Valhalla/Red Base
Inside of Red Base. Lopez is speaking Spanish while Simmons and Wade are barricading the entrances with crates.
Lopez: >Get more boxes and put them there.<
Wade: Keep your eyes on your motion tracker. This guy can turn invisible.
Lopez: >Is that where he went?<
Currently outside of Red Base, the Meta's cloaking device starts to malfunctioning. He snarls in annoyance. Back inside Red base with Simmons listening closely.
Simmons: Whoa! Did you hear that?
Lopez: >I have something on my motion tracker.<
Simmons: (Frightened) Yeah, it was loud.
Lopez: >No, you idiot! Over there!<
Wade: Hey Simmons, I'm picking something on my motion tracker! I think he's coming from there! (Points at the entrance in front of them.)
Lopez: >I just said that!<
Wade, Lopez and Simmons ready their weapons for the Meta on the entrance in front of them, looking at each other and reloading at the same time. But, instead of the Meta... Donut comes around the corner.
Donut: Hey guys. 'Sup?
Simmons: Donut?
Lopez: >Didn't you say this guy could change color?<
Donut: I just finished cleaning up Blue Base. What's going on over here?
Lopez: >I think we should shoot him just to be safe.<
Wade: Donut, that guy attacked me! We were literally having a beat down! Why didn't you help me?
Donut: You guys seemed like you knew each other. I thought you were just catching up.
Wade: He throw me against a wall!
Donut: Yeah, so, I thought that was an inside joke between the two of you.
Wade: What!? What type of joke would that be?
Donut: Well, how do I know? I've been gone a long time, Wade.
Wade: ....I will burn you.
Donut: In fact, it was clear that I didn't know the guy, so shame on you for not introducing us. And quite frankly, I found the whole thing a bit rude!
Wade: ....
Donut: Rude.
Lopez: >Seriously, we could just bury him out back. We wouldn't even have to tell anybody.<
SandTrap
Inside the temple, where Tucker, Leo, Grif and Sarge are looking at Epsilon as a monitor, beside Caboose.
Tucker: Church? Your telling me that thing is Church.
Caboose: Well, not exactly. See, um, technically, uh, this thing is, uh, just a memory of Church. Um, his name is Epsilon.
Tucker: Epsa-whatsawhat?
Epsilon: Me, dipshit!
Caboose: Uh, yeah, see, he's a resident memory of the guy that Church was based on, so he's kind of like, remembering himself. Yeah, Simmons can explain, yeah, much better than I can, probably.
Grif: Sounds like I have another reason to be glad Simmons isn't here.
Epsilon: Wait, I thought he was Simmons? (Looks at Sarge)
Caboose: He's Sarge. Sa-a-aarggee-e.
Epsilon: I'm confused, not deaf, you idiot! Now who's the yellow one? (Looks at Grif)
Grif: I'm not yellow, I'm orange!
Epsilon: Yeah, then how'd you know who I was talking about?
Grif: Why does everyone think I'm yellow!? Seriously!? Didn't anybody have a box of crayons when they were a kid?
Leo: Caboose, is this what you've been working? Trying to bring back Church?
Caboose: Yes... no... maybe... which will make you less mad?
Leo: (Sighs) I'm not mad, Caboose. I'm just shocked really.
Epsilon: So, who are you supposed to be?
Leo: Just.. call me, Leo.
Tucker: How come he remembers us, but not who we are?
Caboose: Oh, it will come back to him. See, I've been telling him stories, about all of us.
Caboose looks at Tucker for a few seconds then back to the rest
Caboose: Well, most of us.
Leo: So, the only stuff he knows about us is what you've been telling him?
Tucker: That's scary on a lot of levels, dude.
Epsilon: Why?
Tucker: Oh, why? Okay, quick quiz. Who am I?
Epsilon: You're, Captain Flowers right? You're dead. (Turns to Caboose) I've been meaning to ask you about that part. Is he like a zombie?
Tucker: Uh-huh, and who is he? (Points at Grif)
Epsilon: He's Grif, which is spelled with two "f's".
Grif: Goddammit! Okay, now that's another thing!
Epsilon: Caboose was very specific about that second "f".
Tucker: Alright, What about him? (Points at Leo)
Epsilon: He's Leo and also my son... (To Caboose) Are you sure he's my son? He doesn't look anything like me, unless he took more of his mothers side.
Leo: (Sighs) And here I thought I was done with this.
Tucker: And what about the red guy?
Epsilon: Well, if he's not Simmons, then I guess he's Sarge. That would make him the gruf and regimented leader of the Red Team.
Sarge: ... That actually seems pretty-
Tucker: Just, give him one more second.
Epsilon: Which would make him also the captain of their pirate ship.
Tucker: There it is.
Caboose: I am a good story teller.
Tucker: How are you gonna tell stories? You can't even read stories.
Caboose: I can read!
Tucker: Caboose is the only guy I know of who had an illustrated field manual. He's a moron.
Caboose: Well, it helps when the stories have pictures. Duh!
Tucker: For the first two months I worked with him, he thought you held grenades over your head, while they shot arrows at the enemy.
Caboose: That diagram could have been a lot more specific.
Sarge: Heh, you're lucky. As a recruit, Grif didn't even know what a grenade was! I called it a pineapple, and he tried to swallow it.
Leo: (Groans) Don't remind me, he started to choking on it! It was a pain in the ass to perform a heimlich on him!
Grif: It's not my fault I'm wide! Besides, it still tasted better than those MRE's you serve us.
Sarge: Grif! Show some respect! Do you know how many men died to develop those meals?
Grif: I can tell you exactly how many: everybody who ever tasted one!
Tucker: At least he doesn't kill everyone who suits up for your team.
Caboose: Oh, yeah, I don't think I really did that.
Tucker: Then who did?
Caboose: Okay, stick with me on this, right. What if Church travelled back in time using Wyoming's special ability power-
Tucker: Aw, shut up, that's fucking retarded.
Grif: Argh, you guys are idiots!
Caboose: What!? What about you guys?
Sarge: Who's the real idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who fights it?
Tucker: What, dude? In either scenario, you're still an idiot.
Sarge: Huh, I would expect you to say something like that.
Grif: Wait, I think he's right.
Sarge: Shut up, Grif! I always thought your armor was yellow too! Matches your personallity.
Caboose: Hey! You shouldn't be mean to people who work for you! He just wants to be your friend!
Tucker: No one tries to do that but you!
Sarge: I think you're all a bunch of idiots and I'm gonna fight every one of ya!
Sarge, Grif and Tucker start arguing and swearing at each other.
Grif: You had sex with a rock!
Tucker: Your sister's name is A Rock?
Leo: (Sighs) I need to put an end to this. (Yells) Everybody STOP!
Caboose: I AM YELLING ABOUT THINGS, okay I guess we're done now.
Leo: Are you all done, now?
Tucker: Well... I did just came up with few more insults for Grif's sister.
Grif: Fuck you!
Epsilon: Listen guys. I might not remember everything right now, but it will come back to me, okay? I can feel it. But I do know this: if we don't work together, and destroy this weapon, those guys outside are gonna kill a lot of people, and we can't let that happen. So just for a moment, lets set aside our differences and get to work solving this problem, together.
At this point, Epsilon starts to float away, totally unaware of it, while the others just simply watch him.
Epsilon: Being in charge is a tough task, but I'm a born leader. So if you follow me, I know I can get us through this. Are you with me?
Leo: Um... where are you going?
Epsilon: Uh, yeah', I don't seem to have full control over my body yet. But that doesn't invalidate anything I said! I'm still the leader! Fuck! (Epsilon floats out of sight) Okay, I'll be right back! No one else takes the leader position while I'm gone!
Caboose: Okay, bye!
Sarge: Yeah, see ya later, Winston Churchill!
The End
===========================