Chapter 19
The next morning, I stayed in bed. Yvette came in to see if I were okay, I'd just nod my head. She was uncertain at first, be then she left.
God, I can't believe I cheated on James last night, then I lied to his face saying I'd never hurt him. What's wrong with me? Why didn't I just tell him right then and there, save everyone the wait. I'll tell you why, because I was afraid to. I saw the hurt mixed with anger in his eyes yesterday when he thought Marcus and I were being more than friendly.
I don't want to cause him that pain again. I don't want to see him hurting. Maybe I shouldn't tell him about William, yeah, maybe I shouldn't. I'll just continue on with my life with James, he'll never have to know.
That's unless Marcus doesn't open his big mouth. I hope and pray he doesn't. He said that if I didn't tell James, he would, and it'll make matters so much worst. I HAVE to tell James....right? It's the right thing to do...right? I hav-knock knock.
There was a knock at my door. Is it James? How will I face him? I can't look him in the eyes and lie again, it had took all my strength to do that last night. Knock knock.
"Uh...come in?" I hesitated at first, but relief swept over me when I saw Andrew. I moved into a sitting position on my bed, the covers still covering my lap. Andrew came and sat down on my bed infront of me. "What's wrong Trace? It's near noon and you're still in bed."
"Nothing's wro-"
"Don't lie to me," his voice was strong and demanding, yet concerned and calm. I exhaled in defeat. I have no choice but to tell Andrew, I mean, he's my bestfriend. "I uh...I did something stupid yesterday," I started in a low voice.
"Like..." he pushed, looking into my eyes. I averted my eyes and focused on the cover lying on my lap. "Like kissing someone...who wasn't James," I mumbled, almost whispered.
"Aw Tracey," he sighed, disappointment in his voice. "What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't. I wasn't thinking...it just...it just happened it...just happened," I whispered as tears forced themselves to my cheeks. Andrew scooted closer to me and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face into his shoulder while his hand started brushing the back of my head.
"Come on Trace don't cry. You know I hate seeing you cry," he said with a fake chuckle. Although I couldn't see his face, I could tell he was worried by in voice tone.
Days passed after Andrew and I had that talk in my room. He'd convinced me to just own up to my mistakes, and hope that James will understand. He'd said that of course James will be upset at first, but hopefully he'd get over it. I decided to trust and listen to that.
In school, I tried pretending like everything was okay, but James asked if I was alright and I'd just lie to him, again. Then it got to the point where I couldn't even look into his eyes without feeling guilt, so I tried avoiding him. It didn't work. He'd come over to the house, and I'd ask Yvette to tell him I'm not here.
Meanwhile, Marcus kept trying to talk to me in private, but everytime we were finally alone, James would appear and we'd scurry apart.
So today is the fourth day that I hadn't told James, and hadn't even spoken to him. I'm sitting in my room with Marcus. This is his fifth attempt. Marcus was sitting in my desk chair, while I'm sitting on the edge of my bed facing him.
"Let me start by saying I never intended on hurting you, and I know you have your own problems going on right now, but it feels like it's now or never," he explained. I nodded my head. "Okay," he began. "Well, you know that it happened at Andrew'shouse, but you never knew why it happened. I never gave you a proper excuse, so here it is," he added. Yeah, he was staying the summer over Andrew's house. He took a deep breath and continued.
"It all started that day we all left from Yvette's house. I was upstairs in my room when I heard the doorbell ring. I thought it was you so I rushed to answer it. But when I realized it WASN'T you, I started to tell her to leave. I was shutting the door and everything, but she insisted on coming in. She said my mom told her to wait for her at the house. Stupidly, I believed her. I told her she could wait on the couch and that I was going upstairs. As soon as I was lying on my bed, she walked in," he paused, his eyes filled with so many different emotions, I couldn't catch one.
I sucked in a breath. He'd never told me all this before. I don't really know how to react. Marcus sighed and continued. "She...started stripping seductively right there, right infront of me. And I don't know...I couldn't help myself. She walked towards me, and started undoing my pants. I pushed her away saying that I had a girlfriend, but she wouldn't listen. Then all of a sudden, she was on her knees infront of me, and my pants were down,"-he paused-"after she did oral, I don't know...before I knew what was happening, I was on top her-"
"I don't need details Marcus," I cut in, raising a hand for him to stop. I remembered the scene perfectly.
~Flashback~
I went to Andrew's house that afternoon; I got a little curious when I noticed the front door was unlocked, because Andrew's mom always had the door locked to prevent intruders. When I opened the door and walked deeper into the living room, I called out, "Mrs. Pollen? Andrew?"
No one answered so I just figured they weren't at home. But then I heard a banging sound, it sounded muffled and coming from upstairs. I slowly but cautiously made my way up the steps. Following the sounds that were getting louder and louder. I reached Marcus' door to his bedroom and I heard moans, one female, one male.
What the hell? I slighting reached for the door handle and twisted it. Once it was opened, I saw something that I hoped and prayed I'd never get a chance to see. The banging sounds were coming from Marcus' bed as it banged against the wall. His bed was horizontal to the door, so I had a perfect, yet heart clenching view of was taking place.
Oh. My. God! OH MY GOD! I chanted in my head as I was witness my boyfriend, who I just lost my virginity to last night, cheating on me. The tears started falling from my eyes like a waterfall. They were both completely naked. I know this because they didn't even have the decency to get underneath the covers.
Marcus was up on his knees between her legs, his hands gripping tightly on her waist, he was looking down at her with lust as he was moaning and cursing with pleasure. The girl was lying on her back, her legs propped up on the sides of Marcus, and she was yelling his name in pleasure as he was pushing himself into her roughly.
I stood there, too shocked to move. How could he? He told me in loved me. HE F*CKING TOLD ME HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME! I let out a sob, which caught the girls attention and she turned to me. I was kind of satisfied when I didn't recognize her. "You like the show?" she breathed before she moaned again. "What?" Marcus asked the girl, not missing a beat and clueless I was standing there.
The girl must've motioned towards me, because Marcus glanced my way. He turned back towards the girl, but then his head quickly shot back at me. He stopped, shock covered his face. "Tracey?" he breathed, while pulling away from the girl, who looked upset when he suddenly stopped.
He quickly scanned the floor for his clothes, threw them on and walked cautiously towards me. I still couldn't move. The tears were so thick in my eyes, I barely saw him coming towards me. "Tracey, I'm so sorry," he said in a shaky voice.
It brought me back to reality, he cheated on me. I blinked once, causing the blurry tears in my eyes to fall down my cheeks as I looked at him. Marcus was walking towards me, his arm stretched out, reaching for me. I flinched away, not wanting his hands to touch me.
"We...are over..." I whispered to him in between sobs. He's eyes began to sparkle; he was crying. "No, please," he began, but I didn't hear the rest because I ran downstairs. I was halfway out the door when I felt a hand grab my wrist. Marcus. "Please don't. Look I messed up okay I'm so sorry it was stupid I'm so sorry just please-"
"It's over Marcus-"
"No, don't say that! Please Tracey, I didn't mean for that to happen please! Just don't give up yet! I love you! Please!" he pleaded as the tears started streaming down his face. I could literally fill my heart breaking in half when he said he loved me. I've seen this type of stuff happen on television, but never in a million years thought it would happen to me. I shook my head as tears keep coming down my face.
He pulled me into him, his hands on my cheeks, our foreheads touching. "Please, I know it's hard for you to forgive me for doing something like that, but I'm begging you Tracey. I'm literally begging you please don't....don't leave me. I love you and I know you love me. We can work this out. Please don't make this decision," he pleaded with me, his voice shaking and his eyes closed as tears continued to flow.
I'd never seen him cry before, not once since I met him. But I can't let that cancel out what I just saw. He cheated on me. I thought he'd never do that to me. He told me last night, after I made love for the first time, he told me he was in love with me, and that no one could replace me. I guess he found a replacement.
"You already made that decision twenty minutes ago," I whispered before pulling from his embrace and running out the door. I ran all the way to my house, my mom and dad were in the living room sitting on the couch.
"Sweetie, is everything alright?" my mom asked, her sweet soothing voice followed me up the stairs. I ran into my room and forcefully shut my door. I leaned against it and covered my mouth with my hands as the sobs and tears continued. I slid down and sat on the floor, my heart breaking into pieces. Little did I know that that was the last time I'd see Marcus...until three years later....