Casey ran as fast as she can to escape the thoughts of last night in her mind.
As she had predicted, their first night was awkward, full of tension. Even the talkative Lisa was quiet last night.
Casey felt bad for Vero because she didn't deserve all of this, it's not her fault. She knew she should have told Lisa and Izzie about her, but she didn't, so there is no one to blame but herself.
She feels guilty, above anything else, because here she is again, in a very committed relationship and yet longing for someone else.
She couldn't even look Izzie in the eyes. Casey was afraid that she would see the same hurt she'd caused before.
She needs to stop hurting the people she loves or the time will come when she'll lose them all.
Casey only stopped running when she couldn't feel her legs anymore. She saw a place where she could rest for a bit before running back at their camp. Casey groans and then let herself fall on the grass.
She feels exhausted; physically and emotionally.
Knowing that Izzie is single and that they could have a chance to fix everything between them torments Casey deeply.
But the thing is, she also loves Vero and everything is good between them. Vero's perfect and she doesn't deserve to get hurt. For two years, all Vero did was love and support Casey.
What kind of person would she be if, after all those good things that Vero did, all she did was break her heart?
And then there's Izzie.
The woman she have loved for so long and craves every minute of everyday. Izzie was her first of many things.
Almost her first of everything.
Even though she has no idea of what Izzie feels for her right now, she'd be willing to risk it.
Casey's tears spill from her eyes.
She had made her decision--a very difficult one, which she knows she'll regret someday.
But today, she'll follow her heart first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Izzie just came back from her morning run. She had originally planned to wait until after the bell for breakfast before showering at their cabin.
She wanted to avoid everyone there, especially Veronica.
It was a miracle that she had survived last night. It was painfully easy to ignore someone when there were two other people in the room doing the same thing.
And now she wants to slap herself for changing her mind. If only she did, then she wouldn't be here, stuck in a room alone with Veronica.
It seems like the universe hates her right about now.
Izzie went straight to her assigned dresser to get her clothes for the day, ignoring the pair of eyes following her every move. Covered in sweat, all she wants is to take a shower.
But before she can reach the bathroom, Veronica stops her.
"We need to talk, Izzie." Her tone was not mad, but composed and relaxed.
Izzie gulps, trying to calm her nerves. She was hoping she could avoid interacting with her, but evidently not.
So she turns around and she puts her things on her bed before sitting beside them. She faces Veronica who is sitting on the other bunk across from her.
"Are you still in love with Casey?"
Izzie was taken aback with that question. She knew that question would be asked, just not right away.
"Would it matter?" Izzie stares at Veronica's eyes.
The other girl sighs, "Yes. Because I'm afraid that once you tell her, she'll make the biggest mistake of her life."
Izzie's eyebrow rises, "Excuse me?"
"We both know that she still has feelings for you."
Izzie didn't know how to respond. Veronica had some guts to say that. Admitting to your girlfriend's ex that your girlfriend still has feelings for them, that's bravery and stupidity all in one.
"It's her decision."
Veronica looks vulnerable right now, "I'll die if I lose her, Izzie. I need her." Her tears starts to fall.
All Izzie could think about is how unfair she was being right now. She needs Casey too.
"And you think that I don't?" Her voice starts to break too.
Veronica quickly stands up for her only to kneel in front of her. "Please. You’ve managed to live without her for years." she begs.
Izzie's tears starts to fall too, not because she feels sorry for Veronica, but because of what she'd said.
Izzie hadn't managed to live without Casey. She had no life. The only thing that kept her going was the thought of getting her revenge on Casey someday.
But after the talk she had with Casey yesterday, she found out that there wasn't revenge to look forward to, but the chance of seeing her again. She had just made herself believe that she was angry with Casey, but the truth was she could never get mad at her.
"Please stop. What ever you do or say, it would never make a difference. Yes, I still love her and if she still loves me and choses me, be a woman and accept it!"
Veronica grabs her hands and rests her forehead on it. Izzie could feel the tears showering her hands. She could feel every bit of desperation in every single drop dousing her skin.
Izzie starts to feel sorry for her, but if she was in her situation, she would definitely do the same just to be with Casey.
"I..I need her, Izzie. I only have a year to live." It was almost a whisper, but Izzie heard it clearly.
Her heart stops for a while.
Not fucking fair! Izzie thought to herself.
She won't believe it. She refused to believe it.
Izzie hastily removes her hands from Veronica's grasp so she could stand up. "I don't fucking believe you!"
Veronica stands too and without any warning she lifts up her shirt for Izzie to see the bruises building up at her sides.
"I just found out about it earlier this year. Stage 2 Leukemia. I was about to tell her last week when my family came but I chickened out. I just couldn't." Veronica starts to say, her voice full of emotions. "I'm scared to die alone." She breaks down and cries again.
Izzie doesn't know how to react. Should she comfort the girl who's begged her to let go of her happiness?
"Just a year and she's all yours. Please, I beg you." She was about to kneel again when Izzie motions to stop her. "I just want to spend another year with her, that's all I ask."
Izzie knows that Casey wouldn't forgive her if she found out that she knew about Veronica's condition and didn't say anything.
"She deserves to know."
Veronica nods in agreement. "I will, I just need more time with her without her looking at me like I was dying."
Izzie sighs, "What do you want me to do?"
Her heart breaks again, knowing that for the second time, she'll lose the woman she loves.
But it was just for a year.
She didn't mean to wish Veronica be dead; its just that she made a promise that after a year, whether she gets well or not, she'd let Casey go.
Izzie could wait another year.
She could wait forever for Casey and never regret a thing.