Alex lifted the last piece of toast from the toaster and placed it on the plate in front of her, she'd actually managed to get in the kitchen and she was determined to prove herself to (Y/n), she'd even started reading the many recipe books she had,
Even the endless pages that (Y/n) had saved on her laptop Alex had come to the decision she wanted to surprise her, give her something big that would really make her stunned, and now make her realize just how much she was loved.
Picking the plate filled with toast she took them over to the table and laced it down sighing at the sight of (Y/n) her head buried in her hands.
In the two days since the incident at the restaurant, she'd stayed in bed, disgusted with herself for what she had done and basically scaring the hell out of her fiance.
Not even Lena had been able to cheer her up, and she had tried everything, Kara had failed in her attempts to get her to move, she stayed curled up under the covers, little Bear cuddled as close as he could, it was comforting for Alex to have to know someone was looking after her when she wasn't home.
She would stay, she wished she could but in two days there had been two more attacks similar to the one on the stores on the high street, everyone at the DEO was on full alert.
"You really have to eat something," Alex said softly.
" I'm not hungry. "
"I know you are lying, I grew up with Kara remember, that girl was so hungry once she actually ate my Mother's favorite pot plant."
(Y/n) lifted her head up revealing just two shadowy eyes. "And you had nothing to do with that."
Alex chuckled slightly. "I may have told her the cactus was a delicious food."
(Y/n) rolled her eyes. "You were such an ass."
" I know. " Alex lifted a piece of toast and knife. "My Mom called me again."
" Really what did you say? " (Y/n) asked as she lifted her head up fully, her eyes burning into Alex.
"I didn't answer." Alex shrugged.
" What, Alex you have to talk to her. " (Y/n) stressed with more animation and passion that she had shown in days.
"What do I even say to her (Y/n)? Oh Hey, Mom so are you still screwing my Dad?" Alex really did not have anything she could say to her, shouldn't she have come to her if she was so sorry?
" No Duffus, you talk about it and listen to her and she will listen to you, you make a dialogue with each other and engage with each other you know just talking. " (Y/n) said pulling the bread from Alex and taking a bite herself.
"Hey!" Alex protested. "I did a whole plateful and you take mine."
(Y/n) shrugged. "Yours was closer, you burned it by the way."
"Are you kidding me, you are critiquing my toast," Alex said with most outrage, her hand over her heart.
(Y/n) smiled. "I love you."
"I love hearing you say that but why are you saying it now?" Alex asked picking up another piece of chard burned toast (Y/n) was right she had screwed it up, yet she noticed she was still eating it.
(Y/n) lowered her head focusing on the bread in her hands now half eaten. "I just wanted you to know, just wanted to say it out loud I guess, I know you have stuff going on with your parents and then I go all crazy and make your life a million times worse, like a selfish ass who can't stand not being the center of attention."
Alex stretched her hands out and took hold of (Y/n)'s wrists. "Hey you are not going crazy, you went through hell and this is your way of dealing with it, you have PTSD (Y/n)."
" Yeah, that was a fun session. " (Y/n) sighed. "Who even knew the DEO had their very own shrink." In her reluctance to leave the apartment especially to go to the DEO where she did not want to face real heroes the psychiatrist had come to her if you were a Super it seemed anything was possible.
"We have everything." Alex smiled. " It's the first step baby okay. "
"First step to unemployment, how am I a catch we're getting married in just a few months and I'm unemployed." ( Y/n) said sadly feeling the weight of worry settle on her shoulders again.
"Hey you are the only one worried about that, get better first okay, so get used to me looking after you more okay because it's happening, Bear and I are your servants and protectors," Alex said laughing pointing to the little dog who was lying curled up in his fluffy bed, at the sound of his name his head lifted head up his tail wagging despite most of it being trapped by his body. " See, we are here for you, so now with your free time start an indie rock band or something, take up knitting, write a cookbook, become a yoga instructor. "
"What did you say?"
" Yoga instructor? " Alex shrugged. "Oh God yes! I will totally sign up for your class if I can get a front row seat."
"No of course not, the cookbook idea, I'm not going to be attending the idea of being eye candy to the cities lonely sex starved women any time soon Alex."
Alex frowned that was an interesting point, she hadn't thought about that. "Well, obviously I'm not on board now you've mentioned that, but I get my own private class right?"
(Y/n) raised her eyes to the ceiling for a split second before leveling her gaze with Alex's leaning closer over the table. "Are you forgetting our bet? There is no way you could survive that Alex, no way in hell."
"We could at least try." Alex shrugged.
"Aren't you late for work? Bear and I have some tv to watch we have a busy day ahead of us."
"Don't start sulking if I could stay with you I would, but I can't the city is going crazy right now and no one knows what the hell is going on," Alex said sincerely, hating to see the lost lonely sad look in the eyes of the woman she loved.
(Y/n) sighed. "I know, I'm just, I don't know who I am anymore I did something so bad Alex and every time I close my eyes I see it, I used to be the girl who couldn't even kill a bug, now I've become a murderer and I can't settle that in my mind."
Swiftly Alex was kneeling down in front of her turning her so that she was facing her, her hands seeking to calm her by soothing over her arms and thighs. "Listen to me okay, sometimes we are in a situation and we have to do something that is totally different to how we are, you are not a murderer (Y/n) I refuse to accept that label for you, you did what you did to survive."
"I killed them, Alex."
"Inside those arenas of doom maybe, but outside did you? when you were away from those places did you hurt anyone?" Alex asked her eyes shining with unshed tears.
(Y/n) shook her head. "No."
"So, if you were a cold-blooded murderer then why didn't you do that? You spent time with that Lar Grand guy right?"
"Yes."
"So why isn't he dead now?" Alex shrugged.
"Because he isn't the Mon-el dude we met here on Earth." (Y/n) smiled a little, the two were indeed worlds apart.
"Good answer smart ass," Alex smirked but her smile soon left when she realized what she would have to tell her, she knew that (Y/n) had never been told not even by Kara, she took a deep breath to prepare herself for the words. "(Y/n) a few years ago not long after Kara first became Supergirl I did something I was so pained by, not because I had done it, I had to do it, and I would do it again if it meant saving someone I loved."
(Y/n) watched the play of emotions dance across her face confused. "Alex, what are you talking about?"
"I had to kill Kara's Aunt, if I didn't she would have killed J'onn, but it didn't mean I didn't feel guilty and I was so afraid that Kara would hate me, I was afraid of losing her." Alex's voice cracked for a time where fear had been her best friend.
(Y/n) leaned forward slightly lifting Alex's chin up with her fingers. "You'll never lose Kara, you are the most important person in the world to her, just like she is for you."
"No, I.." Alex stuttered.
(Y/n) shook her head interrupting her mid-speech. "Alex, come on she is your sister, not by blood maybe but that makes no difference my mother continues to prove that, she is the most important person in your life, it's one of the reasons I love you so much, plus it's really cool that our daughters will get to see how close their mother and Aunt are and I hope they will be like that too, the world is so cold and hard, they will need each other." (Y/n) smiled encouragingly. "I'm not so insecure that I need to be your everything Alex, I don't want all of your time and emotions, I want you, yes, but I want you which means I want the you who is a way too overprotective big sister and in case you haven't noticed I love Kara too, it's really hard to hate her actually, she does this puppy dog eye thing and I find myself having to make her potstickers or pizza whatever the hell she loves on that day just to make up for being mean."
Alex laughed, "I really lucked out with you."
"Not really I have my own slightly less clueless Kara, she's called Lena Luthor." (Y/n) chuckled trailing her fingers across the sculpted plains of Alex's cheeks. "Do you know what I would like to do?"
"No," Alex whispered her voice hoarse, the motion of (Y/n)'s movements were causing pleasant tingles to travel through her body, it was nice.
"I would like to have a little dinner party, I want to try to feel like me again."
"You are going to invite Sara aren't you?" Alex said knowingly the answer already.
"Yes, and Sam, Lena, and Kara it will be nice."
Alex pursed her lips. "Do you think that maybe it's a little bit too soon for this, give it a few weeks."
"Alex the reason you won't start planning our wedding is because it will be too stressful for me, I'm not a paper doll I won't break, I want to be around the people I love and I want to plan for the day that I get to marry a woman I love so much I can't even explain it in words, these things make me happy." (Y/n) said a small plea in her voice as she looked down into Alex's eyes.
Brown eyes turned away, she was afraid of giving her too much just in case she had another attack and she was back there again, she didn't want to be the reason she was hurt, but she also didn't want to stifle her, that could do the same thing. "Okay, but nothing heavy, okay, so if we have a dinner party you do not make the food or at least not stress over it all, it's take away and as for the wedding as much as I hate it I still think we should postpone it."
(Y/n) gasped. "No, Alex please I don't want that, I want to marry you I don't want to wait."
Alex couldn't deny that she felt relieved about that, but she was being selfish, yet (Y/n) sounded so pained. "Okay, but let's not go crazy okay, because all I need is you and the people we care about us."
(Y/n) smiled happily placing an excited kiss to Alex's forehead. "That means your Mom too right?"
Alex sighed. "If she ever decides to apologize."
"She is trying you won't take her calls!" The (e/c) eyed woman shrieked.
"She should try harder."
"The next time she calls your phone I'm going to answer it." (Y/m) said smugly, she had the worst mother in the history of mothers, Freud would have had a field day with her, there was no way she was going to let Alex and Eliza continue on this battle, it was easy to go so long without a word that it becomes normal and so much time passes that no one does anything and eventually it becomes too late, she loved Alex too much to allow that to happen and thought far too much of Eliza.
"Don't forget that the psychiatrist is coming this afternoon," Alex said changing the subject rising to her feet.
(Y/n) sunk back into her chair. "Oh yes how could I forget, Dr. Dick, what kind of name is that anyway how am I supposed to have a serious conversation with someone called Dr. Dick?"
Alex laughed. "Maybe stop thinking like a ten-year-old boy."
"Seriously and he has a big ass mustache just sat on top of his mouth, it's like a crazy wig for his face." (Y/n) stressed. "Why couldn't it have been a normal Dr. Smith or Dr. Johnson and they have no hilarious facial features."
From her place, by the door, Alex waited for her sarcastic tirade to end, "Have fun baby, don't forget to message me." Blowing her a kiss she slipped out the door closing it behind her.
(Y/n) sighed her eyes looking around the already quiet apartment, the one time in her life she was happy not to live in a big house, it was hours before Alex would be home, Kara was also busy at the DEO and Lena had meetings all day, her father was at work. "Well, Bear it's just you and me until the wonderful Dr. Dick arrives."
Bear tiled his head sideways his black stone like eyes shining with what she could have sworn was a smile, understanding overwhelming him.
"See you know."