It's 3:00 am. I'm still in Houston, and I just finished my concert 2 hours ago.
I'm sitting on my tour-bus bed, looking at the intravenous tube on my right inner wrist and then looking out the dark sky through a long glass window next to my bed.
I fainted just 5 minutes after the show. All I remember was that I said goodnight to my heartbeats, thanked them for being there for me and because of me, walked off the stage and went to my dressing bus, and then BAM! I was on the ground, passed out entirely and unconscious.
I can't tell you how exhausted I am right now. My brain was empty and my tears threatened to fall. And I didn't even know why I just wanna cry my heart out immediately, otherwise I knew I was gonna explode.
I really do love myself so much but during these moments I hate it badly. I cant describe just how much i'm angry at my weak, dysfunctional body.
You wont believe this but I can collapse at any second, no one can predict how long Jessie J will live up to, and at what moment we will have to catch her body just in case she faints again.
Suddenly I felt something gently tapping around my eye region, I turned my head a little left so I could see the person.
Here he was, the warmest man in the world. He was looking at me and trying to draw a smile on his face.
- You don't have to smile if you wanna frown. – I gently rubbed his hand to comfort him a little and weakly smiled.
- Are you ok? – The warm American accent flowed in my ear and warmed up my heart.
- Yeh, I'm better.
- You know you scared me to death earlier. – Channing adjusted his voice to the lowest so he wouldn't make my head hurt.
- I know. I'm sorry. – Looking into his heart-warming eyes made me even more wanting to cry out loud. But I didn't want to worry him, so I suppressed the tears in.
- What would happen if I didn't go and find you?
- Aw, Channing. Believe me, I'm not that famous to have an entourage follow behind me 24/7, but I do have a small team who love and keep an eye on me very often.
Teasing about his overprotection towards me is my favourite thing to do. He is super duper cute when he frowns. And every time when Channing is worried about something, he licks his lips constantly, which is SEXY.
- But who would be strong enough to hold you in their arms and took you here? It's really dangerous to leave you there on the cold ground a bit longer, don't you think?
His higher voice surprised me a little. This is not that seriously. This is like a regular thing in my life. He shouldn't be that worried.
Realising my facial expression changed, Channing relaxed by exhaling and apologised to me:
- I'm sorry Jess. I... I didn't mean to raise my voice at you, I'm just...
- You're worried. I know. It's ok, Channing.
If I really fall for this guy, I don't think I will keep him for myself if he keeps stressing out about my health like this. Health issues are just a significant part of my life and I really expect my partner to treat it like it is an ordinary thing. Channing's reaction towards it is out of my expectation and I don't know how to help him cope.
It's been nearly a month we decided to learn more about each other and I feel like I wanna be with him forever. It's not fun and games anymore. It's getting serious and it's not a good thing for me.
- You're not angry, aren't you? – He nervously asked.
- I'm not. – I smiled and slightly shook my head, which made me dizzier.
Channing leaned his body over and kissed my forehead, temples, tip of my nose, cheeks and finally my lips. He slid himself down so he could lay next to me and put his head next to mine. His soft lips touched my neck and it stayed there for a while. We both closed our eyes to enjoy the moment we rarely have.
The warmth in my heart kept increasing to the point I felt overwhelming. I put my left hand on my heart position, pressed and rubbed it strongly to cool it down.
Channing seemed like he could feel my sudden frown, he moved his head so he could look into my eyes and asked:
- What's wrong, ba... Jess?
I wondered what he wanted to call me before he decided he would go with "Jess", but it doesn't matter. I replied:
- This feeling every time when I'm in your arms is insane. I think it triggers my heart to explode.
Channing chuckled and rubbed his nose against me neck while closing his eyes:
- Your heart just likes me so much, so it shows. No biggie.
The hotness was burning my cheeks. I bet they looked like 2 tomatoes being put next to the sexist man alive.
- We'll go to Dallas tomorrow right? – Channing asked with his tired voice.
- Yeh. – I nodded.
- You have to cancel it. – You can imagine he said it in the most relaxing voice you would've ever heard in your life.
- WHAT??!! – I shouted out loud and pulled myself away from him so I could look into his eyes.
- I talked to the doctor. He said you really really REALLY needed to rest in at least one month. And he also said...
I cut him off because I couldn't believe my ears:
- Hold on. Hold on. Did you just say one month?
- Yes I just did. – Channing said proudly, like he just won an Oscar or something.
I sat up immediately and didn't care how pushing my hands against the bed surface like this can hurt my wrist with the IV still stuck on it.
I could see his eyes go straight to where the IV was. My strong action startled Channing, which proved by his wide-opened eyes and I could tell that his heart just missed a beat because he felt the pain for me.
- Are you guys serious? My tour is planned for 3 entire months. Everything is settled, I can't mess it all up.
This concert chain is really important to me. This is my first ever in the United States and I don't want it to be the last. How can I be off for a month? And did he say "at least"? Hell no. I will not do that to my heartbeats.
- Your health is the most important thing, Jess. You're human too remember?
He pushed me back to bed but I resisted. I took his hands and placed them on my lap.
- I know, but even one week is too much for me, and the fans.
He held my right wrist up and straightened a piece of tape that keeps the IV attached to my wrist. He blew into it as he assumed I was in pain right now and the wind he made would help. His overprotection makes me happy, so I automatically smiled and couldn't hide it.
He's cute, my Tatum. Did I just say "my." I mean... uhm... yeh... my. Whatever. We're dating anyway, so yeh, mine.
- We can move the time. If they love you, they will understand.
- Channing, you don't understand. I was off for so long for surgeries and injuries and other things. I was just back. They missed me, and I missed them too. I don't wanna do this to them. They bought all their tickets and managed everything, their lives, jobs, children, family, and... something else, to travel here and there to see me sing. I can't disappoint them like this. That's just really selfish for a real artist to do.
Channing exhaled, he tightened the grip of holding my two hands and negotiated like a professional with his serious facial expression:
- What about 2 weeks?
- 2 days. – That's the last deal. I couldn't do any better. I'm a strong independent woman. Ok, that, and I am just really stubborn. I admit.
Channing shook his head and sighed. He just can't be hard on me, I think. I don't know, we are only together for a month.
- No Jess. – This soft voice somehow sounded like begging more than negotiating.
- Deal? – This was not a question. This was a demand with a question mark next to it.
He sighed again:
- You can't... ok, alright deal. – and kissed my lips.
I told you so! This guy just can't win over me. I say one, he never says two. I don't know if it's a healthy thing in a relationship, but whatever, I like it.
Listen, I'm not bossy at all. It's just that Channing never fights back, which creates more chances for me to recruit more power over him haha.
I smiled like crazy at how sweet and understanding he is. I'm so proud to be his next ex. LOL I'm joking.
But I'm just partly joking though. I don't think our relationship would last, but as I always live following the flow, I'll keep Channing Tatum for me as long as I possibly can. I hope he won't go anywhere and I won't go anywhere.
- Channing. – I called his name while we are holding hands and looking at the ceiling of the bus.
- Yes, Jessie J? – He turned to look at me.
We couldn't help but smile from ear to ear every time we look at each other in the eye.
- What did you want to call me earlier?
I thought I knew what he wanted to call me, I was so sure about it to be honest, but I'd give him a precious opportunity to confess.
- What? – His innocent face always makes my heart happy. He is so handsome. I wonder how long God spent to make this man. He truly is a masterpiece.
- You wanted to call me "ba..." something and then you changed your mind to "Jess." What was it?
Come on Channing. I kicked the door open for you. All you have to do is taking your shirt off and dancing through it.
- I did? – He was shy. The sexy Channing Tatum of the ladies was so red.
- If you don't say it, you will have to sleep in another bus, Mr Tatum. – I was side eyeing him while waiting for the excitingly new pronoun he would be expected to call me for ever and ever.
- Baby. – He started with the smallest voice.
Just one word and it made me so happy. I think I'm healed, I don't need to spend time in bed anymore.
- Baby!!! – I was so happy that I rolled over and used both of my hands to hug him.
- Oh my God!! Jessica Cornish, stop!!!! – This time Channing's reaction was right, because I just knocked down the pole that holds my fluid bottle on the ground.
I could feel the extreme pain is rushing through my body right now. I think I just ripped my meat apart from bone at the wrist.
- Jessica, are you ok? Oh my God. Oh my God. Jessica, I'm sorry I shouldn't have made you this excited.
He was just like a rocket shooting himself to where the pole collapsed. He stood it up next to the bed and immediately shot himself sitting next to me on the bed. He gently pressed my wrist to check if everything was still connecting to one another, and constantly asked was I ok.
Luckily the tube was still there, my meat was still attached to my bone, it just bled a little due to an overextension of the tube when the pole fell down, which dragged the needle out of its original position a little. It hurt like a motherfcker but I'm ok now. Thanks to the sweet touches from Channing Tatum.
- I'm fine, Channing. – I told him for the 2768th time.
- Are you sure? – So much concern in his beautiful green eyes.
- I am sure, Channing.
- I'll call the doctor just in case.
I took the phone from his hand and put in on the bed. I gave him a kiss on his cheek and whispered:
- You're the best doctor that I can have. If you can't help me, nobody else can.
- Thank you for that but the real doctor is more realistic. Let me call him.
As soon as Channing put his hand on the phone, I put my hand on his.
- Channing, relax.
- How can I... it's bleeding...
I put my finger on his lips to stop him talking:
- You need to relax. If you wanna date me for a long time, you have to get used to this. My life is very fragile, therefore every second of it is as precious as diamond. And I expect my family/ friends/ bestfriends/ boyfriend/ partner/ husband/ lifetime-partner/ significant other/ or whatever the hell people around me want themselves to be in my life, I expect them to accept and treat it like it is an ordinary thing.
I was getting serious. I don't wanna hurt anyone. So, if they think they can't cope when I'm in pain, they can't be in my life anymore. And I don't need anyone to feel petty for me. I am who I am and the illness is a part of me being myself.
Channing was just looking at me without saying a word, but I could see there were a lot of things he wanted to tell me but couldn't put them all into words. I saw a stream of tears rolling down on his flawless cheek, and I smiled. This guy really worries for me, my life and my health. I smiled because of my gratitude towards him.
Instead of mentioning about all the important thing in the world, he said:
- You won't break up with me, will you?
I burst out laughing at his teary eyes and shook my head.
Channing wrapped his muscular arms around my neck and pulled me towards him. I leaned my head on his solid chest and closed my eyes temporarily for a few seconds. I just wanted to have some peace for my own.
- I know we just started not so long ago, and I know you may think I'm a divorced man who can't give you a decent future. I know you may think our relationship wont last for some reasons. I know I'm not the guy who has the potential to make someone believe in him from the very beginning, but I'm trying really hard, Jessie. I pray everyday that ours will work out beautifully. Jessica Cornish, I would like to date you forever, otherwise I wouldn't be wherever your tour bus took you.
I don't know why I cry Gwen Stefani. What just happened to me? His words were like a tornado sweeping through my lacrimal gland. They stung me eyes.
I cried like a baby in his arms. Maybe because his words just touched me, may because I was so exhausted and I needed a good cry and his words acted like a catalyst to the situation. I just didn't really know. But I knew for sure one thing that Channing had forgotten about calling the doctor.
- Hey. Stop crying, baby. I got you something.
OK. So he just called me "baby" for the second time and he got me something, I lifted my face up to look at his handsome face.
- What did you get me, babe? – I paid him back with a "babe" boom.
Seeing me stop sobbing immediately makes Channing laughed. He reached for something in his pant pocket and suddenly something very bright, very twinkle, very bling bling hanging in front of my eyes. I pulled myself back, sat straight up and put my two palms out to let Channing know what I was so ready for him to drop it.
So he dropped. I picked the thing up and looked at it dearly like I was looking at my mother. I looked at it in awe for a whole minute and finally looked up to Channing's happy-to-be-alive face.
- For me? – I asked even though I knew the answer myself.
- I got it for my baby. Are you her? – I swear to God, Channing's face looked happier than a baby found something eatable on the ground while it's crawling.
- Of course, I'm her. Thank you very much, Channing.
It is a silver necklace with a silver pendant shaped two letters "JT" together. You can not believe how cute it is.
I cried even harder and said in my tears:
- You should have told them to put "TJ" because people may think it's Justin Timberlake. But it's ok though, I will shout them in the face that my boyfriend's name is CHANNING TATUM.
I was a mess at that moment. Not a hot mess, it's more like a disgusting mess with mucous flowing out of my nose and tears streaming down my face continuously. I like it so much. I can'tttttttt.
Why the hell was he laughing at me? I was crying! Hello!
- Ok. Stop crying. You're exhausting yourself even more.
- Shut the hell up. I don't care. This is so pretty. – I hugged it in my chest, and kissed it and wiped all the liquid off of it later after the kiss by using Channing's shirt corner.
I couldn't stop crying and Channing just couldn't stop his stupid laugh. He said my face when I cry is so unusually ugly and funny. He even called me a monkey, because when I cry I frown my nose, my forehead and stretch my lips to its full potential. What kind of boyfriend is that? But he got me a necklace with our name on it so everything he did at that moment was forgivable.
After a long crying – sobbing – laughing circulation, I wrote my heartbeats a letter about the cancelation in Dallas and Phoenix, and posted it on all social medias. Thinking about people travel very far away to come to the locations to see me, breaks my heart. Some have been waited for 5-7 years to see me in person and see me sing live. I hope they are not so angry at me, I hope they don't hate me for this. I'm so sorry. No words can describe how sorry I am.
Of course, Channing Tatum was the one who typed the letter. He didn't even let me lift my hands for fun.
He is sleeping like a baby next to me. I can't sleep, his attractive face is so very distracting.
This guy must be really tired. Yesterday night he flew from Las Vegas to Los Angeles so that he could see his daughter, after spending time with her he flew to Houston immediately to see me, he was so so tired but spent the whole day listen to me rehearse with my team, ran in and out to help them set up stage, bought us coffee and lunch. He never complaint about anything, he always smiled.
He always thinks he is a superman. He said he was perfectly fine and could function 2 whole days without sleep. I call that bullshit. If he can't take care of himself, I will. Sleeping is very important. Channing you better sleep enough, if you don't want me to act like your mum.
It's too quick to say I love him, but I pretty am certain that my feeling for him is not simply admiring and liking.
- Everly. – He whispered in his sleep.
He misses his little daughter so much since she lives with her mum. He doesn't spend enough time with her as they don't live in the same house anymore. It's heartbreaking for me every time he sees a little girl with her father, because that saddens him and makes him remember about his daughter.
Since I will not do my shows in 2 days and our next destination is Los Angeles anyway, we'll fly early to LA so he can meet Everly early. I'm not a good girlfriend, I'm just a good human who wants to help a father reunite his daughter as soon as possible. You know, I care for him so...
Another whisper pulled me out of my own thought:
- Jessica... Cornish.
- Huh? – I turned to the voice as soon as I heard it.
It was Channing Tatum calling his next person in his dream.
Luckily, it's my name. I don't know how I would react if it was another woman's name.
Maybe I would write a song about that LOL.
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