#PTG08 Chapter 08
The fuck.
"When you're done, pass your paper and you may go," Atty. Bustillo said pagdating na pagdating ko pa lang sa classroom. I was only late for three minutes, then this was what would welcome me?! I looked around only to see everyone starting to write on their yellow papers.
I rushed to my seat, and brought out my paper and pen. Mabilis akong tumingin sa harap. Seriously?!
Discuss the following cases:
1. Caltex v Palomar
2. Manila Lodge v CA
3. Torres v Limjap
4. Roa v Collector of Customs
Shit. Motherfreaking shit.
I stared at my paper, unable to write anything. May cases assigned ba?! Saan nanggaling ang mga 'to?! I tried to write something, but I really couldn't come up with anything! Halos maiyak ako habang pinapanood ko na maubos iyong oras.
Isa-isang nagsitayuan iyong mga classmates ko. Naunang magpasa si Maven. Then Iñigo. Then, I passed mine. Wala akong masagot. Ano pa ba ang gagawin ko?
Mabilis akong lumabas. Dumiretso ako sa CR. I went inside the cubicle to calm myself down. I tried to breathe to calm myself, but disappointment flowed through my vein.
"It's fine," I kept on reminding myself. "Bawi lang."
My heart was throbbing hard. I was never good at handling disappointments. I had a lot of expectations on myself. Even when the people around me were telling me that I had already achieved enough, deep inside me, I knew that those were never enough. Because I knew that I could do more...
But law school was shattering my confidence one day at a time.
I didn't know until when I could pretend that everything's fine.
"Shit, ano ba? Ang arte lang," I said to myself when I felt the tears falling down. Mabilis kong pinunasan isa-isa pero patuloy pa rin sila sa pagbuhos. Para akong tanga. It was futile to stop them because they just kept on falling.
They were unstoppable.
Like the disappointment I was feeling.
"Oh, my god. Sobrang helpful nung binigay! Same lahat nung cases na lumabas," a familiar voice said.
"Yeah. 'Di pala talaga nagbabago ng materials si Atty."
"Download mo na 'yung buong drive, then send it to me, please?"
"Sure, I'll send later. Pero may nakita ka ba 'dun na old quiz or exam from Crim? Sobrang deliks nung standing ko. Ang baba magbigay ni Sir."
The fuck? Did they know the items beforehand?
The disappointment I was feeling quickly vanished, and it was replaced by annoyance. Nagpapaka-hirap kaming mag-aral tapos nakakakuha sila ng free pass dahil alam na nila lahat nung items?!
I stepped forward para sumilip sa crevice. I saw my classmates. Iyong mga babae na mukhang palaging chill lang sa class pero nakaka-sagot kapag nagrerecit. Ugh! Kaya ba sobrang chill nila dahil alam na nila lahat?! Ang unfair!
Nang makaalis sila, hindi agad ako lumabas dahil baka kung ano ang masabi ko sa kanila. I didn't want to make enemies here. I just wanted to study and graduate. But this was bugging me! It's so annoying when you know you're working your ass off only to discover that some people have it easy.
"Hey..." Agad akong natigilan nang makita ko si Iñigo. He was standing outside the CR na para bang hinihintay niyang lumabas ako. "You okay?" he asked.
I forced a smile. "Yeah, bakit naman hindi?" He didn't answer, but I could still see the worried look on his face. I didn't want to dwell on this because we still had another class. "I promise, I'm fine."
"You know I'm here if you need to talk to someone, right?" he said.
I nodded. "Oo naman," I replied. "Nandyan na ba si Sir?"
Umiling siya. "Wala pa," sabi niya. "Yung kanina—"
I cut him off. "No. It's my fault. Na-overlook ko na naman siguro iyong cases."
"Hindi," sabi niya. "Nasa footnotes kasi iyong mga case kaya hindi mo lang siguro napansin. Kupal lang talaga si Sir na pati iyong pina-quiz," he said, trying to cheer me up. But it was no use. I was still beyond pissed nung nalaman ko na alam na nung iba iyong coverage samantalang ako halos maputulan ng hininga nang makita iyong items.
"Nasagutan mo ba?" I asked. Hindi siya naka-sagot. "See? Don't make excuses for my incompetence. It's my fault. I should've known."
Aalis na ako nang tawagin niya na naman ako.
"Wait," he said.
"What? Baka dumating na si Sir."
"If I tell you something, promise me na hindi mo ipagsasabi?"
I arched my brow. "Ano ba 'yang sasabihin mo?" I asked, curious, because for a second, Iñigo looked... frightened? It was not his usual look. Mas madalas kasing happy-go-lucky siya.
"I'll send you copies of old quizzes."
Umawang ang labi ko. Seriously?! Siya din?!
"Saan niyo ba nakukuha 'yan?" I asked. I didn't know what to feel yet. I felt so betrayed. All along, alam ba nilang lahat? Ako lang ba ang tanga na nagpapaka-hirap mag-aral tapos sila, alam na nila lahat?!
Iñigo looked around, as if he was making sure that no one was listening to our conversation.
"It's... it's from my frat."
"What?"
"I get materials from my frat. Old quizzes. Old exams. Basta. Iyong kanina, iyon iyong old quiz kay Atty."
I pressed my lips together. So... so, member ng sorority iyong mga babae kanina? So... hindi lang sa Statcon nangyayari? Sa lahat ng subjects?
Parang gago.
Ang daya.
"I'm disappointed," I told him, turning my back on him. I get that it wasn't his fault, but I felt cheated. Ang daya. Ang daya na nagpapaka-hirap akong mag-aral tapos may easy pass sila? Dahil what? Member sila ng frat?
Diretso akong naglakad papasok. I knew I shouldn't have snapped on him, but I was still reeling from the quiz, tapos malalaman ko na kaya pala siya naka-sagot dahil doon. I would apologize, but not now. I didn't want to talk to people when I was pissed. Baka kung ano ang masabi ko. Mahirap bawiin.
"Bad mood daw si Atty kasi dismissed daw iyong case niya sa RTC," Deanne said habang naghihintay kami sa pagdating ni Atty. Cruz. Tahimik lang ako. Badtrip pa rin ako sa quiz tapos ito na naman dadagdag. "May nasigawan daw sa unang class niya."
I was about to answer when we all stood up when the door swung open. The frown on Atty. Cruz's face was very evident. It seemed like the news was right. He looked like he was in the mood to chew someone.
And if my luck was right tonight, sigurado ako na ako iyong ma-swerteng masisigawan.
The recitation began abruptly. Unang natawag iyong si Mia, iyong isa sa mga members yata ng sorority. She was able to answer correctly kaya kahit mukhang gustong manigaw ni Sir, wala siyang magawa. The recitation continued hanggang sa ako na iyong matawag. Fuck. Ito na.
"Doctrine of Separation of Powers?" he asked.
I breathed in deeply. I could not take a round of humiliation. Not tonight.
"In essence, separation of powers means the legislation belongs to Congress, execution to the executive, settlement of legal controversies to the judiciary. Each is therefore prevented from invading the domain of the others," I answered. I could still remember this. Nabasa ko 'to. Kalma lang, Katherine. You got this. "To prevent the concentration of authority in one person or group of persons that might lead to irreparable error or abuse in its exercise to the detriment of republican institutions. The purpose was not to avoid friction, but, by means of the inevitable friction incident to the distribution of governmental powers among the three departments, to save the people from autocracy."
Halos manginig ang buong pagkatao ko habang nagsasalita ako. Atty. Cruz looked like he was just waiting for me to make a mistake, and he'd breathe fire in my direction. And I couldn't afford that! Sobra na 'yung mga nangyari ngayong gabi!
"Discuss the case of Senate Blue Ribbon Committee v. Majaducon," Atty. Cruz said.
Fuck.
Fuck me!
"The case..." I began. "The case of Senate Blue Ribbon Committee..." I continued, but I stopped right there dahil biglang nawala sa isip ko iyong title. He didn't even assign that case yet! Sabi niya iyong last topic pa kasi hindi pa kami tapos! This case was for the next topic pa!
Atty. Cruz began to unleash his anger on me.
"Ms. Arellano! My God! You're already studying law! Didn't you read the case?!" he asked, embarrassing me in front of the whole class. I could see Iñigo's face. He pitied me. "Answer! Did you read the case?!"
I fisted my knuckle. "No, Sir."
"Incompetent! Did you really think that you can just attend my class without any effort?! Are you a lawyer already?! Are you better than me?!" he shouted.
Umiling ako. "No, Sir..."
That continued for another five minutes. The most humiliating five minutes of my life. Nanatili akong naka-tayo doon habang kinu-kwestyon ni Sir kung paano ako naka-pasok sa law school. Na hindi ako tatagal dito dahil tamad ako. I had to beg myself to calm down. I had to beg myself not to cry.
I had been humiliated enough.
Ayokong dagdagan pa.
Tama na.
* * *
"Girl..." Deanne said.
I quickly fixed my things. "I'm okay," sabi ko habang mabilis na kinuha iyong mga gamit ko. I needed to go home. I wanted to come home.
Mabilis akong lumabas. Sinubukan akong habulin ni Iñigo, pero hindi ako lumingon kahit tawagin niya pa iyong pangalan ko. Sobrang pahiyang-pahiya na ako. Hindi lang sa sarili ko kung hindi sa buong klase. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa 'yung mararamdaman ko. Ang liit-liit bigla ng tingin ko sa sarili ko.
But as I took a step outside, tears began to fall. Diretso lang akong naglakad, walang pakielam kung tignan pa ako ng mga tao. This night has been so fucking shitty!
I walked and walked and walked, begging for this night to be over. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to just end this night.
I was walking mindlessly, tears flowing from my eyes, when I heard someone calling my name.
"Katherine."
I halted.
Hindi ako maka-galaw. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha mula sa mga mata ko. Nanatili akong naka-tayo hanggang sa maglakad siya papunta sa harapan ko.
"Jax..." I said. I bit my lower lip as tears continued to flow. My chest tightened. I hated this night. I hated everything that happened.
"What happened?" he asked.
Umiling ako. "I don't want to talk about it."
Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin habang patuloy sa pagbagsak iyong mga luha ko. Gusto ko silang punasan pero para saan pa? The disappointment I was feeling was too strong. I hated this. I hated feeling this weak.
"Can you do something for me?" I asked with tears clouding my vision.
"Of course," he replied, worry in his eyes. I wished.
"Ten seconds," I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I just needed to do this so that this night wouldn't be complete shit.