The sun has risen, my tears were long gone, stained on my cheeks, but the pain in my chest remained. It was as if my heart has been stabbed by a sharp blade, and the smooth, cold, sharp surface refused to be removed. I feel my heart bleed and cry out in pain as the blade slowly twists inside, leaving a permanent wound
I don't know how long I have been running, but I didn't care. I just ran, I ran and ran until I could no longer think, or breathe. And, finally, having no strength left inside me, I decided to stop. With trembling, weak knees and with shakey hands, I decided to walk back home, dreading to see the look of worry on my band members faces.
However, not wanting to wait too long, and to just get it over with, I quickly but quietly open the door. I internally groan in frustration , hearing the foot steps of my roommates rushing towards me. Before they can notice my weak face, I immediately lower my head, covering my sad features with my bangs and quickly rush past them to my bedroom.
All my energy has vanished, I felt as if the light that was once inside me was slowly disappearing into a dark void. The feeling made me feel empty, weak and cold. I felt as if it was too late to grasp the light and protect it from the cold darkness. It completely captured anything pure and warm inside me.
My ears were deaf to the sound of their worried voices, calling for my name to return to them. I had no more will power to face them. They wanted an explanation, they needed to know the reason for my sad, heart wrenching state. They wanted to know if I was truly okay. Oh, how I wished I was, how I wished I had the strength to tell them that I was indeed okay, but, I was far from it.
I hastily shut my door and immediately lock the door. I lean my back against the door and clench my eyes tight and grit my teeth, hearing the sound of them banging on my door and calling out my name, desperate to see me.
"Lisa! Please open the door," I hear Jisoo beg. Chae then continues,
"We just need to know if you're okay!" My heart slightly breaks at the sadness in their voices. I quickly push myself off the door and immediately turn on my music, blasting it to mask the sounds of my pleading roomates. I jump on my bed and place my pillow on my face, whimpering from the pain in my chest that was slowly increasing.
Exhaustion suddenly shoots down my body and I feel myself slowly entering the darkness. The last thing that I hear before entering my dream state was the music ending and the sweet sound of Jennie calling out for me from behind the door,
"Lisa?"
.............
I feel my body jolt and my eyes widen at the sound of my text tone. I instantly sit up and quickly grab my phone, I roll my eyes and groan seeing the name on my phone, it was Bambam,
Bam: Hey Lice! I'm planning on going to a club tonight! Want to come? I need my old wing woman ;)
I roll my eyes and mutter,
"Idiot." I look up and turn my gaze outside my window and gasp at the sight. It was already dark outside and the house was surprisingly quiet. I look back down at my phone and repeatedly scan the message while biting my lip. I was debating if I should should go or not. But, suddenly, all the memories of these past few days quickly appeared in my mind, making me flinch at the sudden pain in my chest once again.
'I need to do this,' I thought to myself.
Determined to go out, I quickly shake off the fear of getting caught by Manager Oppa, and most importantly, YG and immediately reply,
Me: What the hell, sure, why not."
I needed this night of freedom. Running was no longer useful, it no longer helped clear my head. I desperately needed to find a way to soothe this awful pain in my heart. I look down at my phone after hearing the text tone,
Bam: Sick! Don't worry, I'll pick you up in 3 hours! Not planning on drinking too much!
Me: Okay! See you soon!
After throwing my phone to the side, I lifelessly get off my bed and begin to get ready for the night.
'This will be an interesting night,' I thought to myelf.
................
After 2 hours, I was finally dressed and ready for the night. I look at my reflection and scan my outfit. I was dressed in a tight rose gold dress that had a slit on side, showing off my thigh. As I lean forward to apply lipstick, I suddenly get a message from Bambam,
Bam: Hey! I'm outside in the car!
Me: Okay! On my way out!
I immediately grab my purse and walk out of the room.
...............
Hearing my door open, I instantly begin to hear rapid footsteps walking my way, causing me to groan in annoyance.
'Please, not now, I can't' I think to myself, still mentally drained to face them. As I was putting on my black heels, I hear Jisoo carefully ask,
"Where are you going?" I look up to see Jisoo and Chae already standing in front of me, observing my movements. I glance behind them to see Jennie following behind, slowly scanning my outfit.
'Was she blushing?' I shake my head believing that it was all in my head. I turn my gaze back to my feet, continuing to put on my heels. With no hint of emotion in my voice, I reply,
"Out with Bam," The tone of my voice causes them to grow even more confused than they already are. Before they can ask anymore questions, I stand up straight and begin to open the door,
"Please don't tell Manager oppa," I suddenly hear Jennie hesitantly ask,
"H..how long will you be gone?" I stand frozen in my spot, stunned that she actually spoke more than three words to me. However, still feeling hurt from the times where she was nothing but cold to causes me to grow slightly angry. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts and ignoring my racing heart and scoff. I turn my gaze towards her and coldly reply,
"Why would you care?" Her eyes suddenly widen, stunned, for I have never ever been cold to any of them, most importantly , I have never been cold to the one and only, Jennie Kim. Not waiting for her response I swiftly turn around and bitterly say,
"Don't wait up for me." And with that, I quickly slam the door shut, causing the walls to shake slightly and leaving my confused and worried roomates to themselves.
'I'm sorry girls, I just can't.'
Things are definitely changing.
.................
It's been 2 weeks.
2 weeks since that incident and nothing has changed. After that incident, I came home the next day, covered in hickeys. I drank so much that I completely blacked out, I didn't remember my night. I just remembered waking up, naked, beside a woman I didn't recognize. I was scolded by Jisoo immediately, and for some reason glared at by Jennie. But none of that fazed me, I completely ignored them and went straight to my room.
I haven't spoken a word to anyone since. The only time I would speak to them was during live interviews and photoshoots. I would joke around with all them like how I use to do. But as soon we enter our house, I would immediately shut them out by staying in my bedroom. The only time I would get out of the bedroom was to eat, or leave to go clubbing again. My mother would call me once in a while, updating me with my fathers health, but nothing has changed. He still hasn't responded to anything. these were times where I would go out and drink the night away, temporarily numbing the pain. Then one night Jisoo unnie threatened to tell the Manager and YG about my actions. Still feeling hatred for YG I harshly replied,
"Do it. I don't care."
They stopped trying after that, knowing that I was far too gone to change back to my once bright, light self. I no loner recognized myself. The happy, warm, excited Lisa was gone.
............
"But Baaaaaaam I d..don't wanna go," I drunkily say, slightly giggling at his annoyed face. We just came back from the club and apparently I drank "too much" and had to go home. He rolls his eyes and pulls me out of the car, putting my arm around his shoulder and placing his arm around my waist trying to get me to the front of my door.
"Aish. you're irritating when you're drunk." He mumbles out. I laugh and let him drag me to the front of my door.
"Do you have your keys?" he asks, I giggle and shake my head no. He angrily sighs and rings the doorbell.
"Shhhh they're p..probably sleeping, those little angels." I say, using my aegyo, while pouting my lips. He cringes,
"Ugh, stop. You're not cute." I laugh loudly. Before I can reply the door quickly opens, revealing an surprised Jennie. I push myself off of Bam and throw my arms around Jennie,
"Nini! HEyyy!" She quickly grabs my waist, trying to keep me steady. She scrunches her nose cutely,
"Ugh. You reek of alcohol," I laugh and bury my nose on the crook of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent.
"hmmm you smell nice Nini," I pull away and stare at her blushing face. I smile and poke her nose,
"Cute." I pull away from her and walk past her. I flop myself on the ground and place my phone down beside me and begin to try to remove my shoes. I then hear Bam apologizing,
"Sorry for coming so late, she was causing a scene in the bar and I didn't want her reputation to be ruined so I brought her back home." Bam nervously says, slightly scared by Jennie's cat like eyes. She was narrowing her eyes at him, not seeming to pleased by his precense. She remains quiet, causing him to be uncomfortable. He clears his throat,
"I..I uh.. I'm gonna go, umm bye Lis." I hear him say. I lift my gaze at him and wave my hand wildly,
"Bye bye!" He slightly chuckles and leaves. Jennie sighs and soflty closes the door. She turns to me and sadly sighs at my drunken state. I was struggling to remove my shoes,
"Ugh, stop moving shoes! I'm trying to remove you!" I drunkingly say, feeling my body swaying slightly. I hear Jennie stiffen a laugh, causing me to pout and look up at her,
"Help me Nini," She rolls her eyes and shakes her head and bends down to remove my shoes. As she was removing my shoes I begin to scan her beautiful features. I slowly lift up my hand and begin to push a strand of her hair behind her ear. I see her body tense at the contact,
"You're so beautiful Nini," I whisper to her. I see her cheeks begin to redden, she clears her throat and successfully removes my shoes,
"You're drunk."
'Nope! Just in love,' I sadly thought to myself.
She then stands up and helps me up. After helping me up she begins to walk towards her room, but before she can I begin to ask,
"You hate me don't you?" She freezes and quickly turns around slightly horrified,
"What? No!" I roll my eyes and scoff.
"Yeah, okay" I sarcastically say. I begin to stumble to my door,
"I don't hate you Lisa!" I continue to walk towards my room waving my hands,
"Yeah. yeah." She groans,
"I don't! and you need to stop going out to drink! It's not good for you!" Jennie says. I stop and suddenly smirk, I slowly turn around and begin to walk towards her. Her eyes widen slightly and begins to back away.
"Oh my, do you actually care Nini?" I mockingly say. My smirk grows wider as she bumps into the wall. I walk up to her and place both of my hands on either side of her head, blocking her way to escape. I see Jennie gulp nervously at our proximity. I lift on my hand and slowly begin to trace her jawline with the tip of my finger, causing her to shiver at my touch. I then slowly lean closer to her face until our lips were centimeters apart. Oh, how badly I wanted to place my lips on her soft plump lips. But the memory of her cold eyes still burned in the back of my mind, causing me to freeze. I look up into her dazed eyes and slowly say,
"Life will be easier for the both of us if we continue to mind our own damn business." With that I immediately pull away, leaving a trembling Jennie. Before I can open my door I hear her softly ask,
"What happened to you?" I turn my head around and shrug,
"People change Jennie, you just have to accept it and get over it." Seeing the hurt in her eyes, and feeling my heart ache at the sight, I quickly turn around and reply,
"I know I did." And before Jennie can reply, I immediately enter my room and shut my door. I didn't realize that as soon as I entered my room, tears started cascading down my cheeks.
'Have I really gotten over the fact that my friendship with Jennie is completely over?
'Am I no longer in love with her?'
'Of course not.'