I never fell.
I was pulled back inside of my room and thrown to the floor.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
Dad yelled at me.
"You where going to jump!"
He snatched my tear soaked face in his direction and stared at me.
"I shouldn't have even stopped you"
He said quietly still looking me in the eye as his grip on my jaw tightened.
"Should have let you fall to your death"
My breath hitched as a whimper escaped my throat at his hurtful words and at his death grip on my jaw.
"You stupid selfish boy, didn't think of your mother nor your twin...bet you didn't think of your baby sister either."
But the truth was...I did think of them...even dad. They'll be better off without me...no doubt. Things will be the way they were when dad and everyone else pretends my presence isn't there.
"I wish you weren't my son"
My heart shattered In a million pieces, the hatred In his deep blue eyes shone like the light above. Every part of me desperately tried to change his mind.
"D-don't say that...please"
I even sobbed as I gripped his tightening hand on my jaw making it harder to speak. All I've ever wanted was for my own father to accept me the way I am.
To be able to have father-son bonding time...to just share a knowing smile or laugh at some kind of inside joke we'd make up.
To go to football games together and paint our faces and wear matching outfits.
I longed for the things he'd never give me.
But more then all I longed for his love, when will I be worthy of such a thing he says I'm not worthy of?
I feel hatred for my father but deep down I know it's hatred for the fact he chose my twin over me...or perhaps that he chose him instead of us both...maybe I was just jealous of Nat and Dads special bond that I craved.
Every time Nat gushes about the fun him and dad have I instinctively feel upset, or jealous.
But I know that Nat didn't Intentionally mean to upset me...right? It was a accident, I'm sure of it.
Dad still held my jaw tightening his grip as the seconds ticked by.
"I want to break your jaw so bad...but your mother will give me a earful."
He yanked my head left then right as if inspecting me.
"I hope people see these bruises and know how much of a freak you are."
He breathed out.
"I hope they know that your twin is more successful then you'll ever be...they'll know that you've failed your father and family. You don't deserve to address me as father anymore."
The look he gave me was so deadly.
"I don't even want to hear the word Dad leave your fowl mouth!"
I could feel his nails digging into my jaw.
"Your nothing but trash to me...if I could...I'd kill you myself."
Those few words is what made me snap like a pencil. With the strength I hadn't known I had I ripped his grip from my jaw and gave him this tearful glare.
My body was on fire, so it seemed as I stood up and glared at him.
So much ferocity in my aroma I was finally furious. Everything he's done to me came rushing to me like a waterfall.
How he looked me in my eye and disowned me. Deep anger filled me as I allowed myself to be taken in by all my anger.
I swung my fist into his face hearing a shattering crack. My foot connected to his chest as he grunted.
He pulled my leg, catching my hair in his grasp and pulled it roughly while my hands found his face where I pressed my thumbs onto his eyelids pushing hard but he knew what I was doing and knocked me off.
I could hear mom screaming and yelling as Dad and I fought.
"What do I do Nathan!"
She screamed in terror.
"He'll kill Nate!"
She sobbed. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I wrapped my hands around his strong neck and kneed him, I could tell he was taken off guard as I strangled him.
But before he could pass out I was on the floor my heart beat slowed down as I laid there silently.
Was I crazy? Black spots started appearing in my vision as my breathing skipped.
"Nate?"
Someone was shaking me. I slowly opened my eyes.
Oh please tell me I wasn't dreaming of beating my father up! When my eyes fully opened, mom was wiping her tears and Nat had a spooked expression.
"W-what?"
Mom sniffed and moved hair from my face.
"Oh honey, you scared me!"
She kissed my face.
"Where's dad at?"
She paused and then lightly sighed.
"I took him to the hospital last night."
She looked at me and then looked away.
"Oh, god did I kill him?"
I panicked.
"No, no, no he's fine but you broke his nose and wrist"
I nodded and scanned my own body
"Your fine Nate, you were the one doing the main beating"
she awkwardly looked down.
"Good job Nate."
Nat whispered to me quietly so mom couldn't hear him. I smiled lightly but I still felt a little guilty.
I guess dad had past my limit and I broke. It was the only reasonable thing.
Then a thought accrued to me.
Dads going to fucking kill me when he's out of the hospital!
My palms began to sweat in panic.
"What time is it?"
Mom shrugs. "Around, 5 in the morning."
I nod my head.
"You don't have to go to school if you don't want to."
I did want to go I needed to go...dad most likely will be getting out of the hospital later in the morning and I sure as hell didn't want to be around for any of that.
"I'm going anyway."
She slowly nods and kisses my head standing up and walking to the door.
"Love You goodnight."
I nodded my head mumbling the same as Nat walked out quietly.
I'll do everything in my power to avoid dad...