There hadn't been a time before this that I had felt so utterly and regrettably alone. I guess I shouldn't complain. I had always enjoyed being alone. That way, I could think however I wanted to. I could laugh into the air for no good reason. I could touch things and not feel ashamed for doing so. I could smile at random dust particles skirting their way down the tile. I could simply do anything I pleased when I pleased and how I pleased.
But right now, I wanted nothing of that unwavering life. All I wanted was for someone to come to me and just be there. And I didn't want them to be around for any other reason. I just wanted them…for me…and only me.
"What a selfish thought," I murmured into the empty hallway, "Selfish…selfish and more selfish."
I clutched my knees, my legs pressing up against my chest. Then I rested my head, waiting for free period to be over. What a funny concept: waiting for free period to be over. I had never been so bored. Or maybe, it was that I was so bored, I couldn't think of time when I was any more bored.
I didn't want to hang with my "friends". Leon wasn't talking to me. I expected as much. And then…I didn't. Somehow, I believed treating him like dirt would mean nothing. I was most cruelly mistaken.
And since Leon didn't talk to me, neither did the others. For, Melody and Ryan were a twosome. And Vida and Harry got along quite well. Leon was the one I had and I was lost to him.
So I sat here, alone, pondering all the selfishness I had bathed in thus far. It made me feel really grimy. I almost wanted to cry.
"What's wrong?"
I looked down into the depths of the hallway and smiled. It was Harry. And for that moment, it seemed as if someone had indeed missed me.
"Where is everybody?" I murmured, looking beyond him.
"What's wrong?" he just repeated; a smirk on his round face.
I shook my head. I rarely spoke to Harry and when I did, it usually consisted of him commenting on my "features". Then Vida would slap him for being such pervert and our conversation was over. But right now, he seemed rather open. But I didn't know where to start, especially not with him. Maybe I could begin with my slit hand; or maybe with my father. Leon…Bastion…who knew?
"A lot of things," I truthfully replied, "Just a lot of…of…"
"Shit," Harry finished knowingly before a chuckle of mirth.
"Yeah…that," I said, giggling myself.
I stared down at my corroding ring. I frowned. It had once been a lovely silver little thing. Now, it was only a shell of its beauty. I felt rather dumb after that. I had bigger problems then a stupid, fake ring.
"Leon thinks…nevermind," Harry said out of no where. My head literally ran into his face, bewilderment on my anxious expression.
"He thinks what?!" I almost yelled, "I mean…I mean…"
"He thinks you're too shy."
I rolled my eyes as I lazily turned from Harry and back to resting my heavy head on my knees. Finding a comfortable position, I glanced at Harry's blank eyes. I rolled my eyes again, thinking of the words he had just spoken.
"I know that," I decided to remark, "That's my problem…isn't it? I'm just…just...oh…nevermind."
"Like that!" Harry exclaimed, flinging his arms in the air, "You never…finish your damn statements. Just say whatever the hell you're going to say. Me and the others…we don't have anything to like about you. You're just…there."
"I'm not likeable?" I inquired, quite broken.
"No, you are. You just…you're just too damn shy."
Now I felt like weeping. Bitterly. I only wanted to go home and cry till my eyes couldn't produce anymore tears. That seemed like a fine idea. Anything other than sitting here with Harry, the truth declarer had to be better. Did anyone understand me? Shy is who I am. I can't be a prep, or a tomboy, or a jock, or a skank. I'll never be one of those cheerful people who can make others smile by just walking by. I'll never be one of those people who can kill with the one look. I'll never beautiful. I'll never be talented.
I'll never have anything besides my coyness. My timidity is the only thing that keeps me sane. Without my shyness, who would I be? How I would I exist…if that is what I am.
"No one understands…" I muttered sullenly, not caring if Harry heard me or not. He had. He seemed partially saddened and partially distracted by a random gnat buzzing its way around. I didn't care. Caring had completely eluded me.
"I guess we don't," he remarked, swatting his had at the insect.
I sighed. "That doesn't make any sense…"
"Have you ever stopped to wonder that maybe you're the one who doesn't make sense?"
I tried to retort the statement. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't. All I could do was stare at him as he began pull in his bottom lip, biting it sternly. This curly headed skater boy, although quite the manic, had definite moments of sincerity and potency.
"I'm sorry," I stated. I groaned as I felt dampness growing in the corner of my eyes. I didn't want Harry to see my cry. I didn't know him at all. But I couldn't hold in the last month much longer. Too, too many things had come to be. Just one tear needed to be released.
"It's okay," Harry simply replied, "You're a freakin' beast."
I whirled around to him, confusion on my face. Then Harry explained to little naïve me that a beast was "freakin' awesome". With a laugh, I decided he was right. Wiping whatever wetness was mounting, I gave a short grin.
"You are likeable Mary."
I glimpsed his way.
He peered in my direction. "We know that. But if you can't be free…you gotta let us in somehow. Otherwise…there's always going to be a damn wall between us."
"Alright, everyone today is the pep rally for prom!"
A loud cheer followed.
"So, we're all going to go and show some spirit. I'm going to give a speech…naturally. And everyone else…just clap or…whatever. Alright then, let's get ready to go!"
I could a feel a nudge to my right. It was Vida with a sour look on her face. But I grinned. I suppose she was talking to me also. Melody and Ryan had already begun conversing with me as well. I guess I had Harry to thank. Only Leon remained.
"What a skank," she mumbled under her breath, referring to Julie's announcement, "Why the hell do we need a pep rally just to talk about prom? The stupid dance isn't for two whole months."
I smiled, "I guess she just needs an excuse to open her big, fat mouth. Next time she does, I'm going to clap it shut with a mousetrap fit for a rat."
Butterflies whirled in and out of my stomach as the words dispersed off my mouth. They made Vida break out into righteous laughter. Ditzy girls turned our way. But Vida ignored them. She just slapped her hand against her knee, her body almost falling over with laughter.
"Precisely!" she shrieked.
I giggled lowly but my true focus was on Leon. He was at "our" table, making invitations as usual. He looked rather lonely, concentrating on his stamp work. I smiled, a weird itch growing on my forearm. Nothing else could distract me. It was that strange moment in time when it feels like I'm the only person alive. And only what I say goes. And thus, Leon remained in my small world. I swear he looked up at me, an apologetic expression on his face. It had to be. I grinned broadly. So he had forgiven me! It was all a huge misunderstanding.
My feet quickened towards him as I waved a quick goodbye to Vida. I brushed back my mussy hair, and straightened my loose shirt. His head had turned now to face me. I smiled bigger now, the biggest smile I could force on my face. I was ready, no fears, and no regrets. Now or never.
"Leon!"
I mouthed the words but they didn't come from my mouth. Instead, they came from this redhead who had magically appeared in front of me. Then, with a wistful turn, she started pacing towards Leon. Her curls were bouncing against her shoulders. I stopped in my tracks, my ugliness seemingly more noticeable with her beauty.
"Hey," he stated happily, "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, it's this stupid prelab. I can't figure it out. Can you help me?"
"Sure thing."
My right hand traced up my left arm. Finding a particularly soft spot, I pinched myself hard. It was right then that I noticed he hadn't been looking at me at all. It was her. I was just some forgotten tale of a story once told. I stepped back and before I knew it, had returned to Vida's side.
"Hey again," she murmured, checking a text. She hadn't even seen my whole attempt.
"Hello," I replied, so dejected I could barely force my lips to move, "Um…who…who is that girl?"
Vida clicked a few times more on her phone before flipping it shut and turning her gaze to me. She nodded matter-of-factly at the girl and Leon, murmuring, "Loran Adams…I don't know anything about her…do you?"
Loran Adams. I remembered that name. It had only been but a week ago. She was the girl he liked, the girl he was going to ask to prom. She was the girl I had encouraged him to ask out. The girl I had so stupidly recommended for him. I didn't even know her then. I didn't know her now.
All I knew was that she had Leon, and I wanted him for myself. I knew we were barely even friends…but at this moment, something had overcome my faint heart. It was something new. It was jealously, rage, and undeniable fixation on Leon.
"No…" I whispered, finally responding to Vida, "I don't know her…"
Why had I been so cruel? Why had I not let him give me a nickname? Why had I been so foolish to be enthralled with the life I would never have, losing what little life I did?
"Hey you…you in the black dress. You have to go the pep rally."
I looked at Julie's blonde crony, confusion all over my face. "Why?"
"Because, somebody from each table has to go and you're the invitation table."
"I'm decorations," Vida remarked, "Do I need to go?"
"No!" the girl said in a harsh tone, "We already have someone for decorations…me. Someone who's actually pretty, you know?
I looked to the floor. I could feel the bloodthirsty murder already finding its way to Vida's tongue.
"I do know," she said in fake, sugary tone, "You're perfect for decorations. Why, you're already so plastic, I'm sure you'd make a good table favor. Nice botox, Barbie."
The girl just coolly rolled her eyes as Vida shoved her way past her. I was still looking to the ground, trying not to give the impression of being interested in invitation table. I could hear distant laughter. It made my heart sink, as if it wasn't low enough.
"It's in ten minutes. Be on time," the blonde order, throwing her hair in my face before strutting off.
There was no reason to linger now. So, I limply grabbed my messenger bag, turned in what few invitations I had completed and slowly exited the auditorium. I felt exactly like I had when I had arrived to Phoenix: nothing.
I had been given a little flag to wave. On it, in pink letters, were the words "Promilicous Prom." I had obviously had not given any consent to the dances name. Julie was in charge of that.
I felt lost in the sea of students. This had to be the biggest pep rally yet. I didn't see any teachers but I was told they would be arriving soon. I tried to find the "four" that were talking to me but none could be found. I suppose I was the only person of my group chosen to come and sit.
Once Julie found her big butt to the front, I decided to tune her out. She was talking of all the great bands we would have, and how they teachers were allowing us to use the school pool, and other crap I couldn't make out. It wasn't until she had come to the part of actually thanking the workers that I was interested.
"And…I guess we have to give a little thanks to all the hard work the volunteers have been doing. You guys are awesome!"
I smirked. It was fake and diluted but it was enough for Julie Barker. The crowd gave us worn out workers a below average applause that almost made me wish she hadn't even brought us up.
"We have some people from the food menu here," the blonde continued, "And a couple from dance games. But…the most important part of the dance…is actually getting invited."
Suddenly, my smirk disappeared.
"Without the people with make our invitations, our Prom would all wrong! And since that is true, I think they need a personal thank you address…just so everyone can see how important they are. So, without further ado…I introduce…Mary Brighton from invitations!"
Why was she saying my name? Why were people clapping? Why was that evil girl motioning for me to come to the front of the massive bleachers? I hastily glanced around. People were staring at me. I even saw a laugh here and there.
I wasn't going to the front. There was no chance of that. I had to make it out of the football field. I was near the exit. I nodded to myself, knowing that to be my answer. I quickly rose to my feet. Not everyone had noticed me yet. I sighed. I was almost there. Just a few more steps.
And then…"Come here, silly," I heard her say. Julie clutched my wrist. I tried to pull away but her grip would not relinquish. We passed the exit as she dragged me to the border of the throng. Before I could even blink, I was in front of the crowd. They were staring at me. I was alone.
"Mary here is going to talk about the invitations. Aren't you…Miss Mary?"
I couldn't even look her way. I clenched my teeth as my gaze turned to the rotting grass. She had planned the whole thing. Of course she wanted me in front of the crowd. Somehow, she had figured out I was terrified of speeches. And of course I had to be the one chosen from the invitation table to come to the pep rally. She had it down to a science. And as I heard her "Miss Mary" sliver its way to the ground, I knew exactly why.
"Please let me go," I whispered to her, my body quaking.
She laughed to my face. "No! You have to give a little speech. Come on, the crowd is waiting."
My stomach was twisting in knots. I tried to turn to the horde and say something. The sun was shining so brightly; I was blinded. When I shaded the light with my left hand, I saw students pointing, chuckling at me. I turned away from the torture.
"Please…" my voice breaking, "Just let me leave."
It was only Julie and I on the field. She was still clutching my hand. And then, tightening her already agonizing grip, she pulled me to her body. I could feel her breath claw its way around my ear. I cringed, my body feeling weak.
"This is what happens to girls who get in my way…Miss Slut."
Bringing her hand to the back of head, she pushed me from her figure and lunged me forward. I tripped over the turf, scuffing both my knees on the grass as I collapsed to the ground. I had tried to regain my balance, but all I could think of were her words. They felt like ice turning to fire. First they made freeze. Then they burned until I was a dim ember, waiting to be put out.
I clutched the sod, trying to get to me feet. But how could, when I all I heard was their amusement? I could feel their sweet malice, gnawing at my feet. I couldn't stand up. They wouldn't be quiet. They just kept laughing.
"Oh, poor Mary," I heard her say behind me, "She's having a little trouble. Let's…help her, okay?"
The crowd clapped even louder now. Taking in uneven breaths, I tried to make out where the hell the exit was. In the blur of students and flags, I saw the door. Forcing my wearied, embarrassed body to my feet, I began to walk towards it.
I could hear Julie speaking at me from behind. She muttered "slut" and other things. I dare not say again. I glanced behind my shoulder to give her one hard glare.
And as if Julie were right next to me, forcing me to the depths, I instantly returned to the ground. I didn't even know what had caused me to fall. I knew the crowd could care less as I heard them break off into roars of laughter yet again. I bit my lower lip, my face shaking with despair. Could anyone see my misery? Why wasn't anyone here to save me?
"What a shithead!" I heard someone shout.
"Can't give a damn speech!" another added.
Shame overcame my fading spirit.
I tried desperately to mask out their words, cowering lower when I saw Julie return to my side. To everyone on the bleachers, she was just an innocent girl trying to help out a lowly nerd. But as her sadistic grinned neared my face, I hoped others would see the dire truth.
"Please!" I pleaded when I felt her sharp nails scrape at my body. She nudged and prodded my body, touching me wherever she pleased. I flung my arms at her before coiling myself back into the lawn.
"Shut up…" Julie whispered, "Now give your speech…the crowd is waiting."
"No!"
"Fine…" she said, still shoving me towards the crowd, her grip returned to my wrist
I hugged my chest, as the tears that had begged so desperately to disperse this morning freed themselves rapidly. And I cried, just as bitterly as I had wanted to. Through the tears, I wanted to kill her. I wanted to kill everyone there. As my eyes fluttered open, I saw their mouths wide with mirth, mirth at my expense. Some stared with sympathy and awe but they did nothing. They only looked on, hoping some one else would end the madness.
"Stop it!" I pleaded, lifting myself to Julie. I felt her pointed high heel slam its way secretly into my stomach, making me fall back to the ground. The amazement of he crowd ensued.
"Come on Mary," the devil cried, dancing around me, "Give your little speech, the school is waiting! We're waiting! Come on, give us a speech! Give us-"
"Enough!"
Suddenly, it stopped. It all stopped. Everything was silent.
I was hanging onto my hair, quivering so hard I could scarcely feel a single limb on my body. What had happened? I didn't open my eyes for fear of beginning drowned in hilarity once again.
And yet, I felt a touch on my back. It wasn't Julie. It was warm. Soon, I was certain someone was caressing my poor body. I inched my hands away from my face in the silence. Peering out into the awful world, I found a glimmer of peace.
"Leon," was all I could whisper, as looked up into his merciful face. His brown eyes gazed into my soul, calming my dimming heart, concealing me from the hurt and wickedness I had previously seen. All I could do was breathe as he buried me in his stare.
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" I heard him scream as he turned to the bleachers, his voice deafening, "How can you do this? You think this is some kind of show? She's a human, damn it!"
"Leon Mokena." Tears began to burst from my eyes when I heard her voice. I whimpered in fear. Julie was speaking now. "We didn't ask…for whatever you're trying to do. We're just having a little bit of clean fun."
"Clean fun," he growled, his body edging away from me. I was forced to return my grasp to the ground when he stood to face her, the witch, "You think forcing a terrified person in front of a crowd while no teachers are around is clean fun. You're horrible, Julie. And the fact that the whole school just…allows you is despicable. I'm taking Mary home."
And as if I was some sort of sick joke, just lame entertainment, the whole crowd sighed with discontent. Julie, the mastermind of it all, was the most disgusted being. She hurled herself towards me, pure hatred on her face.
"You're not her father, Navajo…" Julie retorted, malevolence overcoming her entire being.
Leon looked away from Julie's disdain and from the now silenced crowd. And then he turned to me. I was still holding onto the grass, my outfit torn and covered in dirt. The corners of his mouth curved upwards, revealing his forgiving smile.
"Mary is my friend…" he whispered, only for me, "We protect each other…its part of the deal…"
I looked down hastily, my eyes tracing over to my recuperating hand. I sighed, tears running down my face.
"Mary can decide when she wants to leave!" Julie declared to the mass but most especially to Leon, "The little sluttish whore can decided when it's fit-"
"She's going home," Leon interrupted firmly, stepping between Julie and I. Extending his hand to my body; he whirled around to the blonde once more. "And Julie Barker…you're a bitch. Go to hell."
I could hear the gasping and chatter of the crowd as Leon scooped me easily from the ground. Leon whispered in my ear to keep walking, not listening to anything and forgetting everything. I nodded.
At last…it was over.
Authors note: Yeah…interpret as a good chapter or a bad chapter. It's up to you. I don't have much to say…I hope you voice your opinion on how it was written. I really hope I'm displaying Mary's emotions effectively. Bya angels, love you all😘