• let go, you're doing alright just by living •
We drive for a while. Every pothole sends a spike of pain through my leg. We hit so many that I begin to think Merle's purposely driving into them.
Daryl stays with me in the truck bed. He doesn't say much but I'm grateful for the company.
I didn't even know Georgia had this many trees. There's been a couple turn-offs that take you into small towns but Merle's driven right past them. The small towns were either evacuated or overrun right at the beginning: there'll be nothing left to scavenge.
It's quiet, too. Much quieter than it would have been before the world went to shit. It's quiet enough that, even with the rumble of the over-worked engine, I can hear the birds chirping amongst themselves as we drive past. It's strangely relaxing.
You wouldn't think anything could be relaxing, what with the state of the world being the way it is.
I lean my head back against the glass partition, desperately trying not to wince every time my head slams against it. Potholes were invented for the infliction of pain, I swear.
A sharp turning throws me sideways. I reach out to grab onto the side, attempting to keep myself steady. Fuck, that hurt. Daryl shifts too, but no where near as badly as me. He'd been holding on already when Merle — the prick — decided we were going to take another route. Once we're driving straight again, Daryl moves closer to me.
"Ya alright?" He asks, clenching his jaw, "Merle! What d'ya think ya playin' at?" He receives no reply from the drivers side.
"I'm okay," My shitty attempt at reassurance doesn't go a long way, considering the gasp of pain that leaves my mouth when we hit another pothole, "I'm good."
"Nah, ya ain't." Daryl grinds his teeth together, "Merle! What the fuck d'ya think ya doing?" He slams his hand against the partition to get his brother's attention.
Merle slides the partition's flap open, though he keeps his eyes on the road, "What're ya yellin' about?"
"Hi Mommy!" Bonnie giggles.
After a long inhale, and a short exhale, I force the strain from me voice, "Hey baby."
"What was that?" Daryl snaps, "Coulda ripped her stitches!"
Merle snorts, "Honey-Bee over there's got more in her than that! It was just a little turnin'."
"Man, don't be an asshole." Daryl sneers, "Why'd we change direction anyway?"
"Saw a sign a little ways back." Merle says, "There's a gas station. We're gonna need to top up soon, might as well get it done now."
Really, there's no arguing with that. Although by the look on Daryl's face he's going to give it a go.
"He's right, Daryl. We're going to need the gas and it won't hurt to check for supplies either." I place my hand over Daryl's, flashing him a small (slightly pained) smile, "I'm good. It just surprised me, is all."
"See lil' brother? The lady's fine. Quit ya whinin'." Merle, rather unhelpfully, supplies.
Daryl grunts. A scowl tugs at his lips. He's displeased with his brother, even if he doesn't say anything else. Daryl stretches his legs out in front of him, similar to how he was sat before, all the while keeping his arm tucked behind my head. His hand grips the side of the truck.
It feels like an almost-hug. If that's the right word? Nevertheless his arm is comforting. Trying not to think too much on why, I tilt my head back and rest it on his arm.
We stay that way for the rest of the drive.
🏹
"We can't leave 'em out 'ere Merle." Daryl says, leaning against the truck.
From here, I can see the back of his head. He needs a haircut.
"Why not?" Merle throws his head back in exasperation, "T'at's how you found 'em."
"She's got a hole in 'er leg! She can't exactly run for it if an unfriendly comes lookin'."
Merle laughs, "But she's got a nice set of lungs. You'll call out for us, won't ya Honey? If somethin' goes wrong?"
Daryl turns to look at me, a frown on his face.
He isn't going to go unless I tell him I'll be fine, even if I don't know for sure that I will be.
"Just go, Daryl." I tell him, "I've got a gun. I'll shout if I need anything."
"Ya sure?" Daryl, I've noticed, has an unhealthy habit of biting on his thumb when he's nervous. He's doing that now, his eyes shifting from me to the open road behind us.
"I'm sure." I hope so, anyway, "Go on."
"There ya go!" Merle grins, throwing his hands up, "Let's get a move on. We're losing daylight 'ere lil' brother."
Daryl rolls his eyes, but leans over the side of the truck to grab his crossbow and his arrows. He doesn't immediately move away once he has them, choosing to look up at me uncertainly.
"Are ya sure ya don't want me to stay with ya?" Daryl asks for the tenth time, "Merle can handle it on his own."
"Daryl I'll be fine." My smile doesn't seem to reassure him much, "Keep an eye on Bonnie for me, yeah?"
He nods, looking down at the truck bed, "Yeah. Yeah, don't worry 'bout ya girl. We got her."
He nods again, although I'm not sure what he's nodding to, and then turns back to his brother.
I watch as the three of them: Merle with his knife strapped to his belt, an excited look about him as he leads the others to the gas station; Daryl with one hand clutched around his bow, the other resting lightly on Bonnie's head as he keeps her close to him; Bonnie, sticking close to Daryl like I told her to, glancing about in wonder at everything around her.
The only reason I even considered letting Bonnie go with them is because I know I can't protect her if something were to go wrong. With the bullet wound I wouldn't be able to get to her if we were cut off.
It's safer for her to be with them. I say them loosely, as I wouldn't trust Merle to protect my kid even if my life depended on it. Daryl, though... I know Daryl will take care of her.
I trust Daryl to take care of her.
It's strange — just how much I trust Daryl. Don't get me wrong, he's a good man, but in the new world trust is hard to come by. Especially when you've only known someone a week at most. I trust him with more than just my life, I trust him with my daughters life, and that's a little unnerving. It's happened so quickly. I trusted him enough to let him into my car the first time I met him (and I'm not particularly naïve).
Upon first glance, he isn't the kind of man you'd expect someone to be instantly trustworthy. He's rough around the edges and looks like the kind of man you'd find in bar fights every other week.
But if you spend ten minutes in his company, you'd know he's not that man. He's nothing like his brother.
Merle isn't exactly evil, either. He's a racist, sexist asshole but he's not evil. Nevertheless, I wouldn't ever expect the best from him. I'm not even sure what Merle's best side is.
I wonder how long they'll take. It's ridiculously hot today. Sitting in a truck bed without any shade isn't what I'd have chosen to be doing.
In the old world, a day like this would've meant trips to the park with picnics. It would've meant cold drinks and ice cubes. It would've been a time for dresses and shorts and family get-togethers. Sunny days used to be something people prayed for.
Now they're just another thing that can end us. Too much heat is worse for us now that there's no doctors around to fix heat exhaustion.
God, I hope they don't take too long.
🏹
Although it feels like forever, they only take half hour at most. Soon enough, I hear the gas station's doorbell chime. Bonnie's chatter drifts across the car parking area. Daryl's with her, I can tell by the occasional grunted reply.
I don't see them until they make their way to the truck bed. From where I'm sat, I can't see the gas station very well.
"Mommy! Look what I've found!" Bonnie says happily, shoving an old teddy bear into the air to show me. It's nothing special. In fact, it looks half ready to be scrapped: but she's impressed by it.
Daryl shrugs in my direction, dropping a few bags into the other end of the truck bed.
"That's nice. Where did you get it from?"
"The gas station!"
A small smile graces my face, "Yeah I got that part. I meant where in the gas station. They sell teddy bears, now?"
Daryl shakes his head, "Found it in one of the back rooms. Couldn't tell 'er no."
Yeah, I have that problem sometimes too.
"I'm gonna name him Merle."
Excuse me?
Surprise rushes through me, "What?"
Daryl snorts, a smirk tugging at his lips, "She likes him."
"Since when?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowing at the thought of it.
He shrugs, leaning his hip against the side of the truck, "He grows on ya."
I've yet to see that happen.
"I don't..." I swallow, "Did you ask Merle if that was okay?"
Bonnie hums, her fingers tracing the tartan bow around the bears' neck.
Daryl huffs a laugh, amusement dancing through his features, "He's overjoyed. Said he knew someone would recognise 'is role model potential one day."
No offence to him or anything, but Merle isn't the type of person I want as a role model for my daughter. He's an asshole, and I'm pretty sure he's a druggie too.
"Isn't Merle pretty Mommy?"
I can see this causing problems for me.
"Yeah, Momma," Daryl teases, "Ain't Merle pretty?"
"Prettiest thing I've ever seen in my life." While my sarcasm flies right over Bonnie's head, Daryl catches it.
He opens his mouth to say something, but his eyes find something that catches his attention.
"Look-ie 'ere at what ol' Merle found!"
Oh, how wonderful. My daughters newest role model has arrived.
"Keep it down Merle." Daryl says, "Don't need no dead fuckers comin' at ya today."
"Ain't none of ya'll interested in what I got ta how ya?" Merle drawls, "C'mon! I went to so much trouble."
"Bullshit." Daryl retorts, "You ain't ever worked for nothin' in your whole damn life."
Merle places his hands against his chest, "You wound me lil' brother. Right 'ere!"
I was under the impression Merle didn't have feelings to be hurt. Though, Daryl's comment doesn't seem to have bothered his brother much. After all, Merle's still grinning away like he's won the lottery or something.
"I've got somethin' in the works, too." Merle continues as if he were never interrupted, "Ol' Merle's got a plan."
Why is he referring to himself in the third person all the time? It's so annoying.
"What? Ya'll don't wanna hear it?"
"Man, I couldn't be less interested." Daryl replies, dropping his crossbow and arrows into the truck bed alongside the bags.
"Oh but you're gonna love this brother." Merle smirks, "S'all gonna work in your favour."
I do not like the look on his face. Whatever it is, isn't going to amuse anybody but him. Merle's just that kind of guy. You can see it in his eyes. He's extremely entertained by whatever is about to come out of his mouth.
"What is it Merle?" Bonnie bounces on her heels, peering up at Merle like he's hung the moon and stars.
Yes, this is going to become an extremely bad issue for me.
Merle pulls something shiny from his pocket. It glints in the sunlight. It's silver and sparkles.
"Ya'll are gonna get married." He grins, "Ain't that sweet?"