Jisoo swiveled on the stool and smiled as she reread her texts from that morning.
Jennie: you burnt the toast
Jisoo: what? not even a thank you?
Jennie: you left before I could give you a proper one
Jisoo: and what's your idea of a proper thank you?
Jennie: wouldn't you like to know?
Jisoo: maybe :)
"Chu! Let's go, what are you even doing?" Lisa jingled her keys as she stood in the apartment doorway.
"Right. Sorry." Jisoo shoved her phone in her pocket and grabbed her beanie off the counter while she slid off the stool. "Remind me again why we are making thanksgiving dinner 3 weeks early?"
Jisoo walked out of the apartment and pulled her beanie on and zipped up her jacket. Chaeyoung was sending them on an outing to get cranberry sauce and ingredients for stuffing.
"Because Chaeyoung likes to do a trial run before the real thing." Lisa locked the door and shoved her hands in her pockets, "All I know is it means more pie, so I don't complain."
"I guess you're right." Jisoo shrugged as they stepped outside.
Ever since the rain storm the previous weekend, the weather had shifted drastically. The air was cold and biting with plenty of wind filling the days. Near freezing temperatures at night, leaving the ground frosted as morning crept up slowly each day. It was only a matter of time before snow actually fell, which almost would have been more bearable.
Walking into the grocery store Lisa grabbed a kart and began pushing through the aisles with Jisoo following behind.
"Chaeyoung just texted." Jisoo sped up but kept her eyes on her phone.
"I knew the short list wasn't going to survive." Lisa chuckled, "what else does she need?"
"Uhh.."Jisoo scrolled through the multiple texts as more came through, "everything." She laughed and walked around to the front of the kart and hopped on to get a ride.
Lisa lifted her arm and pointed in the direction across the grocery store, "To the vegetables!" She yelled loudly before grabbing hold of the handle of the kart and racing through the isle with Jisoo still standing on the frame.
Lisa slowed down once they were surrounded by produce and Jisoo hopped off, and started reading through the new list Chaeyoung had sent. She was in the middle of explaining how you can tell if a pumpkin is ripe when her phone chimed again.
"Honestly. How many lists is she going to send us?" Lisa asked as she tried to juggle an onion, tomato and some kind of squash.
Jisoo flipped open her phone and smiled. It wasn't Chaeyoung.
Jennie: it doesn't taste the same
Jisoo's head shot up as she scanned the grocery store. Jennie had to be there somewhere but she didn't see her. She looked back down at her phone as Lisa put a few items in their kart.
"Ah, not Chaeyoung then?" She asked with a smug smile.
Jisoo just shook her head and finished her reply.
Jisoo: what doesn't taste the same?
Jennie: the soup
Jennie: it tastes different
Jisoo: different good? Different bad?
Jennie: just different. Not like it did when you made it. I think I heated it wrong.
Jisoo: it's soup, silly :) I'm sure it tastes the same.
"Are we really going to be making an entire Thanksgiving dinner twice?" Jisoo asked, watching as their kart got increasingly more full.
"Every year." Lisa nodded, ""You can invite Soojoo if you want. Or Jennie?"
"Oh, I don't know." Jisoo shrugged and checked her phone. No more texts from Jennie.
"Things not going like you hoped?" Lisa asked, turning down a new isle.
"No. Well, I don't know." Jisoo sighed.
"What is it Chu?"
"I just, I really like Jennie." Jisoo started.
"I'm aware." Lisa held up two bags of marshmallows, trying to decide which to throw in the kart.
Jisoo grabbed the bigger bag and dropped it in with the rest of their groceries, "but I get the feeling she doesn't have many friends. And I mean, she's had plenty of chances to do something to show she wants to be more than friends but hasn't." She paused, chewing on her lip for a moment, "so I've kind of accepted nothing is going to happen and I'm just trying to be ok with just being her friend. Even though it might possibly kill me."
"Wow. That's some serious self control." Lisa started pushing the kart slowly.
"I guess." Jisoo grumbled and followed Lisa to the checkout line. Another buzz from her phone made her check it immediately.
Jennie: It still tastes different.
Jisoo: I'll be there in 30
Jisoo shoved her phone in her pocket and quickly took the packed up grocery bags and slung them over her arms.
"In a hurry Chu?" Lisa asked, grabbing the last of the bags and following Jisoo out into the cold air.
"Just don't want to keep Chaeyoung waiting." Jisoo shrugged, picking up her pace.
"Uh huh." Lisa nodded, trying to keep up.
—
"You got all this?" Jisoo asked as she dropped the bags on the counter.
"Yeah. Say hi to your 'friend'." Lisa shook her head and shoved Jisoo back towards the door.
"yeah, yeah.." Jisoo felt herself start to blush as she stumbled her way out the door.
——
"I'm starving." Jennie pulled open the door wide before turning and walking away, leaving it open, "What took you so long?"
Jisoo chuckled as she walked in and shut the door behind her, "Oh please." She rolled her eyes and set her bike helmet on the counter and dropped her backpack on the ground, "It only took me 20 minutes to get here."
"Why's your face look like that?" Jennie sat down at the counter and pushed a bowl of leftover soup in Jisoo's direction.
"Its cold outside." Jisoo narrowed her eyes in a mock glare as she grabbed the soup and walked over to the microwave. She shut the door and caught sight of her reflection. Her cheeks were pink from the cold wind as she rode her bike over from her apartment and her hair disheveled from her helmet. The microwave beeped loudly, Jisoo quickly tried to tame her hair before taking the soup out and putting it back in front of Jennie.
"mmm." Jennie hummed happily as she slurped a spoonful of soup into her mouth, "See it didn't taste like this when I warmed it up."
"I'm sure." Jisoo rolled her eyes and looked around the apartment, "Where's Joey?"
"Oh I see how it is." Jennie didn't look up from her soup, "You really just came over for my dog."
"Well, yeah." Jisoo teased as she sat down on the stool next to Jennie.
Jennie finally turned to look at her and narrowed her eyes, "He's with Pete. I felt bad keeping him cooped up in here while I was sick."
"But you don't feel bad about begging me to come over and take care of you?" Jisoo raised an eyebrow. She brought her elbow onto the counter and rested her head against her palm.
"Pshht." Jennie sputtered, her cheeks feeling warm, "I'm not.. you didn't need to, the soup just didn't..."
"Uh huh." Jisoo chuckled and spun on the stool before standing up and walking over to the couch, "So since I came all this way to warm up soup in the microwave.." She trailed off as she pulled Jennie's laptop from the coffee table, "I get to pick what we watch."
Jennie smiled into her bowl of soup. The soup had tasted fine before, she just didn't feel like being alone, and with Joey gone, the apartment felt even more empty. Jisoo had this ability to make anywhere feel like home just by being there. The simplicity in how she treated Jennie's apartment like her own gave Jennie a sense of belonging she hadn't ever completely felt, even in her own apartment. It was like it was always missing Jisoo's presence.
"Fine." Jennie stood up, walked her bowl over to the sink, and pulled two mugs from the cupboard, "But I get to veto if its one of those awful shows you love so much."
Jennie filled the cups with the hot chocolate she had made before Jisoo had even gotten there and made her way over to the couch. She set the cups down and grabbed a blanket, covering herself as she got comfortable next to Jisoo. It didn't take long before Jisoo had picked out a movie and was slowly scooting closer to Jennie as the opening credits started.
Jennie watched her out of the corner of her eye as Jisoo tried to decide just how close she was allowed to get. She tried to hide her smile as she lifted up the edge of the blanket and got a questioning look from Jisoo.
"You getting in or what?" Jennie raised an eyebrow and lifted the blanket higher, offering up the space next to herself.
Jisoo smiled and immediately scooted closer, filling the space that had been between them, and covering herself with the blanket they were now sharing. Jennie smiled, her gaze cast down towards Jisoo, watching her smile and getting sucked into story unfolding on the computer screen. She adjusted the blanket slightly so it covered them both better and sank down into the cushions, Jisoo shifting slightly at the same time, their sides pressing together and Jisoo's head coming to rest on Jennie's shoulder gently.
If it meant more days like this, Jennie wouldn't mind being sick a while longer.
The movie was near its end, and although Jennie hadn't really been paying attention to it at all, she could tell Jisoo had stopped watching and the fact that her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth was a clear indication she was thinking pretty hard about something.
"You're thinking louder than this movie, cupcake." Jennie nudged her under the blanket gently, "Whats on your mind?"
Jisoo's eyebrows came together slightly. Apparently she wasn't as good at hiding her feelings like she thought. It was also pretty surprising for Jennie to come right out and ask her that. In all the months they had knows each other, she had never come right out and asked Jisoo what was on her mind quite so bluntly. Usually she just let her think till her thinking was happening out loud.
"Do you want to come to thanksgiving?" Jisoo blurted out when Jennie poked her in the side a second time trying to get her attention.
Thanksgiving? Wasn't that something you did with family and loved ones?
The panic Jennie was feeling must have been pretty obvious because before she could answer, Jisoo started talking again.
"Not real thanksgiving, so its not special or anything."
"Oh." Jennie answered, slightly hurt and a little bit confused. Did Jisoo only want her there since it wasn't the real thing?
"No, I mean, its just that Chaeyoung likes to make a pre-thanksgiving to practice or something, I'm actually not really sure. I just know we are having pretend thanksgiving on Monday and I know you've been sick and stuck at home and thought you might like a home cooked meal and the chance to get outside. Its just going to be some friends and Chaeyoung is cooking so it should be good. And there's no pressure because its pretend thanksgiving and I just thought it would be fun if you came and—"
"Cupcake." Jennie chuckled, cutting off Jisoo's quickening rant. "You'll be there?"
Jisoo pressed her lips together tightly, trying to control the size of her smile as she nodded in response.
"Then fake thanksgiving sounds great." Jennie smiled at her before looking back to the computer screen.
Jisoo watched her for a second before looking back to the movie. Neither one of them were paying attention though, as Jennie's arm tightened around behind Jisoo's back, pulling her closer to her as they both fit tightly on a single cushion of the couch, snuggled under the heavy blanket.
Jisoo ended up staying for 2 more movies before finally going home. She had already put off her homework and assignments for the paper long enough, she really needed to use the weekend to catch up. As much as she was enjoying ignoring the world with Jennie.
Being Jennie's friend was turning out to be easier than Jisoo thought. Aside from all the times she wished she could reach out and hold her hand, or lean in and press their lips together, or the moments they were snuggled together in Jennie's bed, Jennie's face pressed into her side as she quietly slept (obviously due to the cold medicine and delirium brought on by being sick for so long. Because under normal circumstances Jennie wouldn't do that. Probably.). Other than that, friendship was working out fine.
At first Jennie was careful about reaching that line she had decided to draw without actually crossing it. But any time she felt herself about to do something she knew she couldn't come back from, Jisoo was the one put up that line again. At first it was slightly confusing— how quickly Jisoo skirted away from physical closeness or brushed off flirtation of any kind, but after a while it made things easier for Jennie. She let herself test the waters a little more— dragging Jisoo into her bedroom because the couch was no longer comfortable. Falling asleep with her arm over Jisoo's stomach and head resting on her shoulder. Being a little more affectionate than usual, most likely brought on by the cold medicine and being physically and mentally exhausted from being sick. Either way, it seemed like Jisoo was suddenly fine with not crossing lines either, which in turn almost made it a game. Jennie could push right up against that line, watch Jisoo get flustered but try desperately to keep her composure. It was entertaining, if not a little mean.
——
"Alright Chu, you need to calm down." Lisa dropped her hands on Jisoo's shoulders, "Usually its Chaeyoung freaking out and you're giving her a run for her money."
Jisoo let out a long breath, trying to calm down. "I know, I know."
"Besides, aren't the nerves supposed to be reserved for real thanksgiving?" Lisa dropped her arms and walked to the fridge for a bottle of water, "This is basically just a regular Monday night with just a lot of food."
"Good point." Jisoo glanced through the kitchen. Chaeyoung had basically finished preparing food and just a few things were still cooking, but without needing much supervision.
"Besides, haven't you basically spent every free minute with Jennie lately?" Lisa took a sip of water before replacing the cap and tossing Jisoo the bottle. "It shouldn't be that bad. Especially now that you're just being friends or whatever."
"Well yeah, but I don't know. Its confusing." Jisoo took a sip of water, thinking over how to explain things to Lisa. "I don't know what happened, but as soon as I accepted we were just going to be friends, its like the level of flirting upped by a surprising amount."
"So you're not just friends?" Lisa asked, trying to follow along.
"No we are. I think." Jisoo tossed back the water.
"Let me get this straight." Lisa took another sip, "You thought Jennie wanted to be friends and were bummed but decided to be okay with it. Now you think Jennie wants more but you are still trying to just be her friend?"
"Yeah?" Jisoo groaned and dropped her head back.
"So quit trying to just be her friend if she's going for more." Lisa chuckled and moved out of the kitchen as Chaeyoung came walking in.
"I don't think it's that simple." Chaeyoung added as she opened the oven to check its contents. "Jennie doesn't let many people in. And if she's chosen to let Jisoo be a part of her life then that means something. Pushing for something Jennie isn't open to or ready for could destroy that completely and then Jisoo wouldn't have Jennie at all. Not as a friend. And not as more."
"Gee Chaeng, way to go all serious." Lisa frowned watching Jisoo.
Chaeyoung turned to see Jisoo slumped against the counter, her chin resting in her palm with her elbow on the counter top. She had the mixture of a frown and confusion on her face, her eyes wide as she thought over everything Chaeyoung had just said.
"No she's right." Jisoo finally spoke, though her eyes were still staring off into space. "I've never heard Jennie talk about anyone in her life really. Aside from the revolving door of library buddies earlier this semester."
"So what if Jisoo is her friend?" Lisa suddenly seemed more invested in the topic than she were before, "What if they are meant to be and Jisoo not doing anything is messing up that chance? If Jennie wants more and Jisoo wants more, but neither of them are willing to go for it, then they are both missing out on what could be the best thing to ever happen to them."
"Well I don't know if—" Jisoo started but was quickly cut off.
"Maybe Jisoo should just go for it. Because even if Jennie doesn't let anyone in, she let Jisoo in for a reason. And maybe Jisoo deserves to go after what she wants. Jisoo deserves to be happy. Jennie deserves to be happy. Maybe they are meant to be happy together."
"What if Jennie isn't ready to be more with Jisoo?" Chaeyoung took a step towards Lisa, her face stern, "What if she's scared and nervous to ruin a life long friendship over something she isn't sure will work? Then they wouldn't even be friends! And Jennie couldn't handle that. She wouldn't know what to do."
Jisoo looked between the two girls staring at one another in the kitchen. "Uhh, are we still talking about me or..?"
"What?" Chaeyoung stepped back and opened the oven again, "Of course! Who else would we be talking about?"
Lisa swallowed hard. Sure they had started off talking about Jisoo and Jennie, but they ended up using the situation to vent about their own dilemma. And from the sound of it, Chaeyoung wasn't ready to talk about it for real.
Jisoo stood up straight and nodded her head, mostly to herself. With what Chaeyoung had said it was easy to decide to just keep going the way she had. It was working as far as she could tell, and as much as she had grown to like Jennie and having her in her life, maybe Jennie needed her just as much. Taking a chance and ruining that wouldn't be good for either of them. And knowing how Jennie worked, she wasn't really the relationship type anyway. So maybe it was just better to keep being her friend for the sake of her heart, anyway.
Lisa jumped at the sound of the doorbell and nearly sprinted to the door, pulling it open wide. "Matthew?"
"Hey science nerd." Matthew grinned wide and stepped into the apartment, not bothering to wait for an invitation in. "Little nerd hottie!" He wrapped his arms around Jisoo and lifted her in a hug.
"Hey Matthew." Jisoo managed to get out without any air actually still in her lungs, "What brings you by?"
Matthew chuckled and set Jisoo down slowly, "Chaeyoung invited me!"
"Really?" Jisoo asked surprised and turned to face Chaeyoung. "You invited Matthew?"
"Well, yes." Chaeyoung nodded, her face turning pink for reasons only she knew, "I saw him in the art building after class and thought— well we have a lot of food and he said he wasn't busy so I thought him and Joy would—"
"Oh no, I didn't bring Joy. I brought S-bear." Matthew turned to look back at the door.
"Woojin, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" Soojoo had been standing in the doorway unnoticed until now. She had followed Matthew in but only after everyones attention had been on Chaeyoung.
"Soojoo. Hey." Jisoo said awkwardly, looking between her and Matthew for an explanation.
"Yeah, like Chaeyoung said. She invited me after an awesome posing session and I was like sure! But i really wanted to bring Joy, cause you know, she was my girlfriend." Matthew shrugged and reached for a roll sitting on the counter. "But then she dumped me. But I already told Chaeyoung I'd bring someone so when I ran into S-bear I just figured I'd bring her instead."
Soojoo rolled her eyes and stepped further into the apartment, "I hope thats ok. I didn't exactly know what was happening."
"But you still said yes to Matthew?" Jisoo asked, genuinely shocked. As far as she knew, the Summers and Zeta's had a rivalry only matched by Matthew and Soojoo. Always competing and at each others throats.
"He promised a home cooked meal. Which smells great, by the way." Soojoo answered awkwardly, looking around at the food on the counter.
Before anyone could answer there was a knock on the still open door. All eyes turned to see who it was but it was Soojoo who managed to offer the first greeting.
"You were invited?" The dislike clear in her voice.
"I was." Jennie spat back just as disdainful.
"Jen sexy! I didn't know you were coming." Matthew smiled around a mouth full of bread.
"Jen, hey! You found it." Whatever awkwardness or confusion Jisoo was feeling a second ago disappeared completely at seeing Jennie in her doorway.
"I have been here before, cupcake." Jennie's glare managed to soften once she saw a smiling Jisoo making her way towards her.
Jisoo stopped in front of Jennie and glanced up at Soojoo who was watching her before turning back to the dark haired girl in the door.
"Well this is awkward." Lisa commented looking around the room.
They weren't wrong. The fact that Matthew and Soojoo had shown up together was weird enough. But to have Jisoo's ex and Jennie in the same room for fake thanksgiving.. That was a whole new level of 'yikes'.
Jennie looked around the room at the array of facial expressions, ending on Soojoo's obvious glare.
"Maybe I should go." Jennie sighed and spoke quietly as Jisoo stepped up to her in the doorway.
"Sounds good to me." Soojoo spoke up, crossing her arms and glaring down at the dark haired girl that had managed to steal all of Jisoo's attention the second she arrived.
"What? No." Jisoo turned and shot Soojoo a look before reaching out and grabbing Jennie's wrist to pull her inside. "You just got here."
Jisoo pulled Jennie past Soojoo and into the living room, all eyes watching them go. It didn't take long for things to get back to normal, though. Matthew and Soojoo arguing about something while Chaeyoung flitted around the kitchen doing last minute preparations for fake thanksgiving. Lisa took orders from Chaeyoung and set the table while Jisoo and Jennie sat together on the couch.
"For fake thanksgiving, Chaeyoung sure did go all out." Jennie nodded towards the kitchen at the flustered red head that seemed to be stirring 5 things at once.
"Yeah, I think its just an excuse to have Thanksgiving with Lisa before she goes home to her parents house every year." Jisoo smiled watching the pair bicker about which plates they should be using.
Jisoo was still thinking about what they all had said earlier. Even though she's pretty sure the conversation ended up being more about Lisa and Chaeyoung in the end, the idea was still the same. Whatever crush she had on Jennie, there was no sure way of knowing what would happen if she went for it.
"I think its ready to eat." Chaeyoung smiled and turned off the last burner on the stove.
"Do you really think Jennie doesn't like Jisoo?" Lisa asked, leaning against the counter.
Chaeyoung went to stand next to Lisa, taking rolls from a pan and putting them on a plate. "I don't know."
"Come on, Chaeng. Look at them." Lisa smiled and nodded towards the pair on the couch.
Chaeyoung watched Jisoo and Jennie on the couch talking. Jisoo rambling about who knows what while she absentmindedly picked through the bag of gummy bears between them. Chaeyoung was about to go over there and tell them they were going to ruin their appetites when she noticed it.
Jisoo would pick through, grabbing a red, orange or yellow bear. Then Jennie would grab a white or green one. Every time.
"Oh." Chaeyoung looked over at Lisa.
"What?" Lisa asked, glancing back to the couch, "Please tell me you aren't going to yell at them for snacking before dinner."
"Of course not." Chaeyoung rolled her eyes and hit Lisa's arm.
Lisa gave her a look and Chaeyoung smiled and turned back to the stove.
"Fine. I may have thought about it, but.." Chaeyoung sighed, "Even if I do think Jennie likes Jisoo. Its not for us to make something happen."
"Even if you think they would work?" Lisa leaned against the counter, reaching for a salad bowl.
Chaeyoung looked back to the couch and smiled, "Especially then."
"What do you mean?" Lisa asked, following Chaeyoung to the table with the food.
"If something happens, it has to be because they are ready for it." Chaeyoung looked back just in time to see Jennie take another white gummy bear and toss it in her mouth. "Now come on, lets get everyone up to the table."
Lisa sighed but went to gather everyone to eat. Chaeyoung was right. As much as they wanted to meddle to make something happen, they knew they shouldn't.
——
"I'm glad you were able to attend." Chaeyoung smiled as Jennie set her plate next to the sink.
"I didn't really have a choice." Jennie turned around to lean her back against the counter, looking back into the living room where everyone had gathered, "Jisoo made sure I was coming a dozen times yesterday."
"mmhmm." Chaeyoung hummed as she started scrubbing dishes. "I saw it."
"Saw what?" Jennie looked to the red head next to her, crossing her arms over her chest.
"The gummy bears." Chaeyoung smiled but didn't look away from her chore of doing dishes. "Even if Jisoo doesn't see it yet. I saw it."
Jennie's eyes narrowed at Chaeyoung before she quickly looked over at the brunette laughing in the other room.
"I won't say anything." Chaeyoung whispered and leaned towards Jennie.
Jennie took a deep breath and gave Chaeyoung a thankful look, "Thanks."
"Just.." Chaeyoung set her perfectly washed dish on the counter and turned to face Jennie, letting out a slow breath.
"I know." Jennie rolled her eyes, sensing the lecture about to happen. "She's your best friend, be careful, don't hurt her.. did I miss anything?"
"Yes." Chaeyoung stood up as tall as she could manage. She reached out and gently gripped Jennie's arm, pulling her attention. "Be careful for you too. I love Jisoo, but she doesn't always have it figured out either."
Jennie was taken aback by the comment. Besides Tae and Seulgi, she couldn't think of anyone that cared enough to tell her to be careful for her own sake. And coming from Chaeyoung, it felt sincere, and not a backhanded way of telling her to stay away from Jisoo.
"Jen! Come play!"
Jisoo's voice pulled her from her thoughts and she turned to quickly look at the girl sitting on the floor setting up a game. Turning back to Chaeyoung she offered her a small smile.
"You don't have to worry. I don't plan on doing anything." Jennie pushed herself away from the counter and started walking to the other room.
"Jennie?"
"Yeah?"
Chaeyoung considered what to say for a moment. Her earlier conversation with Lisa came to mind. Her telling them that they shouldn't meddle. She wished she could encourage Jennie, make sure she knew she deserved to try to be happy, but she wasn't sure how. How do you meddle without meddling?
"Red is Jisoo's favorite gummy bear color, too."
Jennie smiled and let out a breathy chuckle, "I know."
—
"You cant do that, you cant do that! Thats cheating." Jennie reached for the game piece and moved it back a few spaces.
"What? I am not cheating! I'm just really good at this game." Jisoo grabbed the piece and moved it back to where it was.
"I don't know why you cant just admit to the fact that you're cheating." Jennie shook her head and leaned back against the couch.
"I'm not cheating." Jisoo laughed and turned away from Jennie.
Matthew had already rolled the dice and was playing his turn, moving his piece around the board. Soojoo rolled her eyes as he gained more points than she had and grabbed the dice for her turn.
Jennie bit her lip and watched Jisoo turn to look at the game board, a wide smile on her face. "You're lucky you're cute."
Jisoo looked back at her shyly. She could feel her cheeks warming and it wasn't until Soojoo cleared her throat, a little too loudly do be natural, that she remembered they weren't the only two actually playing the game on the floor.
"Can it, soodzilla." Jennie glared across the game.
"Its your turn." Soojoo glared back and shifted slightly closer to Jisoo.
"Ooookay." Jisoo looked between the two then pleadingly at Chaeyoung.
"Who wants dessert?" Chaeyoung was quickly on her feet and shuffling to the kitchen.
"Yes!" Matthew threw his fist into the air excitedly. "Did you make brownies? I love your brownies!"
Everyone started to get up from off the floor, abandoning the game that no one really knew the rules for, and started making their way to the kitchen where Chaeyoung was cutting out slices of pie.
Soojoo glared at Jennie the whole way, which the dark haired girl didn't miss.
"I think i'm going to go." Jennie pulled Jisoo back, letting everyone else go ahead of them.
"What? Why?" Jisoo asked quietly. She looked over her shoulder and saw Soojoo watching them as she slowly walked into the kitchen. "Is it because of Soojoo? Cause I didn't even know she was coming."
"No." Jennie shook her head, "I just, should go get Joey before it gets too late."
Looking behind Jisoo, Jennie saw Chaeyoung watching them closely. Things were getting too complicated. This was supposed to be simple. Tutor Jisoo and that was it. She had drawn the line and was determined not to cross it. So why did it feel like everyone and everything was pulling her closer and closer to tumbling over it? What made it even more confusing was the mixed signals from Jisoo. The past week she seemed to be putting on the brakes more than Jennie. Ignoring the flirty comments and actions. But then inviting her to fake thanksgiving and never leaving her side the entire time. Then again, maybe this is what friendship was? Jennie didn't have too much practice in that area so maybe what she thought was mixed signals of Jisoo liking back her was actually just signals that she was good with being friends.
"Are you ok?"
"What?" Jennie asked, slightly stunned.
"Its just, I don't know." Jisoo shrugged. "We're friends, right?"
There it was. The kiss of death. The lingering thought that there was a possibility of more being shot down with a single statement. Even if Jennie had already decided against it, it didn't mean the idea of it being a possibility wasn't something she hadn't thought about.
Jennie swallowed heavily. "Friends?"
"Yeah. And friends talk to each other." Jisoo stepped forward, lessening the space between them. "So if you're not ok, or if something is bothering you, you can talk to me."
Jennie nodded and grabbed for her jacket, shoving her hands in her sleeves before checking her pockets nervously. "I'll just see you tomorrow, ok?"
"Sure. Ok." Jisoo nodded and stepped back so Jennie could open the door. She had spent enough time around Jennie to know when something was bothering her, but she also knew it wasn't usually a good idea to push.
The entire day had been a series of unexpected events. From Soojoo showing up to Jennie actually making an effort with her friends. Chaeyoung was even being weirder than normal and Lisa kept giving her looks throughout the night. Then there were the butterflies.
Anytime Jennie leaned in close to whisper in her ear as they sat at the table, or the playful banter sitting on the floor. All the times Jisoo had caught her looking at her with an expression she couldn't read. Then there was the reaction when she stood there at the door. Friends. Its what they were, wasn't it? Jisoo was kicking herself for how much she was over thinking all of this.
Stuff like this was supposed to be easy. You felt it and you knew. But with Jennie, it was a tornado of confusion and feelings that were sometimes overwhelming. And the idea that Jennie was only playing games with her, flirting and teasing because thats just what she did and not because she actually liked her, terrified Jisoo.
The more she got to know Jennie the more she liked her. The image of leather and a closed off heart disappeared and she saw more of the real Jennie. She was sweet, and kind and so smart. She felt so much yet pretended she cared about nothing. Seeing the world from her eyes was almost magical. And there were moments she knew it wasn't just a game. Jennie cared for her. In what way, was what Jisoo wasn't sure of.
——
"Miss Kim." Jung stepped through the door into the darkroom. "I know I'm lenient with attendance as long as you complete your projects but honestly. A whole week without you threatening to murder another one of my students because you don't like to share chemicals? I was beginning to worry."
Jennie chuckled pushed herself off the counter. "Yeah sorry, I was a little under the weather."
Jung crossed her arms and stepped up to the chemical bins Jennie was standing next to, "How about you show me what you've been working on?"
"Sure." Jennie moved to pull pictures from the mixture bins, clipping them to the line hanging across the room allowing them to dry.
Jung followed the line of photos as Jennie hung them up. She moved slowly, examining each one carefully. She didn't lean in or attempt to touch, she simply looked. Once she made it to the last one she stopped and turned to Jennie.
"Something changed." Jung stated matter of factly.
Jennie's eyebrows came together slightly and she turned her head to look at the photos she had just hung before turning back to her professor with an unsure expression.
"Do you know what changed?" Jung asked like she knew what was different but wasn't sure Jennie knew for herself.
"I.. I'm not sure I know what you mean." Jennie was being honest. She had no clue what Jung was talking about. Her subjects? The lighting? The style?
"Once these are dry, come find me." Was all her professor said before leaving her alone in the dark room.
Jennie couldn't help but feel nervous about it all. Jung showed no signs one way or the other as far as if she was happy or upset. She hadn't given a clue as to what she meant either, leaving Jennie in the dark. In more ways that one.
With a sigh she turned back to her photos, searching for the answer Jung was after. Something was different. But what?
She examined the photos as she pulled them from the line. Photos from the greenhouse- roses, lilies, vines, broken windows.. Jennie had been impressed with herself when she first saw the negatives, and again when the photos started to take shape in the chemicals. The lines were sharp, the focus set, lighting ideal. They were great pictures. Even the ones with Jisoo in them- maybe especially those ones- even though capturing people in photographs had never been Jennie's thing.
Jisoo's hair catching the light, honey colored sunshine glowing around her. Her light skin looked smooth and soft as she reached out for stems or leaned in to smell the flowers around them. Her smile wide as she watched a bird flit through the open space, having found his way through a broken window.
Jennie paused on the last one and smiled. She reached out but instead of taking it off the line, she brushed her fingertips over it slowly. It was the last photo she took before they had ran to escape the rain. Or enjoy the rain. Depending on who you were asking.
Jisoo was sitting cross legged on the old concrete fountain. Her hands stretched out behind her, supporting her weight while her head was tilted back, positioned just right for the last bit of sunshine to hit her face. Basking in the sun, soaking in the last bit of warmth before the skies turned grey and opened up to shower rain down on them.
She was smiling.
Jennie gently took hold of the photo and pulled it off the line. She remembered taking this picture. She also remembered wishing she knew what Jisoo was thinking at this very moment.
Adding it to the pile she made her way out of the dark room and into the classroom where Jung was waiting. Jennie handed her the stack of photos and Jung added them to the photos already laid out on the table. She had pulled photos from Jennie's folder and placed them on the table. It was like looking at a timeline of the last few months.
"Tell me about this one." Jung pointed to a picture at the beginning of the row. It was one Jennie had taken at the beginning of the semester.
"Its.. at a park?" Jennie answered hesitantly.
Jung sighed and shook her head, "Tell me something I cant see for myself."
Jennie looked back down at it. It was at her park. She had gone out there after yet another fight with her mother. She had been furious and it showed in the photo. The focus wasn't as sharp, it was even unclear as to what exactly she had been trying to take a photo of. Nothing pulled your attention, it was just a picture.
"How about this one?" Her professor moved down the line to another photo. The house with the porch light lit. "The difference between the first photo and this one is already easy to see."
She was right. It didn't matter that the subject matter was completely different. One was shot in daylight, the other night time. There was something else that was different about them.
The difference was Jisoo, Jennie thought to herself. That night was the first time Jisoo had completely taken over her thoughts and had made a regular appearance since.
"Then this one." Jung pointed to another photo of the park. "Its the same place as the first, but this photo, unlike the first, makes me want to go there."
It was a photo from the night Jennie had taken Jisoo there. After the party, while Jisoo was drunk. Even then when she was doing everything to fight it, her feelings for Jisoo were already changing the way she saw things. The sunrise had never been quite as beautiful as it was that morning.
They moved down the line— The junk yard, concrete covered in broken glass. The abandoned house, chandelier reflected in mirror covered walls. The greenhouse, rainbows of light bending to illuminate flower and vine covered walls.
"So what changed?" Jung sat down on the edge of the table and looked at Jennie expectantly.
"I did." Jennie breathed out quietly.
Jung smiled but stayed quiet, hoping the silence would urge her to continue.
"I don't know how to explain it." Jennie sighed frustratedly.
"You stopped hiding behind your photographs." Jung nodded towards the pictures covering the table, "You began to let yourself be a part of them."
It seemed too simple, but she was right. Jennie had started out using photography as a way to escape her reality. Hiding behind whatever she saw through her view finder. Trying to create a world outside of her own. Trying to create feelings other than what she was really feeling. Gradually though, she began to let herself be a part of what it was she saw in front of her. Learning to express herself through her pictures, instead of hiding behind them.
"You know, Jennie. Great photographs aren't created, they are captured." Jung stood up and took a few steps. She reached out, her fingers pressing against the corner of a photo as she slid it across the hard surface, placing it in front of Jennie before walking away.
Jennie's eyes dropped to the photograph sitting in front of her. Of course it was Jisoo. Head thrown back, mid laugh and pure joy. Jennie ran a hand through her hair as she let her eyes scan across the table. Her professor was right. Of all the photos sitting in front of her, it wasn't the ones with the perfect lighting or thought out angles that pulled your attention. It was the ones that were taken in a matter of seconds. The moments that left Jennie's fingers itching until she pressed the shutter release in an attempt to capture what she felt in that moment. The photographs that were moments where she felt something. Something she didn't want to forget.
Suddenly the line she had created to protect herself seemed so stupid. Protect herself from what? From Jisoo? From the beautiful girl that made her smile and see the world differently? The girl that had managed to piece back together her splintered heart and made her feel something other than sadness? The line she had created to protect herself now seemed like was only keeping her from being happy.
——
"Oh good, you're here!" Chaeyoung ran down the sidewalk towards the library.
Jennie turned around and chuckled at the mess of red curls bouncing as Chaeyoung ran to catch up with her. "Every Tuesday and Thursday."
"Even though its not required?" Chaeyoung asked, slightly out of breath as she stepped up next to Jennie.
"What?" Jennie stopped walking and turned to Chaeyoung. She hadn't told anyone she was still tutoring Jisoo simply because she wanted to and not because it was needed for her grade.
"Jisoo told me." Chaeyoung looked at her slightly confused. "She was worried when you left so fast yesterday that something was wrong. Then she told me her teacher said it was up to her to keep doing the tutoring and she was worried you'd be mad."
"Wait." Jennie closed her eyes and tilted her head, "Lee gave Jisoo the option to stop tutoring?"
"Oh. Oh no." Chaeyoung started to fidget with her hands, "She didn't tell you?"
Jennie looked at Chaeyoung, "No." What did that mean? "But don't worry about it." She started walking down the sidewalk again, Chaeyoung still following after her.
Chaeyoung was rambling, talking even faster than Jisoo but Jennie had mostly tuned her out. It hadn't even occurred to her that when Lee gave her the option to stop working with Jisoo, he would offer her the same thing. That could only mean one thing right? Jisoo wanted to spend time with her. Enough so that she kept up the tutoring she didn't need in order to do so.
"...going to say anything."
Jennie turned and saw Chaeyoung looking at her like she was waiting for a response. Right. She had been talking to her on their walk to the library.
"I um, thanks?" Jennie spoke slowly. She hadn't heard a single word Chaeyoung had said.
"Honestly, its like talking to myself sometimes." Chaeyoung shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I'll see you in class tomorrow." With that Chaeyoung walked off mumbling to herself, leaving Jennie alone on the library steps.
—
"Hey!" Jisoo smiled as she ran up to the library, "Am I late?"
"Nope." Jennie responded with a smile.
"Soo, what are we doing out here? Its freezing." Jisoo went to pull open the heavy library doors but stopped as Jennie stepped in front of her and arched an eyebrow.
"I think we should skip studying today."
Jisoo gave her a curious look "For any reason in particular?"
"Well." Jennie started, taking a step down the stairs, "First, I don't think you need tutoring anymore anyway." She looked over her shoulder and smiled at Jisoo's sheepish look. She didn't know Jennie knew about the offer to end tutoring, and obviously felt a little bad about it. "And second, I have somewhere to be. And I'm bringing you with me."
"Is this another one of those times where you aren't going to tell me anything and I just have to go along with it?" Jisoo smiled and made her way down the stairs after Jennie, gripping her backpack straps tightly.
"Exactly." Jennie smiled and reached her arm behind her, offering her hand to Jisoo.
Jisoo's hand gripped hers tightly and Jennie led her to the parking lot where her car was waiting. She opened the door for Jisoo and shut it gently once she was inside the car. The drive to Jisoo's was quick, pulling up to the sidewalk in front of the apartment building Jennie put the car in park but kept it running.
"I'll be back in an hour." She gave Jisoo a crooked smile, "Dress warm."
"Thats it? I don't know what that means." Jisoo unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car, leaning down to keep her attention on Jennie.
"Just dress warm." She put the car in drive and gestured with her hand for Jisoo to get going. As soon as the passenger door was shut she pulled away, leaving Jisoo on the sidewalk more confused than usual.
For whatever reason, things suddenly felt different. Jennie didn't care if it was finally seeing her photos and knowing what had changed them or Chaeyoung's accidental slip that Jisoo had chosen to keep spending time with her because she wanted to and not because she had to. But that line she drew was fading quickly.
Maybe things could be different this time. With Jisoo. The idea of it wasn't as scary as it had once been and for the first time in a long time it felt like Jennie was actually letting go of the hurt and the fear of her past and actually willing to let herself move forward.
An hour later Jennie was pulling up to the apartment building, Joey in the front seat with his head out the window. Jisoo laughed and scratched his ears before opening the door and pushing him into the back seat. She did as she was told and dressed warm, even thought she wasn't sure why.
"Ready?" Jennie asked with a smirk.
"I guess." Jisoo shrugged, still having no clue what they were doing. She had to admit though, this was one of her favorite things about Jennie. She knew Jennie cared about her, but it didn't stop her from letting Jisoo do things. Explore, adventure, go out of her comfort zone. She was the first person to actually encourage it.
They pulled up to campus and Jisoo looked out the window before turning to Jennie. "Ok I get that I usually am confused when we go places but.. school?"
Jennie just chuckled and climbed out of the car. She whistled for Joey and the dog scrambled from the back seat to follow Jennie. She pulled her bag from the back seat before securing a beanie on her head and making her way onto campus without waiting for Jisoo.
Jisoo laughed to herself in the front seat then quickly climbed out of the car and zipped up her coat as she jogged after Jennie and the german shepherd.
"The Lustig?" Jisoo looked over at Jennie who was pulling her camera from its bag. "Isn't this building condemned?"
"Yep." Jennie lifted her camera and snapped a photo.
The building was falling apart. After a fire had destroyed it, it had been left untouched and closed off. The University hadn't bothered to do anything with it since it would have cost the same amount to fix it as it would to level it. Leaving it there, a crumbled mess, ended up being the easiest way to approach it.
"It burned down in 1904 and has been empty ever since." Jennie lowered her camera and gave Jisoo a mischievous grin. "Until now."
She slung her bag over her shoulder and started walking around to the side of the building. All the doors and windows had been boarded up surprisingly well. It was clear the university didn't want anyone getting inside, most likely for liability reasons. But Jennie seemed determined to get in.
Jisoo looked around hesitantly before following Jennie around the corner of the building. Campus was mostly empty and since it was so late in the year, the sun was already starting to set.
"I don't think we are going to be able to get in." Jisoo stepped over the make shift fence that wrapped around the building.
As soon as she said it, Jennie pulled away a loose board that had been covering a doorway on the side of the building. Joey ran through it as Jennie slid the board to the side and let it lean against the charred brick.
"You were saying?" Jennie raised an eyebrow and smiled at Jisoo.
Jisoo just rolled her eyes and made her way through the doorway. The building was pretty badly burned, most of its interior gutted. The frame was still standing, 4 walls, the windows from the second story still intact and still visible unlike the ground floor. They had walked in a side door near what would have been the front of the building. There were still a few rows of seats along both walls that faced the stage on the far end of the building. There was an aisle between them about halfway into the building before they stopped abruptly, the rest of the rows clearly a casualty to the fire that had claimed most of the building. The stage was still standing, but from the looks of it, one good gust of wind and it would crumble like everything else inside.
Whatever was left of the interior of the building had been swept to one side, leaving the center of the building bare and empty. The concrete floor cold and covered in black marks left from the fire. Half the roof had caved in, leaving it only partially covered from the harsh weather, the other half exposing the darkening sky above them.
"Whats with you and creepy buildings?" Jisoo asked, slowly looking around.
Jennie shrugged and walked past Jisoo to the center of the room. She set her bag down and walked to the pile of disagreed wood and theater seats. She grabbed a few large pieces of wood and brought them back to the center of the building and stacked them carefully on top of each other.
Jisoo continued to wander around the empty building while Jennie made a few more trips to the pile of debris then back to the new pile she was making. Jisoo hugged her arms around herself as a cold gust of wind made its way through the large open space. The sun was nearly down and with it went whatever warmth the day had held.
Jisoo kicked at a pile of papers on the ground near the stage and watched as Joey chased after a crumpled up poster being blown by the wind.
"Hey, bring me some of that?" Jennie called from her neatly stacked pile of wood.
"Some of what?" Jisoo turned around with a slight jump.
"Paper." Jennie walked to her bag and pulled out a tripod and set it up while Jisoo gathered up a stack of old scripts and playbills.
Jisoo handed the papers to Jennie and watched as she ripped them up, crumpled them into balls and placed them in the pile of wood on the cold concrete floor. When Jennie pulled the lighter from her pocket it became clear what she had been doing.
"Isn't it kind of ironic that you're building a fire in the middle of a building that was destroyed by fire?" Jisoo asked, eyes wide. She was all for adventure, but this didn't seem like the greatest idea.
Jennie chuckled and moved the lighter to let the flame catch in more than one place. "Consider it therapy. Forcing the building to face its fear of the very thing that destroyed it."
"Oh yeah?" Jisoo scoffed, "Is that how you face your fears?"
"Maybe." Jennie watched as a small flame took hold of the paper and started to spread to the dry wood stacked together.
Jisoo shook her head but walked over and held her hands out over the flame, hoping the heat would warm her fingers. "So why were you so against the ferris wheel?"
"Okay, fair point." Jennie smiled and stood up, watching the flame take over the pile of wood. "So maybe i'm doing to this building what you did to me. Not giving it a choice."
Jisoo turned to look at Jennie with apologetic eyes. She really did feel awful about that night, even if she had to admit she really enjoyed it at the same time.
Jennie chuckled and stepped closer to Jisoo, sharing the same heat from the fire. "Good choice by the way."
"What?" Jisoo asked watching the flames dance in front of them.
Jennie turned, her eyes locked on Jisoo's. The flame growing slowly as darkness fell like a blanket around them. Jennie's lips twitched into a smile then relaxed as her tongue moved to wet her bottom lip, her eyes moving to study Jisoo's lips as she spoke.
"Who could refrain, that had a heart to love, and in that heart, Courage to make love known?" Jennie's voice was barely above a whisper. The crackling of wood mixing with her breathing.
Jisoo swallowed heavily at the words and the softness of Jennie's voice as she spoke them. The energy around them was electric. The crispness of the air, light flickering from the small fire, casting long, dancing shadows over charred and empty walls. The sounds of wind blowing through leaves and brave animals not yet hiding from the ever approaching winter. Stars starting to appear through the open ceiling above them.
The way Jennie was looking at her.
Jisoo could hear her heart beat and prayed Jennie couldn't. It was loud and it was fast and fluttered like the butterflies in her stomach were trying to fly away with it.
"Macbeth." Jennie whispered, not taking her eyes from Jisoo's lips.
"What?" Jisoo breathed out, not sure she heard her right.
"Shakespeare." Jennie smiled, her eyes moving back to look into Jisoo's.
Jisoo nodded her head but still wasn't sure what Jennie was talking about. Jennie lifted an old script from the pile Jisoo had given her to help start the fire and smiled.
"Oh." Jisoo breathed out nervously, "Right. Macbeth."
Jennie watched Jisoo for a moment, the longer her eyes lingered the more flustered she seemed to get. With a smirk she turned and walked back to her tripod, taking her camera off her neck and attaching it carefully.
Jisoo watched as Jennie took the camera and tripod and walked it a ways away from the fire. She tilted the camera up to look through the open roof and started adjusting things on her camera.
"What are you doing?" Jisoo asked, stepping up behind Jennie to watch her.
"Well..." Jennie's tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth as she was bent over the camera, looking through the view finder. "I am going to take pictures of the stars, but first I have to make some adjustments."
"What kind of adjustments?" Jisoo asked, looking from the camera to the sky then back to Jennie.
"You really want to know?" Jennie asked, turning her attention to the brunette standing behind her, "Cause I brought you snacks to keep you busy while I did the boring stuff."
Jisoo smiled and took a step forward, stopping next to the camera, "How about I keep you company for the boring stuff, then we can share the snacks?"
Jennie narrowed her eyes at Jisoo, considering it for a moment. Why had she been so afraid to open her heart to this girl? It seemed silly now to think about it. Jisoo had been wrong. They weren't just friends. At least Jennie didn't want them to be just friends.
Jisoo nodded towards the camera and gave Jennie an expectant look before rocking on the balls of her feet.
Jennie shook her head and turned back to the camera, "So because at night the camera catches light differently, you have to change the settings a bit." Jennie turned her head to see if Jisoo was even paying attention and was pleasantly surprised to find that she was. "You slow down the shutter speed—"
Jisoo's face twisted to confusion and Jennie chuckled.
"ok, shutter speed, adjusting how long the light is able to get it." Jisoo nodded in understanding and Jennie continued. "Then turn the aperture down- which change how much light gets in."
She continued to explain what she was doing while Jisoo listened intently. Once they had the camera set up, Jennie stood up and pressed the shutter release. Jisoo watched her closely as they both waited silently. 30 seconds passed and they heard the quiet click of the camera.
"Thats it?" Jisoo asked, clearly unimpressed.
"Thats it." Jennie nodded and rotated the camera slightly before pressing the shutter release again.
"Its a little anticlimactic." Jisoo teased as she rubbed her hands together for warmth.
"I told you it was the boring part." Jennie turned and walked back towards the fire and picked up her bag. She pulled out a thermos and package of cookies.
Jisoo's eyes immediately lit up and she practically bounced over to Jennie and took the cookies from her hands. They sat down on the row of theater seats closest to the fire and shared the package of cookies and thermos of hot chocolate. Jennie would periodically walk over to press the shutter release to take another picture before returning to sit by Jisoo and the fire.
They had been there a couple hours, Jennie would feed more wood to the fire when it needed it but both girls were content to sit in the abandoned building, covered in the blanket Jennie had stashed in her bag and Joey curled up at their feet.
"So how do you pick what to take pictures of?" Jisoo spoke through a yawn as she curled up on the seat and leaned her head against the top of the back rest.
Jennie looked at Jisoo thoughtfully for a second before standing up and walking to her camera. She hit the shutter release and slowly made her way back, hands shoved in her pockets. She stood next to the fire, opposite of Jisoo and watched the flames dance slowly.
"I take pictures of things that make me feel something."
Jisoo's face scrunched up and she turned her head to look at Jennie, "Is that why most your photos are of things that are broken?"
Jennie took in a deep breath. "I guess so. Sometimes the things most broken are the most beautiful."
Jisoo watched Jennie closely. Her eyes were focused on the flames between them but something about her expression was different that night.
Suddenly Jennie's eyes moved from the fire to Jisoo's. There was a vulnerability in them, but also an intensity Jisoo hadn't seen before. "I'd like to—" Her voice cut off and she cleared her throat nervously, "Could I maybe take your picture? Sometime?"
Jisoo slowly sat up, "You want to take my picture?" She laughed nervously as she tried to read Jennie's face, "Why? What do I make you feel?"
Jennie pulled her hands from her pockets and rubbed her palms against her thighs. She was stepping dangerously close to that line that was already starting to blur. Taking a deep breath she let it out slowly as she looked at Jisoo, unable to keep herself from smiling.
The delayed response was making Jisoo nervous as she watched Jennie through the light of the fire that was slowly dimming. The wood pile was growing smaller as mostly charred pieces glowed softly atop the concrete floor. The light remaining was just enough for Jisoo to see Jennie turn and walk back to her camera.
Jennie slowly unhooked her camera from the tripod and quickly started adjusting the settings as she turned back around. The fire was dying and if she wasn't fast the light would be gone and her chance would be missed.
"What do you make me feel?" Jennie said quietly as she slowly started making her way back towards the dying fire. "Your laugh is like the sunrise. You already know it's beautiful, without having to experience it. But the moment you do. The moment the sun starts to rise and you see the array of colors and feel that warmth you realize... that even though it happens every morning, it's your favorite thing and you can't wait to wake up the next day and experience it over and over again for the rest of your life."
*click*
"Thats.. what you make me feel." Jennie lowered her camera and looked at Jisoo nervously.
Jisoo sat there stunned. That was not what she was expecting to hear at all. "I thought.. um.." Jisoo licked her lips, her eyes unable to look away from Jennie's, "I thought you wanted to take pictures of the stars?"
"I do."
*click*