Yoongi wasn't good at talking about his problems.
Really, he'd rather go on and ignore them forever, just act like whatever had happened hadn't happened.
Hoseok, however, knew Yoongi. He could read him like an open book; for real, sometimes, Yoongi was scared that Hoseok was secretly a mind reader.
So, after Yoongi's classes that day, Hoseok came over. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it kind of was. They used to hang out all the time – until the breakup. It was like the whole world was trying to avoid Yoongi all of a sudden, and he might or might not have projected that feeling onto Hoseok as well.
When Yoongi opened the door and spotted Hoseok standing there, looking expectantly, he raised his eyebrows.
"Don't tell me I missed something," he said. Hoseok shook his head. "No, don't worry. Can I come in though?"
They walked over to Yoongi's couch and sat down there. Yoongi stayed quiet; he figured Hoseok would do the talking, and he was right.
"So," Hoseok started, sighing, "You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"
Yoongi nodded once. Of course he did. Hoseok was his best friend.
"Then why don't you?"
Yoongi blinked. Why didn't he? For many reasons. But most importantly was that he hadn't guessed he would be confronted with such a question, so at first, he didn't respond anything.
Hoseok took a deep breath in and out to calm himself.
"I know that something is up," he said.
"How do you?" Yoongi asked, "We haven't seen each other in, like, what – "
"Don't you get it?" Hoseok interrupted him, "That's exactly the point."
And when Yoongi just shook his head slightly and squinted his eyes to show that, no, he didn't get it, Hoseok said, "We used to hang out all the time, Yoongi. Don't even try to pretend that you haven't been isolating yourself ever since Jimin happened."
Ever since Jimin happened. Maybe the timing was just bad luck, but after what had happened a few days ago, these words got a new meaning. Yoongi winced and, of course Hoseok noticed.
"God, what is it? Are you still not over him?"
And the way he said it made it seem even worse. Yoongi, the weird one who had broken up with his boyfriend just to mourn after him. But it wasn't like that.
"No, what? Why would you think that?" Yoongi asked and frowned. Hoseok shrugged.
It was obvious, he didn't need to say it.
"It's not that I'm not over him," Yoongi disagreed, then realized he definitely needed to evaluate on that.
To be fair, the universe might've been on his side by giving Hoseok the feeling that he needed to check up on his friend that day. And maybe Yoongi should use that opportunity. No, he really needed to, right? He hadn't talked about the incident with Jimin to anyone. Maybe now was the time.
"What is it?" Hoseok asked, a lot softer. Yoongi looked down at his hands.
"I, uh..." he started, and suddenly, the words came to him a lot easier than he had thought, "I might've kissed Jimin again."
Silence ensued. A silence that told Yoongi that, okay, he fucked up, and it was exactly what he feared.
"You – what?" Hoseok asked although he heard him the first time.
"I... Fuck, Hoseok, I don't know," Yoongi said, "I don't fucking know... I kissed Jimin, I just grabbed his face and... did it. We were... drunk, but... I'm not sure if saying I didn't enjoy it would be a lie."
For a while, Yoongi felt Hoseok's burning gaze on him. It was awful, not knowing what his best friend was thinking albeit Yoongi was so awfully aware of the fact that he had made a terrible mistake. But Hoseok didn't ask him why they were drunk together, why they were even together to begin with.
"Yoongi," Hoseok eventually said instead, sounding hesitant, "Are you... can I ask you a question?"
Yoongi raised his eyebrows. "Go ahead." He wasn't sure if he really wanted to hear it.
"Are you..." Hoseok pressed his lips together, considering his friend for a moment, "Are you sure you don't have any feelings for Jimin anymore?"
Yoongi's eyes widened. A weird feeling spread in his stomach, and all of a sudden, he felt sick.
Feelings for Jimin? He hoped Hoseok was kidding, although when he looked at his friend it didn't seem like that at all.
"Why would you think that?" Yoongi asked in return, his voice cracking. He prayed Hoseok hadn't heard it, but when he saw a sudden softness in his eyes, he knew his wish hadn't been granted.
"Yoongi," Hoseok said more urgent, "You kissed him."
"We were drunk," Yoongi defended himself, "It meant nothing, it was just in the spur of the moment."
Hoseok stared at him. "He's with Jungkook," he almost whispered, forcing the guilt back into Yoongi's chest, "They're dating, Jungkook is your friend, you can't put their relationship at risk like that."
Yoongi drew in a sharp breath. What Hoseok said was true, and there was no denying it. But admitting it was so hard as well, seemingly impossible.
"It's not my problem," Yoongi mumbled without truly meaning it.
If Hoseok realized it he was at least good at hiding it. A soft, almost sad smile settled on his lips.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Surprised, Yoongi raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" he asked, but Hoseok shook his head.
"Nevermind," he said and cleared his throat, "Forget about it... Just... please think about what you really want, okay? None of you deserve this, neither you nor Jimin or Jungkook."
At the mention of Jungkook, Yoongi flinched. But of course, Jungkook was a part of this, too; it was inevitable. He clenched his jaw. Again, Hoseok was right – mostly, at least, for Yoongi wasn't sure if he himself didn't maybe deserve this. Deserve to hurt like this, since he had been the one to kiss Jimin and therefore threaten to destroy everything.
Quickly, he discarded that thought and shook his head.
"I will," he mumbled. Hoseok nodded.
"Okay," he breathed. Much to his luck, Hoseok dropped the topic after that, trying his best to take Yoongi's mind off things.
Whatever Hoseok said, Yoongi just listened half-heartedly; faintly, he remembered he never denied still having feelings for Jimin.
And truthfully, it was mostly because it would have felt like the biggest lie.