"I'll come back tomorrow," I promised my mother as she stood by me wringing her hands I grabbed my purse. "I just need to go back to my apartment for the night, pick up some clothes, throw out some old food before I attract mice. Nothing major."
"Suzume," Mom said, practically trembling. "I really don't think you should do that. We've all been through so much and I don't think you should be alone."
No Mom, I thought, you don't want to be alone. Uncle Emeni had retreated into himself to grieve, I had been the one to handle everything and I knew Mom feared what would happen if something needed to be taken care of and I wasn't there. She'd need to figure it out soon though, if I did go to Asgard to hunt down Yuki's killer, I wouldn't exactly be close at hand to take care of her.
"I need to go back to my apartment," I repeated, keeping my voice firm. "I will be back tomorrow." You can survive one night without me. The thought had more venom in it than I cared to acknowledge and I felt a small pang of guilt over it but pushed it aside. I was not going to let her fear stop me from doing what I needed to do.
"My car stalled last month and Uncle Enmei might need his truck." Mom said and I resisted the urge to scowl. Her car had stalled last month, but we both knew Uncle Enmei hadn't left the house in a week; I doubted that would change today of all days.
"That's alright," I said, willing myself to stay calm and forcing a smile. "Matthew hasn't left yet and I can ask him to drive me."
"That's not fair to ask him," was the fast rebuttal. I thought it was quite ironic that she wanted to talk to me about fairness when she'd asked me to give up on my ambitions of becoming a police officer because she couldn't handle it.
I didn't say that however and opted for a different truth. "He said if I needed anything to ask and I'm about to take him up on that. I'll see you tomorrow, tell Uncle Enmei for me? Please?" He hadn't been able to look me in the face since the night I came home from the hospital. I couldn't blame him for it, but I couldn't handle the change either. It was just another reminder of how broken my family had become.
"Hey Matthew?" I called as I walked around my mother. My partner had known Yuki as well and worn his favorite jersey in her honor. I'd hear some people whispering about how it was rude, but I knew better. Yuki loved the Red Sox too. "Do you mind giving me a ride back to my apartment?"
He looked at me then briefly at the half-eaten lemon bar in his hand. "You got it," he crammed the rest of the bar into his mouth, smearing powdered sugar on his lips. He grabbed his keys, jiggling them as he tried to speak around the dessert stuffed into his cheeks.
"Thanks," I said, taking his garbled speech to be some variation of "let's go" or "come on". Either way, I was more than happy to follow him out, knowing my mother was probably freaking out upstairs in her bedroom.
We climbed into the cab of Mathew's car and we started down the road, silent as I looked out the window, watching the familiar streets and shops of Harvard go by.
"How you holding up?" he asked softly as the car came to a gentle stop at a red light.
My head jerked up, pulled out of my mindless gazing out the window and temporarily distracting me from my anxiety about meeting Sif again. "I've been better."
Matthew sighed. "I bet." The light flicked to green and we pulled forward, lapsing into silence for another few miles before he broke it again. "Okay I gotta ask, was was with all the tension between you and your mom?"
A self-deprecating smile flickered across my face. "You noticed huh?"
"You were burning a hole in her forehead."
I winced at that description but he was probably right. My emotions always showed on my face. "She's just very..."
"Difficult?" Matthew offered but I shook my head. Difficult wasn't the right word for what my mom was.
"She's a coward," I said finally, hearing the harsh edge in my voice again and hating myself for it but unable to stop it. "When something bad happens, she can't handle it on her own, no matter what it is. She's too scared to be alone. She didn't even want me to go and get clean clothes from my apartment."
"But she's not alone," Mathew commented, confusion coloring his voice. "Your uncle is with her," he frowned then, "but I suppose given that it was his daughter, he's not really present with all this?"
I nodded, throat tight. The only time Uncle Enmei was present was when he was in the same room as me. Every time he was near me, I could practically hear his thoughts, screaming at me why I hadn't been able to do anything for his daughter. Sometimes, I thought I could even hear him wondering why it hadn't been me instead.
I didn't blame him for either; I asked myself those things every night since Yuki had been killed.
Matthew considered that as we drove the rest of the way, no longer speaking and I was grateful. I had other things on my mind besides my mother and her fear. My own was more pressing to me at the moment; my mother didn't know monsters were real, but I did. And now, just maybe, I'd have the chance to stand toe to toe with one and not be helpless. Truth be told, the thought of confronting that frost giant against scared the shit out of me, but that fear was nothing compared to how I'd feel if that thing continued to walk around free.
I'd never be able to move on from Yuki's death so long as it was free. It'd would always be there, alive in my mind, taunting me and reminding me how helpless I'd been. I'd never have peace as I waited for it to come back, either for me or someone else. It was that knowledge that made me want to jump the gun, take Sif's offer and go to Asgard and only the smallest sliver of common sense was holding me back. I hoped it'd be strong enough once I had all the information and had to make a choice.
Before I knew it, we were outside my red-bricked apartment building, right in the heart of historic Boston. "Thanks for the ride Matthew," I said as I unbuckled my seat belt.
"Anytime," he said and though his tone was bright, his tight jaw told me that he was still worried about me.
"Bye," I said, shutting the door without looking back, at least until I was inside the building. Matthew hadn't pulled away and in my tired, grief-ridden state, I couldn't understand why but then I remembered. Anytime Mathew drove anyone somewhere, he wouldnever leave until he knew they were safely inside. His protectiveness wasanother aspect that made him a great cop and an even better person.
I walked up the old creaky stairs, the old wooden railing bumpy and worn under my hand. My blood felt thick and congealed in my veins and it moved sluggishly with each beat of my heart. Yuki was dead. I'd closed the coffin lid over her bruised, pale, unmoving face. Her expression had been so serious, another sign of death as Yuki had always been smiling in life. The details of the funeral had blurred for me mostly, but that part stood out horribly clear to me. As did Sif's visit and what had occurred during that brief interval.
I reached my floor in a daze and checked my watch, seven o'clock exactly. If Sif was true to her word, the Asgardian would already be inside.
This is insane, I thought as I stared at my door with it's peeling silver numbers. It was all insane, it all should have sent me running for the hills. If I was a smarter person perhaps I would have been able to do it. Perhaps if I didn't have so much personally invested in this case I would have done the smart thing and walked away, let the fact that this fight was too big to handle stop me for pursuing it.
I walked inside and shut the door behind me and swung the deadbolt forward. In many ways, the tiny, homey space had not changed. My table was still a bit messy, full of week-old newspapers and a stack of movies I'd rented from the library. The kitchen not so far away was still had its bright yellow walls and the sink was still full of dirty dishes. In this place, time stood still, as though nothing had changed, but everything had-and it was the reason that I couldn't walk away from this, no matter how impossible my odds were.
I sighed, feeling my chest constrict as I fought against the urge to cry. Crying was useless here. Crying wouldn't bring Yuki back and it certainly wouldn't bring me closer to her killer. Keeping a clear head, sticking to the facts and making an informed choice moving forward, those would be far more useful.
I walked into my little kitchen and opened my fridge. Examining the shelf, I removed a container of cottage cheese and grabbed spoon. I ate the food without really tasting it as I reviewed over that information. From what I was able to figure, until Sif was able to explain more about what I would need to achieve to become like her, I'd just be here and waiting.
Five minutes had never seemed so endless.
I let my spoon plop onto the counter where it banged against the laminate and slid it away from me, the food suddenly tasting sour. I replaced the lid and set it back into the fridge and tossed the used spoon onto the pile of dishes that was already waiting in the sink. Logic told me I should have started cleaning the dishes now, while the pile was still small enough to be manageable, but grief and uncertainty had other ideas as it sapped my energy.
I pulled my sluggish body into my cramped living room with my dated furniture and stained carpet from the previous tenant. I laid out on the couch, not even feeling the old cushions cradle my body and stared out the large window that let me look out at the city. It was the reason I had opted to rent this place. Despite the old building, cramped kitchen and living space-the apartment had an excellent view of the Boston skyline.
The buildings were black shadows against the burning orange sun as it set in the west and the sight once would have filled me with a sense of pride. That was my city. It was safe for another day, but that was not true anymore. Apparently we had other-worldly neighbors that had powers we couldn't hope to match.
I shut my eyes against the Boston skyline, stomach twisting as I recalled standing behind that counter, helpless while Sif tried to maintain her shield. The thin gold dome that had stood between me and being speared by six-foot spikes of ice. My fingers dug into the couch cushion, an echo of the fear I'd felt that night rippling through me as I recalled it now, a week and a half later. Shame followed a half a second later, warmth, unpleasant and unwelcome blooming in my stomach. What right did I have to be afraid when nothing happened to me? I'd walked away with scrapes and bruises. Some had walked away with burst eardrums and broken bones. And one person had not walked away at all.
I clenched my eyes shut and grit my teeth. Kicking yourself doesn't solve anything! Yuki shouted in my head. Get up, dust yourself off and move on! I laughed, Yuki had said that to me before, but it hadn't been about it a murderer. It had been about my now ex-boyfriend Jared, about a month after we'd broken up.
"I'm trying Yuki," I whispered, as though she was right there next to me. "I'm trying to get up and move on." I just didn't know how-I knew I had to catch her murderer, but I had no hope of subduing him if we ever crossed paths again. He had proven that when we met and Thea had only furthered that idea when she'd crushed that stone into dust.
"Officer Hamada?"
I sat up, Yuki's voice silent in my head as I turned and saw Sif standing behind me. "Hello Sif, care to sit down?" I gestured towards my faded armchair and she nodded, crossing the room with long, sure strides.
"You have a lovely home," she said conversationally and I grinned without feeling any joy.
"Please, can we skip the formalities? I've had enough of them for today."
Sif grinned, looking appreciative as she sat forward, looking intently at me. "Alright, well like I told you earlier today, you could become an Asgardian, like me and then, you'd have the power to face the Jotunn if you ever encountered each other again."
"If I do become like you," I said, disliking her use of the word 'if'. "I will hunt him down. Make no mistake about that."I took a deep breath, trying to reign in my anger but I was only partly successful, my hands were still shaking. Clenching them into fists, I continued. "So, how do I do become like you? You mentioned sponsoring me for something."
"Yes, that's correct."
"Tell me about it."
"Well," her caramel skin darkened as she blushed. "The story is long but the short version is like this. Asgard is a monarchy and our current king Odin, he wants to retire and pass the throne onto Thor, his oldest son and my best friend. Are you following me so far?"
I nodded though my head was still reeling at these weird names and talk of governments on another world.
"But, Odin and his wife Freya as well as the rest of the council, myself included feel that Thor should take a little more time for his personal life before assuming the throne. He and I divorced ten years ago, our marriage was a complete disaster. He was always someone I loved like a brother and vice versa. Just built to fall apart and it did and we all agree that he needs to get back out there. Problem is, he isn't willing to take time off work to start dating and so we formed a compromise. Any questions?"
I had several hundred questions about all of this, but kept my mouth shut. The chances stood that they would be answered if I let Sif get on with her story.
And the compromise is simple. Eight of the people closest to him, myself included were to go out and select someone who we think would be a good match for him. You're my choice for that."
That bit of news was enough to shock me out of my self-imposed silence. "What now?"
"I think you and Thor would be great together," Sif said with a small grin. "I saw you when I first came to Midgard and you seemed interesting so I followed you. I was there during that armed robbery you stopped, last month out at the Dunkin' Donuts remember?"
I recalled that pretty well. The irony of a cop stopping a robbery at a donut shop was not something easily forgotten. And I had the scar to prove it when one of them had thrown a blender at Mathew and I. That story got a lot of laughs. "You were there? I never saw you."
Sif blushed again. "Well, I was using a cloaking spell at the time. People act differently when they think they're being watched and given what I was doing I wanted to make sure I was getting an accurate look at prospective people." She smiled then and giggled. "And I have to say, the way you knocked out that robber with a blender was very impressive."
I shrugged. "It wasn't anything important. So after that you decided to stalk me?"
"Not stalk," Sif said with a bit of defensiveness in her tone as she crossed her arms. "I joined the police department to learn more about you."
"But I never saw you before we were in that store," I said, frowning. I was sure I would've remembered her, if not for her powers, but for her beauty and accent.
"It is possible to disguise yourself you know. Remember Officer Reynolds?"
The name rang a dim bell. "K9 unit? Blond hair and two different colored eyes, what was you?" Reynolds had also had a very large nose but I wasn't going to say that. I didn't want to be rude.
"Yes, through a combination of magic and prosthesis. Anyways, I was impressed with what I found and the more I learned, the more I became sure of my choice. And I had been planning to approach you about the trails but then I got word of a Jotunn from Heimdall and had to track it." She opened her mouth to say more but no words came out, I didn't mind. They weren't needed, we both knew what had happened after that.
"I don't blame you for what happened," I said softly. Loki's notes had given a brief overview of giants and while they're magic was more limited than an Asgardian, they were still very dangerous in their own right; the fact that Sif had held her own as long as she had was impressive, even by my limited knowledge.
"I wish I could've done more," was her reply and the weary and sad expression on her face was one I knew well. I'd worn it myself during the last year when I'd dealt with my first on-scene death. "I should've recognized what he was before he attacked."
"You did everything you could," I told her, repeating the words Matthew said to me as I sat outside the police station, still able to feel the blood of the shooting victim under my hand though my shift had ended an hour prior. The memory was still painful now, eight months later so I pressed forward, eager to leave it behind. "So, what is the event you want to sponsor me for exactly, The Bachelor?"
"Well, the compromise was more than just setting Thor up on blind dates in the hopes he finds love, it's also a series of three trails built to test whether or not the competitor in question could be a worthy queen of Asgard."
My heart skipped a beat when I heard that word but was thankfully able to keep my voice steady when I asked my next question. "What are these trials exactly?"
"The first trial would test your combat prowess; it's a very important aspect of our culture. The second would be a test of your ethics and then there's a third one as well, but Thor has kept that secret from us."
I tried to process that information on top of everything else she was telling me. This isn't the craziest thing she's said, I tried to assure myself. Just tests, trails to test prowess in combat and ethical codes. "And what happens if I win? If I pass the trials?"
"Well, assuming that happens and you and Thor fall in love-which I think you will, then you'll become the queen of Asgard."
"And I'll become like you?" I asked, an image flashing into my mind. It was my hand, golden light erupting from it to form a shield.
She nodded. "Sort of, you'll be part of the royal family-and that means you'll be far more powerful than I am. You might even have an Affinity."
"Affinity?"
"A type of magic might manifest itself in you, more powerful than a typical Asgardian. They're not super common, but they happen."
"I see," I said slowly, trying to process that new information. "And what about the frost giant, would I be allowed to pursue him if I became queen?"
"It won't be easy," Sif said after a long pause."But if you're the queen of Asgard you'll have an entire army at your command and they will follow your orders. You'd be allowed to dispatch a unit to go after the frost giant or even go with them yourself, provided the current state of the realm allowed that."
That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but the logic behind it made sense. "So, just let me see if I've got this right. Norse gods are real, you're Sif and you came here to select a candidate for this blind date-contest thing for your ex-husband in the hopes that he falls in love and finds a queen to rule Asgard with him. This contest is a set of three trials, one to test combat prowess, one to measure the virtue of a candidate and one that is a mystery and set up by Thor. Is this correct?"
Sif nodded and I could hear her voice shaking with excitement. "Yes, that is correct."
It won't be easy, I thought, but it is possible. And right now, that was the only thing I needed. "I want to go with you, but I need to wrap up a few things first; resign from my job, let my family know that I'm leaving and give notice here as well as pay the termination fee. It shouldn't take me more than a day, I should be done with it all by one o'clock. Sound good?"
"Yes." Sif said, eyes sparkling with enthusiasm I couldn't bring myself to share.
"Then we'll meet back here?"
"Sounds good. I'll see you then." And once again, she vanished into thin air and once I was alone, I found it no longer disturbed me. If I won these trials, I was sure that ability would be very useful when I started hunting for the monster who'd killed my best friend.
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New chapter! Suzume has made her choice and will be off to Asgard soon! I'm so excited! And I gotta say, I missed writing Sif! I really enjoy her character!
Write on! :)