I don't know what my life is anymore, I'm unironically trying to write songs!
~Eko.
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"So. Anyone wanna join us for pizza?" Stan asks, pointing to Wendy.
"I mean... sure? Craig. Are you coming?" Clyde asks.
Fuck him. Fuck him so much!
"Hey, Craig!" Clyde says.
"I'm not your boss, go on," I say.
He laughs.
"But I want you to come with me!" He says.
"Come on, Craig, don't be an arsehole!" Millie says.
"Fine," I say.
Clyde smiles at me. What is it with him lately? He's being kinda....clingy?
"I ship it," Kyle lets out.
Stan and Kenny both immediately look at him with a look of 'Welcome to the group.' Fucking idiots. If we wanted them to know we're dating, we'd mention. But right now, we don't want the attention. It feels kinda stupid to try and hoard the attention like that. Plus, after Tweek and how terrible that break up was, Clyde and I agreed we wouldn't tell everyone until they learn not to force us to go so fast in a relationship. But yeah, people still ship it. This is exactly why I hoped Clyde wouldn't be so clingy but I guess that's not fucking possible for him.
"It isn't okay to ship real people together," Red says.
THANK YOU.
"Oh you're the one to speak," Kyle says.
Can't there people just c a l m d o w n about their shipping shit. Honestly... why do I even deal with them?
"I don't like the idea of being shipped off," Clyde says.
He's clearly joking, he's the biggest shipper.
"Oh you innocent bean!" Bebe says.
Clyde laughs. Can someone remind me why I started with him again?
"I just want pizza," Wendy says.
"Me too, Wendy, me too," I say.
She laughs.
"Wanna leave these people and go get some from the store or something?" She asks.
"I mean seems like a good idea actually," I say.
She nods.
"Nope, i asked first," Stan says, laughing slightly.
He grabs Wendy, who starts blushing immediately. Honestly, Stan... can you get any dumber about your best female friends feelings? She's being obvious! Even Kyle and Token can tell and they are really fucking oblivious! They're not even oblivious, they're dumb as rocks. But S t a n. He's on a whole another level of ignorant and honestly, it's only about Wendy. Everyone else he knows the feelings of by heart but sometimes he feels like he is deliberately ignoring Wendy. And even i, who hates this relationship shit, can see it and just want them both to get it over with.
"Stan, for fucks sake," Wendy says.
Stan laughs.
"What? You don't want to go out with me, Wend?" He asks.
S t a n.... h o w? How is it possible to be as oblivious as this guy?
"I mean yeah, I do but-," Wendy says.
"Hey Millie," Kenny says.
"Yea', Ken?" Millie asks.
"Wanna go out with me?" Kenny asks.
"Aaah (I) mean, sure aaah (I) guess," Millie says.
"It's a date!" Kenny declares.
"That's nice," Stan says.
Kyle, I repeat, Kyle, groans out of how oblivious his best friend is being.
"Was I ever that oblivious?" I ask Clyde on a whisper to make sure the others don't hear.
He shakes his head, struggling not to laugh at the scene in front of us.
"Stan.......... do you ever feel like someone might like you?" Kyle asks.
Stan looks completely puzzled. Although he is slowly smirking, something nobody else seems to catch yet.
"No," Stan says.
His smirk is growing wider. Is he enjoying all of us thinking he is oblivious? Doesn't he realise how torturous this must be for Wendy?
"Oh fuck off with that, Stan," Kyle says.
He puts his hands in the air and walks away.
"I'm done," Wendy mutters as well.
"Don't be," Stan says.
W h a t is going on in his head?
"Look, Wend, I really would like to go, with you. Would you please come with me?" Stan asks.
"Stan, this is getting really frustrating," Wendy says.
"Sorry Wend," Stan says.
"No but really. It's about time I confess something to you!" Wendy says.
Stan rolls his eyes.
"I like you. I still do. I really do," Wendy says.
Stan sighs and puts a hand on Wendy's shoulder.
"Fine," He says.
They kiss. When Stan lets go of her, he sighs.
"W-why didn't you do anything before this?" Wendy asks.
Stan takes a breath, looking at his hands.
"I.... um.... I was kind of scared we would fall back into the same circle of breaking up," Stan says.
Wendy looks utterly horrified at the realisation.
"No, Stan, I'm so sorry," she says.
She hugs him.
"I didn't mean for all that to hurt you enough to never try it over," Wendy says.
Stan sighs.
"I was planning to tell you, I was.... but I.... I just wanted to go over all that before I could propose anything but I guess I couldn't plan it," Stan says.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to do that! You matter for me too much for me to do that to you!" Wendy says.
Stan rises his head, grinning a little.
"I realised that... I just got really scared. I'm an absolute pussy, I won't argue with that statement. But I don't want to rush in in case one of us got hurt after that," Stan says.
Wendy rolls her eyes.
"I love you. Pussy or not," Wendy says.
They kiss yet again. Does nobody actually understand that there is a rule against having relationships.
"We'll get going now," Stan says.
Wendy looks so happy. I'll admit, I've never been the one to feel happy but Wendy is a friend of mine so I'm sort of happy for her.
"Oh shit," Kyle says.
His phone starts ringing, the whole street fills with some song from Hamilton as he gets his phone, really embarrassed.
"Hey mom," he says.