One month later...
"Surprise!"
"Holy fuck!"
The excited faces of fifty something people immediately morph into expressions of confusion, amusement, or disappointment. I guess my reaction wasn't exactly ideal? Not that I could help it. I hate surprise parties. Who the hell thinks "how wonderful!" when you enter the sanctuary of your own space only to find it dark and full of people you mistake as robbers and killers? Weird.
"You'll have to forgive her." James speaks up and emerges from the middle of the crowd, decked out in party poppers and a sparkly hat. I snort and quickly cover my mouth to contain my laughter before I make any more enemies. "She hates surprises."
"So, why did you plan a surprise party for her?" Kelly, a co-worker of mine asks, her question laced with amusement.
"Because she's most likely to remember me if I did something she hates."
At that I'm unable to hold my laughter any longer. I walk to James with arms stretched out and engulf him in an enthusiastic hug that he returns. Over the past few months he has undoubtedly become my best friend here. Despite our hookup in the beginning, our relationship since has been strictly platonic. I've confided in him about Cameron and the gist of what I went through in my past and he even convinced me to get over my inability to go to a therapist just because I'm training to become one. He'd taught me to think of it as a learning experience so I can make my career even stellar in the future. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had the chance to heal. I didn't realize how broken I was until I burst into tears as soon as my first session started. All my therapist asked me was how my day went.
I've come a long way since. I'm now able to talk about my past, talk about my father, and talk about Cameron without feeling like someone's making a five course meal out of my heart. In a way, receiving therapy has taught me more than my training program and I'm eternally grateful to James for helping me take that step. I know everyone back home would adore him. He's honest, kind, and crazy smart. The first time I told him about what happened between Cameron and I , he took his side. I was aghast. He told me he understood where Cameron was coming from and he made a mature and rational decision, that if neither of us had the chance to heal separately we would've destroyed each other by staying together. It was a truth I wasn't ready to hear and I didn't speak to him for over a week but when I finally showed up at his door step drunk and crying he let me in with a kind smile.
And I get it now. Why Cameron did what he did. We'd both been living with our own demons for so long and it worked for us because our inner turmoil wasn't directly affecting anyone. But if we got into a relationship, something that required us to share our darkest and deepest pieces, that definitely would've affected us. Relationships require intimacy and unhealed hearts would have done more harm than good. I can only hope that Cameron has healed the way I have and that when I go back to Boston in a couple of months, we'll both be better than ever and ready to give things a shot.
My therapist recommended we should start over at the beginning: friendship. I'd told him that Emily let me know at one point that Cam was also getting therapy. My therapist said we'd probably seem like completely different people to each other when I returned to Massachusetts even though we were exactly the same and that rediscovery would be a huge part of our lives no matter what kind of relationship we established; platonic or more. I think he's right. And at this point I miss his friendship more than anything. Of course I yearn for the possibility of truly being with him but even while we were together it was like being with my best friend. That's what made me love him so much, love what we had together. I just want to be his friend; to know that I can talk to him about my day and share my fears and dreams and anything in between. To joke with him and laugh with him and cry with him.
"He's right, you know." I call out to my colleagues in confirmation, pushing away the intruding thoughts. "This is so much better than taking me to a club and having three male stripper tending to me."
"I vote for plan B!" A female voice comes from somewhere in the back. Laughter breaks out across the room and I find myself smiling fondly. I'm glad I don't have to leave here just yet. Now that I'm officially certified, hence the party, I'll be shadowing the mentor I've chosen for the next two months and working in the field. Only then will I leave England with a license and a (hopefully) kickass letter of recommendation.
"You want a stripper, huh?" James's eyebrows go up in intrigue.
"Uh oh." I say at the look on his face. The semi-creepy smile he's sporting doesn't ease my nerves in the least.
He takes my hands and leads me to the middle of my living room. There seems to be a silent understanding as people start moving furniture out of the way to create a bigger space. Another colleague of mine grabs a chair from the dining table and situates it right in the centre of the crowd, now spread out to form a circle. A song starts up, something slow with a sexy beat, and James presses down on my shoulders until I'm sitting in the chair.
"You wouldn't." I gape at him but a giggle gurgles out of me. I'm kind of excited to see where this is headed.
"Like I said babes," he looks down at me with his head tipped back as he pulls off his shirt from the back of his neck. Catcalls and whistles meet my ears among the music as the song picks up in pace. "Can't have you forgetting me."
He throws his shirt at me and I catch it before it can hit my face. I pretend to take a whiff and feign melting into my seat. All around us, there's laughter and more whistles and the flashing of cameras. I cackle when James trails one hand slowly down his stomach and into the front of his pants, thrusting his hips at me.
"Yes, honey!" I cheer him on, spinning his shirt above my head before throwing it off to the side. Girlish screams erupt as a fight commences to win possession of the piece of cloth.
He places his long legs on either sides of my chair and grips the back of it, arms caging me in. When he rolls his body leisurely, I half-scream half-laugh. Both of my hands go around his hips to encourage his movements and he grabs them, guiding them upwards until I'm holding on to his shoulder. Without warning, my chair lifts up into the air while I'm still seated on it. I shriek in surprise and my legs quickly go around his torso to help balance myself. That puts us in the perfect position for him to swivel his hips into me. Loud cheers and whoops emit excitedly from our audience.
"Oh, my God!" I'm laughing so hard I can barely breathe. "Why are you so good at this?"
"Anything for my best mate." He has to shout the sentiment into my ear because it's too loud.
"Is this what mates do in England?" I tease though we both know I'm only joking. Despite what this looks like, we both know I'm completely in love with someone else and are on the same page about being friends only. Sometimes I wonder if James is gay or even bisexual because I've seen his lingering gaze on the same men that I check out. Hell, our hookup might've been a fluke while he figures himself out for all I know.
My thoughts are once again interrupted when James sets me and the chair down then turns his back to me, bending over and placing his palms flat on the floor.
"Um." I snicker and eye the sweet view of his ass.
"Hold my legs at your shoulder level." He calls over his shoulder to instruct.
I do as he says and bend the legs on either side of me, holding them by the ankle. Screams and whistles light up the whole room when James starts shaking his ass. He twerks with such precision I'd find myself almost jealous if I wasn't enjoying the show so much.
"What the hell!" I squeal in delight. My giggles are lost among the rest of the joyous sounds coming from my colleagues.
"Yeah, James!"
"Shake that thang, mate!"
"Me next!"
Each comment makes me laugh harder and harder until my face is absolutely flushed and my eyes are watering. Occasionally, someone will walk out from the crowd to stuff a bill into James's pant. He's collected an impressive amount of handy cash. When he drops his legs from my grip I make sure to get in a hard ass-slap before he turns to face me again. The songs ends just then too and everyone cheers and claps.
"That was amazing!" I speak through my giggles. His face is red from exertion and he's laughing as hard as everyone else. I wrap my arms around his neck in a fierce hug and he kisses me on the cheek. "Best present ever!"
"Congratulations, chica."
"Gracias, guapo."
He helps me stand up and we both take a bow for our onlookers before we're immediately flanked by our friends. Some of the guys clap James on the back and declare a need for lessons from him while girls titter and eye him like he's a piece of meat. I don't blame them. His body is cut to perfection and his combination of raven hair and icy, almost transparent eyes is deadly hot. A fair share of the guys eye me up and down with interest. I don't blame them either. I'm decked out in a short black dress that clings to me like a second skin. The material is leather and I've paired the dress with knee-high lace boots that makes my legs look killer. My high ponytail shows off the halter neckline and the hoops that lightly touch my shoulders. You know what they say; the bigger the hoop, the bigger the...heart. I was dressed out for a night of clubbing and since the party is intended for me it's only natural I seem to hold all the male attention.
Yet, it does nothing for me. I react more intensely to the mere thought of Cameron than the stares or advances of any man in this room here. But...no. I try not to dwell on that. Right now is the time to celebrate me and this chapter in my life so that's what I'm going to do.
A shot glass gets handed to me and I take it down without a second of hesitation. It's immediately replaced with another that I swallow back just as quickly. I shake my head a little at the sudden burn but I can't deny how good it feels.
"Let's get this party fucking started!" I scream around cupped hands and loud cheering greets me in response. The music gets turned higher, the lights dim, and colourful lights shine down on the dance floor. I don't know James arranged all this but he's a gem for it.
Kelly and Olivia, two of the closest friends I've made in my program, join me on the dance floor as Arms Around You by X, Lil Pump, and Maluma fills the space of my apartment. The beat thumps loudly and shakes the walls and floor. I sway my hips to the side with my arms in the air. My head falls back gently as I get lost in the chorus and my waist rolls in tune with the rhythm. My girls dance around me in similar fashion and we laugh as we establish a pattern of moves to match the song. In a matter of seconds, the dance floor is packed with grinding bodies. It's a sexy song so almost everyone is paired up to dance together. When Maluma's verse comes on, I sing along to every word and continue to dance in my own space. The looks thrown my way just increase and I almost laugh at how easy it is. All I have to do is speak Spanish and men start tripping over their feet. One man in particular is brave enough to step forward and start dancing close to me. He doesn't make a grab for me, which I appreciate, but his movements resemble a salsa dance and I find myself wanting to join him. Fuck it, I think.
I take his hand and place the other on his shoulder and he doesn't miss a beat when his hand grabs my waist. My step forward meets his step back and vice versa. I add a little shake of my ass to spice things up and he does the same, moving his waist just as gracefully. He spins me out then spins me back in and lifts me into the air for a few brief seconds. When my feet land on the ground, I'm dipped backward before coming back up and being pressed against a firm chest. My eyebrows go up and I make sure to show him so he can see how impressed I am. A wink in return is all I get before I'm spun around so my back is to his chest and his one hand is placed lazily on my stomach. His other arm hangs by his side and I mimic his posture, my other arm reaching behind me so my hand can grip the back of his head. We both sway our hips side to side in perfect harmony when the chorus picks up again.
As the last note is sung, I'm spun to my side and dipped unexpectedly. I gasp lightly but the hand that had been gripping him is still in place and my other hand goes to his neck. One of my legs is picked up to fit snugly against his side and he holds onto me with a strong arm around my waist. The song finishes at that exact moment and I'm left staring into gorgeous honey eyes while everyone roars around us. It sounds kind of muffled though and I'm pretty sure that has to do with me being in a complete daze about what just happened coupled in with the sexy man holding onto me.
When he situates us so that we're standing and facing each other, I blink up at him.
"You're good." I say simply.
"You're great." He throws back easily. I cock my head to the side when I notice he doesn't have a British accent. He answers my silent question.
"I'm from Barcelona. Here on vacation with mis muchachos. I'm a plus one of a friend of a James who didn't want to ditch me so I hope you don't mind me tagging along."
"Ay!" I exclaim, excitement lighting me up. It always felt like home when I came across someone who I shared an entire culture and ethnicity with. "Una cara amable. Que agradable!" (A friendly face. How nice!)
"Si, y que hermosa cara tienes." (Yes, and what a beautiful face you have.)
I scoff, slapping his chest lightly. He smiles at me with perfect teeth and full lips and I find myself not-so-discreetly watching his mouth.
"You know," he starts with a chuckle. "My talents aren't limited to just a dance floor. My body is great for a lot of things."
"Hmm." I drag my eyes up to his which are watching me in equal amusement and intense anticipation. "¿Es eso así?" (Is that so?)
"¿Qué tal si descubres?" (Why don't you find out?)
"Maybe I will." I grin at him and flick my ponytail over my shoulder. His gaze tracks the movement and falls briefly to my chest before returning to my face. "Find me at the end of the night."
He bites his lip. "Bueno."
After kissing my hand he stalks off to join his friends, leaving me staring at the floor in confusion. I just flirted with him. And I liked it.
Crap. I really liked it.
I mean we shared some pretty great vibes. It was a blast dancing with him. Him speaking Spanish is definitely a perk that makes him even more attractive and with a tall frame, broad shoulders, and honey coloured eyes and hair, he had enough attractive to go around.
I groan. This was getting old. I wanted to be able to flirt with a guy without feeling guilty, like I was cheating or Cameron or something. Yes, I still had hopes for us but wishful thinking shouldn't dictate the choices I make now, should it? I'm miles away from him and leading a completing a completely different life than I did back home. Our lives don't mesh anymore and yet I make decisions as if they do. That can't be healthy. It's not like I left Boston making a deal with Cameron to put pause on us. For all I know, I'm going to return to a friendship and nothing more.
"Damn it." I growl softly and stomp my way to the snack table. I stuff a handful of popcorn into mouth and chew angrily, stewing in a corner.
"Woah." Olivia sniggers just as she approaches me. "How in the hell did you go from burning up the dance floor with that hottie to sulking in the dark?"
"I want to hook up with him. Spanish Hottie."
"Don't tell me he's not interested." Her eyes bug out in disbelief.
"Of course he is." My lips twitch briefly. "I look like a wet dream, bebé."
"Then what's the problem?"
I debate against telling her the truth but decide that my brain has had enough internal struggling for the day. "I feel guilty."
Her eyes soften with understanding and she smiles at me sympathetically. "Cameron?"
I nod, unable to say anything else. She tsks gently at me.
"You're not in a relationship with him anymore, hon. I get that you guys are healing and might make your way back to each other eventually but you're on a different path right now. A different journey. And it should involve exploring other relations otherwise what is all this 'exercising my independence' shit? Part of being independent is meeting other people."
"I know but what if I'm the slut that's hooking up with random guys while Cameron waits for me back home?"
"If he's abstinent, that's his decision. If you're not, that's your decision. And I bet if he was having the occasional hookup back home no one would think he's a slut. Don't fall into the trap of shaming yourself just because you're a girl and comfortable with your sexuality. That doesn't make you less of a person in any way."
"You're right." I take a deep breath, feeling significantly better at her words. "I think I'm going to do it."
"Just remember: it doesn't make you a bad person."
"Right. Thank you." I hug her gratefully and excuse myself, heading down the hallway to my bedroom. I close the door behind me and breathe a sigh of relief when the music becomes significantly muffled. I turn on the lights next and make my way to the bedside table, retrieving my phone. Olivia's speech did help but there's still one person who's approval will always matter to me.
"Hey, babe!" Emily's smiling face answers my outgoing FaceTime and I return the expression.
"Hey, sexy. ¿cómo estás?"
"Good! It's crazy that you called when you did because I was just about to do the same thing."
"Yeah?" I lie back against my pillows and get comfortable. "What's up?"
"Are you alone? Are you somewhere you can openly freak out?"
"Yes." I say cautiously and narrow my eyes. "This better be as juicy as it sounds. Let's hear it."
"How about I show you?" She waggles her brows and disappears from the camera a second later. My own brows draw together in confusion as I hear rustling in the background. What the hell is she up to? When she returns holding what looks like a photo in her hand, it's back facing me and hiding the content, I wave an impatient hand at her.
"Get on with it, mujer. What is that?"
Without speaking a word and wearing the largest smile I've ever seen on her, she flips the photo around.
And I gasp.
My hand flies to my mouth and tears immediately gather in my eyes. Emotion chokes me up, squeezing my chest so tightly that I can't seem to speak or even breathe for that matter.
"Em." I croak, hand now clutching my chest.
"I'm three months along." She whispers back, crying as hard as I am.
"Em!" I repeat and stare at the sonogram, unable to pull my eyes away from the grainy little bean. "Holy shit! You're pregnant!"
"I know!" She laughs and cries as she chokes out the sentence and we both wipe our tears to try and gather ourselves.
"I'm so awestruck right now. Just yesterday we were kids playing Twister in your bedroom and now you're pregnant!"
"It feels surreal, Aves, like this isn't even my life. Like I'm watching this all happen to another person. I don't know how I got to this point but I'm so grateful."
"Aw, bebé." I waggle my brows. "It is Jaxon's right?"
"Aves!" She bursts out laughing. "Of course it is. You should see what this news has done to him. As if he wasn't caveman enough he walks around the house with his chest permanently puffed out. And don't even get me started on our sex life. Apparently me being pregnant does something primal to him and he can't keep his hands off me for more than an hour. It doesn't matter where we are; as soon as he's within arm's length my clothes vanish in a second."
"Hot." I grin in approval but it disappears just as quick when I recall what I wanted to talk to her about. "Speaking of sex..."
"Oh, my God. Are you pregnant too?"
"What? No! Jesus." She merely shrugs at the scowl I throw her way. "I just wanted your opinion on something."
"Of course."
"Is it...is it bad if I have sex with other men while I'm here?"
"Why would it be bad?" She sounds confused. I shrug, refusing to meet her eyes.
"Cam."
"Oh, babe." I hear her sigh and can bet she's shaking her head at me right now. "It's your life. Right now, Cameron isn't a part of it. You guys are working on yourselves and that's admirable but you're going to stunt all the progress you make if every decision you make is based on what he will think of it."
"I guess." A pause ensues as I gather my thoughts. "Do you know if he's hooking up with any girls?"
She bites her lip, seemingly debating what to say. And that alone is enough of an answer.
"That's good." I tell her honestly. "The thought of it does suck a little but he should be able to have that. I'm sure he'd say the same to me."
"He would." Her eyes soften, a faint smile crossing her features. "He's still insanely in love with you. He asks me about you every chance he gets."
"And I'm still insanely in love with him." My heart picks up its pace at Emily's words. "How is he?"
"Good. He's got a couple more matches coming up in the next month. He's been willing all of them by a landslide."
"No shit." I grin.
"He told all the boys about what he'd been dealing with before he went pro."
"Really?" I blink in shock. Part of me is proud but another part of me is weirdly jealous. I'd liked to think that his confiding in me was almost a treasure that was only meant for me but I know telling the boys put his heart at ease so I shove away those ugly feelings. "That's great."
"Yeah." Another silent moment passes before she admits, "He's been writing you letters. About what's been going on in his life and things like that. He's just working on the courage to send them."
"Tell him he should." My voice is no more than a whisper because I'm unable to speak up past the emotion constricting my airway. "I'd love that. And I'd write back every single time."
"Will do." She smiles widely like she knew I was going to say that. "I gotta go, now. It's almost four in the morning. I was going to call you hours earlier but Jax has been really insatiable these days."
"How many babies does that man want to give you?" I laugh but I'm beyond happy for her. She deserves it. I'd say Jax is doing a damn fine job of making the most out of her second chance at life.
"Oh, and you're totally going to be the godmother."
"Hell yeah, mami."
"I'll talk to you soon. Be safe, okay? And hook up with whoever you want. Seriously. You're not a bad person for wanting that."
"Thank you, babe." I blow her a kiss as I ponder where the hell I would be in life without her. "Good night."
"Night."
The call ends and I place my phone on the bedside table before flopping back against my pillows. Though it was a short call, that was a lot of information to digest. My best friend is pregnant. Pregnant. And Cameron hasn't been abstinent like I thought he'd be. The knowledge of that stings me, inevitably, but I would never hold that against him when I'm here doing the same thing. I can't help but wonder if he's having trouble leading a normal sex life now that he's no longer a gigolo. I wish I could talk to him about it. There's so much I want to know.
A knock on my door startles me and I push up on to my elbows. "Come in."
The door opens and Spanish Hottie's head peeks through. His intense gaze runs over me before he steps inside and clicks the lock behind him.
"I found you." He says, stalking towards me.
I nibble my lip leisurely when he climbs above me until his face hovers above mine. "You did."
"Now, what should I do with you?"
"Whatever you want." I whisper right before his mouth molds to mine and his tongue swoops in a second later.
He spends all night doing just that.
____________________
N/A
This was a fun chapter to write! I feel like all of my chapters so far have been so dark and about so much struggle. I wanted to remind my readers and myself that my characters are still young individuals that like to live a fun life despite their troubles! Also, I'm drowning in exams so in a way writing about the fun I'm missing out on was therapeutic.
PSA: the song I talk about in this chapter has been my jam for weeks. You should listen to it while reading this chapter; it actually makes it a more fun experience!
Please VOTE, comment, and share if you liked this chapter.
Happy Reading :)