The week had flown by quickly and before Clarke knew it, the clock was ticking down to the start of another game with Lexa and her nerves were completely on edge. She had thought about cancelling, really she had, but at the same time, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. They had made some sort of twisted progress the previous week and for some insane reason, she really didn't want to lose the tiny bit of momentum that they had.
A sudden light rapping on the door pulled Clarke out of her daze and she got to her feet, taking a deep breath to try and steady herself before approaching the door. As soon as she opened it though, her eyes fell on Lexa and as if on reflex, they instantly narrowed. Lexa was again, dressed in a pressed dark suit, with her hair pulled back and this time, she carried a pizza box.
"I didn't know," Lexa began with a slight shrug, "if I was supposed to bring food again, so I figured, if not – it's just a pizza anyway."
Clarke gave her a nod and motioned her inside, silently refusing to admit that she was actually starving because she hadn't eaten, banking on Lexa bringing food – after all, consistency, right?
As Lexa set the pizza box down on the table, Clarke went into the kitchen, again retrieving two beers, napkins and a couple of paper plates. By the time she returned Lexa had already pulled the chessboard out of the box and was quietly setting all of the pieces in their proper starting place. Clarke couldn't help by notice the way that her jaw kept clenching and releasing. Okay, so apparently she wasn't the only one on edge tonight.
The first part of the game went on in an awkward, but slightly comfortable silence as each of them devoured several slices of pizza and sipped on their beers. The anticipation of which one of them would actually snag the first piece and get to ask the first question was both slightly unnerving and exciting at the same time. After Lexa besting her the previous week by only answering that she had blacked, Clarke was really hoping to score the first piece.
"Shit," Clarke mumbled as she watched Lexa capturing her first piece. "Alright. Hit me with it," she sat back.
"How's the pizza?" Lexa asked simply.
Clarke felt her eyebrows shoot up. For real? "Are you serious?" She asked feeling slightly baffled.
Lexa only nodded as she dropped her napkin on to her plate and set it aside.
"Um," Clarke's brow furrowed slightly. "It's really good actually. Thank you," she paused, having shocked herself, "for picking it up."
"You're welcome," Lexa responded as she redirected her eyes to the board.
Clarke stared down at the board, suddenly unable to focus. What the hell was that about? Of all of the things that she could have asked, Lexa went with - how's the pizza? Really? It had to be some kind of joke or trick, a way to try and throw her off of her game, right? Nope. No way. That was not happening. Focus! Another couple of minutes slipped away before Clarke took a deep breath and finally made her move.
Fifteen minutes later, Lexa captured a second piece and Clarke practically pouted.
"I was just trying to ease the tension when I asked you about the pizza," Lexa admitted with a slightly defeated looking grin. "Though, I am glad that you enjoyed it," she added and then took a deep breath as she sat up straighter, "So, what happened to your contract at Polis?"
Clarke's eyes went wide and she barely contained a growl – yes, an actual growl. "Who told you about that?"
Lexa simply raised her eyebrows and sat silent.
Clarke bit the inside of her cheek. Unbelievable. "I just didn't want to do it anymore," she answered with a sharp shrug after a moment. "I lost that spark for it and Thelonious was kind enough to let me out of my contract, even though he didn't have to."
"But, you were so good," Lexa shook her head immediately.
"I was barely more than mediocre," Clarke rolled her eyes before returning them to the board.
Focusing hard on the board, Clarke tried not to think about her music. After Lexa had left, all of her songs seemed to turn into shit and the longer it went on, the more she began to doubt herself as a songwriter. Eventually, it got to the point where she simply couldn't stand it anymore, so she just stopped. It wasn't necessarily that she blamed Lexa for it, she just really didn't want to talk about it.
A few minutes passed before Clarke made her move and finally, captured her first piece. Ha! "Who told you about Polis?" She asked, immediately wincing and groaning internally. That was not what she'd been waiting to ask! Damn it! Focus!
"Echo," Lexa answered simply.
Instantly Clarke felt her eyes harden and narrow as a fire surged through her chest. You have got to be kidding. What the fuck, was Lexa doing with Echo?
"She has an apartment in the building that I just moved into," Lexa added rather quickly, "and she..."
"You really don't have to explain," Clarke cut her off as she got to her feet and scooped up their garbage. She didn't want to hear it. "Honestly, I'd rather not know," she mumbled to herself as she walked into the kitchen.
Fucking Echo, seriously? Again? Clarke set their empty beer bottles down on the counter, dropped their plates into the garbage and took a deep breath, feeling her body temperature rise. Nope. Not doing it. Not thinking about it. There were much more important things to focus on. Taking another deep breath, Clarke grabbed two more beers out of the fridge and set her jaw. She could do this. Piece of cake.
As she approached the table again, Clarke noticed Lexa shifting oddly in her seat and gave her a questioning look as she set the beers down.
"Do you have any aspirin or anything?" Lexa asked with a slight frown as she shifted again. "O was right. Those floors really are hard as hell."
Really? This dummy. Clarke stared at her for a moment before dipping her fingers into her purse and pulling out a small bottle of aspirin. She set it on the table, shaking her head and rolled her eyes lightly before turning and walking down the hallway to a closet where she proceeded to dig around until she found the heavy gray bag that she was looking for. Once she wrestled it out from under a ton of Raven's junk, she made her way back out to where Lexa was sitting and dropped it at her side.
"What's that?" Lexa questioned her curiously.
"An air mattress," Clarke answered with a slight huff as she dropped back into her seat. "Just make sure that you return it when you're done."
"Of course," Lexa responded softly and gave her an appreciative nod. "Thank you."
Clarke nodded and motioned to the board. "You're turn," she said before opening her beer.
The next four or five moves went by excruciatingly slow and it became obvious from the gameplay that Lexa was not messing around. She was playing hard and wanted to win, however, Clarke was not going to allow herself be rattled. She had been setting up her next capture and she had every intention of...
"Got it," Clarke said as she claimed Lexa's bishop. "I see you brought your real game tonight," she added with a small smirk.
Lexa popped her eyebrows lightly and visibly braced herself for the question.
"Why did you blackout?" Clarke questioned as she locked eyes with her.
Lexa's face twisted slightly. "I," she cleared her throat. "I have this... this anxiety disorder and it makes it very difficult for me to deal with certain situations," she explained and looked down at her hands, "Especially very stressful...or emotional situations. You see, they um... they cause a physical reaction from my body that I can't..." she sighed suddenly and shook her head. "I just have no control over it."
Clarke couldn't even ignore the feeling of her heart slipping at this information. What did that mean? What had happened to her? Her mind suddenly began to flash through all of her interactions with Lexa since her return, remembering all of the things that had struck her as odd, the things that didn't make sense. How could she not have seen it?
"That's why you needed the game," Clarke finally nodded as the pieces of the puzzle started to slip into place.
Lexa nodded and redirected her eyes to the board. "It was your mother's idea," she acknowledged. "Well, no - a controlled environment was her idea. The chess, that was me."
"You told my mother?" Clarke questioned, harsher then she had actually intended to.
Lexa's eyes shot up, instantly hard and piercing. "You didn't exactly give me a choice, did you?" She fired back as she got to her feet and pulled out a cigarette. "I'll be right back," she said before walking out the door.
Clarke sat thunderstruck and stared at the door. She should have seen it. God. She should have known. She knew several people who suffered from different types of anxiety disorders. How had she missed all the signs? Fuck. Fuck. The night at the hotel, it was her. She had been the one that had caused Lexa to blackout. It was all her.
Suddenly the door opened and Lexa stepped inside, quickly removing her jacket and hanging it exactly where she had the previous week. When she turned though, their eyes met and she froze. "Should I just go?" She asked, pointing over her shoulder at the door.
Clarke shook her head and motioned to the chair. "I have a request," she stated as Lexa walked forward and sat back down.
Lexa swallowed hard. "Okay," she nodded and eyed her cautiously.
"Do you think that we could postpone the game," Clarke said as she pointed to the board, "and just talk about this one?"
"Clarke," Lexa sighed heavily. "We have plans, remember? Somewhere to be. People to see."
"They can wait," Clarke shook her head. "This is more important." It definitely was.
Lexa stared at her, long and hard as she rubbed at the area directly under her clavicle. "I have a request of my own," she said rather boldly.
Clarke eyed her for a moment before nodding, but didn't say anything.
"Don't look at me like that," Lexa spoke firmly and locked eyes with her.
Clarke didn't have to ask what she meant, it was pretty obvious. She nodded slowly and held Lexa's stare as she slid the chessboard to the other side of the table.