*LACEY*
A week has gone by since Bill passed, and none of us were looking forward to today, his funeral. My parents had flown in from some town in England yesterday and were leaving tomorrow, they wanted to stay longer but mom boss wouldn't give her the time off. It was great seeing them, I just wish it wasn't to go to a close friends funeral.
I straighten my dress as I look in the mirror, I was wearing black tights, black ballerina flats, and a black dress that went to my knees. I hated funerals. I always have, I hate the idea of people gathering together because of a dead person. I know it's to remember them, but I never liked it.
Jonas walks back into my room trying to get his tie to function but it wasn't. He had on a white button up that was that had all the buttons closed, black slacks and black shoes. His collar was up as he messed with his tie.
After a few more minutes of struggling he gives up and throws the tie on the ground.
I furrow my eyebrows at him as his sits in my bed and buried his head in his hands. He had been so stressed and angry since his father died. And I knew that he was having a hard time coping and accepting it.
I walk over to him and place a kiss on the top of his head, before resting my cheek there. I start rubbing his back soothingly, trying my hardest to calm him down. He takes a deep breath and lifts his head to look at me. His eyes were tired and I could tell he was wore out. His scruff was back and he didn't show any emotion. I put my hands on his shoulders as he rubs my legs up and down. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead on my stomach and wraps his arms around me.
"I'm not ready to say goodbye to him yet lulu" he whispers.
"I know baby, I know it's hard. And I'm so sorry"
"Can you promise me something?" He asks removing his head and looking up at me.
"Anything"
"Promise me you won't leave my side, I don't know how I'm going to get through today without you"
I move my hands to his cheeks.
"I promise" I reply leaning down and kissing the top of his head again.
He lets out a deep breath before standing again and picking up his tie.
"Here let me" I say grabbing it from his hands.
"Thank you" he whispers
I wrap the tie around his neck and start tying it. His eyes never leave my face as I do. His hands find my hips and he absentmindedly rubs circles on them. Once I'm done with his tie, I put his collar down and my hands land on his shoulders.
"There, you look handsome"
A small smile forms on his lips, but I could tell it was forced, he hadn't smiled since his dad died.
"You look beautiful"
My face heats up and he moves his hands to my cheeks, cupping my face.
"I love you lulu"
"I know, I love you too"
He leans down and places a chaste, sweet kiss on my lips before wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me closer to him in a hug. I wrap my arms around his torso and lay my head on his chest and listen to his unsteady heartbeat.
We slowly pull away when there's a knock on my bedroom door.
"Guys it's time to go" Wendy says from outside.
"We'll be there in a second ma" Jonas says.
"Are you ready?" I ask in a quiet voice.
He shakes his head.
"No, I'm not, but I can't put it off anymore"
"I'll be with you the whole way"
He places a kiss on my forehead before linking his fingers with mine as we make our way outside.
>>>>>>>>
I squeeze Jonas and Benji's hands as the funeral proceeds. I had made it through almost the whole thing without any tears. I wanted to cry so bad but I knew I needed to be strong, for Bill, for Jonas, and for Wendy. They needed me to be.
The line was getting shorter as people payed their respects to the family. They had heard 'I'm sorry for your loss' so many times it was beginning to sound like a broken record. And through the whole thing I never left his side. He held my hand the whole funeral and never let me go.
"Jonas, your father was a great man, i was lucky to have been his partner for so many years. He was always there for me. He wasn't just my friend but also my brother. The world lost a great man. I am truly deeply sorry from the bottom of my heart." My father says to him.
"Thank you for coming and for your kind words, Mr. Wright"
My mother and father continue through the line as the last few people pay their respects to Jonas.
When the line is empty, Wendy stands up in front of the crowd to address them.
"Firstly, I just want to thank everyone for coming today, it warms my heart to see how many lives my Billy touched. I know it's been emotional today, but if I knew my husband he wouldn't have wanted us all crying, he'd want us celebrating the life he did live. And that's why we have planned a feast of all his favorite foods that will take place at Lenin park. So if everyone could make their way over there the food will be served at 5"
I glance over a Jonas, who doesn't have any emotion in is face, his eyes are dark and his body is stiff and stoic. His eyes are glued to the ground and his jaw is clenched so tight I was afraid he would break it. Throughout the day his grip on my hand had loosened little by little. It was like he was being swallowed by a black hole. I wanted to help him but I didn't know how.
The crowd had cleared out leaving just Jonas and I left. He continued to stand there and look at his fathers casket that was in the ground. I take my free hand and place it on his bicep as I lay my head on his shoulder. At my touch his body loosens slightly but not much.
"You know, he always wanted to retire and buy a boat, he was insistent on exploring the open water and spending his retirement fishing with his family. He had solved so many cases and caught so many bad people, he was always so stressed out, but he never brought his work home, he always had a smile on his face."
Jonas chuckles slightly at the memory.
"I remember this one time that he had worked a double shift, he was on his feet, in his uniform for 18 hours straight, and when he came home I asked him to help me with my science project. That stupid baking soda volcano. And he did, he didn't even go take a nap first. He helped me."
"And when you left and I had become a depressed lazy sack of shit, he pulled me aside and talked to me. I told him how I felt about you, I told him everything. And he just sat there and listened. He even gave me the money for the first plane ticket up to Italy to surprise you. But I chickened out. I couldn't do it"
"I wish I could've told him how much I loved him. I wish I had known sooner about his illness and maybe I could've helped him. I've let him down lulu. I failed him."
I squeeze his arm tighter and try my hardest to fight the tears, but when I looked up at him and saw how red and glossy his eyes were I knew I would fail.
"No you didn't baby, you didn't let him down, he was so proud of you and he loved you so much, and he knew that you loved him. You never could've let him down"
Jonas closes his eyes and a tear rolls down his cheek.
I lift my hand and wipe it off.
"Hey, baby I promise you you didn't let him down. You meant so much to him Jonas. He loved you" I say resting my hand on his cheek.
"Baby look at me" I say in a quiet voice.
He slowly opens his eyes and looks at me. There was so much pain and emotion flooding his eyes as tears began to pour out. I wipe them away with my hands and rest my hands on his cheeks. He brings his hands up to lay on top of mine.
"Thank you" he whispers
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his body close to me as I embrace him. I didn't know how long we stood there, and I didn't care. All I cared about was Jonas. And right now, in this moment when it was just us, we were content.