Chapter 20
If This Is Love
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[[ JIYOO ]]
I want all this sand to swallow me. My heart was hammering against my chest so wildly but it's the good kind of rush of letting something out. I looked at Changgu who was looking at me wide eyed. I can't believe I just confessed.
"What?" He muttered.
I buried my fingers in the sand. "It's my fault for liking you more than just a friend, so you don't have to worry about it." I got up on my feet and almost fell down on him because my knees felt so weak. He held both of my arms to steady me. "Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I said, but I was in the verge of tears. I turned my back on him. "Let's head back. We still have a long drive back to Seoul."
He grabbed my arm to stop me. "Jiyoo,"
"What?"
"What do you mean I'm in love with someone else?" He asked.
"I know you're still in love with Seungyeon."
"Butㅡ"
"You don't have to explain. I understand. Let's go. It's getting colder."
My hands were shaking so I kept them inside my pockets and we made our way back to the house in silence.
⛄⛄
"Mom, how about living with me?" I asked her before we leave. "Let's live together in Seoul."
"Jiyoo, my daughter, I don't want to be a bother to you."
"Why would you be a bother? I'd be happier if we live together. You can find a job in Seoul."
She glanced at Changgu waiting for me by the car outside. "Let's talk about that next time. For now, stay safe and take care of yourself."
I nodded and hugged her. "I'll miss you."
"Jiyoo?"
"Hm?"
"That guy..." She said. "Do you like him?"
My eyes widened as I pulled away. "Mom! How did you..."
She smiled warmly and caressed my head. "I can see the way you look at him. But does he know?"
I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, but I'm just a friend to him. Sad, isn't it?"
"Aigoo, my daughter has grown so much." She said pulling me in for another hug.
"I'm okay, mom. It would probably pass."
"Is that really how you feel? Do you think it's temporary?" She asked.
I looked at Changgu and shook my head. "No, mom."
And I think I would never meet someone as beautiful inside as Changgu is.
"Well, just in case that it is, Seunghyub isn't married yet."
I laughed. "Mom! He has a girlfriend. Jeez."
"That's why I said he isn't married yet."
⛄⛄
The car ride back to Seoul was quiet. A soft music was playing on the radio. Most of the time, I pretended I was asleep and I could hear every sigh Changgu made.
⛄⛄
[[ CHANGGU ]]
When I got back home, Yuto, Yananㅡand Kino were there. "Changgu-ya!" Yanan immediately called, getting up from his couch.
"Are you okay?" Yuto asked worriedly.
"We heard what happened." Kino said, "Hongseok was here earlier but he had to go to work."
"I'm alright. Aye, you guys must really love me so much." I said grinning. I sat on the couch, feeling exhausted.
"What happened?" Yanan asked.
"How did you guys know?" I asked them.
Kino replied, "Jiyoo texted Hyunjoo. Hyunjoo told Hongseok andㅡ"
"Oh, I see." I said cutting him off. "But did you travel to Seoul early in the morning?" I asked him.
"Yeah, don't mention it." said Kino nonchalantly.
I grinned again, and then I told them what happened. Yuto went to work. Yanan made breakfast. I sat by the windowsill, replaying Jiyoo's confession in my head. I still felt dizzy from it. My heart was racing. Kino sat across from me. "Why are you sighing?" He asked me.
"Jiyoo told me... that she likes me." I said quietly.
His eyes widened. "Woah, really? Congratsㅡ"
"Why congratulate me?"
His shoulders dropped. "Wait, don't you like her too?"
"That's what I'm thinking of."
"Why?"
"Does this make sense? I... loved Seungyeon so much. It felt like I would never get over her. When she left, the pain in my chest... it was real. But... now," I said, trying to put it to words. "I realized I think about Jiyoo a lot. I've been better since she came into my life. And when she's hurting, I feel so sad. I want to take it away. Andㅡ"
"You think she's the most amazing person you've ever met." Kino continued.
I looked at him in silence. He raised an eyebrow. Yanan was suddenly there and he put a toast in my mouth. "So, you like her too." He said.
I looked at both of them. "Really?" I chewed slowly.
Kino scratched his head. "How do you not know that?"
"Hey, it's not easy to identify what you feel for someone." Yanan argued.
How did I not realize it before she did? How did I not realize between the times we talked endlessly over the phone, or when I danced with her in the ball, or when we would easily find something to laugh about? I wish I realized it before she did. I wish I was the one who confessed to her.
"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost right now." Kino said.
My heart was beating loud. "I... Yeah, I like her."
Yanan whistled and high-fived Kino with a grin.
⛄⛄
[[ JIYOO ]]
"You're moving out? Where? I'll move right next to your place." Seunghyub said. We were talking on the rooftop.
I chuckled, punching his arm. "No, you stay here."
"Aishㅡseriously! What if something like that happens again? At least, I can go to you immediately when there's an emergency."
I smiled. "Thank you, Seunghyub-ah. For everything! You're the bestest friend ever!" I said, raising my fist.
He fist-bumped me grinning. "But are you sure about this? When do you plan to move out?"
"As soon as possible. I'm planning to take mom with me. Maybe sell the house in Daejeon. It contains too many bad memories for the both of us."
"That's great, if your mom is coming with you."
"I hope she does."
He sighed, "Then, what about Yeo Changgu? Are you really going to do what his mom said?"
I breathed in and looked at the top view of the city. "Seunghyub-ah,"
"Eoh?"
"Don't you think he's too good for me?"
"What bullshit are you talking about?" He asked frowning.
"He deserves someone who's less damaged than I am. Someone whole. Someone he could be proud of. He doesn't deserve to get hurt in the process of picking up scattered pieces of me."
Seunghyub looked at me, his eyes a little wide. He had never looked at me like this before. "Jiyoo-ya!"
"What?"
"Are you in love with him?" He asked, and the question unexpectedly weighed in my chest.
If this is love, that's even more reason to let go of him. But how do you let go of someone you never had?
The snow that fell from the sky felt like comfort, so I reached out my hand to catch some. That night, when it snowed unexpectedly, I allowed myself to like him more than just a friend. Today, the second time it snowed this year, I accepted the fact that I, Son Jiyoo, am madly in love with him.
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A/N:
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