A week . A week he's been leaving me hanging like this ! A whole fricking week has passed since we kissed and he walked out on me , and hasn't returned since.
I've been dying from anticipation!
And the questions ... they haven't been kind.
Did he regret it ?
Did he mean it ?
Should I have kept quite ?
Was he mad at me ?
Should I have kept it at No and left it there ?
Was he having second thoughts ?
And the most common one - that keeps repeating in my head -
What would Ben say ?
Yup , I messed up . BIG time .
I was so ashamed of the way I acted on influence and the things I did .
Maybe I was the one who's regretting everything.
Yup, it's definitly me.
A knock at the door distracted me from my depressing and lonesome thoughts.
"Come in !" I shouted from the bed - where I'm lying sprawled out over the covers - while I looked up at ceiling , as if it could help my inner despair.
"Miss Hughes , they want you down at Lab 4 ."
"Thanks ,Emma . I'll be right down. " I said as I heard the door click shut again.
Emma was the only other person who was remotely nice to me , other than Evan of course, but I didn't think he counted anymore.
Emma and I have spent a lot of time together the past week . She was one of the female soldiers and was actually very nice , like a friend. I asked her how she was allowed to be a soldier and get away from the whole 'breeder thing ' , to which she answerd that she was a soldier way before all of this started so when this all happend they let her stay on the force , for short handed reasons . So , here she was .
I walked over to my closet and took off my jeans and shirt before slipping into a green sundress and some white sandals , taking my hair out of the bun and letting the curls fall down my shoulders.
I knocked on the door to signal Emma that I was done , to which she opened the door and escorted me down to Lab 4 , for the 3rd time this week, it was only Tuesday.
They've been doing bloodtests at every chance they could get since I was injected with the serum . Testing everyday sometimes twice a day , to see if their silly experiment for fertilization actually worked. And so far, nothing has come up which I was pretty torn about. If nothing happend it meant I'll have to endure that pain all over again until something happend and if it worked , well that's anxiety on a whole different level.
"Good luck today Miss Hughes , I'll be thinking of you . " Emma said reassuringly, like she always did. She kept hoping that it didn't work . But hope was for suckers ...
"Thanks Emma , and you know you can call me Andy right ? "
"Next time . " she said with a wink as she walked off , leaving me to fed for myself amongst the wolves.
I walked over to the steel table and layed back, just like every other day.
The Dr walked in, explained what's going to happen - as if I didn't know it yet - got his equipment, did the tests and let me go back to me room until they called me back later for the results . It was like deja vu everyday.
After the fifth time of going through this alone , I've stopped fighting it . There was no one to hold my hand and no one to help . So why fight it right? So I just lied numb here everyday, not moving a muscle. I lied here and let them do whatever it was that they needed to do until I could leave .
I've shut down so emotionally that I didn't need to be restrained anymore when they did the tests and I didn't have to be cuffed when being escorted. They said it was trauma from being here or just depression. But actually, it's guilt.
I feel guilty for what I did to Ben and what happend with Evan . And I deserved to feel the way I do .
Nothing could be worse.
"Breeder 478 to Lab 4 ! I repeat Breeder 478 to Lab 4 !" The lady over the intercom yelled as I slipped my sandals back on and walked back with Emma.
"It's going to be good news Andy. Don't sweat it . I've seen a lot of people who this just doesn't work for . And I think you're one of them ."
"Yeah , one can only dream Emma. If that was the case I wouldn't have been wearing green right now. "
She didn't say a word back , as I passed through the metal doors into the room that held all of my pain and lost emotions .
"Let's get this over with ." I said with no respect as I folded my arms across my chest.
"You better sit down ."
"Nah , I'm good. " I said , my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You will sit down right now Breeder 478 or so help me I will make you. "
I rolled my eyes at his empty threats but sat down anyway . Atleast I'll be comfy when he told me the good news . Well, good news to me bad for them.
"It seems like the procedure worked. " he said surpised as I suddenly become more alert and actually payed attention to what he was saying .
"What do you mean ? "
"I mean , it looks like you're pregnant. "
"What? No. That can't be . There's no way .There has to be a mistake. "
"No mistake. You are . "
"No I'm not . Let me see that, is that even my chart ? " I asked , getting up and reaching for the clipboard in his hands as he pulled away .
"I can't give you such information and you know that. "
"What information? This is MY chart !? "
"Sit down miss Hughes ." He threatened once again .
"No ! Not until I get an answer. "
"Sit . Down. " he said with more authority this time.
I sat back on the chair, pouting like a little kid as I watched his mouth move up and down but no sound came out. I imagined that I was staring at him with a blank expression because the overwhelming feeling of numbness overcame me again and I felt no emotion.
When he finally left the room I took that as my cue to leave and make my way back . I didn't say a word to Emma .
"Andy , are you okay ? You seem...off. What happend in there ? " I turned around , facing her as I braced myself for what I couldn't believe I was about to say .
"They said the procedure worked, meaning I'm pregnant. " I said with as little emotion as possible.
In normal circumstances one would be happy and filled with joy when you found out this kind of information, but in this line of 'business ' it was a curse to know that you are . You were basically doomed to this life now until your body finally gave in. It was tragic.
"Oh Andy , I'm so sorry. I know you had your heart set on it not working but it'll work out I promise. You'll be moved to another ward with all the other pregnant women . You'll get to socialize and walk freely- within the security wall of course - and maybe you'll see your friends . Something good has to come from this. "
She's really been so supportive and built me up with positivity that I actually started to believe that something good could come from this.
"Thanks Emma , but if you don't mind; I'll rather be alone right now ."
"Of course. See you tommorow Andy. " she said cheery as she walked off.
I walked over to the mirror and just looked at myself with my hands in my hair in a frustrated way .
This couldn't be happening.
But it did ! What do you think ? I THINK this was kind of expected but don't underestimate my writing skills , I ALWAYS have a few tricks up my sleeve 😉 stay tuned to find out what it is . Until then , leave me your thoughts in the comment section below ❤❤oh yeah and that's Emma at the top😋