Song: Gone by JR JR
"Vance? I can't do this." I looked down at our hands on each others'.
We were going to do that thing in the movies where couples walk in, making a big entrance while holding hands to show everyone: hey - we don't give a fuck about what you think.
But of course, I couldn't do it.
"It's okay," Vance smiled, letting go of my hand. "Let's just take it slow." Every time I thought that this was it, that Vance was finally going to give up this time because I'm just too much for him to handle. But he never did. He never left. The amount of patience that he had was unbelievable.
"Should we?" he asked in a slightly nervous voice.
"Let's do it."
Slowly, we walked in through the front doors, hardly making an entrance.
Yet still, the world didn't explode. The sun was still shining, the birds still chirping and everybody was minding their own business.
There were no laughs, shoves, punches or insults. Some people turned our way and we got brief glances but that was about it.
Life went on.
"Ay! Look who's back!" cried Zhang excitedly.
"Hey guys, what's new?" smiled Dashiell.
"It's good to have you both back," added Ahmed looking slightly relieved.
Ahmed gave Vance a thankful look and he nodded in return.
"So, are we looking at next year's school president?" I asked Ahmed casually, trying to shake off the nerves.
"He didn't win. Lydia did." Said Kennedy, popping up with a scowl on her face. "The nerve of that girl. Do you know what she told me? That I just played the bisexual card for attention and popularity-"
"Babe, we talked about this," said Ashlynn gently as she walked up to join her girlfriend. "Let people say what they want. This isn't about pleasing them, it's about us being us." Ashlynn slipped her hand into Kennedy's and gave her a peck on the cheek, causing her to break into a smile. As tough as she liked to act, Kennedy really did care about what people thought of her.
"You're right." With that being said, Kennedy spun around and brought her lips to Ashlynn's. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a group of girls discreetly squealing with excitement, watching them with adoring eyes.
Just the thought of being so public with Vance made me nervous.
"Hey is that-"
Zhang didn't even need to finish his sentence. Katja had just burst through the doors, causing everyone to turn their heads.
Now that's how you make an entrance.
Pick any bad-ass feminist song as her theme song - she'd strut to them all. She was finally back from suspension and looked ready to kill. Katja was all sunshine and rainbows - until you hurt her or the people she loves.
Before anyone could say a word, she walked right up to Dashiell and crashed her lips onto his.
When he had finally processed what was happening, Dashiell broke free from Katja's grasp.
"What are you doing?" he gasped.
"Kissing my boyfriend. And if anyone has a problem with that then they can-"
"Katja you don't get it. They're going to destroy you. It's not safe-"
"Or they'll learn to treat you equally, the way you deserve to be treated. The way everyone deserves to be treated," she stated firmly.
Finally, Dashiell gave in.
"How are you holding up?" whispered Vance.
"I don't know how to feel right now," I breathed.
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay." Vance flashed me a reassuring smile and gave my shoulder a light squeeze.
I felt my worries melting away, nearly forgetting about Kolton.
Nearly.
"And because doctor Jimenez gave me a cause valid doctor's note they all gave me an extension and never asked why," I told Vance while grabbing my lunch from my locker.
"Hey that's great! See, you will catch up, you're not going to fail. Anyways, I don't think teachers actually have the right to ask why either since-"
We both jumped as a loud slam interrupted us.
Vance and I turned to face a smug looking Kolton with Lydia and Fletcher by his side, his hand resting on the locker beside us.
"Huh, look who's back," he smirked. "Did you fags get the message? Nobody wants you here."
"Well, the last time I checked people had better things to do than get involved in our business so I suggest you kindly fuck off," retorted Vance.
He wasn't wrong. It was almost as if nothing had even happened. Now that I think about it, the only people who ever gave us a hard time were Kolton and his idiotic flock of sheep.
"Or what?" snorted Lydia. "You know Vance, I've been wondering: why exactly has your aunt been at the station," she smirked.
I saw fear discomfort wash over Vance as Lydia stepped so close to him that they were just millimeters apart. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around Vance, pressing her body against his.
"Lydia, back off," I said in a cautious tone.
"Aw, don't like anyone touching your man?" Fletcher asked sarcastically.
"Lydia stop touching him!"
Vance was frozen in place, his eyes tearing up. No doubt memories about aunt Lucy were poisoning his mind. He opened his mouth but the words just wouldn't come out.
The desperation in my voice was clear. Yesterday, I almost made a terrible mistake. I nearly initiated something that neither of us were ready for.
And I didn't ever want Vance to be forced into doing something that he isn't comfortable with, even if it's with me.
"Guys, I'm begging you-" he choked.
"I think the faggot is actually going to cry!" Kolton's wild eyes and his hysterical look terrified me.
How could someone get so much pleasure out of ruining other people's lives?
Without thinking, I grabbed Lydia by the shoulders and ripped her off of Vance.
Her glass-shattering shriek pierced the air.
"What the hell?! You fucking queer!" Kolton looked ready to tear us apart.
Even so, I took a deep breath and stepped in front of Vance, hoping that Kolton would keep his hands off of him.
"Kolton, please just listen to me for a minute. Look, high school isn't easy, heck life isn't easy. We spend all of our time trying to fit in, to prove that we're smart, athletic and have friends while trying to keep up our grades and do well in school. Everyone is trying to get themselves out there, trying to prove that they are somebody. And this isn't making any of that easier on anyone. We're all going through the same things: societal pressure, anxiety about school, feeling down and alone. We feel as if no one understands because everyone's lives look perfect. But in reality, we're all just trying so hard to fit in because no one wants to be alone and everyone wants to be loved. We should all be supporting and taking care of each other, not trying to drag each other down."
Vance gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze to try and calm my nerves but I couldn't stop shaking. A few weeks ago, I never would have dreamt of saying anything that would make me sound even remotely weak. But not this time - not when it had to be said.
For a minute, it actually looked as if they were considering it. Until Kolton burst into a hysterical fit of laughter.
"Come on Kolton, we used to be best friends, doesn't that mean anything to you?" I pleaded. I know, I shouldn't even care about Kolton but it was hard to let go of so many years of friendship. I really used to look up to him.
"Don't you get it? Nobody would ever want to be friends with you, Zoe," he smirked.
"Call him Zoe one more time and I SWEAR you'll regret it for the rest of your sorry ass life," spat Vance having recovered.
Turns out Kolton doesn't like being told what to do - shocker.
"What did you say you fucking queer?" He taunted, stepping foreward. "Because in case you forgot, as the captain of the boxing team I can fuck you up so bad you won't even remember your freakish mutant girl-boyfriend of yours. Or should I fuck your bitch up first? Your call."
All of the colour drained from my face and it was my turn to stand frozen in place. Somehow, Kolton had managed to destroy every last bit of confidence that I had tried so hard to build up.
"So Vance," said Fletcher in a teasing voice. "Tell us - which one you bottoms? You guys like that sort of shit, am I right," he finished with a smug look.
Vance looked as if he was about to break. I knew he didn't even want to think about sex. The last thing that he wanted was another reminder of what his aunt did to him.
Even though Kolton clearly got some sort of satisfaction from the blush that spread across my cheeks, I didn't care. It didn't matter how humiliating this was, Vance was more important.
I took a step closer to Vance and to his surprise, grabbed his hand.
"Fuck off Kolton."
For a split second, I saw shock flash across Kolton's features but he quickly recovered. "You know what, why don't I ask the other guys what they think about this little freak show" he said triumphantly.
But just as he was dialing up his friends, a voice interrupted him.
"Gentlemen. Lydia. Do we have a problem here?" asked coach Wilson as she and coach Davidson came by, wheeling a cart of basketballs.
"Not at all," said Kolton as he casually swung his arm around my shoulders.
That was not okay - it really was not okay that he was touching me. My entire body tensed up under his touch. I just wanted him to stop.
"Just having a nice little chat with Vance and Zaavan, that's all."
"Well get to class," coach Wilson scowled with a glare. Within seconds they were gone.
But coach Wilson wasn't finished yet.
"And where have you boys been lately? Because I'll tell you where you haven't been - practice. You know I expect more out of both of you. Being team captains you both should-"
"Is everything alright?" coach Davidson suddenly blurted, cutting coach Wilson off. "Because you both are such wonderful children, I don't understand why you would misbehave and miss practice like that."
Silence followed as they both waited for an answer. Vance looked me in the eyes as if asking for my permission. Slowly, I nodded.
"It's just, Kolton and his friends, they won't...they keep harassing us and..."
Vance looked at me but the words just wouldn't come out. It was hard asking someone else for help. Sometimes, it feels as if nobody could ever understand. Or worse, they'd just laugh at you.
So Vance simply sighed and put a hand on my shoulder. "They're just giving us a hard time because...we're not straight," he mumbled. I didn't even need to look at Vance to tell that his face was as red as mine.
"What do you mean by 'giving you a hard time?'" she asked slowly, trying to keep her voice calm.
The amount of things that I had told people about myself in these past few months was more than I'd ever told anyone my entire life.
And now, here I was with Vance telling our coaches everything that Kolton and his friends had done to us.
And by the end of the period, our fuming coaches swore that this would be the last of it.
"I am horrified and disgusted by their behaviour. This school is supposed to be a safe and welcoming place for students to learn. There really is no place for hateful speech or behaviour," scowled coach Wilson.
"I am so, so sorry for what you boys had to go through. You don't deserve this kind of treatment - no one does" coach Davidson added softly.
"Well, we will be having a lengthy talk with Principal Harrington, that's for sure. So don't you boys worry, we promise that this will be properly dealt with."
I couldn't even begin to describe the amount of relief that I felt knowing that there were teachers in this school that were actually willing to help.
And for the first time since the past few months, I finally felt safe at this school.
***
"I'm telling you I actually failed! You know what, I should just quit school and become a YouTuber, make some money off of my conspiracy theories."
"Zhang, I'm pretty sure there's already a guy who does that," laughed Ahmed. "And he's pretty good."
"Hey, that doesn't mean that I can't be as famous as him," he protested.
As they both argued over the pros and cons of quitting school, I felt a warm feeling spreading inside of me.
Things were alright.
We were just hanging around outside the school gym, waiting for Vance, the last person Mrs. Harrington needed to speak with.
If I were to say that nothing had changed in the past couple of months, I'd obviously be lying.
Even so, nobody at school gave two shits about what was going on between me and Vance. Life went on and everyone just minded their own business. Well, of course not everyone but in general, it was okay.
"So guess what?" We all turned to face Vance who excitedly ran out the doors with a dark-haired girl.
Ariadne.
But she looked different. This time, her typically flat-ironed straight hair was out in her natural curls. Which was a surprise - Kolton had always made it pretty clear that he hated her natural hair.
And this time, I was prepared for whatever hate she wanted to throw my way. I was ready for it.
"It's done," he beamed. "The coaches already spoke to to principal Harrington. I confirmed all of the names that you gave and Kolton and his lackeys are off any team they were playing on. So it's official: as of tomorrow, Kolton and his idiotic flock of sheep are out of our lives - at least for the rest of the school year."
"They're getting suspended?" I asked surprised.
"Yep, the school takes bullying pretty seriously." Along with his words, Vance gave me a reassuring look, showing me that he meant it when he said he'd be there for me.
And that meant everything to me.
"Umm...guys? I just wanted to say something?" said Ariadne, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"I just want to say that I'm sorry for what Kolton did to you guys. I knew what he was doing and I didn't do anything to stop it. I was just so hung up on the fact that you both like guys, I guess I forgot what really mattered - that you're both still human beings. I was brought up thinking that being gay is wrong so it's hard for me to understand those who are part of the LGBTQ+ community but that doesn't make what I did right. So...I'm sorry."
After a minute of awkward silence, Vance finally spoke.
"Hey, don't worry about it. At least you vouched for us with principal Harrington," smiled Vance.
Ariadne then turned to me with a pleading look. Personally, I didn't care what her opinion is, I still think she's wrong. But she did apologize and if Vance said it was okay, then I guess it was.
"We're good," I nodded.
"Thanks," she smiled. "And just so you know, we're over."
Still don't care.
"And since Lydia is getting suspended, do you know what that means?" Vance didn't wait for a response.
"Congratulations Ahmed, you're next year's school president!"
Once Ahmed recovered from the initial shock, his whole face lit up with a smile.
"I told you that you'd win," I said with a smile. It was bound to happen at some point - I'm almost positive that Lydia cheated.
"Wow," he breathed.
"Well, this calls for some serious celebration," added Zhang. "Let's go grab some ice cream!"
And just like that, our first day back to school was over.
~~~
"Vance? Are you okay?" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at Zaavan who was sitting beside me.
It took me a second to realize that we were sitting in a booth at an ice cream shop, waiting for Ahmed while he helped Zhang (the most indecisive person I know) to choose a flavour.
"Yea, I'm fine it's-" I started, but quickly stopped myself.
If I wanted Zaavan to believe that he could trust me then I'd have to show him that I trusted him.
"I'm just deciding whether or not I should stop going to Church."
I watched as Zaavan's face twisted in confusion. After a minute of silence, he simply said: "If you want to go then you should."
"That's the thing - I kind of want to go. But at the same time, I don't want to be part of a religion that hates me and believes that I'm a sinner and that I'll burn in Hell. But it's not something that I can just give up. I've been raised in Christianity and my whole life, I've actually been proud to be a Christian. Besides, I can't forget the amazing times I've had at the Church's summer camps or at Sunday School or being a volunteer religion teacher. When I felt alone, religion was there for me - it made me feel as if I actually belonged somewhere. It was always such a big part of my life and now it hurts to think that I'm not accepted into something that has always meant so much to me."
I didn't expect Zaavan to understand. After all, people did tend to vilify religion and religious people, claiming that they're all completely traditional and conservative people, ready to tear apart anyone who was different and who didn't share their beliefs. The fact that he has a religious homophobic father didn't help either.
But he simply smiled empathetically, making my heart race all over again.
"Vance, you don't have to give up religion or stop going to Church. If anyone uses the Bible as an excuse to be a jerk then they're the ones who are wrong. I refuse to believe that any God or Gods tell people to those who are different from them. Besides, doesn't the Bible say to treat everyone with love and equality?"
"I guess so..."
"Then that's that. Love always wins."
"But people won't want me there," I protested.
"You could always go to the Church on the other side of town, near aunt Holly's house. She stopped going to the one near my place when my dad became the head Priest. She said that this one's more tolerant and accepting. Apparently they're more open-minded and not as judgmental if that makes you feel better."
I hesitated, so he continued.
"You know, I don't think that religion or religious people are the problem. I think that the problem comes from people who use religion as an excuse to justify hate. Neither religion nor believing in God creates hate - fear does. Hateful people are the ones who promote hate and you shouldn't let these people stop you from doing something that you love or that means a lot to you."
I guess he did have a point.
"Will you come with me?" I asked hopefully.
"To Church?"
"I mean you don't have to because I know with your dad and everything-" I added quickly.
"If it'll make you feel better then sure," he smiled, and I let out a sigh of relief.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have Zaavan in my life.
A/N: Hey guys! There is only one more chapter left until the end, so the next chapter will be the absolute last one! :)