Wrote this one shot a while ago for someone really special and found it last weekend. It's pretty long but... Whatever, who cares 😂
**.**
"YN? Hey? Are you okay?" He ask attentively looking at me while we're entering the paddock. "The race has already started don't worry, no one's gonna see us." He whispers and Emma smiles reassuring.
"Alright!" I sigh holding onto his arm.
"Don't worry, no one's gonna see anything. They need to get really close to see it." She winks squeezing my other hand while still walking to the Mercedes garage where Angela would lead us inside.
"You sure you wanna do this?" Spinz asks receiving a nod from me.
"We avoided this too much Spinzey, we knew that at some point it would open a can of worms, but this isn't something we can keep on the low forever, I mean look at me!"
"You look adorable!" He giggles. "A bit chubby but too adorable."
"Ugh don't tell me!" I reply rolling my eyes.
"My girl!!" Angela squeals opening her arms for a tight hug. "How are you feeling?"
"Cold as shit! " I admit wrapping an arm around myself.
"Here!" Angela giggles. "Lew's jacket. I knew you'd want it."
"Does it cover it?" I curiously asks looking me up and down.
"YN, it's kinda impossible to cover it, since you're already showing off a bit too much!" Spinz says laughing quickly covering his mouth with the free hand. "Our chubby lady."
"I know right! I told her yesterday, she really looks chubby and so beautiful. I see so much glow." Angela blissfully confessed.
"Lewis has been feeding me literally like an animal, I'm not joking." I reply not amused.
"Well you kinda need to-"
"YN???!!!! YN!! It's so good to see you!" Emilia, Valtteri's wife smile waving rapidly walking on my direction. It was impossible to not feel nervous since its the first time I'm near cameras and so many people. It's the first time I come out since we found out about IT.
"Em, it's so good to see you!" She kisses my cheeks and goes for a hug. Her eyes went wide when she embraces me. "I know, I know I'm sorry." I laugh nervously
"THAT'S WHY YOU SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED OMG YN I HATE YOU!!!" she whispers in shock. "How long? Why Lew didn't told us?" She interrogated terrified.
"We decided to keep it on the low. Our relationship sometimes seemed to be against all odds and we were both scared about it. But now... We're kinda going with the flow!" I shrug nervously laughing.
"You look so... different, so much different." She whispers.
"I look like a zombie, I know. More zombie than human!"
"Shut up, you look beautiful. I can't wait to talk to you properly, I missed your company so much. This ain't the same without you." She admits squeezing my hands.
"I know Em, I missed you too. But you know, I didn't want the media to get their noses in this." I reply confidently
"Yeah, the media, you can't hide from the media forever." She giggles. "You're coming to the garage?" I nod.
"YN... Are you sure? There's no turning back after this." Emma asks for the last time following my long lost distanced gaze.
"I'm ready!" I reply. Angela fixes the jacket in front, while Spinz and Emma go ahead. "He's so happy to know that you're here!" Angela whispers kissing my temple.
I indeed was happy. Lewis 's work would always be demanding and challenging not only for him, but also for those who surround the brit himself. Now me, and this... This wouldn't make things effortless for both of us.
It was a tough decision for us since the beginning but knowing that God has blessed us with such beautiful gift, we would never ever abdicate of it. In fact, we were both ready to do whatever it takes to protect each other and to hold onto each other like we always did.
A low hi was heard from the mechanics and some others who were into watching the race. A huge grin was spread in Niki's face when his eyes meet mines. I always got along pretty well with my boyfriend's bosses and the entire team. I loved sharing so many good moments of my life with him, and knowing that they were like family for Lewis only made our connection more special.
As soon as Toto saw me, he smiled with a wink calling over. He kissed my cheek and his eyes went as well wide as he saw me closer.
"Oh my God!" He giggle quickly covering his mouth when some people around glanced curiously at the boss. "And I thought you were abducted." He joked earning a laugh from me. "Our man is doing absolutely amazing." He jerked his head towards the monitors where my face was already. "YN YLN - Lewis Hamilton's Girlfriend"
Damn I look chubby. And weird...
The cameraman couldn't get my full body which I was thankful for.
"I think you're really brave for doing this." He admits looking back at me. "For showing up, I know how hard this is." He pressed his lips together in a hard line, his eyes darting to the monitors and back to me. "And I think you're our lucky charm, We all missed you. Now go take a seat, you can't stay like this for so long." He glanced at Emilia who was just behind me taking a seat.
"Thank you!" I whisper pretty sure my face turned red at his compliments and how much the team lovingly received me.
"Still can't believe you're pregnant YN! I'm honestly so happy for you and Lewis." Emila's eyes were glossy as she was fighting her tears back. "You're one of my best friends." Sitting down I received some curious glances from the members of the team to which I decided to ignore.
"I'm not a good friend." I reply amusingly. Her eyes narrowed, her nostrils flared at me. "And I'm really sorry for not telling you. I still love you though." She gave me a playful dirty look but her whole face lit up when my hand laid above my incredibly big bump.
"I love you and welcome back." The corners of her eyes crinkled.
The following minutes went by as quick as a human could imagine. My mind was supposed to be blank at this moment, but it doesn't matter what happens to you or what problems you are into. When it comes to something you love, your mind will always stay there and me as a formula one fan, it couldn't be different. Watching as Lew controlled the pace and Ferrari screwed Vettel's chance for a podium made me angry at some point. As a non Red bull fan, you can understand it and as a Sebastian fan you know how annoying it is. "Stupid idiots." I hissed too loud receiving giggles as a response. Everyone knew I loved Sebastian, so this reaction was incredible normal. Well my favourite driver is my boyfriend, but still Sebastian will always be Sebastian.
"You wanna wave the chequered flag?" Understatement is to say that my eyes went wide as shit when Toto asks abruptly out of nowhere. Waving the chequered flag involves walking down the pit wall and climb those stairs to where those marshals are.
But again, why not? You know sometimes when you're in the lenses of the camera, when your life is topic of conversation of the world is scary, it's so scary to know that a simple flaw can become something so ridiculously huge. And it's so frustrating to everyone. I mean look at me now, afraid to get up and go there wave that simple chequered flag and because of what? The media, the cameras, the reporters and why? Because I'm afraid of what they'll think and say...
You're the only one who can live your own life luv. It doesn't matter what people say about you you'll always be incredible, strong, beautiful, kind, smart and the most important person in my life. And I love you for you, I love you and these two down here...
The reason why I'm here is him, it's Lewis. He might say that I'm the one who teaches him so many things in life but truthfully he's the one who totally enlightened my life since the moment we meet. He's the most annoying human being you can imagine but his pure sweet soul is such a blessing, his sweet heart will always caught you off guard, his protective side and when he loves you he goes so deep so pure, so real. He's the only reason I am who I am today, he's the reason I'm able to make my dreams come true, he's my dream, he's my everything and I'm here for him, not for the media, not for the cameras. He's only for him... Well then Fuck this shit.
"Yes, I'll do it." I reply joyfully. "Can Em come with me?" I request grinning at the Finn. Toto smiles nodding.
Holding Emilia by her hands we were guided to the pit wall side, where some stairs would lead us to the race control, were Mr. Whiting was attentively looking at some controls laughing at some joke one of the Marshall just told.
"Ah, exactly who we were expecting." he smiles and when looks attentively the baby bump caught his attention. Oh well, I'm already used to it at this point. . "Congratulations YN, oh God, you look absolutely stunning."he kissed my cheeks before Emilia's.
" Charlie thank you. It's so good to see you. How's everything? " he nods airy.
" As far as I'm concerned everything and everyone is fine. And you and this little angel here? "he asks carefully placing his hand in my baby bump.
" We're good thank you. Happy to see Daddy win another race." I smile.
" Well now I also know why he was all smiles and giggles all weekend. He didn't told us you were around. "
" Surprise." I enthusiastically squealed.
" Oh shut it!" he giggles. "You two go ahead, we talk later alright?!" he waves and leaves the small place to me, Emilia and the two Marshall.
"Like old times..." Emilia whispers smiling at me. "Actually last time we did it was Abu Dhabi last year so not so long." She added giggling. "You're ready?" I nod still looking at the monitors where both Mercedes cars where doing the last two corners of lap 66/66 of the Spanish GP.
You know, happiness is such a weird mixed feeling. You feel like your body is going to burst at some point (or it's the pregnancy in my case), butterflies literally gain life in your stomach (or the babies are just kicking Idk) and your heart feels like he's growth centimeters and he beats so much faster than before. The funny part of emotions is that you can literally feel the same when you're excited, when you're nervous. Your palms get sweaty, your heart beats fast your stomach gains life, your entire body responds to your mind and its so incredible to feel it all, not only for a sport, but also for this incredible man I'm lucky to call mine and this amazing team we both call family.
Seeing Lew crossing the line and the team just above us pulling their fists in the air and chanting happily was something I missed. That euphoria of a complete dominant and fun weekend was something you could always experience in this sport and doing with and for someone you love only makes things better.
As the three first drivers cross the line both marshals take the chequered flag, meaning that was our clue to leave to the podium Celebrations.
"I missed having this much fun with you." Emilia admits wrapping an arm around my neck. "I'm so happy to see you this happy damn it YN!" she continues getting a little bit emotional. "I literally hate you for not telling me."
"I'm sorry, I had to. We had to, but now we're here together and ready to have fun like we always did except in the Alcohol part of course." I laugh scrutinizing her face. Emilia is truly happy and so am I. I had been fearing so many things in the last months that I forgot how astonished is my life and the people who surround me and my boyfriend. We were two lucky people that's for sure.
" YN, Emilia? Valtteri and Lewis are arriving there, you wanna come?" we both looked at each other before nodding. Old times had to be relieved and announcements had to be made. I took off the huge Mercedes jacket and Angela held it for me. "Ready?" Emma asks teasingly as she held my hand confidently. Till this point, no camera had been in us, but when Paul, the photographer allowed us to approach to the Parc femme after the first three had parked absolutely every possible soul was looking, or gawking or glaring everything is acceptable. Emilia held my hand still in place squeezing it maybe to give me some confidence and the fact that she was there for me was more than enough.
Both Lewis and Valtteri were 'celebrating' with a loud EXTREMELY Loud Mercedes crew.
Ah it was so good to see Lew smiling. He always looked not only adorable but also so angelical. You see on his Met Gala event he looked so hot but Jesus so pure, when he was getting dressed I was there like: i can't believe that's my man, oops yes he is, he's mine only mine. My man, one day my husband...
I watch him turning around with a huge grin, the crowns in his head making his forehead literally pop! I remember the night before when I teased him about it making him tickle me until I cried laughing. I also have a huge forehead so I'm sorry for our kids.
When he reaches down to take his helmet our eyes meet for the first time since I'm standing there. His smile getting bigger and bigger when he jogged towards us. My heart beat was racing and my body literally trembling just watching him getting closer. I felt somehow like a teenager in high school but deep down I knew that's what you feel when you're crazy in love with someone. Crazy in love with the father of my kids. He kissed Emilia's cheek and hugged her tightly quickly turning his attention to me.
"Hi champ!" I giggle when his lips meet my knuckles. "Congratulations baby, I'm so proud of you." I say when he wraps his broad stronger arms around me, his warm fire proof vest a bit wet from the water bottle. "We're so proud of you." I whisper the last part when he tights the embrace like he needed that, like he missed that. He kissed my cheek and finally our eyes meet again.
"I remember when we meet years ago, Me wanting to ask you out but having no guts to do so. I remember how much I wanted to kiss you and call you mine, being able to wake by your side. I remember that I always wanted to take you with me around the world because I'd be able to be with you, see you smile, see those wrinkles in your forehead when you're confused or simple lost because you don't know how the stupid coffee machine works and damn you look so damn fine. I even thought about you getting pregnant and believe me 'luv' you look so good carrying our kids here... " he places his hands above mine in my baby bump looking down at it. Kneeling down, he was able to place his cheek besides the bump, caressing both sides while attentively kissing it and that was it.
Cameras were all around us but for the first time ever I didn't care, I really didn't. Seeing him so vulnerable, so loving and caring towards our babies was emotional, I mean they're not even born yet. I'm 7 months only (ONLY). But he doesn't seem to care, to be honest no one really seemed to care, as if it looked cheesy or weird. That was love, it was affection, it was a family moment and a moment no one would ever forget.
The fact that he was whispering things to the bump only made it more emotional, crazy. My hand were brushing some parts of his loose hair and it was actually possible to hear some things he said to the babies.
*'You know this is the first time you three came for a race. This is daddies favourite place and mummy's too. I think we made you two in a track like this one.' he giggles looking up at me. 'It feels so unbelievable to have you three here with daddy. I can't describe how much I love you with my soul. I have so much love for you I actually never thought I could feel this, but you proved me wrong, your mommy proved me wrong. I'd find the whole universe for you and daddy honestly don't give a poop about how cheesy that sounds. Believe me mom and I love you too much, we don't even know how to describe it, but we both feel it and it's strong, stronger than anything. This victory is for you two, I love you.' he whispers one last time and kisses the belly longer now. The fact that I look like a train wreck only makes me laugh. I'm so sensible and so in love. Even if he sings a romantic song having diarrhea It only makes me love him more.
Composing himself he gets up smiling down at me, His beautiful brown eyes shining brighter than ever, his small dimples decorating his cheeks, the gap between his white pearly teeth, my biggest weakness. He's such a beautiful creature and he's mine. All mine.
"I'm so happy you're here YN, I love you with all my heart." he starts never leaving my eyes. "You make me feel so damn gush sometimes" he giggles nervously. "I don't know, I'm so lucky to have you, I'm so lucky you accepted that first date, let alone all this time oh God. First second I saw you I was like 'damn how can a human be so damn beautiful' and well you looked at me, from that moment I knew I needed you, I knew I wanted to share my world, my life with you. From that moment, I couldn't forget your smile, then we held hands, we kissed, we went 'deep' into each other's hearts and other parts... " I roll my eyes at how fast he loses his ideas." And to be honest I can't get enough of you, holding your hands, your hugs, your warm lips, that smart mouth that only God knows how dangerous it is... "I laughed shaking my head." I love the fact that this, this feeling this thing I don't know the name it only grows each and everyday. Goddammit will you just marry me already? I can't wait too long, I can't. I wanna be able to hear people call you Mrs. Hamilton, I've been waiting to do this for so damn long YN! Please marry me!"
Did he just asked ME to marry HIM? He might have read my thoughts but keep quite, he knew this wasn't just a thing. Marriage was something we both wanted, kids was something we both wanted.
" Don't answer yet. Just wanna, just wanna tell you you made my dreams come true, you still do and I love the shit out of you. My luv..." he whispers making me smile when our lips meet again in that day. Who wants a freaking smooch when his boyfriend, hot boyfriend just came out of a 2hour race, sweating, warm and incredibly cuddly? Smooch isn't enough.
" I Freaking Love you Hamilton!" I whisper against his neck when we hug for the last time.
"I freaking love you too my luv, you're my everything and I'm so grateful for having you!" he whispers against my hair kissing my temple.
**.**