Authors note: I won't write a STORY about this. But haha get it? Yeah I had to warm y'all up to what I'm about to say next. If you are sensitive to the topic of suicide or attempt of suicide and you're only here for the romance. Then you should not read this chapter. And if you are dealing with things like depression you could talk to me. Or you could seek actual help from a professional. Call the suicide hotline. Get HELP. It's okay to ask for you it.
Skylar's POV
I wanted to fucking go. I needed to leave but of course I couldn't and of course I had to stop crying or I was going to ruin my make up. I had went to Sophia and grabbed her makeup bag. She'd stared at me as I grabbed it but she knew by the way I wouldn't make eye contact with her that I did not want to talk about it. So right now I stood in front of a single mirror. I was in a single bathroom with the door locked. I stare the tear streaks on my face.
I scoffed to myself. I looked disgusting. Quickly took some makeup wipes and took off the foundation and runny mascara. To be honest I didn't want to put any back on. I just wanted to go home and ball up. I wanted to lay in a comfortable position and cry. Tears still fell as I tried to convince myself that I didn't care. That my heart wasn't broken. I wanted nothing more than to go back and punch him instead. I should've slapped him too.
What makes me angrier was that when he touched my skin still reacted the same. It fucking tingled. My body still aches for him along with my heart. A lump got caught in my throat. I tried to swallow it down. But all I did was choke out a sob. I put the back my wrist to my lips. Trying to conceal the noise coming out. But I already knew what kind of cry was about to come. The loud ugly, voice cracking, choked sob kind. The kind where at first you hear the sobs but your crying so hard that the sound leaves.
This made me so sad. All of it. I thought that he was different. That's what I get for actually thinking I could be happy. I was trying to pull my shit together but I couldn't. Eventually I put all of her things back into her bag. I couldn't keep going tonight. I couldn't stop the lumps from forming in my throat so how the hell was I going to sing?
Part of me wanted to go and attack him. Another part of me wanted to just attack her again. But most of me wanted to just be done with the emotions. He had a way out and he could've found it without cheating on me. It was simple. He kissed me with his mouth. His mouth has been on skin that I have never showed anyone. I let him see parts of me that I don't talk about. I was letting him in. Now I feel like the worlds biggest idiot.
I spotted Sophia in the hallway. "I want to go home." I said. I was going to wait for her to try and convince me to stay because I didn't care to. Not with the way I was feeling. I was feeling too much. I don't think I can handle this. But then I saw him talking to her by the girls bathroom. I scoffed and got madder than I ever have before.
My eyes were probably red and puffy. My eyelashes were still damp from the tears I hadn't released. Holding in my emotions have shown to not be a good idea but I had nothing to say. I'm dealing with my own demons and no one can save me from them. They were restless and relentless. They tormented me all the time.
They made dark jokes about how I was dumb. It's clear that I'm a moron right? That something is mentally wrong with me because I believed a guy like him could every like a girl like me.
"Skylar what happened?" She asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Are you okay?" She asked I nodded my head.
"I can I perform one song and then leave?" I asked. I asked I sniffled. I wish I could stop crying. Or maybe I wish that I could stop holding in the tears. I mean this was my best friend. Why can't I just cry and let her help me feel better? I didn't know why. But I wasn't going to keep asking myself questions that made me feel like I was drowning.
I am fine. I swear that I am okay. If only my bottom lip could stop trembling and my heart would stop pounding so painfully in my chest. I felt it. The heart break. I felt it cracking. I wanted it to stop. Sophia nodded her head at me before taking my hand and walking with me to the dance floor. The song Jamie and Alexis we're singing came to an end. It was my turn.
I felt the song way more than I should have. Maybe because of how well it went with everything that I was feeling at the moment. And still with all the lights on me I tried to ignore the fact that I felt his gaze watching my every move. I was trying to not let my voice crack. It would defeat the purpose of the whole performance. He couldn't see me break I wouldn't allow it.
"There will be no more tears for you."
When I was done I cleared my throat as the crowd clapped their hands. I walked passed Sophia placing the microphone in her hands.
"I have to go now." I said. Before I could walk away she grabbed me by my wrist. I looked at her hand then I looked her in the eyes.
"Two days." She said. I nodded my head. After the car accident Sophia and I had a long and emotional talk that kind of went in one ear and out the other. We promised each other that if we had a problem that we could not solve in two days the. We had to confine and one another not matter what. She released my wrist and I slipped out of the room into the cold night air. The wind felt good. Numbing my already numb body.
I couldn't feel anything except the constant ache in my chest. I have a Leo sized whole in my heart now. Isn't the craziest thing that the only person who can mend your broken heart is the one who broke it?
"Skylar." I heard my name being called. But I didn't care. I had ordered an Uber to come and get me. Lord knows I need another car. I've been in two accidents in my whole life. It never occurred to me that maybe I should be afraid. But I'm not. I'm not scared of anything. Except ever trying to fall in love again. That's terrifying.
"Skylar. You should let me explain before you just leave." He said. He came and stood near me. It just pissed me off more and more.
"Go away." I said. My Uber was nine fucking minutes away.
"What happened to this morning Skylar? The promise? I choose you." He said. My head snapped toward him.
"Stop choosing me. Because it's clear to me that you've already chosen her." I said. My voice cracked. Damn it.
"Damn it. Stop crying." I mumbled.
"You're fine. So stop crying." I said out loud. I had to try and get my shit together.
"That is not true. But you can't seem to hear over your own fears. To see how scared I am to lose you like this. But then again you don't trust me. Because if you did you wouldn't be quick to assume that I would do something like that to you." He yelled. Leo just yelled at me.
I turned to face him. Tears finally falling. I pushed his chest. Then again and again.
"Why should I trust you?! You were always going to hurt me anyways and you knew it. You knew it from the very beginning." I yelled back. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me dangerously close to him.
"If we don't have trust. Then we don't have anything. So I guess this is good. I'm tired of chasing you and letting you know how I feel. Because quite frankly I've been wide open with way that I feel about you. From the start. You barely give me anything." He mumbled before he let me go. I stood there cold. As I watched him walk away from me.
Screw him! He didn't know damn thing about me. No one did. So screw him. I don't need him. Finally the Uber showed up. I climbed in the back seat hoping that he wouldn't talk to me. I didn't feel like talking anymore.
I'd finally reached home and Kevin's car was in the driveway. I have no intentions on talking to him. I opened the door as quiet as I could. That's when I heard giggling. I silently shut the door. I heard a women's voice. I thought I was tripping because it almost sounded like my mom. I wiped my tears and made my way to the dining room. He sat there across from a woman I did not recognize. He smiled at her lovingly.
"So the real reason you're never here is because you've been out falling in love with a woman who will never be a my mother." I said. His head snapped towards me.
"Just forget it no explanation needed." I said.
"I'm Skylar. I'm the girl he ignores so that he can be with you. His daughter. Wish it was nice to meet you. But it's not. You won't see much more of me though." I said before hurrying away. I climbed up the stairs by two.
The moment I was confined into my room was when the tears bursted it out. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I cannot breathe. I slid down my door. Leaning against it. This whole room reminded me of him. I felt sick. The room smelled of him too.
I looked at my piano. He sang to me there. So many times when I couldn't sleep. The couch behind it, the first time I realized how much I liked him. The bed where he slept with me. Late nights of him making me laugh. Kissing me, holding me.
My vanity where he let me cut his hair. Too many memories. All flooding back to me. I stood up. Still crying except now I'm angry. Why would Kevin bring her to this house. He doesn't even come to check on me. He doesn't call me. He doesn't love me. No one does. I can't keep feeling like shit all the time. I can't keep pretending that I am okay because I'm not.
"AHHHHHH" I screamed. Finally. I screamed again but this time I kicked over the piano. I flipped the chair. Breathing heavily I tore apart my bed. I stared at my vanity before punching the mirror cracking it. I ripped the posters. Now that I think about it I can't remember a time where my happiness was genuine. I'm always left with memories. And how much I regret getting attached.
"I GAVE HIM A FUCKING WAY OUT AND HE DID NOT TAKE IT. And now I'm going crazy wishing I could go back and do it all over again. I would've never let him in. Mom. Please. Please. Come back. Help me mommy. Please. Take the pain away. Please make it stop." I said looked at my reflection in the cracked up mirror and almost threw up. Of course that's it. That's why he chose Aaliyah over me.
I would've chosen her too. It's crazy how much the cracked mirror represented on my face. It represented the pain I allow myself to go through. The bullshit that I put people through. The reason why I feel so alone in an overcrowded room. Why I always feel like I am suffocating. Like I have no room to breathe. Tonight I vow that it will be the last time that I will watch myself die.
I wiped my tears. Deciding to stop looking in the mirror. My knuckles was bleeding. But I couldn't feel anything. I suppose Kevin either left or pretended he couldn't hear me either way. He was going to feel it tonight. I went to look in my vanity drawer and I found the pain pills from my first accident. I suppose here goes nothing.
Tears still ran down my cheeks but at this moment in time I couldn't careless about anything. All I wanted was for the pain to stop. For my thoughts to stop. I can't say that I was afraid because I wasn't. I've always been curious. I've always wondered what happens when you die. I went in the bathroom and sat in the tub after swallowing the whole bottle of pain meds. I turned on the water then the shower. I let the shower head water run down my entire body and I started to relax into the tub.
Maybe I should've wrote a suicide note. But I didn't . I didn't leave anything behind but my body. And I'm sorry that the ones who actually loved me will not be getting any answers from me. That they'll be left in the dark with nothing from me. I should've at least apologized. Let them know that it wasn't any of their faults. But mine. I couldn't keep dealing emotions that I did not ask for. That I did not want. I didn't even ask to be here and one of my parents who brought me here and loved me is dead and the other one is a dick. My brother is not here. He doesn't care whether I live or die.
To be honest none of this was fair. And I get it you know. I'm not allowed to walk around blaming the world for my mistakes or my pain. But eventually pain is turned into anger and hate. I don't want let these people ruin me. I'm already broken. I don't won let dirt into my creases and fuck me up so bad that I won't recognize myself anymore. I started to sob again. But I could barely hear my cry. Just like I could hardly hear the footprints climb up the stairs.
"Skylar?!" I heard my name being called. I heard a tap on the door. But I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. It was too late.
"If she's not in the shower then why is the water running?" I heard a different voice ask.
"Dude just walk in." Said another voice.
The bathroom door was busted open. I heard a scream rang out. I don't think they knew what was really happening. Someone turned off the water.
"Call 9-1-1! Someone call now! Skylar you promised." I heard someone cry out. I couldn't even differentiate the voices anymore. I was just so tired now.
"Skylar what did you do?" Someone else asked.
There was another set of footsteps.
"Oh dear god what happened?" This time the voice was deeper than the rest.
"You need to start paying more attention to your daughter. She killed herself and you were in the same house and you didn't even care." Someone snapped.
Still the voices were going in and out so I'm not sure if I was hearing any of this correctly. I was almost asleep when my body was being pulled out of my tub. This was it. That was my soul leaving my body and now finally I can rest. I hope there will be peace where ever I end up.