I felt like I was choking. I couldn't breathe couldn't swallow. That was the only thing I could feel. Not my limbs, not my tongue in my mouth, not my heartbeat in my chest, even my thoughts seemed to be distant. It was dark. It was empty. It was the closest to nothing I have ever felt. Then I hit the ground, well that's what it felt like, being jarred from nothing to everything in a split second. My nerves screamed, as well as me. Am I alive, did the rope break? Or is this what death is, pain? Behind my closed eyelids I could see bright light. Blood pulsed in my ears. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep.Whoosh Beep. Beep. Beep. Thats not... thats not in my head is it? It sounds familiar but I can't quite put my finger on what kind of instrument would make that sound. No... not an instrument.
"Alison? Alice sweetheart are you awake?" A familiar voice asked.
I groaned in response. Alice... Alice... how funny to hear that out loud. "Alice..." I said quietly, it coming out more of a groan than a word but still funny how it feels unfamiliar to the tongue.
I could hear someone getting out of a chair quickly and running somewhere. "Get in here, she's waking up!" Whoever it was was now escorted by several other pairs of feet.
"Ma'am please stand back as we check her vitals."
I opened my eyes slowly, they were heavy and difficult to keep open. My eyes grazed over the tube taped to my hand, it felt numb. I closed my eyes again, not struggling against them anymore.
"Alice? Why did she close her eyes again?" My mom asked nervously.
"Please give her a moment," the nurse said. I heard her lean closer to me,"Alice when you are ready, can you look at me?" I really didn't want to. I wanted to drift back into sleep, but I fought against it. I pulled my eyes apart, looking directly into the face of an older woman I didn't recognize. "Okay good Alice. Can you look at your mom for me please?" My eyes adjusted to the bright artificial light of the room as I looked away from the nurse. A blonde woman with a red makeupless face watched with piercing intensity. The anxiety and pain that had been building up for years inside me seemed to slip out, making my vision watery.
"Mom," my voice scratching along unused vocal cords. She quickly enclosed the space between us, rubbing her hand across my forehead, smoothing my hair out of the way of my face.
"I'm here its okay," she cooed.
"Okay Alice just one more thing before I get Dr. Gagnon." Something sharp pricked my toe," Did you feel anything?" I nod my head,"Okay which foot was it Alice?"
"Left," I croaked.
"Okay, very good. I am going to go get Dr. Gagnon and he will be here in a minute." The nurse briskly left the room as she jotted down something on her clipboard.
My mind felt heavy and dull, making simple connections seemed hard," Where am I?"
"We're in the hospital. You fainted a few weeks ago and the doctors couldn't wake you up, sweetheart. But now you're okay,"She brushed my hair away with her hand again, tears in her eyes,"You're okay..."
"I want to go home."
"I know, sweetie but we have to wait until Dr. Gagnon says its okay."
I move my free arm up to my eyes, rubbing the weariness away and blocking the light for a moment. The light is oddly strong. I stare up at the square light for a moment, confused. It seemed wrong somehow. That shouldn't be here, its too futuristic, it doesn't exist here. Here. I can't be back... can I? I rubbed my neck absentmindedly before pausing. No I can't. The rope had dropped. This is wrong. I'm dead.
"No.Nononono," I said looking around the room. If I am dead he should be here too.
"Whats wrong?" My "mom" asked. "What are you looking for."
"He should be here too. If I'm here he should be here too."
"...Who? I tried to call dad but he wouldn't-"
"No Abe. Where is he?"
"I'm not sure who that is, sweetheart, but Monica is waiting outside."
"No not them. I died with him he should be here too!"
"What?"
Pushing my mom away, I stood up and grabbed my IV pole, wheeling into the hallway. He has to be in another room. "Abe? Abe!" I called as I rushed out of the room, turning right into a doctor.
"Woah, what are you doing? You should not be standing!" Dr. Gagnon, I presume, grabbed me by the arm directing me back into bed.
"Answer me honestly, am I dead?" My voice shook.
"No, you came darn close but you are fine now." He said while reading over a chart at the end of my bed.
"I don't believe you," I said my voice breaking.
"Look," he said as he took out a pen from his pocket and drew a little dot on my hand," Could you feel that?" He asked and I nodded," Can you see it?" He asked and I nodded," Then you can't be dead can you?" I shook my head as my eyes filled with tears.
"So I am home." And that was in some way just as bad as being dead.
My mom lowered her voice,"Will she be alright, you know, mentally?"
The doctor answered," Yes she'll be alright in an hour or so once the grogginess wears off."
"But she was calling for someone named Abe?"
"Thats nothing to worry about. Comatose patients often dream like we do, and it is common for them to become confused between the dream and reality when waking up. It will wear off in a few days. We can have her restrained for a while if you would like but I think in this case it is unnecessary. She is adapting surprisingly well."
"When will we be able to bring her home?"
"Like always we recommend keeping her overnight for observations-"
"No, that will not do! I'm going home," I said. I have waited years to come home and I am not postponing that even by one hour.
"No, Alice we should listen to Dr. Gagnon."
"No it is fine, as I was about to say, we would recommend staying at least a night, but based on her chart she can be discharged in three hours. That is as long as everything continues to go so smoothly. When you bring her home, make sure she doesn't strain..." I zoned out as the doctor started telling my mom the specific details of what to do with me. The directions seem really unnecessary because I feel physically fine. I felt worse last night as I was sitting in my cell than I do right now. I feel the most clean I have in years and this bed is more comfortable than the straw one back home. Not back home. I am home now. I absentmindedly run my hand down my stomach but stop quickly when I find it to be flat. Fake. It was all fake he said. I was never going to have a baby. But then why do I feel so hollow like a piece so familiar and loved was gone? Was it all in my head?
"Alright that's it. I'll leave you guys to catch up," Dr. Gagnon said. As he left the room Monica ran in, nearly knocking the doctor over, "Woah calm down girlie, you don't want to startle your sister." She didn't take heed of his words and continued to run in, jumping onto the foot of my bed.
"You were asleep for a long time. You're lucky, you missed so much school," she said pushing her way up so we had to share the bed and was already seizing the remote for the tv.
"I'm sure she would have rather gone to school,"My mom said from the corner,her voice weary. She slumped over in her chair looking exhausted now that the excitement was over. Her appearance was very uncared for which was unlike her.
"Mom you look tired why don't you have a nap. We have to wait three hours anyway," I suggested.
"No, you're awake finally I don't want to miss anything," she said leaning heavily on her hand.
"There's nothing to miss and if there is Monica will wake you." I said and she groaned in agreeance and nestled into her chair. I felt guilty that she didn't have the bed seeing as that I was fine now.
"Did you visit Narnia?"
"What?" I asked.
"Mary-Ann said her uncle was in a coma and he had a dream that he was in Narnia," she said as she continued to flip through low quality channels.
I felt a sadness seep into my chest, other people have dreamed things like I have before,"No not exactly that."
The nurse came in to check on me every half hour, apparently wanting to watch me very closely for anything that might change. But for the most part the next three hours passed pretty quickly as we watched either cheesy soap operas or cheesy kid shows, until discharge time came. I was too eager to get out of that place that smelled strongly of disinfectants but I wasn't overly eager to get home either that meant that it was all over.Everything was back to normal. That my adventure had finally come to an end.
My mom unlocked the door to our apartment, holding it wide open for me to walk through. Everything was surprisingly how I remembered it. I don't know what I was expecting some house that felt as different as I do now. But it wasn't. Even the small details I had forgotten about were there; Monica's science fair project that had been in the corner for months just collecting dust, the three swimming metals I won in fourth grade hanging on the pegs meant for coats, or the fridge magnets from our trip to Vancouver last summer.
"Honey why don't you go lay down in your bed and we'll bring you some supper. Mon, bring out the chicken!" She called to my sister as she set her purse on the front table.
"No, Mom I am doing well I don't-"
"The doctor said not to spend much time on your feet so I want you in that bed ASAP," she said in her distinct no nonsense voice. Knowing I wouldn't win this one I begrudgingly padded off down the hall. I opened the door to my room which had been uncharacteristically closed. My room looked untouched, dust had even began to collect on the surfaces. I took a finger and wiped a line through the dust on my dresser. At the estate things would never get this bad, if it was someone would be getting fired. A pang shot through my gut. It was all so vivid, I find it hard to think it was all fake. I just... I can't think of that. I felt tears springing in my eyes at the same time I heard Monica running down the hall. I slammed my bedroom door shut and scurried towards the bathroom, turning my head away from Mon so she wouldn't see me teary eyed. I closed and locked the door behind me.
She banged the door,"Mom said you're supposed to be in your room!"
"I have to go pee, Mon, let me be for two seconds!"
"Fine but I'm telling Mom!" I heard her pad away. I grabbed a kleenex from behind the toilet and viciously rubbed at my watery eyes. How stupid of me to be crying because of a dream. That's not really why I'm crying, I'm crying because I'm upset I'm sick, that's it. I look at myself in the orange of the bathroom light above the mirror, it was almost the colour of a lantern. I mentally scold myself for making that association. I follow the crisp lines of my face in the mirror. The mirrors in my dream weren't as clear as this, they were fuzzier and slightly distorted and the light was always poor. I guess my imagination wasn't strong enough to imagine good mirrors. I tilted my head side to side, it felt stiff from laying in bed so long. I stopped when I noticed a dark mark on my neck. Appearing more clearly the longer I looked at it, a long thick line traced around my neck. Like a bruise. A bruise from a rope.
It wasn't all in my head.That is too strange of a coincidence to be fake.
I wandered out toward the kitchen feeling like I was walking on nothing. What was stranger, that it was real or that it wasn't? What one makes my heart hurt more?
"Alice, I said to get in bed!" My mom's voice distant to me.
"I just want to sit out here with you guys," I murmur halfheartedly, taking a chair by the window. That seemed to satisfy her and she went back to cooking in the kitchen. I rubbed my neck absentmindedly as I looked out the window ignoring the going-ons in the room.
"I think we should have pizza!" Monica said to my mom as she brought out a pan.
"No, we are not feeding that to crap to Alice that's a sure fire way to get her sick again, we're having chicken salad." Mom said as she banged around in the kitchen. I could hear Monica groan as I turned toward the window. Outside seemed exactly the same as that night, the unclean streets and dull orange lights contrasting with the still light sky. Mom and Monica continued to argue behind me. Its like I never left. And I don't know if that made me happy. All the stress of my adventure seemed irrelevant now, they being unaware of what happened and it only affecting my mind. In that way I feel alone. Nobody could understand what happened to me even if I told them and so in this way I don't think they could ever understand me now. Wow that sounded very angsty of me. Something moving in the street caught my attention. Someone was stumbling in the sparse trees next to the fence of the apartment building across the road. At first I was about to dismiss it as some sketchy city character when the familiarity of their movement struck me. Even though I was three floors up and he was 30 feet away, as he looked down the street and I could finally see his face, I knew it was him.
I ran towards the door, my mom yelling at me as I went. I crossed the apartment to the door in two steps, down two flights of stairs in another 4 and out the front door in one. Looking back on it, I can't remember even choosing to move but yet there I was, in the street staring at the man I thought impossible to be here. Yet there he was. And there I was. Both of us displaced by time and lost in soul. He stood there half a street away not moving just staring. He looked exactly how I last saw him. His fine blue overcoat laced in a fake gold and vest from the wedding in tatters and barely recognizable of its previous grandeur. His hair hung limp and dirty around his face. His eyes were wild like a feral cat as he watched, I wasn't sure whether he was prepared to run away or towards me.
"Abe..." I breathed out, barely a word. I was in his arms in seconds. Tears ran down my face, darkening the blue fabric on his chest. He held my head and cried.
"Alice, I found you. I was all alone..."His voice shook and we sank onto our knees together, holding each other with a voracity that was incomparable.
"Well now we're together again," I said clutching him tighter.
"And we are never going to be apart again."
We kneeled there in the middle of the street for what seemed like hours, ignoring my mother screaming from our balcony, the honking horns of passing cars and anything else in the world, just being absorbed in nothing but each other. And there was never a feeling like it and never will be again.
That is the story, even though there is still much of my life to tell, but that is the part that changed me. Even though life had returned to relative normalcy, there was still a part that could never turn back. And that was me. My everyday life couldn't stay the same even if everything else was exactly as it was, because the most important and determining part had changed. Even though it is just a memory for Abe and I now, it can't erase its influence on our lives. Without this story we would not be together or the people we are today. Even though we are alone in the world in our experiences and the only person who would believe it is each other, its a wonderful thing. Loneliness can be the most beautiful feeling in the world, if you let it.
THE END
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Please don't unlike this story because I might upload an epilogue months in the future but I'm not sure though. Thanks for sticking around so long and liking my story enough to continue all the way to the end. Really you guys make my love of writing feel worth it :D It honestly makes me so sad to finish this story since I've been writing this since I was 14! I hope my writing has improved along the way because I know my love for writing has grown since I started it. So once again thank you sooooo much for reading.
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