Chapter 14
LUCIA
I wanted him to smile. But he didn’t. He just continued to stare. For a second I wanted to say something, to beg him to trust me again. I wanted to find out if anything rang a bell in his mind about me. But I didn’t say a thing, I just continued to sit there and smile.
I wasn’t sure how long we stared at each other for. It could have been a couple seconds or even as long as fifteen minutes. But the moment was short lived when Tyler reentered the room. And as quickly as he came in he gracefully walked over to sit by me.
“So what are we going to do?” Jesse mumbled.
Tyler cleared his throat before saying. “Well first off you have to understand that you can’t believe what Lucifer says.”
Jesse shifted in his seat but slightly nodded.
“Then I guess for now we’ll just have to wait. Wait till he talks to you again and if fortune is on our side he may even talk to us. We need to find out what he wants.”
I cleared my throat. “I think he may want me.”
Suddenly Jesse shook his head and said. “No, he told me he wants me.”
My gaze darted towards him. “For what?”
Jesse shrugged.
“You need to find out.” Tyler worryingly said.
Jesse nodded again; his gaze a little reluctant to turn towards me.
The seconds became more awkward as we sat there in the living room. I forced my eyes on the cold coffee in my hands. I couldn’t bear to look up at Jesse. Not when he didn’t remember me. Not when he no longer trusted me.
“Excuse me,” I finally said as I stood up.
Hurryingly I tip toed over towards the kitchen. Placing the mug in the sink, I stood there just staring at the drain.
“I hate you,” I whispered into the metallic sink. “I don’t care if you created me! I don’t care that I have your blood! I hate you!!!! I hate you!!”
My harsh whispers began to grow louder, but I didn’t care. I wanted Lucifer to hear me!
“Why the hell would you do this!?” I cried out, my head lifting towards the ceiling. “Why couldn’t you have just left them alone? I’m sorry! Okay? I’ll stay this time I swear!”
I was starting to cry.
“Just please bring Jenny back!”
Abruptly I felt hot tears stain my cheeks. My words slowly turned to mummers, and soon it was silent. Lucifer didn’t reply. My eyes continued to water, my heart continued to crash against my chest, and soon my hair began to grow hot.
“SAY SOMETHING!!!” I yelled into the air.
Nothing
“SAY SOMETHING YOU WORTHLESS SHIT!!! SAY SOMETHING!! Say something….say something!”
Still I received no reply.
Without realizing it I let out a whaling scream. I felt the air around me burst up in heat, and my lungs vibrated with the painful sound that escaped my lips.
I was just so angry! I hated Lucifer for this. I hated God for this. I hated Tyler. And I hated myself. Oh god did I hate myself!
Furiously I through myself to the ground, my arms crashed against the tile floor and my hair blazed red. “Answer me!!” I called out to the world below me. “Answer me damn you!!”
Then before I knew it Tyler and Jesse had burst through the door.
“Lucia!” Tyler called out to me before sliding to the floor beside me.
“Say something…” I continued to mumble to the ground.
“Lucia calm down.”
My cries turned to sobs. And before I knew it all the emotion I had bottled and hid for the past ten days had oozed out through the seams. Anger, fear and hate had crawled up through their cages and escaped. Soon my vision was only filled with the torment that Jesse and I had gone through! Images of my mom appeared; when I last saw her, to a memory that my mind had created of her living in anguish in her room at hell. Scenes of me curled up in a ball coughing blood, my eyes being bloodshot, my hands covered with IVs. Figments of my memory flashed before my closed eyes of Jesse running in the halls of hell; His hair sticking to his forehead from the sweat of fear, his eyes wide from anxiety, and his breath heavy. Everything was growing into one big blur, the week or two that I had spent with Lucifer’s voice in my head to the moment I was in his home, filled my every being. It was like an epiphany of the hardship I had went through. And now it was only the beginning of so much more.
The tiles of Jesse’s kitchen soon became a large blue-white blob. Tears were falling from my eyes like hard rain on a summer night. The voices of a boy or two around me echoed into nothingness. I wasn’t lost. I wasn’t giving up. I just simply needed to break down. Something inside was begging for me to stand back up, to wipe away these god-awful tears and fix my problems. But something else, something stronger just wanted to me to scream! I wanted to yell, to curse, to tell Lucifer how madly pissed off I was!
My tears felt hot against my cheek, and my hair felt hotter. And everything around me felt like it was shaking. The room, the building, the whole damned world felt as if it were about to cave in underneath me. I had lost a mother, I had lost a friend…and now I was losing this battle! A battle I had thought I had already won!
“Lucia, stop…You’re shaking the room!!” Tyler called out to me from a distance.
I ignored him. And instead I took out every ounce of anger that was left within the very seams of my soul, and sent it flying through the blood that led to my fist. Then I punched the ground. I punched the cold blue-white tiles, the only barrier that was between me, the other ten stories of apartments and hell.
“Stop, Lucia! Please!!” Tyler grabbed my arm and pulled me up, away from the ground.
I tried my best to stay down, to stay heavy…but Tyler was a strong boy. He had pulled me up with one tug, and soon before I even took a breath, I had snatched my arm away, and the Angel went flying. A crash had echoed through the walls of the kitchen. The Angel was on his back, on the ground. The other boy stood in shock.
From the corner of my eyes I saw Jesse take a step back. Fear in his face, and terror in his eyes. I stopped my rage. I dropped my hands and I looked at the damage around me. Cups and plates had fallen out of their shelves, pot and pans were on the floor. Glass had scattered the tiles, leaving a glisten of light to reflect off them. The wall to my left was concaved inwards, an obvious sign that a body had crashed into it. And on the ground, beside my left foot, lay a large dent. It was sunken in, like a fist chose to kiss it.
“I-I…” I stammered.
The damage all around me screamed in horror. Had I done that?
I shook my head, of course I did. The anger was much worse than the days before I met Lucifer. But I was strong enough after coming back from hell, to now remember at least small fragments of my actions during my hellish rages. I didn’t remember all of it. But I did recall falling to ground, flicking my arm, a flying Tyler, and then a frightened Jesse.
“I-I’m sorry…” I mumbled to the boys. “I didn’t, I didn’t mean it.”
I wasn’t crying. My tears were all cried out. But my hair, my hair was still steaming like hot coals, and my blood was still boiling with the blood of the Devils. It was no denying, that I was Lucifer’s daughter.
Tyler stood up from the ground, brushed himself off, and traced a small cut along his lower back. I flinched.
“It’s fine.” Tyler mumbled, unconcerned for himself, and more worried about the girl that was no longer crying. “Are you alright? What the bloody hell happened?”
I shrugged. “When I get angry or upset, I just…”
Tyler shook his head, partially understanding and partially knowing that I didn’t want to talk about it. “Let’s just get this place cleaned up.”
When I nodded, Tyler took one last glance at me. The Angel smiled, as if telling me that I was forgiven and that everything was going to be okay. But I didn’t want his forgiveness, I appreciated it, and took it with gratitude, but it was his pardon that I wasn’t looking for. It wasn’t his face that I wanted to tell me that things were alright. And no matter how much a bit of me melted from his smile, it wasn’t his smile I longed for. What I wanted was the face of the boy I once knew, to be inches away from mine. What I yearned for was the face of a beautiful savior to smile at me. I wanted the arms that held me when I collapsed inside my room in hell after finding him to be around me once again. I wished for the low raspy whisper of a boy who had lied in my arms the last day in hell, telling me that I was going to be okay. All I required was comfort from a person who didn’t even know who I was.
And then, when I turned towards the spot where that one person I yearned for stood…some small part of me broke, because he was gone.