a deep, relaxed breath.
We managed to fall asleep rather quickly, wrapped in the duvet and each other's arms. And I must say, it was an incredibly peaceful night.
~
Tom wakes up about five minutes after I do, and the first thing he does is look over my shoulder at my phone screen.
"Are you Googling me?" He asks in disbelief, his voice still groggy.
"Yes."
He sighs. "Why?"
"I'm learning everything about you," I explain, looking through his Wikipedia page. I can't believe I'm sleeping next to a man who has his own Wikipedia page, that is incredible.
"But why not just ask whatever things you want to learn?" He asks. "Why don't we go on a nice date and just learn about each other? We don't need those bloody web pages. "
I turn towards him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. I'd prefer to avoid the lips though. We probably both have morning breath. Uck.
"This way is quicker," I whisper.
I knew he didn't like the idea of me googling him. He's just that type of person, and I don't blame him. He wants to be normal when it comes to me.
I put my phone away then, deciding not to Google him while he's around, if at all. I turn towards him, smiling.
"Let's go on this date you speak of, then," I suggest.
He smiles widely, and opens his mouth to reply. Before he can, though, the door to our room abruptly opens, causing the both of us to jump closer to each other, our heads whipping towards the door.
And before us stands Sophie, looking wonderful, like always. She looks a bit like an important business woman, but with more fashion sense. She wears a dark blue blouse and a dark, straight pencil skirt, a small chain of pearls hanging around her neck. Gosh, they were gorgeous pearls. They looked authentic, but who knew of they actually were. But if they were, the small string would cost more than two hundred dollars, I bet.
"Did I walk in on morning sex?" She asks in a teasing tone, raising an eyebrow.
Embarrassed, I pull away from Tom, sitting up.
"We weren't doing anything," I explain.
"Mmhmm... Anyways, I just thought I'd tell you two that Randy called, and he apologized. So I'll be leaving tomorrow."
Relief rushes through me.
"What?" Tom suddenly asks. "You can't stay with him, Soph, not after what he's done."
Tom, don't ruin this all for me.
"I don't really have a choice," she answers softly, shrugging.
"You have a place with us, remember?"
Thomas. For once in your damn life, don't be so nice. Don't look into her saddened blue eyes and dainty little sad pretty face.
She nods slowly. "I'll think about it."
And then she leaves suddenly, shutting the door.
Tom grins at me then, lying back on the floor, staring at me. "Mm... You know, morning sex doesn't sound too bad, really."
I scoff lightly, quickly getting to my feet. "Get dressed, my darling. And..." I pause suddenly, mid-walk, and stare down at him.
"Don't what?" He asks, propping himself up with his arms.
"Don't fall for her pretty little face, please." I regret saying those words as soon as they come out, and I cringe. "Ah, I'm sorry. That came out wrong. She probably isn't faking her sadness."
"It's fine," he insists, staring up at me. He looks a lot more vulnerable in the mornings, younger. His natural curls come out, sticking up in every direction. His eyes seem to get brighter by the minute, just waking up.
He gets to his feet, with a little bit of effort from sleeping on the ground all night, and puts his hands on my shoulders, his soulful eyes peering into my soulless ones.
"Cass, why aren't you getting it?"
"Huh..?" I was overly confused at that point.
"I know I'm being nice to Sophie, and I know you don't like it, and that's why I'm trying to be extra nice to you. So you don't feel left out, or more important."
"Oh."
He nods lightly. "I know you're not one for words. So I'm not going to force you to say much."
"I can say one thing, though," I say.
"And what would that be?" His fingers go under my chin, slightly tilting my head up.
"I'm sorry."
He raises his eyebrows, the right one slightly higher. "That's not at all what I was expecting, darling."
"What were you expecting, then?"
"To be honest, something along the lines of 'I love you'."
I let out a bark of laughter, and Tom grins at me. "Close enough, isn't it?"
"If you say so." He presses a kiss to my forehead before we part ways, getting ready for the day. For the very long day ahead of us.
~
I listen to our guide intently for quite some time before I turn to Sophie, who was texting. She hasn't been texting this whole time, though. That would just be rude. Every five minutes, though, she responds to a text and smiles at the contents.
And Tom is even worse. As touchy as ever, if you ask me. I know he's just being himself, and being himself is him being really sweet. I wish I could be more like him. But I'm not.
He reaches for my hand, and I casually cross my arms. He puts his arm around my waist, and I give him a disapproving glance.
I just can't help it. I feel as though he should be more focused on 1) the museum, and 2) making sure Sophie doesn't get on my nerves.
Seeing Sophie on her phone, though, reminds me of how little I've contacted my friends and family, let alone how little they've tried to contact me. And what about Tom's mom? He told me they were quite close. When's the last time they've talked?
I feel like I should call up my mom. Maybe Alice and Mary, too. But what could I possibly say? I've for the worst thing a young person could do. Something all mothers would be ashamed of. I ran away from my old life, found some handsome stranger, and started sleeping with them. How do you explain that to anyone? How do you explain your reasons, your logic? Simply, 'he stole my heart' isn't a good enough answer after I leave him.
Tom, and the rest of our small group, laughs at a small joke the guide told us, though I wasn't even listening. I just laugh along with them and focus on the conversation. This place was rather interesting, actually. The fact that I've never heard about it until now surprises me.
The necklace Tom have me yesterday is around my neck currently. I didn't want to wear it today. I insisted that it wasn't an everyday necklace, it was too special for that, but he really wanted to see me wearing it.
"Tom," I whisper to him as we walk. No one close to us. No one listening in. This is exactly what I like.
"Yes, love?" He murmurs back, his undivided attention now on me.
"Have you talked to your mom lately?"
He purses his lips. "No... Not for some time. Why?"
"I just feel bad. I haven't called my mom at all," I explain. I look away from him then, not wanting him to see my expression.
"Cass, it's okay," he gently assures me, his eyes never leaving my face. "It just takes time, and courage. You'll call your mum when the time is right."
I nod. "I think... I think the time is right."
He smiles. "That's wonderful. Do you need to step aside?" He asks softly.
I let out a soft laugh, looking ahead of us at our group. "No, I think I'll wait until this is over."
I look up at him, watching as he smiles down at me. An encouraging, bright smile, that brushes away all of my worries and fears. I know he'll be there when I need him to be. He'll stand by me when I have to face my past again. He's done it before- with Henry- and he'll do it again.
He presses a kiss to my temple, his grip around me tightening as our sides press together.
I'm so ready for this.