I have a lot so hang in there!
I'm very shy and was in a new school for my 6th grade year. I made some friends... But as I was to soon find out, one of those friends was NOT a real friend. I have a different belief system, and trusted this "friend" to not tell anyone, because people are really judgmental about it. I told my friend about it and just a few days later, she told two other 6th graders. That's not to bad, and I thought I could still trust her. Boy, was I WRONG!
A little fact about me, I have severe eczema, and it probably covers 95% of my body. So, i'm almost always itching. Mid 6th grade year, I began to notice my "friend" and her friends looking at me funny all the time. Soon my no longer friend, and now my bully comes up to me with one of her friends, during P.E. and asks me... "Do you pick and eat your scabs?" GROSS! I gave them a weird look and told them no. My bully's friend then said, "But we see you pick and eat them." I told them, why in the world would I do that? and that it was disgusting. They didn't go up to me again asking if I did it...
Instead my bullies spread a rumor about me. That I "Picked and ate my scabs" other 6th graders began coming up to me asking if i did such a gross thing. My bullies would laugh, and randomly ask me when I pass by. I cried once in the empty halls...
One would think, 'go tell a teacher, talk to someone, tell the principle, stand up for yourself, ignore them' Now, I tried to ignore them, but I could still hear them, and it still hurt. I was shy, and nervous so for some dumb reason I never thought of talking to someone. And even if I tried to stand up for myself, I sounded like an idiot.
Now third quarter of the school year, people avoided me as if I was a leper, and I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I went to my mom, told her everything, and we had more than a hundred copies of two lovely little facts of eczema.
One fact of how it can't spread.
The other of how it can become so bad it spreads. And that I didn't have little fact number two. My eczema can't spread to others! The next day, in each class, I spoke to my teacher of what has been happening, and that I wanted to give a copy of the facts to each student, and educate them... So I would no longer be treated like a leper. Every teacher agreed and guess what? M
y P.E. teacher, got onto the two people who began the rumors. They apologized, but it felt very fake. Everything calmed down, and I got encouraging words from others... But my bullies kept on saying that I picked and ate my scabs. It no longer bothered me, and they stopped towards the end of the year.
My bullying didn't end though. It continued through others.
Seventh grade year! I'm new, improved, and bad ash as ever! (Not gonna cuss because I know younger kids could read this) A few weeks in, and I have one of my favorite bullies still bothering me. She was one of my first bully's friends. (bleh words.) She would always look behind her, directly at me, whisper something in someones ear... Then they both would look at me, laugh, whisper some more... And so on.
I was struggling in school, and on top of being bullied, I became depressed. I kept everything bottled up, and soon became suicidal...
January, and I have a butt boyfriend. He was mentally abusive, and I didn't realize it... Even though my suicidal thoughts got worse.
I finally gained the courage to tell one of my friends. I thought she would understand me, and help me like I always have helped her, through her depression. I went to her during lunch and said. "Um, "friend" i'm bullied a lot, and thought I should tell you what's going on with me. I-" At this moment she's getting distracted by our friends. "I'm suicidal. I've been thinking of killing myself a lot lately." She ain't paying attention... so I yell her name, and get her attention. "I'm suicidal. I want to kill myself. I don't know what to do." and guess what she does?
She says,
"Really? You're suicidal? I'm the one who's suicidal. I'm depressed, and suicidal. Not you!" I walked away in anger and began to cry, none of my friends following. I started to think, wow I'm a failure, no one cares about me, I should just die, what's the point, I shouldn't have ever told her, such a dang friend she is. And much more. Others look at me in worry, some ask me what's wrong and I would dry my tears, look up at them and say i'm fine don't worry. Finally, my friends come up and asked what happened. I tell them, and they go to my "friend" who just told me a bunch of crud. I'm now furious because woopty doo!
I never get an apology... I make a stupid decision, and continue being friends with her, when I should have ended it. I never tried to commit suicide, my other friends lifted me out of the burning ditch I was in! Yay! Happy ending!
NOPE! My experiences don't end there. 8th grade year, single again, new friends, less friends, more enemies, and I don't trust almost anyone. New class, and I make another bad decision. My belief system, gets out there and everyone begins calling me names. I don't like to say exactly what, but it lasted the whole year. A particular group of boys did the calling names, broke my pencils, threw them away, teased me. One time, end of the day, one of my sisters friends is splashing in puddles. The group of guys tell her to stop. I defend her, because she was doing nothing wrong. (they were upset she was getting water on them except the thing is... there was not a drop on them) They start calling me names, and I say "If you don't want to get splashed, move." even though they weren't wet... They still continue, and my sister's friend jumps in the puddle from a bench, getting them just a bit wet. They then stopped. Next day, I have a presentation for language arts, and one of the boys interupts me during it, saying I was defending a girl who was getting them wet purporsly even when he asked her nicely to stop. NOT TRUE. I get upset, and yell at him, my teacher doing nothing, and the class laughing...
Some point during the year, two of my "friends" tried pushing me and my bestie to date. Me and my bestie are girls... I'm straight, and didn't know a little something about my bestie. My friends kept pushing us to date and I said that we were never going to date, which apparently hurt my bestie. I found out that my bestie had a crush on me, and so that meant I prob hurt her bad. I talked to her later, finding out she's bi, then I explained to her that I'm straight, and don't want to change the way I am, and even after discovering she was bi... We stayed friends and accepted our differences, but the two other "friends" kept pushing it on us, when we kept saying no. It became harassment, so we were no longer friends with them, and even then they kept harassing us.
End of my experiences!
Stay strong, and never give up! It may take weeks, days, years, for bullying or depression to end, BUT IT GET'S BETTER! Hang in there, because there is always someone who loves you, even when it feels like there isn't. Talk to someone, and don't hold your problems in!
You are smart! You are important! You are beautiful!