"I..I'm sorry baby but dad has been i..in an car accident. He h..hit his head really hard againts the window. The doctor said that it w..will take a while to recover. We don't know when he will w..wake up. C..can you come visit us?"
I lay lifelessly on my bed, staring at my bedroom ceiling not making a single sound. The only sound that was heard was the sound of cars driving by and the faint laughter of the girls outside of my door. I shut my eyes tight, trying to control my tears from falling once again. I no longer had the energy to move, or to breathe, I was drained from trying to silence my cries from the girls all night long.
Remembering to call Manager oppa, I instantly sit up and hastily grab my phone. I place the phone against my ear,
"Pick up, pick up, pick up," I mutter to myself, trying to keep my patience. I sigh in relief when he answers his phone on the fifth ring,
"He-" I cut him off instantly,
"Oppa! I need to visit YG now!"
"Woah, calm down. What's going on?" Frustrated, I groan loudly,
"Please, oppa I need to see him as soon as possible." I grit my teeth in anger when he replies,
"Not until you tell me why," I remain silent for a while, debating if I should tell him. Seeing that theres no other choice, I sigh in defeat and whisper,
"My dads in the hospital, I..I need to see him so please oppa?" He remains quiet for a moment then sighs,
"Okay, we'll pick you up in the afternoon." I sigh in relief,
"Thank you," Before I hang up I hear manager oppa call for me,
"Hey lisa?"
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry," I suddenly feel pain in chest and instantly hang up the phone. Choking back a sob, I throw my phone to side and place my hands on my face trying to steady my heavy breathing.
I'm scared, I am so scared.
................
I haven't left my bedroom since the call with manager oppa, I just can't seem to find the strength to face them and act like everythings okay when it's not. I refuse to let any of them know what was happening with my life, I didn't want them to worry. However, the one thing that I absolutely despise is the look of pity in peoples eyes when something tragic happens in my life. I will not accept the feeling of being vulnerable and being weak in front of anyone. Especially in front of the girls, most importantly Jennie.
Noticing the time, I begin to get ready to leave. I put on grey sweats, with an oversized black hoodie over my sports bra. I look at my reflection and cringe slightly at the sight of my exhausted features. My cheeks were stained by the endless tears that was shed last night, my eyes were red and puffy, and my bottom lip had dry blood on it from biting it too hard, trying to suppress my cries. I was soon removed out of my trance when I heard the door bell ring. I hastily put on my hat and mask and grab my shades. Not wanting any of them to answer the door I quickly walk out of the room while swiftly placing my shades on my face, covering my lifeless puffy eyes. I feel my heart drop seeing Jisoo opening the door with Jennie trailing behind. I hear Jisoo ask,
"Manager oppa? What are you doing here?" he replies,
"I'm here to pick up Lisa," confused, Jisoo asks,
"Why?" Before he can reply, I cut him off,
"Oppa, let's go." I say coldly. They all turn to look at me, stunned by my harsh tone. Before our manager can say anything else, I shake my head and say,
"Now." Feeling slightly nervous by my tone, he bows slightly and quickly turns around towards the van. I begin to walk past Jennie and Jisoo, not uttering a single word towards them or sparing them a glance. I stop suddenly when I hear Jisoo's worried voice,
"Lisa, what's going on?" Without turning around, I simply reply,
"Don't worry about it Unnie." Noticing their silence, I take a quick glance at them, only to turn back around not wanting to see the confusion or the hurt in Jisoo's eyes any longer. I desperately wanted to apologize, but I just couldn't without breaking down, and make her worry even more. I just had too much in my mind, I needed to see my parents. I begin to walk towards the car when I felt a hand grabbing my arm,
"Are you okay Lisa?" I internally groan in frustration and reply,
"I'm fine, now please let go, I have to leave." Before Jisoo can reply Jennie cuts her off.
"Just let her go already. She clearly wants to leave." She lazily says, not seeming to care. I feel my heart shatter slightly and stare at her hurt by her tone, slightly grateful to be wearing my shades so she doesn't see the pain in my eyes. Before, it was always Jennie who would instantly worry whenever I was upset. She would never leave my side until she figured out why I was suddenly down. I begin to shake off the memory and softly and carefully remove Jisoos hand from my arm. I mutter a silent goodbye and quickly walk towards the van. As soon as I enter the van I turn towards the house and noticed a frustrated Jisoo scolding a silent Jennie, who was, surprisingly, gazing back at me. I don't know if I saw the look of worry in her eyes, but I had no energy to think it through. I quikly shut the door and lean my head back against the head rest,
"Lisa?" I hear manager oppa call for me,
"Hmm?" I respond tiredly,
"Why didn't you tell them?" I stay silent for a while,
"Let's just go oppa." he doesn't respond, just nods and starts the engine. Feeling mentally and physically tired, I close my eyes and begin to feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep.
.................
Finally arriving to our destination, I quickly exit the van and rush inside the building, not waiting for my manager. I push pass the people around me trying to get to the office of YG.
Breathing heavily, I finally made it to the door of YG's office. I take in a deep breath, regaining my composure and begin to knock on his door. I hold my breath when I hear a faint 'come in' from behind the door. With shakey hands I slowly open the door and remove my mask and shades. I enter the room and bow slightly,
"H..hello sir." He stands up and smiles,
"Oh! Hello Lisa! Come in, have a seat." He says. I nod and silently sit on the chair across from him. He sits down and as soon as his gaze lands on me, his eyes widen slightly at my drained features.
"Oh my, what happened to you Lisa?" I look down at my shaky hands. I take in a deep breath and begin to explain my situation.
................
"S..So sir, if you'd allow it, I would like to fly to Thailand and visit my dad." I hold in my breath, silently waiting for his reply. Through out my explanation, YG did not utter a single word or show any ounce of emotion. He had an unreadible expression. Suddenly his face hardens slightly and lowly says,
"No." My eyes widen in surprise and my heart suddenly drops,
"Wh..what? Why?" he sighs and continues,
"You simply have a busy schedule right now and as a member of blackpink, you are obligated to do so." I shake my head in disbelief,
'This cannot be happening,' I thought to myself.
"Surely you can reschedule! I need to see my dad sir!" Anger flickers in his eyes, but he keeps his calm posture,
"I said no Lisa." Frustrated by his emotionless tone I angrily reply,
"That's not fair! I have to see him sir! Please!" He angrily slams his hands on his desk and stands up, making me jump in fear.
"I said no! You knew what you were signing up for when you decided to become a kpop idol! You want to leave? Then leave! But, if you leave, you leave for good! Your career and your band members career will be over! Do you want that? Do you want to be the reason for the end of blackpink?" He angrily ask. Not knowing what to say, I look down in defeat and shake my head no. I hear him sigh and slump in his chair.
"Good, now, you may leave." I nod and quickly walk out of the room.
...........
Walking out of the building, I walk towards the manager. Noticing the dark, sad aura that was surrounding me, he instantly realized what happened and quietly opens the door for me, not knowing what to say. After entering the van and before he can close the door, I softly ask,
"Oppa? Can you take me to my gym, I need to clear my mind." He silently nods and closes the door.
Throughout the car ride, no words were spoken. I was truly grateful that my manager didn't try to say anything, knowing that I was definitely not in the mood to say anything. Arriving at the gym, I silently exit the van, but before I can close the door of the van, Manager oppa says,
"C..call my when you're ready to leave." Avoiding his gaze, I silently nod and quickly shut the door of the van and enter the gym. As soon as I entered, I immediately lock the door, not wanting to be disturbed. I hasitly remove my sweater, feeling slightly suffocated. Feeling my breath getting heavier, I quickly wrap my hands with the wrap, covering my knuckles and hastily put my hair in a tight pony tail. I walk up to the punching bag and begin to angrily throw punches at it.
Bam!
'Why?'
Bam! Bam!
'Why?', I ask myself. I grit my teeth, feeling my anger surging through my veins.
Bam!
'Why is this all happening to me?!' I angrily punch the punching bag harder, ignoring the pain in my knuckles.
'First Jennie suddenly ignores me for no fucking reason!'
Bam! Bam!
'Then, my dad gets in a fucking car accident! And I don't even know if he will even survive!' With that thought, I begin to feel an awful pain in my chest. My vision suddenly becomes blurry by my tears that are threatening to fall causing me to groan in frustration.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
'Now! I can't even see him without ruining the career of blackpink!' Ignoring the blood on the punching bag from my knuckles, I furiously punch the punching bag even harder feeling the pain in my chest increase dramatically. After hours of furiously punching the bag, I suddenly stop when exhaustion quickly hits me, causing me to feel lightheaded and my knees to weaken. I slowly fall to the ground,
"Fuck." I mutter to myself when my tears begin to rapidly cascade down my cheeks. I try to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop falling. I have never felt this kind of pain and misery in my lfe before. I hold my chest, and finally, after hours or repressing my cries, I finally let go. Letting my aching heart control my emotions.
I cried for hours on the floor, cradling my bleeding knuckles, wishing for my mother to be there to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. I secretly also prayed for Jennie to be there to comfort my depressing state. She always knew what to say to make me feel somewhat at ease. But, I was alone, I had no one.
..................
Seeing that it was now dark, I weakly get off the floor and call my manager to come to pick me up. I wish I can say that I felt better after, but I felt quite the opposite. I felt numb.
..................
I quietly enter the house, hoping to avoid the girls and begin to silently walk towards the kitchen to grab an ice pack for my knuckles. Closing the freezer and turning around, I silently yelp in surprise and the drop the ice pack seeing Jennie leaning against the wall, observing my every movement.
"Where have you been?" She asks, raising her eyebrows slightly. I gulp and quickly pick up the ice pack and hide it behind my back. Averting her gaze I look down and reply nervously,
"At the gym." She studies my movements,
"For 6 hours?" I nod quickly, not wanting to speak any further for she might hear the raspiness of my voice from crying for hours. She remains quiet and pushes herself off the wall and begins to walk towards me causing my heart to beat fast. She stops in front of me and stays still. Still avoiding her gaze, I begin to feel my heart melt when her sweet scent invades my nose. Oh, how missed her sweet, soothing scent.
I was suddenly removed from my trance when I feel her grab my hand from behind my back, causing me to wince in pain and my eyes to widen, suprised by her actions. I quickly lift my gaze towards her, slightly confused. She studies my knuckles for a moment, then suddenly sighs and gazes into my eyes. Her eyes widen slightly, seeing the redness and tiredness in my eyes. She quickly avoids my eyes and lets go of my hands. She swiftly turns around, leaving me dumbfounded. But before she leaves, she suddenly stops and with no emotions, she says,
"Please be careful." Before I can reply, she quickly exits the kitchen, leaving me frozen in my spot, stunned. My eyes widens suddenly and I lean my back agaisnt the fridge trying to control my heavy breathing and my racing heart.
I finally understood.
I'm in love with Jennie Kim.
Shit.