Taehyung's ducking away from the arm that Jungkook has thrown over his shoulder as they are bowed over a monitor, taking a look at the outcome of the photoshoot they're having.
"It's a concept photoshoot to try some stuff out," Namjoon had explained. "To see how we look in certain clothes and styles and for us to practice handling a camera."
Taehyung had hated the camera up in his face and capturing his every angle. The black jeans he's wearing are ridiculously tight and the black t-shirt with a golden pattern around the neck too baggy. Matched with the heavy chains around his neck and the ridiculously large but cheap-looking rings on his fingers, he looks like an absolute idiot.
"You look good in every picture, hyung," Jungkook says in awe, and Namjoon, who has been trying to catch a glimpse at the monitor over their shoulders as well, agrees.
"You're really photogenic."
Taehyung turns around and stares daggers at Namjoon, whose hair has turned to a disaster under the stylists, before walking away from the monitor. Is that Namjoon's opinion of Taehyung's blackmail pictures as well, that Taehyung looks photogenic in them?
Jin is currently smoldering at the camera. He looks good in the clothes he's been given, and Taehyung has noticed that some of the female assistants on set have a hard time taking their eyes off him.
Taehyung's stomach is growling. It's already evening, and the only thing he has eaten so far today is a banana and two apples, so his face wouldn't look bloated in the pictures. Yoongi urged him to eat some more, because he's still on the thinner side, but since the rest of the band had skipped breakfast and lunch as well for today, Taehyung wasn't going to eat on his own.
Besides, he hasn't been particularly hungry lately. His stomach feels constantly queasy with dread, and most times he's playing around with his food more than actually eating it.
Taehyung walks to the adjoined room that was turned into a makeshift dressing room. Hoseok's in a chair, a woman toying around with his hair. She pulls and tugs, but Taehyung doesn't see any difference in any of the adjustments she makes. Hoseok's hair is styled upwards. It suits him a lot, actually. The bags under his eyes are concealed by make-up. Taehyung knows they are there, because Hoseok had been pacing around their living room all night after an argument with Namjoon that Taehyung wasn't able to catch the topic of, as they had mostly communicated in whispers.
"Are you done already?" Hoseok asks eventually, after Taehyung stands next to him and silently watches for a minute.
"Yes. They said my pictures turned out good enough."
"With a face like yours it's no surprise," Hoseok murmurs, and when he gets told that his hair is finished, he gets out of the chair and leaves without another word. Taehyung watches him leave quietly.
The quietness in the room is disrupted again soon after, when Yoongi comes into the room furiously rubbing at his face, followed by Jin who looks at him sympathetically.
"I fucking hate make up," Yoongi seethes. "We're supposed to be a Hip Hop group, why do we need so much of it?"
"First and foremost we're still idols," Jin gently reminds him, but closes his mouth as Yoongi shoots him a dark look, before turning to Taehyung and rolling his eyes.
Taehyung doesn't know why, but the mood between all the members is dangerously bad today. One wrong word, he thinks, and someone's bound to boil over. It's nothing new that Taehyung's in a bad mood, but for the others it's untypical. Even Jungkook, shy and polite Kookie, snapped at Namjoon today, before ducking his head and apologizing quickly after.
Maybe it's the hunger that's making them all act like this. PD-nim has promised them dinner back at the company. It's just cheap take-out chicken again because that's all the company can afford, but it's better than nothing. Taehyung wonders how the company could possibly pay off Mr. Kim if they can't even afford to take their trainees for a dinner outing, but he doesn't want to dwell on it for too long.
Thinking will only take him places in his mind that Taehyung doesn't want to visit, so he prefers to keep his mind blank as much as he can these days. Namjoon's looking at him unhappily again, glancing over every so often, the way he did when Taehyung first joined the band and avoided the other members.
Maybe that's because Taehyung's avoiding all of them again. He's also trying to not bump into Jimin. His laugh and his carefree attitude are the last things that Taehyung needs right now. He knows that his behaviour wounds Jimin and Jungkook and Yoongi and Seokjin and Namjoon, and maybe even Hoseok, who he still sees as an acquaintance more than anything else because that boy is just too cheerful. However, when he's not loud and jovial, he's quiet and brooding, and Taehyung just never knows how to approach him if it's not to ask for dancing advice.
The six of them pile into the van without exchanging words. Jungkook falls asleep before he's even fully settled into his seat, and his head lolls to the side and finds a cushion in Jin's shoulder. Jin's eyes fall closed shortly after. Hoseok's listening to music, and Namjoon's furiously typing away on his phone. Maybe he's texting someone, or maybe he's writing some lyrics down. For all Taehyung knows, he could also be playing some random game. Beside him, Yoongi's listening to music and bobbing his head along to the beat. Taehyung settles for aimlessly staring out of the window and letting the world pass by him in one giant blurry mess.
When they arrive at the company, Jungkook's barely awake enough to walk, leaning heavily on Namjoon as they all gather in the meeting room in which the promised dinner waits for them. The clock on the wall reads shortly after 11 o'clock and the room smells deliciously like chicken. Bang PD-nim is there to greet them. He too looks tired, Taehyung thinks.
He asks them about their experience at the first shooting, if there had been any difficulties and if they've enjoyed it. Only Namjoon really answers, as the others are too busy opening bags and taking out the desired food containers, hunger written all over their faces. Even Jungkook's awake enough to squabble with Jin over mushy french fries.
Taehyung doesn't even notice that one of them is trying to leave with his food, until Yoongi speaks up: "Hoseok, where are you going?"
All eyes are on the dancer.
"I want to eat in peace," comes the cold answer.
"We're a team, we should be eating as a team after our first photoshoot," Namjoon says, and really that's just such a Namjoon thing to say, Taehyung thinks to himself. He's so preoccupied with musing over those words that he almost misses Hoseok's reply.
"Well, you shouldn't be lecturing me about team-spirit."
And then the door falls shut behind him.
First there's quiet, and then there's a huge commotion in the room.
"Can someone explain to me what's going on?" Bang PD-nim asks, while Jungkook looks at Taehyung wide-eyed and says: "Why was he looking at you like that, hyung? I don't get it."
Taehyung can't really focus on what the others are saying at the same time. He stares at his cold chicken and stays silent, wondering what exactly he has done to Hoseok to have the older boy react towards him this way.
He only tunes back into the conversation as PD-nim asks him to come to his office after dinner, before telling all of them to enjoy their well-earned food and leaving.
There's silence in the room once he leaves, the food forgotten completely.
"I really don't know what Hobi hyung's problem is," Jungkook speaks up, but he only whispers as if afraid of saying something wrong.
The looks that Namjoon and Yoongi share tell Taehyung that they have an idea.
All feeling of hunger has left Taehyung, and he can only stomach one piece of chicken and three of the mushy french fries that Jungkook and Jin fought over just minutes ago.
"You can just drive home after dinner. Don't wait for me. I'm going to walk. Besides, Jungkook needs a bed and Yoongi a shower to get rid of the make-up residue."
It's an attempt at a joke that falls flat, and Taehyung leaves the other members behind with a heavy heart. The hallways are mostly dark, as all staff has already left. Down in the dance studios, Taehyung suspects that some trainees are still practicing or gossiping like he and Jimin do at times, but other than that the Big Hit facilities are empty.
After knocking on the door to PD-nim's office thrice, Taehyung enters with his head bowed.
He's offered one of the seats he used to sit in the very first time he came to Big Hit, when he was still convinced that the offer to become a trainee had been a ploy.
"Do you want to tell me what Hoseok's outburst had been about?" Taehyung gets asked.
"I don't know," is what he responds, and he's not even lying.
"So you haven't been distancing yourself from your members again after you found out about the blackmailing?"
That is- is that what Hoseok's words were about? About Taehyung trying to stay away from the rest of the members again, because he is scared? Scared that something could happen to him that he doesn't want. Scared that something could happen to them if he is too close.
"There's a reason we didn't want to tell you about the blackmailing, and this is exactly it."
"Do you expect me to act like nothing happened? Like there's not a man roaming these hallways and wanting to sponsor our band, who's had sex with me multiple times? He's blackmailing me, how am I supposed to act normal?"
The words come out irritated, and PD-nim's face darkens as Taehyung talks to him like that.
"Yes, that's exactly what you should do. We are investing a lot of time and thought into how we can properly deal with this situation, because we really want you to be a part of Bangtan. So you have two options: One, act normal and put your trust in us. Don't avoid your members, and stop spacing out at practice and classes. Believe it or not, I do get regular updates on all my trainees, and especially one of your dance instructors and your vocal coach had negative things to say about you the past two weeks. However, if you don't think you can do that, there's always option two for you. Leave Bangtan."
Taehyung gasps. That can't be it. He must have misheard.
"Trust me, it also pains me to say this. You're a nice kid with a lot of potential, Taehyung. I believe that you've simply been dealt the wrong cards in life so far, but we're here to help. Go home now and sleep over all of this, and then decide if you're ready to trust us when I say that we want to swap your bad cards with aces. And talk to Hoseok."
If he's entirely honest, Taehyung doesn't remember anything from his walk from the company building to the dorm. He must have crossed a dozen crosswalks, but did he wait for the light to turn green at any of them?
Two options: trust or leave. But Taehyung had never been able to trust anyone entirely, so how's he supposed to do it now?
Every breath he takes hurts physically, and every beat of his heart makes him feel as if his ribs are about to break.
Trust or leave.
When Taehyung kicks off his shoes in the entrance, he can hear the sound of the TV from the living room and finds Yoongi sprawled out on the couch while a car is exploding on the screen.
"Jungkook's sleeping and Namjoon stayed behind at the studio. Hoseok's in the kitchen." The look he gives Taehyung before turning back to the TV lets Taehyung know that he's expected to go to the kitchen.
When he enters, Hoseok's doing the dishes. The soapy water reaches halfway to his elbows, and he's humming an unfamiliar melody and swinging his hips to the rhythm. He obviously hasn't been aware of Taehyung entering. Either that or he's incredibly good at ignoring people.
Taehyung wants to just talk, he really does. But then he remembers that Hoseok has thrown him under the bus in front of the CEO for no apparent reason, and that Hoseok's actually the reason that Taehyung's facing this situation.
Trust or leave.
"What the fuck was that back at the company?" Taehyung asks. He's angry is what he is.
Hoseok turns around startled. There's a glass in his hands, the soapy water running down its surface and dripping on the floor.
"Why'd you say I'm acting like I'm not a part of the team? You could have talked to me."
Jin had once confided in him that one can tell if Hoseok is angry by the way the corners of his lips drop and his mouth turns the shape of a triangle, so different from the heart-shaped smile he shares with the world when happy.
"He looks like that when I'm really slow in learning a choreography. It's scary," Jin had said, before sneaking away as Hoseok had been searching for him for dance practice.
Now Taehyung thinks he knows what Jin meant when he said it's scary.
"You know exactly what I meant," Hoseok says. His voice is lower and louder than Taehyung is used to, and he takes an involuntary step back. From the living room, he can still hear the sound of Yoongi's action movie on TV.
"I don't know who you think you are, but I'm sick of your games. You only ever talk to people if you feel like it, and obviously you pick favourites. Namjoon's losing sleep over you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Taehyung replies. The volume of his voice rises too in defence.
"Don't act all innocent. You're honestly more trouble than good."
Taehyung sucks in a breath at that, because those words seriously stung. Almost as much as PD-nim's threat that he'll have to leave the band.
"Honestly, what's your problem?" Taehyung asks now, his voice shaking with anger. He really doesn't understand.
"My problem is you!" Hoseok screams those words, and they are accompanied by a grand gesture with his arms.
The glass in his hands slips out of his fingers. Taehyung later realizes that it was an accident, but at that moment he thinks it's deliberate. Both he and Hoseok watch frozen as the glass flies through the air towards Taehyung and shatters only centimeters before his feet.
And suddenly the room smells of sweat and stale beer, and Taehyung's ears are ringing from the sound of broken glass. It's not Hoseok screaming, but his father, and it's not a glass but an empty beer bottle lying in front of his sock-clad feet.
It's hard to breathe.
Trust or leave.
"What the fuck is going on in here?" Yoongi asks as he comes into the kitchen, and that's all it takes to make Taehyung take action.
Leave.
He pushes past Yoongi as he heaves and almost throws the other boy on the ground in his haste.
His keys are left behind on the key rack and he only just remembers to put on his shoes before he throws the entrance door closed behind him and runs down the steps.
He misses one and almost falls down half a staircase.
What's he running from? Hoseok? The conflict? His father, or the memory of him that haunts Taehyung, one more time? Taehyung doesn't know anymore.
The tears only blur his eyes once he's outside. It's a warm and humid night in Seoul, and after five minutes of running - and really Taehyung doesn't even know where he's running - he's entirely drenched in sweat. He stops when his knees are buckling from exhaustion, and that's when Taehyung becomes aware of his surroundings.
That he's in Seoul. That he's safe from the monster that calls himself Father. That Hoseok didn't throw a glass at him on purpose. That he's alone and can't go back. That he's lonely and sad that the upturn his life has taken all of a sudden is threatening to disappear again.
That he can't do this, whatever this is, by himself.
With shaking hands Taehyung pulls his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. He ignores the stares that passers-by are giving him and wipes the snot away with his wrist, brushing it all off on his jeans.
The dialing tone rings four times before the person at the other end finally picks up.
"Taehyung? Do you know what time it is?"
Taehyung bites back a sob and takes a deep breath.
"Jimin, I'm sorry. Please. I'm- I need- I can't do this on my own."