"DO SOMETHING"
"Don't know... don't know what to do"
"Just hug her, she is having a panic attack!"
That was when I felt arms around my waist. It was that safe feeling again. He was tightening his hold and told me to calm down the whole time. I tried to control my breathing like he told me and after a while, I felt numb. My breathing was normal- a little heavier and I stopped shaking. I had relaxed without realizing and I slowly opened my eyes. I looked around and saw Rabia and Leyla. Leyla looked so scared so I held my hand out for her, even thought I felt very weak. She took it with hesitation and I placed her on my lap. I placed my hands on her cheek.
"Its okay, no..nothing happened" my voice came out hoarse. It felt like I screamed so loud that I couldn't even talk anymore. She nodded and quickly got up. I looked at Rabia and she just shook her head and gave me a warm smile. The arms around me tightened and I felt myself lean more into him.
"Aneel" I whispered. He didn't move. He just hold me like that. I tried to move his arms but Rabia stopped me.
"Don't. Let him hold you. He needs it. He was scared" she said and I nodded, understanding what she meant. She grabbed Leyla's hand and got out of the room. I let Aneel hug me like that for a little while before I turned around in his arms.
"Aneel, I'm okay" I said holding his face. He didn't open his eyes and I rolled mine.
"I'm here, nothing happened" I said and he opened his eyes. His eyes were full of hurt.
"I hurt you. I hurt you all the time and it's all my fault" he said with a stone voice. I couldn't fight him right now so I just placed my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around it.
"Nothing is your fault. If it was, I wouldn't be here" I said and he held me tighter. I didn't know what came over us but we sat like that for what felt like hours. Then I stood up and grabbed his hand to help him stand up. My legs felt still a bit shaky but I was able to handle it.
"I'm sorry, about earlier. Its your choice, life and body. I c-" he didn't even let me finish.
"Don't worry about it" and with that he let go of me.
"I really need fresh air. Be right back" he said and walked away. I sighed and let myself fall on the bed. 'Our Prophet said that it is forbidden to have a tattoo. It's unhealthy and you give your body pain what is haraam. You can't hurt the body and life Allah gave. Your body isn't yours, its Allah's. He created you and you have to listen to him. He doesn't set a rule without a reasonable meaning. Everything has a reason. You marrying with Aneel too' that voice said and I smiled a bit, relieved with the explanation. My dad and brother were covered in tattoos, even though no one really knew it.
"I brought you warm soup, it will do good" I heard a sweet voice. I turned to the door and saw Rabia coming towards me with food. I tried to stand up but couldn't so I lied down and she sat down next to me. She helped me sit up a bit and fed me. Yes, literally. It was something even my mum had never done. It felt so good. I smiled to myself.
"You make him happy" she said after a while.
"What do you mean?" I replied, not understanding what she meant.
"He wasn't like this with Maryam. Sure he loved her, but didn't care this much. You had to see his face Sahra, he looked so bad when he saw you like that" she said and my heart smiled at her words.
"No, Rabia, he acted like that because once he told me that he was scared that the same what happened with Maryam would happen to me too" I said. I was right, right? He would never care more for me than he cared for Maryam, which I never thought he would.
"I never liked that girl. She was a manipulative gold-digger. She had Aneel wrapped aorund her fingers. I'm happy he has you now" she said and my eyes widened. Maryam? Manipulative? I never knew that. Aneel talked about her like she was the nicest person, and I believed him. In my mind, she was the sweetest girl that died because of love.
"Sahra, hurry up! This is the fifth time I tell you!" Aneel yelled when I was deciding what to wear. Turkey is very hot but I didn't want to wear something revealing. I mean, I never did. It was now a week from my panic attack and Aneel has been acting civil to me. He got mad a few times but nothing major happened.
"Shut up Aneel! This happens if you don't tell me earlier!" I yelled back. Seriously, he just told me we were about to go somewhere.
"What should I wear?" I asked Aneel. I couldn't put two pieces together but Aneel did so he decided my clothes lately. He really knows about it.
"This and... this" he grabbed a grey dress which reached the floor and a blue jacket. Then he took a purple scarf with flowers on it and put it around my neck. He stood very close and we made eye-contact. I looked in his amazing green eyes. How could someone have this amazing eyes. I looked away and braided my hair.
"Come" Aneel said grabbing my arm. He walked over to a boat. We were just sight-seeing and it was amazing. The people were so lovely and very welcoming. They talked to you even if you didn't know them. I threw away the stick of my cotton candy and walked over to Aneel. Before, we were walking and saw a man who made cotton candy and I asked Aneel to buy us one. Then he said that a real man would never eat that 'shit' but still bought me one. Even though it was against his ego, he still ate a bit from mine.
"What?" I asked. Did he.. did he want us to get on that boat? I've never been on a boat before.
"Come on, just hold my hand" he said stepping on the boat. I did the same and he helped me to get on it. We walked to the edge and I giggled like a little child. It felt weird. The boat was shuffling a bit and I was holding Aneel's arm the whole time.
"Why are you giggling?" He asked me annoyed.
"I've never been on a boat before. Look at the sea... its so beautiful" I said and Aneel just rolled his eyes. We heard a sound and then the boat started moving. My grip on his arm tightened. A man told us that it was still sunny but we could see the sunset if we waited fifteen minutes.
"Look, you see that building?" He said. Aneel stood behind me with an arm around my waist and with the other he was pointing at a building. It was a building on the sea. I nodded my head. It looked so beautiful. There were lights coming from it and it just looked like a masterpiece. I mean, I was sure it was made in the past and building something like that in the past when there were no machines and stuff would be difficult.
"I don't know the story very well but this is how I know it. There was once a king and he had a daughter. She was so so beautiful.. he didn't want her to marry someone and then there was a snake. To protect her from everyone and the snake he built this building, cause he thought they wouldn't come here" he said. I nodded my head, understanding the father's reason. A father caring about his daughter. I felt a pang in my heart of jealousy when I thought of my own.
"What's the building called?" I asked Aneel. I turned to look up at him but he was still looking at the building. My face was under his chin so I placed my face in his neck, breathing in his scent softly.
"Kiz kulesi" he said. I stood like that for a few seconds before turning to the building again.
"I think its beautiful. I would be happy if my dad did this. It would be so good to know that he cares about me. That he loves me to death.. but its no-" I couldn't continue. It was like there was something in my throat holding me from talking. Aneel took my hand and we walked to the edge of the boat. We could see the sunset and I looked around me smiling. It was so beautiful. The water was so clear and the wind went perfect along with that. I closed my eyes and let the wind go through my hair. I then looked over at Aneel but he had a weird expression.
"What?" I asked him smiling and he shook his head. Then he went over to a man who was selling some bread kind of thing. It looked like a donut. Aneel came towards us with two in his hands and gave me one.
"What is this?" I asked him.
"It's bread but more delicious than the bread we know. It's called simit" he said and I nodded. I turned around to the sea and took a bite. It's really as delicious as he said. I took a piece of it and threw it to the birds. They were with many and I giggled the whole time. Aneel just had that weird expression and threw along with me, but didn't say anything. After a while I watched the sun go down and looked at the sea, enjoying the color of it. It felt like the wind and the beauty of the nature was going to take me. 'If millions of people came together, they couldn't even create a single fly, so how could all this be made my coincidence, without a meaning? There has to be a creator' that voice said and I smiled. Alhamdulillah, I said before I felt arms going around my waist. Tingles spread through my whole body and I smiled.
"Thank you Aneel, for everything and today" I said softly. Aneel just groaned a bit. He had his face in my neck so I couldn't really what he said. I felt so safe, not knowing that other than Allah, I was being watched..
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Final Editing Done (24-20-2016)