I walked into the old house like a zombie. I don't remember much but I know I grabbed a six pack and whiskey and went to go hide in my room. I woke up the next morning just like the last, head pounding and my body sore. I ran down to the kitchen, no one was awake yet. I plugged in the coffee pot and made some pancakes and bacon for everyone. I pulled my mug steaming from the counter and splashed in some whiskey. Hair of the dog and all. Sam was the first up as he came into the kitchen he gave me a gruff hello as he grabbed the coffee from my hand that I had ready for him. It was like a pitstop and he was off to the library for lore.
"Foods almost done."
"Mmmm." He said lost in thought.
"Lore?"
"Something has to be here." I left his comment be. I didn't want to talk about Luke seeing as he was going to be the only topic of conversation for the next ten years or till we broke his deal. I still couldn't think about it, I pushed the thought of him from my mind knowing I would break down if I hadn't. Bobby came down stairs and pulled me in for a big hug. He said nothing as he grabbed his coffee and joined Sam. I continued cooking, sipping my coffee hoping Luke was taking his sweet time because I wanted to hold on to the peace as long as I could. I heard the flopping of feet down the old stairs and the roll of the wooden door.
"Hi." Dean said almost sounding he was out of air.
"Hi." I avoided eye contact. "Here." I said as I handed him his coffee as he placed a hand on my hip and a kiss on my cheek. I blushed a little not expecting it. I could feel him holding back from saying something. I was about to press him on it when he spoke.
"I got a call from Luke." He said timidly.
"What?" Why did Luke call him?
"He wanted to tell me himself but... I said some things to him Em. I was pissed and went off on him a little." Oh god Dean. "He wasn't gonna come but Sam fixed it. He called him and did... what ever he does. He should be here soon... I'm sorry I didn't mean to."
"What did you tell him?" I was nervous. When Dean got mad he had no filter and things don't always come out... accurately.
"I didn't really tell him anything as much as imply something."
"Dean." I said turning around to him with a furrowed brow.
"He may have guessed that we... ya know. Spent the night together."
"Okay... and did you try and explain what really happened?! That we actually slept?"
"He didn't give me the chance really...."
"Goddamnit. Add that on the list." I said with anger in every piece of my voice. I slammed the remainder of my coffee back and poured myself another cup, sneaking whiskey in so the boys wouldn't see as Dean began to ramble.
"Emma I'm sorry. All I said was that he screwed up and said shit he didn't mean... I told him if he was the brother he was supposed to be he would have been there for you. That if he was a real man he would have owned it. But because he was such an asshole... I had to be. That he should have been the one to comfort you not me. I was pissed. What he did... I mean I-"
He stopped himself, stumbling over his own words. How could I blame him? Knowing Luke did this, sold his soul. I'm sure it brought back what he went through, all the pain he suffered in hell.
"Hey don't. I get why you went off. You made the same deal he did. You know what it really costs. Everyone here as a right to be mad at Luke. Honestly if Luke hadn't have done it... I would have done something stupid eventually to get her back. We have all gone too far for someone we loved. Everyone in this house. But right now I want to focus... I need to focus, on fixing this."
"Maybe I should steer clear of you guys for a bit..."
"Nope. Sorry. Thats the easy way out. Look Luke knows he's the one that created the problem. Tell him that it was drunk me upset and tired and just a stupid kiss. Tell him I was hammered and sad and you got me to bed."
"A stupid kiss?" He had almost sounded offended.
"What?"
"It was a stupid kiss? Em I thought..."
"I know. Dean look we had a moment. We told each other some heavy shit. Then you drove me two hours for a sandwich. This... is uncharted territory and low on the totem pole so unless you want to sit down and have a chick flick moment right now... we don't have time for it. I'm not sorry about that night but my mind is on Luke and Lucy. At least for the morning."
"We?" He echoed with a shit eating grin.
"Yeah dumbass... we. As in you and me."
"I like that." He said the smug little shit.
"I'm sure you do Dean. Can you focus now?" I tried to suppress a smile, but he could always force one to the surface.
"But thats what you want me to tell him?"
"Dean unless you want to get shot today make him think it was some booze induced pity party I was having and you were just... there."
"Just there. Nice." He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes tight.
"Hey you kissed me. You opened this can of worms buddy." I Laughed.
"Yeah but you're the one who did all the... ya know... stuff. How could I not?" He shot me a big grin as I rolled my eyes and returned to cooking.
"Hey Em? When Luke gets here what are you gonna do..." he trailed off. I knew what he was asking. I had no answers for him.
"I don't know. I really don't. I don't want to see him. But I'm not going to let him get taken down there. He's my brother. But between the fight and this deal? How do I look at him? And Lucy? She's been gone. I don't know what I'm gonna do."
"Em... If I can- If I can do anyth-" I cut him off suddenly without warning and before I really knew what I was doing I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in. He was surprised for a moment before pulling me in with his free hand and burying his face in my hair.
"Thank you." I said. He wanted to help. I knew he did. He couldn't, but knowing he wanted to was all I needed. "Just for being here. Dealing with all our family shit."
"Mmmm." He sighed. "Your hair smells like bacon." He laughed.
"Here." I said pulling away and handing him a plate full of bacon. "Go nuts. Clog some more arteries." I laughed returning to the food.
Bobby Finally woke up and we all began researching. Finding any other deals that were made, looking for omens in the area to track the demon, digging into lore seeing if it was even possible.
"Didn't you and Sam try to kill the thing that held your contract, you thought it would break the deal right?"
"Yeah but it wasn't just a demon. It was Lilith." Sam interjected.
"Okay but he's Dean Winchester." I said glancing at him with a grin on his face, "Not to inflate his already huge ego... but... he's the Michael sword. Of course a big time player was going to hold his contract. But Luke? I don't think he's big enough fish." I said.
"And when have we ever been so lucky. Look Darlin I know its not what you wanna hear but you and Luke have done enough in this world that you've earned yourselves some powerful enemies. If I was to guess that idjit's papers are gonna be held by someone who we need to be worried about." Bobby explained.
I sighed heavy. He was right. We made a name for ourselves especially in hell. Any hunter makes a deal and its news. But a Singer? We were no Winchesters but it was common knowledge that we ran with them and had caused enough problems in Hell to earn us some angry demons and not just low level players.
"Plus breaking his deal and keeping Lucy topside is going to require more than simply a demon blade to the chest."
"Thank you for your words of encouragement guys I'm feelin real positive." I moaned my head falling into my hands.
"Em look we aren't trying to rain on your parade but we need to be realistic." Sam said.
I sat there trying to tell myself they were wrong but I knew deep down that this was a disaster. We sat there trying to grasp the reality of our situation, trying to figure out where to go next, when we heard a two car doors shut. They were here. It was like the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. Bobby and Sam stood up, Dean slowly moved to me, almost standing in front of me. I heard the front door open and the shuffling of feet.
"Hello?" Luke called cautiously.
"You dumbass." Bobby hissed at him as he pinned him to the wall, one hand over his chest the other on his collar. "I outta throttle you boy!"
I watched Dean subtly shake off a shiver and heard him whisper, "Deja vu." Bobby said the same thing to Dean when he found out about his deal. "How could you do this! To yourself to us!? To your sisters!? Emma has done all she could for you! You lay a finger on her again and I will kill you myself!"
"Bobby stop let him go!" Sam called, "This isn't helping." Bobby hung there for a moment teeth clenched with Sam's hands on his back trying to get him off. He finally released him and circled back to his drink, sulking in his anger.
"Hey man." They embraced in a 'bro hug' and Sam gave him a hard pat on the shoulder. Luke's eyes fell on Dean, not realizing I was there as I stood behind Deans broad shoulders, too anxious to see him.
"Dean."
"Luke."
"We need to talk."
"I know."
"I don't think you do. I outta kill you." Sam and Bobby shared uneasy looks. Bobby had no idea why they were so hostile and were oblivious to the situation let alone that Luke was aware. Even if what Dean told him what actually happened, he was gonna be pissed with Dean either way. He had always made him promise that I was off limits. He told Dean he'd be the one to kill him if he ever laid a hand on me.
"Look what I said on that phone call, I had a lot in my head... a lot I wanted to say and I think you took it the wrong way and I'm happy to clarify... later."
"No need Dean. I told you what would happen."
"Fine then. Shoot me." Dean said quickly as if to stop him from saying anymore. "But first lets break this deal and save your ass." Sam saw Luke begin to puff up.
"Luke where is Luce?"
"In my car. She needed a second." He turned to Dean, "Where is Emma." Dean stepped to the side, I was standing behind him feeling small. Almost afraid of my own brother.
"Em..." He took a step towards me and I took one back gingerly holding my hand out.
"Look, I just- lets just fix this." I avoided his eyes and placed a hand on my stomach. I had that feeling like I did every night when our father came home. I realized now why I was so afraid of Luke. He had looked just like my dad and the night he hit me, that was the night I saw my father in his eyes. I grabbed a book and looped behind Dean to the couch. They had a macho moment stare off for a second and Luke sat in the arm chair.
"Oh my god, Lucy. Wait you said she's in the car!" I stood, Sam followed behind me.
"I'm coming." I flashed him a small smile. I knew Sam had been in love with Lucy. We all knew. And she loved him too. But neither of them had the balls to do anything. It was killing us. When Lucy died a piece of Sam went with her. If anyone needed to see her it was him. I walked out of the front door as Sam waited in the archway. There she was sitting in the car circled up and parked near the house. She looked so tired. So sad almost. It hadn't hit me really yet what his deal meant. I mean he was going to hell, he sold his soul. But he did it so Lucy would come back to us. I felt my skin grow hot, tears began rushing down my cheeks. I felt like I was weak.
"Lucy!" I tried to call out but my voice was shaky.
"Luce!" Her head turned up. Her face lit up and she jumped out of the car. We ran to each other and I locked my arms tightly around her as she did the same.
"Oh my god Lucy. Oh my god I missed you so much."
"I missed you too."
"Lucy you're back." I grabbed her tighter not believing she was real. I hadn't been this happy since she died.
"I know. I'm gonna kill Luke."
"I thought he didn't tell you."
"I'm not stupid Em. I know the only way I was back was because one of you asshats did something you shouldn't have."
"Well I wasn't far behind him." We were still clutching each other, refusing to let go.
"Emma I love you."
"I love you more Luce. You have no idea how much I missed you. How much we all missed you!" I squeezed her tightly. Remembering I wasn't the only one who needed time, I pulled back from her.
"Look at me being all selfish over here." I laughed through my tears. Lucy gave me a question look. I stepped to the side as Sam came into the light. Her face lit up and tears began streaming from her eyes. She ran to him as he descended the front steps. She jumped into his arms and he lifted her up to him. I could see tears welling in his eyes that I knew I would poke fun at him for later. It made me so happy to see them together. Maybe now they could have a second chance.
"I'm gonna head in and give you two a chance to talk." I said smiling. I went around back to grab the rest of the beers from the cooler went I heard bottle clanking.
"Bobby? Why are you outside?"
"Needed beer why so nosey?" He was clearly drunk.
"Bobby, Dean and Luke are they alone?!" I felt the whites in my eyes expand. Bobby still didn't know Luke was hell bent on beating the tar out of Dean. Honestly a fight between the two of them would be deadly.
"Yeah? What did Dean do to piss him off so much?"
"Shit. Not right now Bobby." I said. As I turned to run inside I could hear profanity being yelled and things being thrown.
"I told you if you ever went near Emma that I'd shoot you Dean! And the moment I leave and you've got her in your bed?!" I walked in they were chest to chest, huffing and puffing.
"First, nothing happened that night. Second we watched a movie and passed out on the couch! Unless you want to count the fact that you hit her Luke! What you said to her! That wasn't right!"
"She told you!?"
"Of course she did! For you to use that against her!?" I had never heard Dean get so loud in my life.
"You need to leave. Tonight. So help me god or I'll leave with her."
"You think you can tell your sister what to do? She's going to go where she wants when she wants."
"I'll make her."
"Yeah right." He scoffed "Then you don't know that girl at all. Honestly... you really don't get how much you hurt her? How hard she tried to help you. She lost Lucy too and now she's gonna loose you. And not just loose you Luke, you're going to the pit. You have no idea what is down there. What were you even thinking! You knew better!"
"You have no right to judge me! For any of it!" Luke yelled. "You made the same deal I did Dean don't pretend you're any better than me! I know you aren't! I know what you did down there. Thats why I told you if you told Emma how you felt, if you went near her... that I'd kill you. And guess what, I'm already going to hell, no use in crying over spilt blood!" Luke threw a punch and Dean just took it. He threw another and Dean barely reacted, taking a few steps back.
"Feel better!? Did that help!?" Luke let out a scream as Dean whipped the blood from his lip. "Has any of this helped?"
"Fight back!" Luke screamed.
"No."
"Fight back!"
"NO." Luke was furious as Deans unwillingness to throw a punch. I wanted to step in and break them up but Luke began talking again through his labored breath. The look he gave Dean was so dark.
"What you can dish it out downstairs but you won't fight back up here? You know what I don't have to make Emma leave, I'll just tell her. I tell the kind of person you are, what you've done." Deans face changed. I could see anger and panic grow inside of him. He was almost shaking.
"Luke no," Dean said taking a step towards him. "She can never know."
"Why? Because if she does know, if she finds out, regardless of how either of you feel, she could never love someone like you. She's too good for you. You don't deserve her and you know it. None of us do. You aren't like her Dean and you know it. She'll never stay."
"Stop." Deans eyes were shut tight. His fists clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white. Luke struck a chord and was going to play it for everything it was worth. I had never seen Dean this angry.
"You are just as bad as the things we hunt Dean. As the demon who holds my deal. You're the monster here. And when she hears she'll never look at you the same. She'll be glad to come with me. You are the darkness that's going to bring her down. Hell, I'm already seeing it. You say you love her. That you'd die for her. You will protect her no matter the cost. But you can't protect her from yourself." Dean was the one screaming this time, running at him he grabbed Luke by his collar and smashed him into the wall twice. He landed a few punches while he screamed at him before I ran in, Bobby, Lucy, and Sam followed hearing the noise a few moments later.
"Hey hey! Thats enough!" Dean was focused, tuned in on Luke. His jaw was clenched and his face was bloody.
"Dean stop, hey thats enough come on." I pulled his arm, bringing him back down. He looked at me with those green eyes, full of pain. He dropped his hands and backed away trying to catch his breath as Luke panted up against the wall, holding his bleeding nose. I put my one hand on his chest and on wrapped around his arm. I pushed him back to the kitchen.
"You bastard." He barked as I glared looking back at.
"Dean lets go. Come on, lets just take a second." His eyes were glazed over. "Dean." I said softly, bringing my hand to his cheek.
"Dean listen to me, lets go." I began to pull him out the back door, guiding him. I slammed the door shut and took a second to pause.
"Emma I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"Dean stop." I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I know you didn't. I saw you. I wouldn't have been able to hold back like you did."
"How much did you hear?" His voice was trembling but he stood strong as he pulled me into him.
"A lot."
"Emma I can explain-"
"You don't have to."
"No but I do, look in hell-"
"Dean I know." He stopped, barely blinking he starred at me.
"You know?"
"For a while." I pulled my hands down and began to pick at my dark nail polish.
"Oh. How did you-"
"Cas has a big mouth. He's also a lightweight. He thought I knew."
"Damn it." He shook his head. "Wait but if you knew..."
"What.. it would make me think differently of you? Dean you were in hell. None of us can imagine what that was like. Jesus I don't know anyone who wouldn't have done it. You're human Dean."
"But I'm not... I-"
"Stop. I know you. A drunk? Yes. A pig? Absolutely. Chalk full of daddy issue and liquor? Who isn't in this house. But a monster? No. No way. Dean a monster wouldn't sit there and feel guilty. You've done so much to make up for sins you have no blame in." He let out a small laugh and a crooked pained grin.
"Are you gonna let me finish a sentence?"
"Nope. Are you new here?" We laughed for a moment.
"Emma. What Luke said... about killing me if I ever laid a finger on you or... told you how I felt. I know you heard that."
"I did. I thought I'd leave it for tonight but if you're going to tell me all your secrets get um out now Winchester." I laughed back to picking at my nails and starring at the ground.
"Emma... I..." I felt the heat build in my cheeks. God what was he gonna say.
"Emma I care about you."
"Ha. I figured that much. You defended my honor and all." I laughed trying to make light of the moment. I was never good with touchy feely crap. We were both avoiding the fact that Luke screamed that Dean openly admitted that he loved me for both our sakes.
"Emma I would do anything for you. I meant that. Luke saw how I felt when we first started hunting. He knew about me. He knew the kind of guy I was. He made me that promise, then when he found out about hell... he wants to protect you from me."
"Yeah and it's not his job. Especially now."
"But what if he's right. Look death and destruction, that's my life. My whole life."
"No Dean its a hunters life. Last time I checked I'm a hunter too. I know your instinct is to pull back to protect me but we've been hunting side by side for a year. Me knowing that you care changes none of that."
"Yes it does. There is always gonna be a big bad that wants us dead, hunters don't do this because its a liability."
"Are you kidding? Risks are always there. Welcome to the life. Especially in our lives. If you walk away from me, at least have the decency to be honest. Don't pretend you'd be doing it to protect me. It's a cowards move Dean."
"But I told you I meant that I'd do anything to protect you."
"But thats the thing. You don't have to Dean. You really don't. I've proved that plenty of times. What I need is you to trust me. And yourself. Stop focusing on keeping me out of harms way and look at this as tackling everything together De. Focus on whats in front of us. Not just Luke but all of it."
"But I-."
"D? Shut the hell up." I whispered pulling him closer. I let my breath hover over his lips for a moment, before I could bring him to me his lips crashed onto mine. We were gonna face this. Luke's deal, Dean's fate, Sam's curse, Lucy's life... we were gonna face all of it. And I'd be damned if it wasn't together.