When I told Mason I wasn't leaving anymore, the anger he held towards me diminished almost immediately.
He became attached to me once again, following me around and trying his best to stay in the same room as me at all times.
He didn't get to follow me around for long, though, as Owen soon decided he was going to take Mason to the zoo. He'd invited me too, but I declined, saying I was going out to lunch with a friend.
It wasn't a lie, exactly.
I just didn't tell them this person was a little more than a friend. I mean, they don't need to know everything.
I walk through the door of Abacus Cafe right on time and take a seat to wait for Jasper.
After a good ten minutes of flipping through the menu and stacking up packets of coffee creamer, Jasper shows up with his shiny, combed back hair and vibrant smile. He slips into the booth with his pretty smile and greets me with a warm-hearted stare.
"Hey, Mona."
"Hey," I respond, a flirtatious smile spreading across my lips. "Any specific reason you wanted to meet me for lunch?"
"Woah, you really don't care for small talk, do you?" he asks while peeling off his black coat.
I shrug. "You know me better than that. Get down to the point, Jasper."
"What if there wasn't a point? What if I just wanted to see you?"
He picks up a menu and starts sifting through it while my eyes skim the cafe. It's pretty empty, and it has a rustic and arty style to it. There are fairy lights and wood accents, giving the whole place a cozy, modern feeling.
"You always have a point," I respond after a long pause.
He glances up from his menu with a charming smile, my heart skipping a beat when I look into his chestnut eyes.
"Do I ever tell you how much I like you?"
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from melting like a hormonal teenage girl—even though that's exactly what I am.
Instead, I shrug and pretend to be unaffected by his compliment.
"I believe you've mentioned it before," I quip back with a smirk.
A waitress comes over with her order slip and jots down our orders before taking our menus from us and leaving us alone once again.
"So," Jasper begins once the waitress has disappeared from our sight. "About the other day—"
"A-ha!" I blurt out before he has a chance to continue. "I knew you had a point for meeting me!"
"Will you fucking let me continue?" he says with a laugh.
"Fine."
"As I was saying... about the other day..."
I raise an eyebrow, not quite sure what he's talking about.
"What other day? What are you talking about?"
"Maybe if you'd let me finish—"
"Nice guys finish last."
He crosses his arms across his chest, holding back his amusement and ignoring my hilarious joke.
"Remember when we were in the hallway after school? Luis, Xavier, and Michael were all there, remember?"
"Right. I remember."
"Well do you remember me asking you if you wanted to make it, like, official—to make us official."
I take a deep breath, not at all surprised that this is why he wanted to meet with me.
"You never gave me an answer, Mona."
I look down at the wooden table, trying to sift through the different responses I could give him right now. Of course I want to tell him yes, but I don't want to be in another pointless relationship that wastes my time.
"My answer is yes." I look up from the table to see him smiling, although this smile doesn't make me feel as weak-kneed as the other one.
"If..." His smile drops when I continue. "If you want our relationship to be more serious. Not just official. I mean serious."
He hesitates for a moment before reaching up to scratch the back of his neck.
"Okay, um—yeah. If that's what you want."
"That's what I want."
"Cool. I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick."
He gets up from the table, not once looking back as he walks across the cafe and into the men's restroom.
I don't like that he seemed so on-edge about being more serious, but I think it's because it's a little intimidating. I understand, and I'm sure he just needs some time to get used to a serious relationship.
But I can't help but notice that he left his phone face up on the table, although I make no move to touch it. I'm not the jealous or prying type, and I don't want to invade his privacy.
I don't mess with his phone until I see a text message pop up on his screen. And while I may not be the jealous type, I certainly am the curious type.
I peer over the table at his phone, seeing that the text is from a girl named Claire. I only know one Claire, and she's a tuba player in jazz band.
Actually, the more I think about it, she's the girl that walked in on me and Jasper kissing after jazz practice a couple of weeks ago.
The message reads: omg, you're so sweet!
I have to remind myself that it might be nothing and that I might not even be thinking about the right Claire—it could be his cousin for all I know.
And it's easy for me to ignore it at first. After all, I'm not the jealous type.
But when another text pops up, it's a little harder to control myself.
You're still coming with me on Tuesday, right?
This text leaves me more hurt than the last one, considering that Tuesday is my birthday.
I haven't reminded Jasper—or anyone, really—about my upcoming birthday, but I guess there's a small part of me that's hoping they'll remember it from last year and surprise me.
It's stupid and naive, I know that. But hey, a girl can dream.
Although from the looks of this text, I don't think Jasper's planning anything for me on my birthday. Apparently, he's planning something with Claire.
Jasper comes back from the bathroom with a smile on his face, any past indication of uneasiness completely gone.
"Where were we?"
The waitress brings out our food and we talk and laugh as we eat our meal. I begin to feel stupid for even thinking anything of this Claire girl.
I know Jasper cares about me, and I know he'd never do anything to put our relationship in danger. After all, he's the one that wanted us to be official in the first place.
When we've finished our food, Jasper pays and we leave the restaurant, taking a walk through the downtown street.
I'm grateful that the weather has warmed up these past few weeks and that my fingers aren't freezing after a minute of being outside.
"Thank you for today," I say as we continue strolling down the street with our fingers laced together.
"Of course."
I lean my head on his shoulder and breathe in his cologne, letting myself relax as his arm wraps around my waist.
"I'm glad you came with me today."
I smile as we continue to walk slowly down the street, feeling on top of the world when his arms stay around me, protecting me and making me feel like the luckiest girl alive.
We stop abruptly as we approach more downtown shops, Jasper pulling away from me without warning and exposing my face to the subtle chill of the spring air.
"What's wrong?"
He sighs, biting his lip as his eyes study me intensely.
"Follow me."
He grabs my wrist before I have a chance to respond, pulling me into a small, enclosed alley nestled between two shops.
"What are we doing back here?" I ask with a laugh as he pulls me farther from the bustling, downtown street. He looks back and shoots me a devilish smile, not bothering to give me an answer.
When we're far enough from the street for Jasper's liking, he turns around and grabs my waist, pulling my body close to his.
"Oh, so this is what you wanted," I tease with an eyebrow raised, knowing what he's intending to do and certainly not hating the thought of it.
He chuckles as he brings his face closer to mine, his lips inching towards mine as his grip on my waist tightens.
I reach up and pull his mouth onto mine, feeling our bodies light up with a surge of hunger I didn't even know existed.
Our kisses are intense and needy, each one making me weaker until I've lost all sense of time and direction. The only thing that matters in this moment is him.
He is the air that I breathe and the blood surging through my veins, bringing me back to life after so long of feeling desolate and isolated.
It feels as though my heart has stopped beating when he gently pushes me back into a brick wall, our arms wrapped tightly around each other.
The thought of this only being an innocent make-out session is crushed when Jasper's hand moves farther down my body, eventually reaching the inside of my thigh.
I reach down and pull his hand back up to my waist to subtly let him know I don't want to be a part of whatever he's suggesting.
He doesn't take the hint and instead runs his hand back down between my thighs, leaving me no choice but to put an end to our moment.
I forcefully shove him off of me to make myself blatantly clear.
"No, Jasper."
He takes a step back, his hands leaving my body in an instant. A look of confusion comes across his face, but he quickly composes himself.
"Sorry. I thought you'd want to."
"Well, I don't want to," I bite back.
I pull my arms across my chest, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable and alone. The absence of people around us is now making me anxious, along with the recurrent thoughts of Joseph beginning to surface.
"I was just going to say... my parents aren't home—"
"I said no," I repeat, not allowing myself to back down.
"Alright." He nods, which puts my anxiety at ease. "Fine."
The thought of Joseph almost raping me makes me scared to even consider doing anything with anyone. I'm just not ready, and I need him to understand that.
I might be ready someday, but I know today is not that day—and Jasper is not that guy.
"We should probably go," Jasper suggests.
I nod in agreement, stepping away from the wall and striding back towards the bustling street as quickly as my shaking legs will take me.
~
"Where's Luis?" I ask Nadia, glancing around the silent library.
She shrugs while glaring down at her physics textbook in confusion.
"Hell if I know. He's been awol all day."
Luis was supposed to meet us in the library after school today, although I haven't seen him since second period.
He skipped stagecraft and hasn't been responding to my texts, and I can feel myself getting anxious. It's not like him to disappear so suddenly.
"Has he texted you?"
Nadia slowly looks up at me, shooting me an annoyed glare.
"I said I don't know. And why do you care? He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."
I fix my gaze on the library entrance, willing him to walk in and put my nerves at ease.
"I know. I just don't want him doing more stupid shit."
Nadia rolls her eyes and looks down at her notebook, not bothering to answer me.
"Did I do something wrong, Nadi? Why are you so pissed off?"
"Not you," she sighs, rubbing her eyes. "It's just... I've got more important things to worry about right now."
I turn back to face her, raising an eyebrow.
"Like?"
"Reece."
"Oh—right. I forgot about her, is she doing okay?"
Nadia shrugs, putting her pencil down.
"I don't know anymore. She's out of control and I'm pretty sure something's wrong. But she refuses to talk to anyone."
"She hasn't been in school recently," I note. "I guess that SnapShare hacking really hurt her, huh?"
"I don't think it was the SnapShare, I think there's something else going on. Maybe she's just hurt over something else. I don't know."
"Well, I hope—"
My words are cut off when my phone screen suddenly lights up, the loud marimba ringtone blaring through the quiet library.
I race to turn it off as quickly as I can, the librarian and other students shooting me dirty glares.
"It's Luis," I announce quietly to Nadia once I've silenced my phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, Mona," Luis responds, his voice a heavy sigh.
"Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?"
There's a pause on his end of the line, an indistinguishable sound crackling in my ear.
"No."
I glance worriedly at Nadia, which grabs her attention.
"What? Luis, what's wrong?"
"Can you—can you come over?" he asks, his voice sounding weak and strained.
"Of course. We'll be there soon."
"Okay. Bye," he says before hanging up abruptly.
I stand up from the table and grab my bag, motioning for Nadia to follow me.
"C'mon. Luis wants us to come over."
"Is he okay?" she asks, packing up her things in a rush.
"I honestly don't know."
We collect our things and leave school as soon as possible, both worried for Luis and dreading whatever trouble he's gotten himself into this time.
"What do you think he did this time?" Nadia asks with a condescending smirk as she opens her car door.
"Who the hell knows," I respond as I climb into the passenger seat of her Subaru. "But I think he's actually really upset. He sounded sad."
"Alright, well let's go cheer him up like the good friends we are."
It doesn't take long before we're in front of Luis' house, hurrying up to his front door. Only Luis' car is in the driveway, telling Nadia and I that his parents and little sister are most likely not home.
I don't bother knocking, instead, I open the door and call out for Luis as Nadia and I step inside.
"Luis!" I shout.
"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Nadia yells beside me from the foyer of his house.
I can't help but laugh.
"But Nadia, Luis already came out last year."
"Oh shit, you right," she responds, laughing along with me.
"What's so funny?"
Nadia and I look up to the top of the stairs where a tired Luis is standing, unamused and straight-faced.
"Nothin'."
Nadia walks up the stairs and I follow behind her, the humor from our conversation a thing of the past.
"So what's up?" I ask once I've reached the top of the stairs.
Luis looks down at the floor, an empty stare filling his brown eyes.
"Luis," Nadia repeats. "What's wrong?"
"Well," he begins softly, crossing his arms across his chest. "Mary and I are finally over, so that's good, I guess."
Nadia and I glance at each other, not exactly sure what to say to him.
"I care about her," Luis murmurs. "But I don't love her. And I don't want to be in a relationship with her."
"As long as you're happy, Luis. You've gotta do what you gotta do," Nadia admits. "Even though it's hard."
I step forward and put my arms around him to comfort him, hoping my gesture will make up for my lack of comforting words.
His arms wrap around my waist and I lay my head on his shoulder, enjoying our moment more than I probably should be.
I can't help it, though—his scent and his breathing and everything about him puts my mind and body at ease.
I feel a sense of relaxation, although I can feel a pit in the bottom of my stomach. The same pit that I feel around Jasper.
I pull away when I remember I technically have a boyfriend—not that hugging is cheating—although Luis doesn't take his hands off of my waist.
I look into his golden-brown eyes, our faces inches from each other. For a moment, we both forget Nadia is still standing behind us, our minds far from reality.
His hand reaches up to touch my cheek, brushing away a strand of my brown hair. A sudden impulse races over me, making me want to grab his face and kiss the hell out of him.
That moment is brief, though, and I remind myself that we're both just feeling lonely and desperate.
"Guys," Nadis snaps, causing us to take our hands off of each other.
Whatever emotion passed between us is wrong.
It's just human nature to want love, and I don't love Luis.
I think I'm just missing Jasper, as he's barely said a word to me all day.
"What the hell was that?" Nadia presses.
I look to Luis for an answer, just as confused as Nadia.
"Estoy enamorado de Ramona," Luis says to Nadia, purposely excluding me by speaking in Spanish. "Y tengo miedo de decírselo."
Nadia's eyes grow wide and she clamps her hand over her mouth.
"Oh my god," she breathes.
"What?" I ask, not knowing what the hell Luis just said about me. "You talking shit?"
"No. It's nothing bad, Mona," Nadia responds, still in awe. "It's nothing bad at all..."
~
I turn off my alarm the second it starts ringing, hating the sound of the blaring marimba. I sigh as I sit up in the bed, remembering that today is my birthday.
My birthday that no one will remember.
I mean, I'm not honestly expecting anyone to remember. Although I will say there's a small, naive voice inside my head that's secretly hoping people will remember—that people will show me they care. But I know that's nonsense, and that no one will care enough to celebrate my life.
Hell, even I don't care enough to celebrate my life. I'll probably be dead before my next birthday, anyways, so what's the point in celebrating a life that's already been lost?
Either way, I'm officially seventeen.
I get dressed slowly, dreading the day as I throw on a sweater and jeans and grab my school bag.
"Good morning," Owen says cheerfully when I walk into the kitchen.
I take a seat at the kitchen island next to Mason, accepting a plate of eggs and bacon from Owen.
"So, Ramona," Owen starts, putting some used dishes in the sink.
At first, my mind lights up at the possibility of him knowing it's my birthday. Maybe he knows.
"I just wanted to tell you I'm going to have to go on-call again starting next week. The hospital gave me a grace period after I adopted Mason, but now they want me back on the on-call schedule. I hope it won't be a problem."
The hope I was holding before diminishes, and I block out any emotion with a blank stare.
"It's fine," I mutter before taking a bite of my breakfast.
I only take a few more bites of my food before clearing it off and grabbing my bag.
"Bye, Ray."
"Bye, bug."
I kiss Mason lightly on his forehead before walking towards the front door to catch the bus.
The day drags by uneventfully, no sign of anyone remembering my birthday. I can't say I'm surprised.
I'm walking into the cafeteria when I feel someone's hands wrap around my waist, catching me by surprise and causing me to freeze in my tracks.
"Happy birthday, lovely!"
My face lights up as I turn around to face Luis.
"You remembered..."
"Of course I remembered! You're my number one, Mona."
We step to the side of the cafeteria entrance to keep from blocking other students.
"I got something for you."
He takes off his backpack and begins digging around in it, finally pulling out a bag of candy.
"I know it's not much, but I'm a broke bitch. It's your favorite kind," he says nervously, holding out the bag. "From yours truly—the broke and boujee bisexual boy. What a mouthful, huh?"
I take it from him with a laugh, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
"Thank you."
He shoots me a quick smile, completely unaware of how much his small gesture really means to me. Out of Mason, Nadia, Owen, and Jasper, he's the only person that's remembered.
"This means a lot," I say, a genuine smile etched across my face. "Thanks."
I didn't see Jasper all day, either. He wasn't even in school, which didn't surprise me considering the texts I saw on his phone when we went out to lunch.
He's apparently out with a girl named Claire, although I'm not entirely sure considering he hasn't answered any of my texts.
The only Claire I know—the tuba player in jazz band—isn't in school either, which has led me to the conclusion that there is a very good chance that Jasper is cheating on me.
Or maybe I'm nuts and it's just a coincidence.
I practice piano in the music theory room for a little while after school before heading home for the day, the bus bringing me back to Owen's neighborhood right on time.
Owen and Mason are already home, which is strange considering Owen isn't supposed to get off of work for another hour.
"Hi, Mason," I say as I take off my shoes by the door.
He looks up from the book he's reading on the couch and smiles at me.
"Hi."
"Where's Owen?" I ask, walking over to him and sitting beside him.
"I'm right here."
Owen emerges from the hallway with a stack of papers, sifting through the stack as he walks towards the dining table.
"What's that?"
He glances at me, his attention divided between the paperwork and his children.
"Doctor stuff."
"But you're technically a surgeon," I tease, mocking him in his professional voice.
He shakes his head, biting back a smile.
"I don't have time for you to be a smartass—"
He suddenly stops what he's doing, clamping his hand over his mouth.
"That was definitely a swear word," Mason says in the most nonchalant voice, not even bothering to look up from his book.
I shrug. "He's heard worse."
Owen nervously turns back to his paperwork and Mason continues reading, leaving me to twiddle my thumbs and wallow in my frustrations.
If I haven't already mentioned, it's. My. Birthday.
I know I could just tell them and stop overcomplicating this, but that would make me look like an attention seeker and like I want something from them.
Which I don't—I don't want anything from them.
I mean, some love would be nice, but I already know I wouldn't be able to accept it even if I was given it. And maybe they do love me, but still, it doesn't always feel like it.
I go to the guest room and try to study for a couple of hours until dinnertime, when Owen comes knocking on the guest room door.
"Ramona," he says from behind the door. "Come to the kitchen, please."
I take out my headphones and sigh, secretly happy to get a break from my Algebra homework.
Once in the kitchen, I can see Mason sitting on an island stool and Owen standing behind the counter.
"What are we having?" I ask, taking a seat beside Mason.
They glance at each other and smile, which peaks my interest.
"Are you making pancakes again?"
I laugh at the thought of eating pancakes for dinner again, which Mason had begged for (and got) last night.
"We have a surprise for you," Owen announces, making my face light up.
"A surprise?"
"It is your birthday, after all."
The biggest smile spreads across my face, and I try to hold it back so it doesn't seem so desperate.
"You thought we forgot, huh?"
I nod, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.
"Kinda."
"Well," Owen says, turning around to grab something from the back counter. "We certainly didn't."
When he turns back around, he's holding a plate with three chocolate cupcakes, each with a candle in the center.
"Now, I know you're turning seventeen, but I only had three candles on hand. Forgive me."
I chuckle as Mason hops down from the stool to turn the kitchen lights off, Owen lighting the candles.
There's plenty of light flooding in from the living room, allowing us to see each other perfectly as Mason begins to sing the most adorable rendition of the Happy Birthday song that I've ever heard.
...Happy Birthday to Raaayyy,
Happy Birthday to you!
"That was cute, bug." I laugh at his smug smile, my eyes watching him in awe.
"Thanks. But now you have to make a wish!"
I turn back to the cupcakes slowly, not a clue in my mind what I want to wish for.
I glance at Owen and Mason, who are patiently waiting for me to blow the candles out, and I pause to think about what I want.
What is it that I want?
I don't want to wish for material things like money, clothes, or a car—those things are replaceable and not as sentimental.
I want something intangible, something that will change my life and bring me out of the hole I've been stuck in for so long.
"Make a wish!" Mason shrieks impatiently, causing Owen to put his hand up.
"Don't rush her, Mason. She only gets one every year."
I smile at him, already knowing exactly what I need.
I wish for true, undeniable happiness, and a mind that will stop destroying itself.
I want to be okay.
I blow the candles out with a lump in my throat.
Mason begins clapping, which makes it hurt even more.
"And there's one more surprise," Owen says, pointing behind the counter. "You have to come get it, though."
I step off of the stool and walk around the island, unsure of what's on the other side of the counter.
I see a large, rectangular-shaped box leaning against the cabinet, wrapped tightly in a shimmery, silver wrapping paper.
"What's this?"
"Just a little something."
I pick up the heavy, long box and put it on the counter, running my hands across the silver paper.
"Go ahead, open it."
I shoot Owen a smile before gently tearing the paper open to reveal a very expensive and very high-quality keyboard.
I look at the label, and sure enough, it's a name-brand and a new model.
"Now you don't have to practice at school," Owen says. "You can practice at home."
"Woah," I say, my mouth open in disbelief. "This... umm... wow. Thank you."
Owen smiles kindly down at me, which compels me to walk around the counter and give him a hug, which is very out of character for me.
He's taken aback by the hug at first, but soon wraps his arms around me to embrace the growing relationship between us.
And even though I'm terrified of getting attached, I don't ever want to let go.
-
A/N
I hope your weekend is going swell, I've got Algebra homework to catch up on because I'm currently failing math!
(English is my strong suit. Not math, if you couldn't tell)
Next Update: March 15th (Friday)
-N. M.