"R?" I drop my backpack on the floor and sit the Starbucks drink id picked up for him on the coffee table.
He sat on his bed with both hands in his head, his shoulders shaking. He's either laughing or crying. My gut tells me it's the latter.
I sit next to him and move my hand on his shoulder. Immediately he hugs me. Wrapping his huge arms around my small frame and burring his face in the crock of my neck.
"Hey, what happened? It's okay." I hug him back. His soft sobs are muffled by my hair, but right now I don't care. I'm scared. And hurt.
I'm scared because R does not cry . Ever. I'm hurt because seeing him like this makes my heart clench and I want to make him smile again not cry.
"I-I can't." He begins, his voice shaking and wobbly.
He pulls away and looks me in the eyes. His dark brown eyes hand tears running down his face, they shine with fresh tears and lots of emotions. Anger, sadness, brokenness, lost, regret, and confusion.
"Can't what?" I've seen enough movies. But id hope that this one good thing could stay, I begged.
He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut, more trader tears slip down his cheeks. As if he doesn't want to tell me.
"I-I c-cant do this. Us."
I swear when I tell you this; I felt my heart break. Completely. And a sharp pain hit me in my chest like I got stabbed with a knife directly in my heart.
I stare at him for a moment, waiting for him to tell me it's a prank or a joke. But he doesn't.
He lets a sob leaves his lips once more before shoving his hand into his hair and tugging roughly.
"Are you okay?" I ask just above a whisper.
"What? N-Nev, I'm trying to break up with you here!" He looks at me like I'm insane.
"I know. Okay. I get it? It's over, we're done." Saying that made my mouth dry and my heart and stomach drop. But even then, I'm kind of numb through this.
"I-Im breaking up with you, how can I be okay? No Im not okay. I'm ending something that made me the happiest person in the world. I'm breaking up with someone that held my heart, my soul, my other half. I can't be okay. How can I be okay? How are you okay? I-Im so sorry, mi amor." Another sob and voice crab escapes his lips.
I swallow the lump in my throat. "It's okay."
"No, it's not."
"Why?" I whisper, now, my attention directed to my hands, folded in my lap.
"I-I can't say."
I ignore him. "Why? W-what did I do?"
He shakes his head and pulls me to his chest. The familiar feeling of warmth and butterflies greets me once more.
"You didn't do anything. Nothing at all. You did perfect. You do perfect. You could never do anything wrong."
I look up at him, still wrapped in his arms and whip away his tears with my thumbs on either side of his face, cupping his cheeks in my hands.
"Then, then why are you breaking up with me?" It was only a whisper, maybe it was shock.
My eyes dart to the ring on my left hand. Later that day he had told me why it's on my left rather than my right.
"Because. Since we're not married yet and guys wouldn't know if you're with someone unless that ask and there's no way in hell imma let some perv talk to you it's on your left hand. So people think your married or engaged. So they know you're mine and only mine. That and I really like the way it looks on your weeding hand. Now I know you'd look great with your weeding ring I'd give you."
"Do you want the ring back?"
He shakes his head and takes the ring hand off his face and into his own hand. My hand is tiny compared to his, but it fits so perfectly- at least I thought it did. He brings his lips to my hand and kisses it.
"No. Keep it."
"Why?" I question.
"For when we actually get married, silly." There's Rs playful side again. But his tear stained face tells me other wise.
"We can't. We broke up."
He shakes his head once more. "I made a promise to marry you, the women I love. And I will. And I'll always love you, I need you to know that."
I shake my head. "You can't love me if you're breaking up with me."
"I can't be with you right now, love. But I will soon."
He's confusing as fuck!
"Why? You're doing this, you're ending it. Tell me why. At least, give me a reason."
"Nev, don't make me do this, please -" his voice shook and his eyes were puffy. My own eyes began to water.
Frustrated with his words, frustrated with my watering eyes and trembling lip I stood, my back facing him.
I heard the bed move, knowing he stood aswell. "Nev," he whispered, his fingers brushed against my own but I yanked my hand away. "I-I'm sorry."
"For what, R!?" I yelled, turning around viscously. "How could you! You knew I didn't do love, you knew that! You knew I didnt believe in love!" My voice cracked as I shoved his chest - after he'd tried to step closer. "So why -" I shoved him again "make me-" again, punching his chest weakly. Traitors of my own slid down my cheek. "Fall for you!" Another punch to the chest. "If you werent gonna-" again "-catch me!" Now, it came out as a sob. My cheeks were hot and wet with tears.
I ignored his broken look, his sad and hurt look in his eyes. The eyes I loved.
"Nevvy," he grabbed my wrists, pulling me to his chest. I tried pushing away multiple times but he kept me there until I gave up and cried against him.
"Y-your such an asshole."
He only kissed my forehead. I loved when he did that.
I guess he didn't love it as much as I did...