I read the 8 first chapters.
According to the summary, I thought your book was about a romantic story between two friends, with Lauren being afraid to trust a man again, and that's exactly what you gave me. In truth, your summary is well written because it talks about your characters, about the conflict of the story and there is also a hook.
Your plot is classic (that's not a reproach) but it still pulled me in. I think that's because the characters seemed realistic. I can't really relate to their predicaments but the way they react is totally believable. I know that if I was in their position, maybe I would do the same than them (or maybe not, Idk). I also really love the way Amy and Lauren interact together. It's a real plus to the story. The only thing that was a little too much imo was all the times Henry's moves went right in Lauren lower belly. It's true she is really attracted to him but sometimes, I think it would be a little better to get one or two of those moves right in Lauren's heart instead. Well, not in the beginning since she doesn't know or doesn't want to be in love but later I found it was a little repetitive to see her so attracted. It was just a fleeting feeling but I thought you would like to know. It's just a little detail though.
The chapters were well paced; there wasn't a time when I was bored. I liked Lauren's internal monologues when she was speaking to herself because that felt like what anybody would do. I found there weren't a lot of descriptions but that didn't bother me. In fact, adding more would kill the pacing and they would be a little useless imo because nobody takes the time to describe in their head ( or in a story, they tell to someone) the things they see every day. Moreover, it isn't hard to imagine where she lives and where she works. As for the grammar, I didn't spot anything that hurt my eyes but English is also my second language so I'm definitely not an expert!
That was all the things I liked and disliked. I was really interested and I think I will read the rest of the book because I want to know what happens next. If you want, I can get back to you when I finish reading the rest, although I don't know when that will be.
– Drown
~*~*~
I have read 5 chapters from the weekly chosen book.
It caught my attention from the start where the scene has set my mind questioning what really was going on. Made me felt like I wanna read more and more. Almost forgotten what chapter I was on after few had passed. Great plot line where the characters growth and the story doesn't just revolve around the main character. A touch of comedy example in chapter 5 where she hits her head as the door swings open got me laughing. The only thing I notice that could be improved is the writer's grammar, which was the differentiation on past tense and present tense. Overall I love it and almost the romance was build for real life, the emotions and detailing was the best.
– Slain
~*~*~
Okay, so after reading the first few chapters, I have to say, I like your characters quite a bit. They seem believable and likable. As I mentioned in a comment I made, I especially like how everyone knows about Lauren's crush before she does since it reminds me so much of my own experience with having a crush. Also, some of your dialog cracked me up, which is definitely a good thing. If there's one thing I could offer in terms of constructive criticism it's that the pacing of it seemed a little fast. Chapter 1 and they're already discussing her crush. I think I would have preferred to see a bit more of the MC before that was talked about, but with that being said, I recognize that it is the second book and perhaps more of their relationship was established in book 1. Overall I thought it was enjoyable to read.
– Medula
~*~*~
I got to chapter 13 and overall, I liked the book. I'll continue reading it to finish it out and find out what happens! I believe the goal of the book was to show a woman's journey towards healing and trusting another man again, as well as finding the same love her friends have. You did well on her emotions and thought process. The book exceeded my expectations because when I read the first part, it was a little rough structurally. But it turned out great as I kept going as I found myself interested more as the chapters flew by. I think the characters were fairly believable, and as a woman, it was easy to see her pensiveness. I think the pacing was pretty good, but I found myself discouraged when Lauren kept going back to square one and pushing him away again. The descriptions visually in the setting could use some adding, but the descriptions for emotions and people were fantastic. The thoughts were frantic and jumbled like her mind really is. I found the writing style unique, but great. Some of the dialogue like "wanna" and "dammit" threw me off the flow because I'm not used to seeing those in writing. I would say that your improvement needs might be longer sentences. It'll help the flow! I definitely liked it and will keep reading it.
– Ginger
~*~*~
Oh, how I love this story!!! I love the way you write about this love she has found after all of the hurt and building walls to protect it from happening again. This guy is amazing and the love they share is phenomenal! I have only had time to read 12 chapters so far but will continue to read it until I can finish! Your descriptions of everything are wonderful. Her best friend and her besties boyfriend every relationship are felt in this story!!! Sean...I hope he gets hit by a bus the day he gets released from prison!!!! Girl, you are an artist I love this story so much! Your writing is spectacular and everything I have read this far stays in my head when I come back to read more! memorable and inspiring! You go, girl! Much love and respect!
– Nikki
~*~*~
Based on the title and blurb, I expected a love story, and I wasn't disappointed. The blurb is maybe a bit too dark compared to the story itself. While it's clear the characters have suffered in the past, it's a nice, funny and indeed sweet romance.
Maybe its weak point is that it's not a very original plot (a sort of office romance where the lead female protagonist is a PA and the male MC comes from a wealthy family), but the writing, tempo, and characters make it enjoyable nevertheless.
I found myself clicking on Next to see what would happen when the female lead would finally relent and follow her heart's desires. For once, the male lead isn't insufferable and know-it-all, and it's also a strong point of the story. He's rich and can 'rule the world' but it's not what motivates him.
All characters (MCs and their friends) are realistic and quite believable. I enjoyed the friendship between Lauren and Amy very much. The pacing is good, although sometimes it slows down a little. But this is not necessarily a bad thing and gives us a chance to know the MCs and side characters better.
We get an excellent insight into Lauren's emotions and struggles; your writing conveys them very well. I've left comments in your chapters with suggestions on how to tighten some sentences to improve the flow and the 'show don't tell' angle.
I'm looking forward to finishing this story and reading more of your works!
– Lila
~*~*~
Ok well, I have only managed to read 5 chapters as I have been super busy but I cannot put this book down.
Lilly, you are a super talented writer and I would never guess that English was not your first language, wow, amazing.
I'm in love with your writing style, your dialogue is awesome and characters superbly.
I will now be adding your book to my favorites list and making sure I read the rest of it.
Keep up the great work hun xxx
– Leanne
~*~*~
What did you think the book was about?
~ This is a sweet romantic love story about a woman who's still suffering the traumatic aftermath of an abusive relationship. Lauren learns to open up and fully place trust in Henry, after almost pushing him away for good.
Did you feel that the book fulfilled your expectations
~ Yes.
What about the plot? Did it pull you in; or did you feel you had to force yourself to read the book?
~ The plot was realistic and believable. I was genuinely interested to read it, and each event kept my interest.
Do the characters seem real and believable? (Basically, can you relate to their predicaments? To what extent do they remind you of yourself or someone you know, if they do at all?)
~ The characters did seem real and their personalities have shown well through the exchange in dialect. It was more on par with how my friends and I interact, and the level of maturity amongst adult conversation.
~ I felt empathy towards Lauren when she struggled with her feelings for Henry. As an invested reader, I wanted the two of them to be together and felt frustrated when she kept fighting the inevitable. Not because I didn't enjoy the storyline, but because I was anxious in case the following chapter revealed something heartbreaking, which I suspect the author wanted readers to feel. The ex-girlfriend was a threat in the story and my heart was in my mouth each time she appeared. So well played author, that was executed brilliantly. Having read on till the end, I'm very relieved and can relax again now.
How was the pacing of the chapters you read? (Consider if the scenes skipped or jumped randomly. Too fast or too slow? Why?)
~ I think they were adequately paced.
How was the description of the chapters you read? (Consider if there where any information bumps. Were there a lack of emotions, too little describing, telling rather than showing, etc.)
~ As for emotions, I think those came across well.
~ The describing during the intimate scenes was spot on. The only other advice I can think of would be to add atmospheric feels. E.g. Background noises, the smokey haze in the club, on the dancefloor, the sound of typing in the office etc. You hardly notice it when your reading but the brain absorbs it and you can visualize yourself in that setting.
~ That kitchen scene, the way she describes the cool feel of the countertops. That's a perfect example of showing rather than telling. I could practically feel that through reading. *blushes awkwardly*
Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? Why?
~ I liked the writing style. The paragraphs flowed well and made perfect sense when reading. Apart from a couple of punctuation errors that we all make, it was spot on. Nothing major. All I would say is that use the exclamation mark sparingly. Once or twice is ample. I used to overkill it until I realized it's not always necessary.
Would you read more of the author's work?
~ I most definitely would. I fell in love with this story and the writing style, so I added the rest of the authors works to my reading list.
– KL
~*~*~
In general, I liked Sweets. I know the author's concern was grammar but I'm impressed by how well written it is especially since English is the author's second language. It really didn't seem to be an issue at all. Most of the characters were likable in my opinion and I really liked Henry.
My concern is that Lauren comes off as unlikable in many situations. If I'm the only one that feels this way please ignore me. It's just that while people don't mind a flawed main character they want a likable main character. She began to show progress toward the end. I found myself not having empathy for her when I should have which made me feel like shit, lol. Part of the reason I think that was, was because of how perfect Henry is in comparison. So, when she was being a bitch it was even worse cause he was so dang nice and understanding. I hope that makes sense.
I'm sending you a good article on the elements of likable main characters. Other than that one thing it was good. I liked it enough to read the next book in the series and honestly my tolerance for contemporary romances is low. I usually am not compelled to read more than a small portion of it unless there is something about it I REALLY like. I know this is a critique of Sweets but you writing improved in the next book and that means you are already going in the right direction even without our help. So major kudos to you!
Here is the article I will also PM it to you if you want to read it, just remind me.
http://thatkatiecooney.tumblr.com/post/158791699253/the-5-elements-of-a-likable-main-character
– Tiffany
~*~*~
What did you think the book was about? The book was about a young woman would have a few demons in her past that she hasn't really confronted, and it's holding her back from starting something more with a man she thinks of as a friend. Though they have amazing chemistry together Lauren doesn't want to mess up what they have now, or he turns out like the man from her past.
Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations? I read both books in the series. They were both well written, maybe a bit slow, but that's understandable with what both main characters have been through in their past relationships.
What about the plot? Did it pull you in; or did it feel like you had to force yourself to read the book? Both books kept my interest throughout. I fell in love with all the characters in the series. Rooting all of them on winning each other's hearts. They were both great reads.
How was the pacing of the chapters you read? I read both books completely. The characters were developed in great detail with real-world problems and struggle to get over. Some parts were a little slow only in both main characters took longer to trust dragging it out a bit more, but overall I liked them both.
How was the description of the chapters you read? Lots of detail. Either with the place or scene, the characters were in, to their backstories as well. Some grammatical mistakes, but overall everything flowed together great.
Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? Why? I liked the style of the series a lot. Everything worked together and flowed well. I hope she writes another in the series.
Would you read more of the author's work? YES! In a second! Both stories sucked me into their world. Exactly what you want a good book to do!
– Callie
~*~*~
So I just realized I never gave a full feedback. So with that said, I want to start off that I like the idea of your prologue. It is a great way to pull in the reader because now their thinking how to fill in the blanks. I mention how your use of description was good with her dancing to the beat of the music. When I was reading it I could imagine songs playing in my head. Whenever I am reading something, I want to be immersed in the world that the author has created. You have many characters, which is always good sometimes it can be confusing to keep track. However, I am always interested to see the interaction of them. What I would have you do is get into the mindset of the age of the character I believe their high school right? If so really tap into to the mindset of what it like being an adolescent in high school. Same goes for someone who is in college. Understand what is happening to them mentally and physically on top of what you have planned for them. This would make a character seem very realistic. Also, make them even more relatable than they are now.
But we clarified the age range I got confused at first.
– Jay
~*~*~
I finished reading Sweets! I did so quicker than I thought but that's just how engrossed I was with your book.
I really appreciated they used condoms, it's important after all! However, every time Lauren freaks out, I think it would be better to add one or two sentences of descriptions like if her hands or even her voice are trembling or not, things like that. You did it but every time, you just told about her breathing and heartbeat, which is great but maybe a little lacking since she has a psychological shadow. For that, I think you can use some of the symptoms for stress like sweating, eyes looking away, nausea, trembling lips, weak legs, etc... Also, I loved that you added Henry's POV and Bella's birth, I think there would be something missing if you didn't let Amy have her baby :). Well, for the rest, what I told you for the 8 first chapters still counts, as much for what I liked as for what I disliked. Well, in truth, since they actually had sex, the sexual attraction Lauren felt didn't bug me as much as in the first chapters. After all, once you taste the forbidden fruit, you want it more ;).
– Drown
~*~*~
I've read the prologue + six chapters.
I absolutely adore Henry. He just seems so sweet and lovable; it makes me want to take a bite out of him as if he's cotton candy. I love how assertive he is with going for what he wants, especially when it comes to Lauren. I wish Lauren would take a page from his book and learn to open up a little. Five years is a long time to be single and surely, she could accept trying to see where this chemistry between them could go. If I were her friend, I would probably call her out on her hesitation and tell her to live a little.
Other than that, I didn't really see any glaring mistakes with spelling or grammar. Nor did I see any plot holes that left me confused. In fact, I felt the book started off well enough for me to know whose whom considering I'm reading the second book before the first one. It was a job well done lovely!
– V
~*~*~