"So you're sure?" Gideon pressed me for the third time. "You don't remember if there was anyone else there?"
"Not that I remember," I lied. "I'm sorry."
Gideon sighed and scratched at his salt and pepper beard. "It's okay Rook. Just call if you remember anything, you know where to find us."
You'd never believe me if I told you the truth. Hell, I'd been there and I barely believed what had happened. I had no chance of convincing anyone else. "Thanks Gideon."
He stowed his pen and pad inside his shirt pocket, buttons on his navy blue shirt bugling. "I'm sorry about your cousin."
I forced a smile but it felt like a grimace. "Thank you."
Gideon walked out, forgetting to pull the curtain back around the ER bed I was occupying but I didn't get up. I was afraid if I did I'd break apart. I didn't know how I was going to face my family. Or more accurately, how I was going to face Uncle Enemi. Yuki had been his life, his greatest pride and joy and she was dead. I'd been the last one to see her alive. The last person she'd had a conversation with, I'd made her laugh for the last time and hadn't even known it. I'd held her hand while she died.
My chest tightened, burning with sobs I couldn't let free. I needed to hold myself together. Uncle Enmei had been the strong one when Dad was killed. He'd held our family together and been strong for Mom and I. Now it was my turn to do that for him. I couldn't risk him coming in for me and seeing me break down.
"Hey," a low voice cut through my thoughts and I perked up, the searing grief in my chest halting as a recognized the voice.
"Matthew?"
My partner and mentor, Officer Matthew Parks stepped closer to the bed. Like me, he wasn't on duty so he was dressed in civilian clothing. The faded Red Sox jersey under his grey sweatshirt made me wonder if he'd been at Davy Joe's. "Chief Diaz called me," he said, a sad smile on his face as he answered my silent question. His hand clasped around my shoulder and I grabbed his hand with mine and smiled though all I wanted to do was break down and cry. After a solid year working with me, I was sure Mathew knew it and he stepped closer to me, wrapping me in a brief hug. "Don't worry Suzume," he told me, his voice low so only I could hear. "We'll get him."
You're wrong Matthew, I thought, tears pricking my eyes like acid. Matthew was one of the best cops I knew, but this wasn't something he could solve. No one could. The perpetrator wasn't even human. Thankfully, Mathew couldn't read my thoughts as he let me go and gave me a resigned sort of look. I knew it well. I saw it on his face every time he spoke of Brian Traynor, an infamous member of the Boston Triad gang who had murdered his first partner, Officer Benjamin O'Leary four years ago. Mathew had carried a vendetta against Traynor ever since, vowing to bring him and see him stand trial for the murder. That determination to see justice served and the patience to see it through was one of those things that made Mathew a truly great cop and made me so thankful that I got to work with him. But even with his resolute determination and skills, I knew he wouldn't be an asset to me in this case.
"Come on," he said as he let go. "I'll drive you home."
"You don't have to do that," I told him as I tugged on a pair of thick socks the hospital had given me. My shoes were in an evidence locker now, they'd been covered with Yuki's blood.
"Yes I do," Mathew said with a shrug of his lean shoulders. The white fluorescent lights of the hospital bleached his already pale skin and turned him ghostly white. "You're my partner."
The words would have given me comfort once, but now I felt nothing. Yuki, a die-hard fan of Grey's Anatomy used to call me something similar. She'd called me "her person". I'd never watched the show, so I wasn't aware of what it meant for certain, but I knew it was a term of endearment. I'd never hear her say that to me again...My throat grew tight and I bowed my head, letting my long hair fall into my face. The black strands created a curtain between myself and Mathew and thankfully, he had enough tact to act like he didn't know I was crying. I gave myself a moment to stay there, to grieve and then I took a deep breath and put my game face on.
I wiped at my eyes, sat upright and tried to keep my voice from cracking. "Has my family been notified yet? About Yuki?"
Mathew shook his head. "Things are still too chaotic to get a hold of family right now. The store is demolished. The news is already covering this."
A hard note entered Mathew's voice at that and I understood it perfectly. Media, while it was important and has its uses during investigations was also equally troublesome in how fast they jumped on a story and made additional chaos for the department to work through in addition to the actual incident itself.
I stood up, the floor was hard and cold even with the socks. "Then don't bring me back to my apartment," I said. "I'll wait for my mother to show up or I'll get a rental and take it out to Harvard-."
"Then I guess we're going to Harvard," he said, tugging his keys from the pocket of his jeans. "Get your shoes on."
I didn't argue with him as I tied my laces and got onto my feet. "Here," he said, handing me his sweatshirt. "It's cold out."
I'd just stood in an indoor blizzard and had magical ice thrown at me. I doubted anything would feel cold to me ever again, but I put on the sweatshirt anyways. It covered the drab hospital garments fairly well and would draw less attention if anyone saw us while we were out. I doubted it but the last thing I wanted to do was answer questions until I had no other choice.
Matthew, ever patient didn't say anything I signed out of the hospital and remained silent as we made our way out to his steel gray Chevy Impala in the visitor parking lot. I slid into the car and buckled up, letting the chest strap rest behind me. An old habit from being on the force that I couldn't shake, even when I wasn't on duty. It was a miracle I hadn't gotten a ticket yet.
Mathew slid inside the cab as well and with one turn of the ignition the engine roared to life and we were moving down the streets of Boston. The streetlamps were still lit, neon signs still flashed from various businesses trying to call in a late-night crowd, people still drove about, most driving more carefully as the squad car neared them. It was a typical night in the city. Except that it wasn't.
"Suzume?"
I glanced over at Mathew who still had his eyes trained dutifully on the road. "Yes?"
"I'm glad you're okay."
I felt tears burn my eyes and I grit my teeth against the pain. "I'm not okay," I told him as I stared out the window, watching the city lights fly by in the blackness. "Yuki's dead."
I felt a tear slither down my cheek as I said that. At the hospital, with the reappearance of Sif, my fellow officers nearby and not knowing when my family would walk into the ER, I hadn't been able to let myself cry. Mathew it was different. I knew him. I'd been his partner for a year in and in that time, he'd seen everything and I had nothing to prove and no one to take care.
And so I let go and the floodgates opened.
Tears burned my eyes, blurring my vision and shaking my entire body as I pressed my face into my hands and wept.
Yuki was dead.
My cousin was dead.
My best friend was dead. The girl who had been the sister I never had was gone. I had been right there, armed and trained to deal with a crisis and I hadn't been able to do anything to stop it. I'd been helpless.
I spent the majority of the car ride weeping,Yuki's lifeless, limp body rolling over and over in my head.Those red eyes starting back me, gleeful in the devastation it was creating.
The crushing knowledge that came with knowing this was not a horrible nightmare, but a brutal, unforgiving reality. Yuki was gone. I'd never see her again except in photos. I'd never hear her voice again, save maybe an odd home video here and there.
The car's breaks squeaked as it came to a stop and I heard the gears shift as Mathew put the car into park.
"Here," I felt Mathew nudge my shoulder and I cleared my hair away from my face to take the Kleenex he offered. I should have remembered he always carried one of those travel-sized packs in one of his pockets.
"Thanks," I mumbled, grabbing one and wiping at the makeup that was surely running down my face by now. Gosh if Yuki was here she'd have killed me. The amount of time she'd spent doing this...The thought made me laugh as I pictured her positively furious expression as she lectured me on how crying was a waste of time and mascara.
That lecture used to make me roll my eyes. Now I'd give anything to hear it one more time.
"I'm so sorry Suzume," Mathew said, staring ahead, the street lamp took his white skin and turned it orange. He was in the past then, recalling something painful of his own. Maybe it was Benjamin, maybe a beloved family member either way I had no idea of knowing. All I did know was that he was searching for the words to say that would help me heal. Words that didn't exist.
"So am I." My voice was dead, hollow. "Sorry" did not cover how I felt about this. "Sorry" was nothing. A grain of sand next to a boulder. Small and insignificant.
"We're gonna catch him Suzume," he told him, hands tightening on the wheel. "Whoever this guy was, he will not get away with what he did. We're gonna catch him."
If this had been an ordinary criminal, I would have believed that with every fiber of my being. But this wasn't ordinary. This was impossible and I was sure there was no case like that on file anywhere in the Boston PD records. "Thanks for bringing me here," I said, staring out into the dimly lit driveway of the little yellow house. The home of my childhood. The place where Yuki and I had grown up together. I'd imagined so many times, coming here someday, both of us with our own children, bringing them to see the rest of the family. That would never happen now...I bit my lip, fighting back the urge to cry again but I was powerless against it. I broke down again, clutching the tissues Mathew had given me into a ball.
"Maybe I should go in with you?" Mathew offered. "I can tell your mom and uncle what happened. It might be easier to take from me."
That was a lie. It would crush both of them beyond repair no matter who said it, but I took the words for what they were-a reprieve. He was offering to take the burden from me, not to cushion the blow, but to give me what I needed-more time to grieve. And I was going to take it.
I nodded, unable to speak as I rubbed at my eyes with the tissues again. The soft white paper came back streaked with black. I unbuckled and exited the car, holding my back straight as I could which was hard given how heavy the grief was. I could feel it press onto my shoulders, as though it was a real, physical object that was slowly pressing me into the ground.
We walked up to the house, passed the old porch swing with its peeling green paint. Yuki and I had played there so often as kids, basking in the summer sun and eating popsicles...My heart swelled as my mind formed a memory on the old swing, Yuki and I, eight years old and our faces stained with red Popsicle, missing teeth and laughing hard. It might have been any given summer day, or just a false memory my mind had created since so much time had passed since then. I didn't know and I didn't want to think about it.
We reached the door and Mathew reached out, knocking on it three times. I was glad, my hands were shaking too hard as I heard footsteps come to the door. I'm about to ruin their lives, I thought, the same thought that plagued me every time I had to make a call to someone's house and tell them that their loved one was gone. Only difference now was that I wasn't wearing my uniform and that this wasn't some stranger's home, it was mine.
The door creaked open and I saw my mother's face greet mine. Her short, shiny black hair was done up in a mess of curlers. She had been in bed. "Suzume," she said, almond-shaped eyes so like mine lighting up at first with joy but it fizzled out when she caught sight of my expression.
"Suzume," she reached out, cupping my tear-stained face. "What's wrong?"
Mathew cleared his throat. "Miss Hamada, may I come in? I have something I need to discuss with you."
***********************************
New chapter! I was able to recycle some passages from the first draft so this chapter got quiet long as a result! There was alot of splicing for this chapter but it was pretty fun! As always, please do COMMENT and VOTE if you can!
Also my fellow writers who are doing NaNo, good luck! ^_^
Write on!