THE SPAWNS
By Not Being With You
Chapter XXXV—Cole
© DarknessAndLight
"God dammit Cole, your timing sucks," Maika whined while Jay just let himself fall back on the bed with Maika still on top of him.
I glared at them, picked up their shirts and threw them in their faces. "My timing is impeccable. You two morons better put some clothes back on, the twins should be here soon. Go take a cold shower." They both smirked. "Not together. Oh my god, you two perverts!" I kept glaring at them and finally Maika go off Jay and they put their shirts on. "Jay go take a cold shower, Mai go grab a bucket of ice and sit on it."
"Come on," they both whined. I couldn't believe it. So, after years of having to endure walking in on my parents, now I had to walk in on my best friends too? Unbelievable.
Obviously, Jayden had finally gotten his head out of his ass and realized his own feelings. So much for two divorces... I was glad for him, but I was kind of suddenly annoyed at the fact that he was already ready to consummate the relationship. If I was honest, I was a little jealous too. Not because I wanted either of them for myself, but because I wanted to have that with someone too. I wanted to be allowed to be like this with Beth. But that wasn't going to happen...
I kept looking sternly at my two bestfriends like they were my petulant kids, because who were we kidding, they usually were. "There is no come on allowed here. Are you magically on the pill?" I asked Maika, "Does either of you have condoms?" I asked the both of them, "No sex! I'm not gonna be an uncle!"
Maika sighed and raised a hand, "Two things. First, morning after pill. And second, as Jay as so gently reminded me, I'm at the end of my cycle. I should start my period soon. I'm totally not fertile right now."
Too. Much. Information. "You two aren't having sex! We have a virgin pact!" I reminded them, "as long as I'm not getting any, you aren't either.!"
Now that got a colourful reaction from the both of them. "Come on!"
"You want us to wait like, what? Four years? Are you out of your mind? I'm ready to take Jayden right now with you in the room."
I ignored that comment, because well, ew, and then raised my voice, pointing at them sternly. "Cold shower. Bucket of ice. Go, go, go."
There were loud sighs and complaining coming from the both of them, until finally Maika left, I hope to actually go get a bucket of ice because that would be epic and I was left with Jayden.
At least he had the decency of looking a little guilty. Maika had just looked smug walking out of our motel room. "You're taking this a lot more coolly than I had anticipated," he said sheepishly, "Or well, I hadn't really thought about how you would take it. I guess I'm probably as surprised as you are. I didn't even have time to think about how people would react." His face changed like he was suddenly thinking about something dreadful. "Oh god, how am I going to break this to Belly?"
I rolled my eyes at the idiot. "Trust me, she already knows. Everybody knew."
"Wait a second," he grabbed my arm, and now he looked like something had suddenly dawned on him, something obvious, "are you telling me you knew?"
I rolled my eyes again. "Of course."
"And you never told me?"
I made a face at him. "Do I need to remind you that you also knew about me liking Beth and you never said anything?"
"Point taken," he agreed, slowly nodding his head. "So wait? You're not freaking out because you knew this was going to happen?"
"No I actually thought you and Maika were going to get shot by her therapist."
"You both make absolutely no sense," he replied, shaking his head slightly, his eyes narrowing.
That's when the twins finally walked in the room and Jayden complied with the cold shower order.
"So, what are today's plans," one of the asked.
I ignored the question and asked the important question, "Did you two leave the red head alone?"
"She went in her room. We escorted her all the way there."
I was shaking my head as he was talking, "not good enough, let's go check on her."
I knocked on her door and when she opened I saw that her bag was on the bed, and that she was obviously packing, so I asked the difficult question, "what are you doing?"
"Packing. I'm getting out of here. I'm sure that'll make you super happy," she told me with snarky tone.
"As much as this would rejoice me, my parents would probably tear me a new one if I came back home without you. I don't care what you do after you we get back, but at least have the decency to get back home with us. I'm pretty sure you can suffer one more day."
Before she could argue with me her phone started to ring. She frowned at it. I could see the called ID. It was her brother. Maybe he could shake some sense into her. Maybe my words had gotten through to him.
I didn't have the energy anymore to do anything about Dakota. She didn't seem to want to help herself, so what was the point in wasting energy on someone that had already given up. If she had been someone I cared about I might have made an effort, but everything she did ever since she got here was to antagonize me and everyone I cared about. She insulted Maika and Beth and I was pretty sure the only reason why she'd seem interested in Jayden was because she had realized there was something going on between him and Maika and she wanted to crush any chances of happiness between these two or she wanted his attention for herself. I knew it wasn't good to assume the worse in people, but I was pretty sure that with my cousin, I was usually right.
I let her talk with her brother. The twins were waiting outside for me. Maika caught up with us carrying an actual bucket of ice and I laughed for a minute straight.
After that we made plans for the day.
We still had the motel rooms for one more night, so we decided to stay and leave the next morning.
There was an amusement park close by so we went there.
Dakota supposedly boyfriend was sticking around like some creep.
Maika and Jayden weren't making moves on each other and were kind of keeping a distance in public and I assumed, with the way Maika was glaring at my cousin sometimes that they were doing this because she didn't want Dakota to shit on her parade. I wouldn't want to show any signs of being happy around my delinquent cousins either in fear of her ruining it.
Honestly, the day was kind of a drag. I was annoyed with the constant presence of my cousin and with the sexual tension between my two best friends and the obliviousness of the twins. I wanted this road trip to be over already. Sure it had barely lasted a couple of days, but the exhaustions of my finals were still deep in my bones. I hadn't had time to recover from the end of my semester yet and I was realizing how much I needed to do absolutely nothing for a few days.
We went to a little pub for dinner that had a nice menu but we didn't stick around till last call.
Instead we all went to bed.
Now, the problem with that was that Mai still didn't want to sleep in Dakota's room and that meant she would be in bed with Jay and me. Usually that wouldn't be a problem. But my two bestfriends were now horny teenagers.
They kept playing footsy with me in the middle and they were trying not to giggle and I was getting more and more annoyed by the second. The third time Maika almost accidentally groped me, I got out of bed with a loud huff, put on my hoodie and walked out of the room to get some air.
I walked around the motel. I felt alone. I kinda hated this. Once again, I was happy for my friends, but suddenly I was realizing that their new relationship statues would change the dynamic of our friendship.
When I got to the pool, the fence was locked. So, obviously I jumped over it and went to sit with my feet in the water.
I took my phone out of my hoodie pocket. I stared at it. Two in the morning... Would she be up? Even if she was, what would it matter? Her words still echoed clearly in my head.
Still, after staring at it for five minutes, my stupidity got the best of me. I texted her. Are you up?
I got my answer faster than I had anticipated. Yes. Are you alright?
I answered her just as fast. No. I can't sleep and I know I said I'd leave you alone but I just miss you so much and I'm sorry and I know it's late but you're the only one I want talk to...
I shouldn't have sent that but I did. I held my breath waiting for her answer, waiting for her to tell me that I really shouldn't be telling her this and that I should let her sleep and I shouldn't miss her because she didn't miss me.
What I hadn't been expecting though was for my phone to ring with an incoming call.
I answered with a tentative, "Yes?"
"You sound scared," Beth's voice teased. My eyes almost tear up at the sound of her voice. Oh my Buddha, how weak was I for that girl?
"Surprised actually," I told her honestly, as I stared at my feet kicking around the water.
"I miss you too Cole, you have to know that, right?"
I let out a breath. "I really don't. Well I'm sure you kind of miss me because I'm awesome but you never miss me as much as I do."
"You don't know that Cole," she answered softly.
"Oh but I do. Don't you remember? You hate me? And how I feel is petty, meaningless and stupid. And you never want to see me again." I shouldn't have said that. But I hadn't been able to keep it in. Her words still echoed in my head too clearly for me to ignore them.
"Cole..."
"I'm sorry," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I know it's mean to throw it back in your face, I shouldn't judge your feelings, you're entitled to feel however you want."
"How about we don't talk about this? I didn't call you to remind you of this, I called you because I wanted to know how you're doing," she answered.
That sort of did it. I'd started being honest and I wasn't going to stop. "How am I doing? How do you think I'm doing? I'm miserable Beth. I was ready to be patient. I had told myself that I could wait, I would wait for you, however long you would need to see me the way I saw you, to feel the way I felt for you. But I wasn't ready to have you yell at me that you hated me Lilibeth, nothing prepared me for that."
"We shouldn't be having this conversation over the phone Cole."
Maybe, but I had been mulling this over for too long and I was feeling down and I needed to get this out. We hadn't had a real conversation after our blow out and I realized how much I needed to vent. "I'm sorry but for once I'm selfish. I want something. I want you to listen. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me Beth? I've always put you and your needs ahead of mine but just this time I can't. Just this time I'm not going to spare your feelings in detriment of mine. I love you Beth, I love you so much and you crushed my heart and the worse thing is I know that deep down, even if it isn't clear for you, you feel something for me too but you don't want to see it. Why, I have no fugging clue, but you decided to be selfish and keep all those reasons to yourself. Whatever it was that scared you got the best of you and your fears torn my heart apart."
And now my venting got her going. "What can't you see Cole that I did what I did because I wanted to spare you that! Cole, I'm young and stupid and scared and unhappy most of the time. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. Why would you want someone as screw up as me? You shouldn't. You deserve better, so much better than me and the only way to make sure you do get better than me is by not being with you."
"Beth..."
"Do you think it didn't hurt me, saying those things to you? You have no idea Cole, no idea how miserable I am without you," her voice caught in her throat and I could swear she was crying on the other side of the line. "I love you Cole," my heart skipped more than one beat. My eyes tear up. I had never thought I would hear those words from her. Now I had no idea how I had been able to go on without her saying them, "I loved you ever since I knew how to love, I loved you when you read Tuck Everlasting with me and all I could think was that if I had been Winnie and you had been Jess I would have drank the water with no questions asked. But then I grew up Cole and I realized I wasn't Winnie. I was Jess asking you to love me. I was dooming you with me because I'm a mess. And I couldn't do that to you. I can't do that to you."
God... we were both such messes... Clearly we were perfect for each other.
"It wasn't your place to make that decision Lilibeth," I said, feeling a lot less angry and now just a little bit defeated. I felt tired and sad and I just really wanted to hug her. This was why we should have been doing this in person.
"And what do you think would happen if I had told you I loved you instead? Do you think everything would magically work out? Do you think I would suddenly be three years older?" My silence was her answer. "I'm sorry for hurting you Cole. The last thing I ever want is for you to be hurt. But I also need to think about myself. I need to figure myself out, the me without you. Because I need to start caring for me first if I ever want to care about anyone else. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Of course I did. It didn't hurt me any less, but everything she was saying was making sense. I couldn't argue with her. And I wanted her to be happy. Obviously, she needed this.
"I'm sorry Cole."
"And I'm sorry Beth."
"Don't be. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have kissed you."
I chuckled softly. "I disagree with that. I think you did a really good thing kissing me. And it's not your fault either. It's no one's fault. It's just..."
"Timing," she finished for me.
I nodded. "Yeah, timing."
She sighed on the other side of the line. "In a few years, when I've figured myself out and when I'm older you can ask me again. If you want to. If you can wait."
I closed my eyes, relishing in the sound of her voice. "I'll wait for as long as you need Beth. You should know that."
"I'm sorry you're the one that has to wait. I wish it could be the other way around."
My heart hurt. "It's okay Beth."
For the next hour we kept talking. She told me about how much fun she was having with Nikki and I was trying not to tell her that her brother was making out with my other best friend. I assumed Jay would want to break the news to her. It felt good to be talking naturally like this again.
I wasn't a night owl so it was kind of a feat to keep my eyes opened.
But for her I could do it. For her I could do anything.
She needed me to wait. I would wait. This would be good enough.
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A/N: Here it go. Another chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I had that dialogue between Cole and Beth written for such a long time. I hope it fitted with everything. That happens sometimes. I write things for future chapter and it doesn't flow with the story as smoothly anymore. Anyway! Hopefully I can upload the next chapter soon! :D
I've been very bad doing NaNoWriMo this month. My word count is nowhere near where it should be. 0_0 How are you guys faring?
Also, I talk about this story everywhere, but I'm going to do it again. If you haven't read my new story The Claire Years yet it would mean THE WORLD if you went and gave it some love. I upload it daily. I've already finished writing it so you can be sure you'll be getting the whole thing soon.
So, I think that covers it! Thanks for reading and being patient! I love you guys! :D