07/03/14
Dear Lauren,
I know that we're no longer together and I shouldn't be writing you this but I have to.
I don't blame you for anything.
I know this wasn't your fault. Sure things would have been hard if we carried on sneaking around and I was getting tired of it too. I understand why you ended it. But I would've snuke around with you forever if it meant us still being together. I miss you.
After weeks of crying and being depressed I can honestly say I'm in a state of mind now that I can fully get why we ended. Even though I may not agree with the reasons I know why.
I was angry and hurt and that's why I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I know I shouldn't have hit you and I'm so so sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take all of it back. I wish we never got together. It hurts too much. It really fucking hurts Lo. So much I don't know what to do. I want it to stop. I need it to stop.
I wish I could go back in time. Stop myself falling in love with you. Stop myself feeling this pain. This is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
I look at you and I don't know how you are walking around perfectly fine. How are you doing so fine? Do you even care? Tell me honestly. It's like I dont even know you. Did I ever know you? Did you even love me?
I have to pretend to the girls that I'm not feeling too good because I can't be around you. I cant look at you and pretend without breaking down but you're happy aren't you. I can tell.
Did you really end it because you didn't want us sneaking around anymore and you couldn't keep lying or did you end it because of something else?
I would've done anything for you. Literally anything.
Why would you do this to me? I don't get it.
You said we'd get married.
You said we'd have kids
You said you'd never leave me
You said we'd be together forever.
I miss you so damn much Lauren. I love you so much. Come back to me please.
Camila